Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Reggie Conquest - Philly Trash
Uploaded: 2021-03-21T19:50:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Reggie Conquest - Philly Trash' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Reggie Conquest - Philly Trash' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-21. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Reggie Conquest - Philly Trash

Hey gang, welcome to the R.U. Garbage Comedy Podcast.
Make sure you subscribe so you get the videos as they come out.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage,
the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
It's a show we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew
up to be classy
or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a rainy afternoon post St. Patrick's
Day
down here at Aunt Tootie's basement.
I don't know what she got into last night, but there is a police horse in the
living room.
Oh God.
All right.
It was dicey as getting a bowl of cereal.
Just warning, I can tell you that.
That one really didn't land.
They're never going to stop, so it doesn't matter.
He writes these by himself, folks.
I hear them when you do, okay?
I wouldn't have approved that one.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He has made some shady moves over the last couple of days.
He's changed vehicles.
He's flying his girlfriend out of the country.
That's my wife.
My girlfriend's staying, huh?
Gang, he's my best friend in the whole wide world.
The next time you're reaching for a best pal, go ahead and make it a kippy.
Give it up for Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, gang, I know you're trying to get some brownie points because you brought
back making
a kippy.
That's been absent for a little while.
He's been mad at me.
What's up, gang?
As always, thanks for tuning in.
Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
And Foley, what are those numbers?
They're true to roof, kippy.
True to fucking roof.
And then patreon.com, the bread and butter, baby.
You can sign up to get premium content of AYG.
You get episodes of Hard Feelings, which is me and Foley shitting on each other.
It's a good time.
It's the breakout hit of 2021, baby.
Everybody loves it.
And then every month with our top-tier patrons, we do a live stream.
And then also, in even bigger news, we've got two big dates we're pushing.
Yes, we do.
Well, you know what they are?
We've got Raleigh Goodnights April 20th there in North Carolina.
And then April 21st, we're going over to Zany's Nashville and doing the show.
Yeah, guys.
Pick up a couple of tickets, will you?
If you're in with an eight-hour drive, we've got to move some fucking tickets
down there.
I'm already getting shit that they ain't moving.
So sign up.
Go get tickets.
Get some pals.
Get your fucking mom.
Whoever you've got to do, we'd love to see you.
It's going to be some stand-up.
We're going to be playing AYG with the crowd.
It's going to be a good time.
You'll ask us questions.
We'll ask you questions.
We'll see you there.
It's going to be fun.
And a quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire, the pride of the Chicago
comedy scene.
Chicago.
Kid needs a haircut.
I'll tell you that right now.
T-Bone McMuffin.
Toby McMullen.
I need a haircut.
I need a haircut.
You need a career.
Oh.
Damn.
Fucking T-Bone took the gloves off today.
Why do I need a career?
Because I need to make money.
That's Zany's Nashville, folks.
Gang, speaking of breakout hits of the season, we could not be more excited to
have our incredibly special guest here with us today.
He's one of our oldest and dearest friends.
We started in Philly together.
We've lived together.
We fucking slugged it out here in New York City.
For years.
I always said he's the most naturally funny, naturally talented one out of the
group.
Problem is, pretty much an idiot.
But it doesn't matter.
Turn the lights on and he stinks.
Because the kid's a fucking star.
He's doing absolutely fantastic.
He had a huge part on Insecure last season.
Everybody freaked out.
Everybody loved.
He's got a lot of big things coming up.
Do me a favor.
Give me a nice big round of applause for our good friend, Mr. Reggie Conklin.
Yeah, Reggie.
I was waiting to talk.
Like, I was like.
We get a little long in the intro.
I'm so used to getting yelled at, like, from all the podcasts we used to do.
For the listener, we used to have a podcast, the three of us, along with Andrew
Chavone
and Tom Cassie.
It was a Center City Comedy podcast.
Did it for two years.
Two years.
We had about three listeners, too.
It was pretty good.
I remember we got it on iTunes and Reggie goes, damn, we're on iTunes?
I'm telling Sheila.
That used to be like being on Worldstar.
Like, Worldstar, back in the day, it felt like you made it.
Being on iTunes, I was like, oh, shit.
He's like, Kev, we're really on iTunes?
I'm like, anybody can get on iTunes.
You're getting your ass beat in the parking lot?
I made it!
Oh, man.
Buddy, thank you for coming in.
Thank you for sitting with us.
Thank you for having me, man.
We know most of it, but what is the straight-through origin story of Reggie Conquest?
I started in Philly.
I knew he was going to fuck this up.
I walked in downstairs, and I kicked the elevator up.
I texted Kippy.
He said the fourth floor, and now we're here.
I started at the Laugh House, and now we're here.
You're from West Philly, right?
West Philly, West Oak Lane area.
And yeah, I started comedy in Philly.
I used to go to the Raven Lounge with you guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You idiot.
When you were born and shit like that.
Oh, you want to start?
Oh, like back there.
Mom, dad, brother, sister.
Okay, mom and dad met.
Dad was a bus driver at the time.
And yeah, they made me.
I don't know how to introduce myself.
I'm sorry.
How far you want me to go?
I knew this was good.
Do y'all ask everybody like that?
Yeah, what the fuck?
That's just Joe.
Okay, yeah, I know.
I know.
So, yeah, it started in West Philly, and I started comedy.
I got five sisters, and I got one brother.
I don't know how far.
I love you.
Oh, it's so funny.
Five sisters.
Five sisters, yes.
Is that on your dad's side or your mom's side, or is it dad's side?
Dad's side.
Dad was getting busy.
Right.
Dad.
Huh?
You're the only child between your mom and your dad.
Yeah.
Right.
And your brother is?
My brother is my mom's son.
Not your dad.
No.
