Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Fumi Abe - Ohio Kid
Uploaded: 2021-02-15T02:18:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Fumi Abe - Ohio Kid' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Fumi Abe - Ohio Kid' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-15. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Fumi Abe - Ohio Kid

Hey gang, welcome to the R.U. Garbage Comedy Podcast.
Please make sure you subscribe, that way you get the episodes as they come out.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage,
the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, hey, hey, everybody out there.
The double pump.
And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage, folks.
It's a show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they
grew up classy or if they're absolute trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a glorious day.
I'm down here in Toadie's basement.
Guess who didn't come home last night?
Toadie?
Toadie.
Where's she at?
She's shacking up with this assistant manager from Wawa, all right, who's maybe
a year older than me.
I told him I ain't calling him Uncle Pete.
I'll tell you that right now.
So we'll see how it all works out.
Sure.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
Folks, if you ever want to do a TED Talk, how to move cheap playing cards,
this is the fucking guy right here.
Because he sold them out in 24 hours and we love you and we love him.
I'm going to start calling you Mr. Ryan right now.
Give it up for Kippy.
Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, gang.
What's up?
Thanks for tuning in.
The boss is here.
Shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thanks for tuning in.
Also, thanks to the cards.
The AYG playing cards sold out in fucking like, what do we call it?
Like 12 hours?
Not too shabby.
By the way, all sales final.
Six to ten business weeks for shipping.
And nobody said you were actually going to receive said cards.
You bought the idea of a deck of AYG playing cards.
There is one pack left and they're sitting right there.
If anybody wants to purchase the display model, hit me on the DMs.
He's going to try to auction this off for sure.
Don't tag Kippy, huh?
You're going to pull up in a Lambo next week.
Guys, thanks so much for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Those numbers are what?
True to fucking roof.
True to roof.
Also, Patreon.com slash RUGarbage.
You can sign up.
You get bonus episodes of AYG.
You get episodes of Hard Feelings.
Ooh, we got them.
You want them.
Hard Feelings.
And then for the top tier patrons every week, I'm sorry, once a month, we'll
play AYG with you guys.
You ask us questions.
We ask you questions.
We have a couple of beers.
It's a good fucking time.
Good time on a Zoom there.
Yeah, it's awesome.
Check it out, guys.
Thanks for tuning in.
It's a good time.
Thank you, everybody, for the cards.
We really appreciate it.
We love you guys.
And we want to give a nice shout-out to our producer extraordinaire.
Folks, let me tell you how we do it, okay?
We start with a nice English muffin.
We toast it golden brown.
Yeah.
Now what do you do?
Two slices of American cheese and a big old sausage.
And that's how you get to T-Bone McMuffin.
Give it the fuck up for the magic man, Toby McMullen, everybody.
What's up?
T-Bone.
I'm Toby McMuffel today.
I got two masks on like Dane.
This kid turned into Michael Jackson over there, huh?
A little propofol, whatever it's called.
Anyway, gang, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest
here with us today.
I've been with him since Jump Street up here.
Long time I've known this guy.
Up here in New York City.
I've known this guy a long time.
Crawled out of the fucking village with this kid.
Used to work a crew down there at the Village Lantern.
Yeah, he's an earner, too.
He ain't no fucking street dog.
Nope, he's a worker.
He does his thing.
Very funny.
Very successful podcaster, comedian, and actor.
He's been featured on MTV, Vulture Comedy Central, also a writer, been a
contributing writer for the NPR hit Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Of course, he's the co-host of the Asian Not Asian podcast, fantastic podcast.
He's a cool kid.
Cool kid.
He's one of the cool guys.
He's a cool kid.
He dresses cool.
Even his fucking headphones right now are cool right now.
I would have never thought to do that.
Well, he doesn't want to mess up his hat.
He doesn't want to mess up the fucking quap.
Looks like Steve Aoki over here.
I like it.
No, I don't.
Do you go Steve Aoki?
No, I fucking don't.
Hey, it'll work.
Keep it moving, all right?
He dresses cool.
I don't know where he gets his clothes, but I can tell you what, they don't
come in my size.
He's pumping his own merch, by the way, which is a fucking pro move.
I was going to wear a clean living shirt.
Damn.
This kid's cute.
We got Asian, not Asian hats on all of a sudden.
We're like, what the fuck is this kid doing?
I'm buying his podcast cards next.
What's going on?
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the very funny Umi Abe, everybody.
Hey, thank you so much for having me.
Oh, thanks for coming, dude.
This is great, man.
Happy to have you.
Love it, love it.
Good to see you, buddy.
We start, we were down, we work at a crew down in the village together.
Absolutely, that's where we started.
You make it sound like we were knocking over banks.
We were telling shitty jokes.
You got a great second story man right here.
We worked at a crew back in the day before all this shit blew over.
Shut up.
We stunk back in the day.
What is the origin story of Fumi?
You're a suburban kid, right?
I'm a suburban kid, yeah.
Cleveland or Ohio?
No, I'm from Columbus.
Well, I'm from Columbus.
I mean, hey, for argument's sake, I was fucking dead on with Cleveland, okay?
He didn't say Wisconsin.
Give it to him, will you?
Yeah.
It was called Hilliard.
I'm sure you guys have listeners in Ohio.
Oh, yeah, no, for sure.
We got a show coming up in Ohio.
Oh, do you really?
Yeah.
Oh, we're in Cleveland.
I can't announce it yet.
Oh, okay, okay.
Ah, shit.
I did ketamine with my friend's dad in Hilliard.
Really?
Yeah.
