Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Robert Kelly Answers Your Questions!
Uploaded: 2021-03-17T22:10:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Robert Kelly Answers Your Questions!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Robert Kelly Answers Your Questions!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-17. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Robert Kelly Answers Your Questions!

Hey gang, welcome to the R.U. Garbage Comedy Podcast.
Please make sure you subscribe, that way you get the episodes as they come out.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage,
the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
It's a show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they
grew up classy or if they're absolute trash.
I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here in Tootie's basement.
She just made a wah-wah run and I know she's on her way back because I just got
a Venmo request for $2.25 for a pack of crimpets.
Oh boy.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
That's all we had on that one this week.
Light news and Tootie, huh?
Okay.
He is the CEO of R.U. Garbage.
You put the whole thing together.
He's the mastermind, ladies and gentlemen.
Give it up for Kevin James Ryan.
Hey gang, thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
And as you know, those numbers are true.
True to roof.
True to fucking roof.
And then patreon.com.
You can sign up.
You can get bonus episodes of AYG.
You can get episodes of Hard Feelings, which is just me and Foley fucking
shooting the shit.
Him calling me bald.
Me calling him fat.
It's a good fucking time.
Oh yeah.
The breakaway hit at 2021, by the way.
Everybody loves it.
And then we'll play with our top tier patrons.
We play AYG with you guys once or twice a month.
You ask us questions.
We ask you questions.
And then, in even bigger news.
Oh, tell them.
Tell them.
We're hitting the road, Jack.
Hitting the fucking road.
April 20th.
Raleigh.
Good nights down here in North Carolina.
April 21st.
Zaney's Nashville.
Get your fucking tickets now.
It's going to sell out.
I'm telling you.
Yeah, guys.
Chicago.
We just got word.
Chicago's almost sold out.
So, Chicago's in June.
Get those tickets now.
Also, Indy is moving as well.
All the tickets are moving, baby.
The boys are hitting the road.
Check it out.
We got the link tree up.
Link's in the description.
Check it out.
There we go.
And, of course, speaking of Chicago, shout out to the pride in Chicago comedy
scene.
He is two golden brown English muffins, a slice of American cheese, and a big
old sausage.
Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, dude?
Kid's got a big piece.
Kid's got a big piece and needs a haircut, by the way.
This kid's got a mop top on him.
And all those tickets we sold in Chicago are people who I owe money.
So, that's going to be an awkward show.
Hey, I'm looking for Toby over there.
I said he was going to be on a show.
But, gang, that's either here nor there.
We could not be more excited to have our incredibly, incredibly special guest
back with us again today.
It's a family episode.
We got some company.
We got some real company.
We actually cleaned the place up a little bit.
I took out the trash before I got here.
Took out the trash.
I did.
As OG as it gets, you know him.
You love him.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Mr. Robert Kelly.
Yeah.
It fucking annoys me to no end.
The fucking just synergy you two fucking assholes have.
What do you mean?
I mean, that was flawless.
That was like a fucking, if I was going to do a movie and have guys, hey, give
it up for a fucking thing.
And then, cling, cling, cling, and a batch.
And Mama's coming back.
And come see you.
And don't forget, Big Tick Toby.
I owe money.
All right, let's get it.
I mean, that was flawless.
The kid's got chemistry, baby.
I mean, not one fucking misstep.
Bing, bang.
There was one point where you were talking, there was a little gap, and he
jumped in, sababoo-boo.
And you were fucking, I mean, what the?
I knew we were pissing him off with that long intro.
It was flawless.
No, the fucking polishedness of you.
You guys are fucking, I mean, crazy.
We're cooking over here, baby.
We're not some bums they found in the village.
What do you mean?
We've been doing this for a while.
A year.
A fucking year.
I've been doing it for 15.
I was the first one to have a podcast on the East Coast.
I still flubble when I, hey, hey, guys.
That fucking mush-mouthed I am.
You two cocksuckers, it's a magic.
You even told me.
He was great.
He normally, he's usually good for a flub in the intro.
Wow.
We got in here at noon and started practicing.
I mean, that was fucking, whoa.
Now, does he got a big dick?
He's got a big hog.
He's got a big piece.
Uncut big hog on him.
I'm going to say this.
Unconfirmed.
I always thought that.
I'll find out in Raleigh.
I just tasted pickles.
Pickles?
Wow.
I don't know why.
That fucking thought of you fucking sneaking into his room and fucking pulling
his
tighty-whities down because you know he wears tighty-whities.
Absolutely not.
He's a sheath guy out here.
Sheath.com, everybody.
That is the most fiendest shit I've ever seen.
He just fucking went, ah.
I love Toby.
This is great.
We're having fun, folks.
What's up, guys?
Buddy, we're happy to have you.
I like that he just keeps getting better and better.
He looks amazing.
You look.
You look like time traveler, Bobby.
Dude, your skin is fantastic.
Yeah.
I have the skin of a Filipino boy.
I'm 50.
I look amazing.
Dude.
And the butt hole.
You look better now than you did in the prior year.
I'm not shitting on you.
You look fantastic.
I mean, it's a little bit.
I mean, you said I look like shit then.
No, no.
You look so good now.
I have great skin, dude.
Wow.
I don't know what it is.
The whole look.
The jacket.
The jacket.
The glasses.
The glasses are nice.
You should have got the big ones.
I got a lot.
Doesn't he look like from the future with this guy?
It looks like that guy from the Oceans movie.
Bobby 91223.
I don't know his name.
That sucks that you couldn't get his name.
That would have been fucking great.
The guy from the Oceans 11 movie.
Now he just murdered him again.
You guys.
Toby, IMDb.
Put it in post.
That sucks when you got a good one.
You're like, the guy from the thing with the thing.