Was it Fumi's dad?
He was never home, it makes sense.
Guy was out wandering the streets.
Ketamine, you did ketamine?
What the fuck?
Yeah, I would drink blood like platinums.
How old are you?
Are you like, sickly like 40?
What is happening right here?
We got to start the vetting process over again with this guy.
This kid's a little shifty.
T-bones on goofballs.
Fucking Jesse Pinkman over there, I don't like it.
Yeah, man.
So I moved there when I was eight from Japan, but I like basically spent-
Hold on, go back.
Oh, you were born in Japan.
I was born in Japan.
Parents are Japanese.
Parents are Japanese.
Born in Japan.
No, they're German.
Which is why you have an interesting guest on a podcast.
You were born in Japan.
I was born in Japan, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is a hot one off the jump.
Where in Japan?
It's this prefecture or state called Chiba, which is next to Tokyo.
It's like the New Jersey of Japan.
It's like a commuter state.
Tokyo, old school.
I like it.
Yeah, so I'm from there.
But I was still young.
I don't fucking really remember anything.
No, I'm really out.
Yeah, and so my first real memories and stuff, it's all central Ohio.
At eight, you don't remember?
No, I remember.
I mean, like-
You could be in the basement or something.
I mean, I'm sure he can pull like a birthday party or something, but he doesn't
remember
going to school every day.
He can find a Wawa over there, baby.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, so I moved to Ohio when I was eight, and then-
Why Ohio?
My dad, like, just some business shit.
Like, his company, he basically builds factories for cars, and there's like a
Honda factory in
Ohio.
Wait, hold on, hold on.
Yes.
He owns a company that builds car factories.
He doesn't own it.
He just works for one.
Anytime someone says their dad does something, Foley's got to break down the
organizational structure.
Chart of the corporation.
So you're telling me your dad owns New Jersey.
Because I can hear my mom.
I can hear my mom's-
So his father makes cars.
I can hear it.
Yeah, it's like you're so shocked that he has a job or something.
So he works for a company that builds car factories.
Car factories.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, so like-
That's not a community college guy.
Engineer or something?
Yeah, something like that.
And then there's like a weird Japanese pocket in Ohio because there's a Honda
factory.
Sure.
So it's all a bunch of like weird white kids and then like a pocket of Japanese
kids.
Where I went to school because my parents didn't want me to speak Japanese at
school so I could
learn English faster.
They sent me to like a little-
Like a school district that wasn't as good as the other ones.
Wow.
Because all the Asian families just want to go to send their kids to the best
school district.
So I went to-
School of hard knocks.
Yeah, that's a monster.
That had to be a little rough coming up.
It was real rough, man.
Really?
Wow.
Yeah, I mean, I guess when you're younger, like you don't really-
Not too progressive out there from what I understand.
No, I mean, but you know, like when you're young-
You don't know.
And you're an immigrant, you don't know what trashy is.
So like, I mean, I don't know that I would call myself trashy, but I had like-
There are a lot of trashy people around me.
Sure.
You know, I identify.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So hold on, when you got here, you spoke Japanese.
Right, right, right.
As much as an eight-year-old can.
German, weird enough.
Yes.
Um, no English.
Did your parents speak English?
Uh, like a little bit.
Really?
But you know, you pick it up as a kid, you know, because-
So you're rolling in, first day of school.
Yeah.
Don't speak English.
A bunch of fucking weird-looking white kids with weird haircuts.
Yeah.
Damn, that's gotta be-
I remember like, I brought-
Because you know how like Asian people are super into like stationary shit?
Like, I brought my little-
I brought my pencil case.
That's a stereotype.
He said it, not us, folks.
Yeah.
I want that on record.
You know how we love traffic keepers, right?
I brought my like little pencil case with like little anime characters on it,
like the first day of school.
They're top shelf, man.
They're top shelf.
I got roasted, but like I didn't understand what they were saying, but I knew
it was bad.
You're like, no, this shit's cool, dude.
I wouldn't say you got-
Those are racial slurs.
That's not fun-loving Jeff Ross stuff on Comedy Central.
There's no creativity in Ching Chong.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They were being mean kids.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So a lot of that, a lot of that.
But you know, when you're like really like second to third grade, it was like,
it was pretty chill.
I mean, I think the kids that age don't really understand.
But you didn't know what anybody-
Yeah, they're just hanging out.
They're just hanging out.
They don't really understand.
But it was like around fourth grade, fifth grade, when you start liking girls,
that's when, that's when like that shit kind of kicks in.
Oh, because that's when the competition comes in.
The competition, exactly.
So they're going to, you know, they're going to knock you off a spot or
whatever.
Oh, it's fucking bastards.
Yeah, there's a lot of that.
I mean, I remember like, I'm trying to say this without being sad, but like-
I remember like-
Toby, hit him with the sad music.
I remember bawling my eyes in the coat room one time.
Legit, like, I remember in middle school or high school, some of my like good
friends had me in their phones as-
So my full name is Masa Fumi, right?
They had me in their phones as Masa Ching Chong.
I swear, and I was just like, yeah, they're funny.
Like, I didn't even know.
It was insane.
And I think about that now, I was a 30-year-old.
Man, that's tough.
It was a different time.
Yeah, 2005.
2012.
It was really wild, man.
That's insane.
Man.
It was really wild.
Were they just joking around?
Like, did you call like the Irish kid Potato Steve or whatever?
Yeah, got him.
Is that what you guys did?
Hey, Rickatoni Rick, get over here.
I mean, they called me Roly Poly Foley for most of my life.
I mean, it's a name you really