I knew I wasn't going to get it out.
I knew you were going to call me out.
You're talking about Elliot Gould.
Yes.
From the plane.
Yes.
Or you could have went Mo Green.
You got to be crazy to rob a casino.
Mo Green.
I was banging cheerleaders two at a time.
That's not the quote, but okay.
Yeah, whatever.
17, I don't find.
I'm not one of those.
I hate fucking stat people and quote people.
Stat people can hit the fucking bricks.
I had that one time.
Who was it?
Jay Moore walked up to me.
Hey, were you a Red Sox fan?
Yeah, I love the Red Sox fan from Boston.
Yeah, who's your center fielder?
I don't give a fuck.
I hate that shit, yeah.
I don't give a fuck.
I hate that.
The guy that looks fucking Spanish and white.
Yeah, I hate that too, man.
If you don't know enough about the team, then you're not a true fan.
I don't know who the fuck played outside linebacker for the Eagles in 78,
but, you know, I still enjoy the squad.
Yes, I do.
I love a team.
I love the Pats.
I love all...
Why is it that we have to love...
It's very culty that you have to love your teams from your town.
I kind of like it, though.
Just the way it is.
I don't like when people like other teams from other towns.
But when we're...
It's screwy.
When America does something, like the Olympics...
Sure.
...we all fucking beat.
Well, you got to.
Oh, yeah.
It's us versus them, baby.
You got to beat those Chinese.
Come on.
It's what's going to happen.
I don't know if that's going to happen anymore.
Yeah, I think they got our number moving forward.
Yeah, they just bought Africa.
I think...
They just signed the deal.
They own a lot of shit.
They own...
The shit you're doing this on, they own...
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pull our plug right now.
Oh, they'll show...
We shut down all podcasts.
The lights just go out?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Bobby, thank you for coming back.
Folks, if you haven't seen Bobby's episode, please go back and check it out.
It's absolutely fucking amazing.
Real Boston trash.
Yeah.
Right?
Now, that's the thing I was wondering.
Was I trash?
You weren't classy.
I know that.
You don't have to say it.
You didn't win the Caviar Award.
Do you have a Caviar Award?
No.
Dude, if you don't do an award show at the end of your fucking year, you're an
asshole.
That's pretty good.
If you don't have a Caviar Award...
The Caviar Award?
That's pretty good.
Did you just come up with that?
I did.
I got to give you a raise.
I did it.
I came up with it.
No, I think he did.
He said Caviar Award.
I said make it a show.
Award show.
I want to be here.
Can you get an executive producer credit?
Take it easy.
This guy's all Hollywood.
I feel like I'm in a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos right now.
Jesus Christ.
I got these two chomping at me.
You get an award for the most original fat joke.
That was fucking great.
You get a fucking Cinnabon Award for that.
Extra sauce.
Oh, my God.
Woo!
Frosting.
There it is.
All right.
You know what I was thinking about with Boston?
Food.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, what's for lunch?
Now you got me all jacked up.
I'm dying for some marbles.
What the fuck is a marble?
From the Hungry Hungry Hippos.
I'm a fat fuck.
I'm thinking it's a pastry that I don't know about from Philly.
I'm like.
He's like, I got to get down there.
Dude, you got to try marbles.
Fucking Gladys is down on fucking South Street.
Oh, shit.
The thing about Boston is, so Philly's trash inside the city.
Yes.
Okay.
I mean, there's some nice sections.
Yeah.
But as far as like Boston proper.
It's a lot of money.
It's nice.
So you really have to go to the, whatever the fuck.
Why is it so much?
South Shore, right?
Not anymore, though.
What do you mean?
Okay, because when I was growing up, Boston proper, yes.
Newbury Street, all that shit.
Calm Ave.
It's all college.
I'm talking like Beacon Hill, the North End.
It's all.
Yeah.
The Back Bay.
That was all.
Well, the North End was all Italian.
It was the fucking mob.
Right.
So it was nice because they, you know, they take care of their neighborhood.
But right around it was.
Real quick, because I want to tell you, I had a lobster roll in the North End a
couple
years ago at this place on whatever that main strip is.
It's fucking unbelievable.
Yeah, North End is fucking, this is why I love the North End.
It's fucking, they did not let anybody take it over.
It's still.
A lobster claw.
What's it called?
Tail.
It's still fucking all Italian people over there.
Yeah, it's nice.
I mean, they let people sneak in here and there.
Yeah.
But it's still all.
Tight chip.
They run a tight chip.
It's what it was when I left.
Yeah, it's nice.
Except better.
But around Boston, South Boston, Charlestown, Somerville, all that was, you'd
fucking,
I got mugged when I was eight in Charlestown.
Really?
Yeah, the guy took 85 cents.
Big week for him.
I was going to the mall, me and my friend, 85 cents.
What were you going to get?
I was just going to the mall.
That's what you did back then.
You know what I mean?
You just went to the mall.
That was the thing.
You just went to the mall.
No, you went to the park or the mall.
That's it.
You walked around the mall.
Maybe he fucking tried to squeeze an orange Julius out of somebody.
And you sat at the fountain and tried to fucking, you know, look at some albums
that are coming
out.
But he took it.
I remember, can I get 10 cents back to call my mom?
And he threw me 10 cents.
And I called my mom.
I go, you're going to come pick me up.
She's like, where are you?
I go, I just got mugged at the Somerville, Charlestown area.
And she was like, yeah, take a bus home.
I go, I don't.
I got mugged.
I had to walk home.
But now, it's fucking Charlestown.
You can't.
It's nice.
All rich.
Really?
Southie, all rich.
All the Toonies.
Somerville.
Yeah, dude.
It's all that.
I've stayed in Somerville.
Somerville, where I stayed, w