My dad got all girls and me.
That's funny.
He's like tall like your dad, your brother.
He's like a big dude like your dad.
No, my dad's taller than me.
Your dad's a bad looking dude.
Yeah, he's a bad dude.
I know.
He's a bad looking dude.
His Facebook picture haunts my dreams.
For the folks out there, he's a retired Philadelphia police officer, and I
would not have wanted
to have done anything wrong around him.
Dude, yeah, that would have been a bad look.
He's still jacked some dudes up.
He's still got it, too.
He's got the gray beard.
I'm like, damn, I hope I age like that.
It reminds me of Roy Jones Jr. a little bit.
He's just like, he's got some weight to him.
I hope I get that when I'm 60, 63.
You're not going to have it.
If you don't have it now, you're not going to get it in your 60s.
No, I think I'll age into that, though.
I can't go fuck out of here.
He looks cool.
He looks cool at your age, too.
Yeah, you don't grow into being smooth.
You're not going to be able to pull off a pair of Stacey Adams the way he does.
Yeah, I know.
That's the only thing I haven't got from him, that style, that swag.
I dress like a delivery.
You dress like an Uber driver.
Yeah, I can't pull it off.
I really hope I age into that, though.
Buddy, I don't think you're going to be this, older.
You're going to be 66 wearing fucking hoodies and shit.
That's the worst.
Old dudes trying to dress young is a tough look.
I thought about that.
How trashy are, like, retirement homes going to look at in, like, 40 years?
Everybody's in woo wear and shit.
Everybody got all Yeezys?
Sitting around in a Weezer t-shirt, some 90-year-old guy.
Yeah, like, my dad looked cool as shit.
And even those old pictures, he had kids, he had a house, he always was stocky.
And I'm just like, I'm stocky up top.
Up here, I'm good.
Dude, there's an old picture of you from when you first started.
I think when you first started doing comedy, you had that, like, that tan blazer
on.
I think you had that.
Dude, he looks.
Dude, you literally look like you're wearing shoulder pads.
You look like you're about to start at linebacker.
And you're at the club.
I'm like, what the fuck is he doing?
That's how I thought I had to dress when I first started.
What, like a pouncer?
No shit.
Like, said, like, said the entertainer.
Like, that's who I wanted to, that's who I thought I had to dress up to do
stand-up.
If you look back at a lot of those pictures, I'm guilty of it, too.
What we thought we were supposed to look like as comedians was atrocious.
I think I, before my first show, I think I Googled, what's a comedian wear?
Remember the one with me in the suit and the sweater?
Oh, man.
My hands were sticking out.
I don't think anybody sitting here looks good in a suit.
I, I, with a decent cut, there's one cut from H&M that I look okay in.
I look horrible.
You look like you belong in a casket.
Yeah, yo, I look bad in a suit, yo.
I do.
I look like a pulp, like, I look bad.
After two seconds, the shirt's, I look like a fat kid at the end of a wedding.
Literally.
I should have fucking cake on my face running around.
I look like a, like a Uber black driver.
Sorry, I'm late.
Come on, hop in.
Come on, like, let's go.
Like, yeah, I look bad.
Yeah, are you Henry?
Real, that's why I'm all about the, uh, the non-tucking shirt with the suit.
Yeah.
That's a, dude, but that's shit, that's, that's like a fat kid wearing a shirt
in a pool.
Everybody knows what you're doing.
No, no, no.
Just tuck your shirt in and keep it fucking moving.
You're not, everybody knows you're fat.
Especially at weddings when it comes time to take the jacket off.
I can't tuck, I can't not tuck my shirt in.
Like, my shirt has to be out.
At Rose Wedding, my shirt was out.
Remember I showed up with that floral shirt?
He's like, where's his suit jacket?
Oh, man, we crushed.
Dude, he showed up like he was going into a fucking, you know, Studio 56 or
something.
Trying to pull off his dad's look.
Yeah, I am, I am.
My dad can pull it off.
No jacket, jacket.
Because he, yeah, yeah.
He's cool and in shape.
You look like you work at a resort.
Remember, hold on, I'm speaking of Monroe's Wedding.
Remember that dude that was in the fucking Nike sweatsuit?
Yeah, he showed up with a Nike.
Dude, that dude had no idea.
There was like fucking 25 comics just sitting there crushing him.
With the old cold Nike sweatsuit.
Dude, he had a matching Nike sweatsuit on and people were like posting up on
him and shit.
I would imagine you've worn some suspect clothing items to friends' weddings
and stuff.
I'm all black t-shirt.
Like if I can wear a black t-shirt to everything, I would.
With a suit jacket on?
What a suit jacket.
The blazer, the old blazer look.
No, I'm with you.
That's the t-shirt blazer.
Oh, man.
Magnum P.I.
Yeah.
Miami Vice style.
That's all they did was just wear a t-shirt.
Magnum P.I.
It's not, I get it.
I've definitely tried to pull it off, but you need the right jacket.
Otherwise, you just look like a fat kid in a t-shirt with a suit jacket.
You know what I mean?
Fat guy in a little coat.
It's a tough look.
Dude, I bought a suit recently.
What did I have to wear a suit to?
I don't know.
I had to wear a suit to something, dude.
A wedding.
Oh, my cousin's wedding, dude.
Fucking, I ordered it.
Fucking got my measurements.
It's bad when you got to order your suit.
Oh, dude, I still look like shit.
It was like three o'clock.
It looked like it was midnight.
Just a mess.
You got your tie undone in the car ride over.
Oh, that's an instant.
The tie's undone.
The last thing, the last two weddings I went to, it's been shirt and nice pair
of shoes.
Oh, dude, that's trash.
Let her know what she's missing out on, huh?
Oh, I look so bad.
I can't stand the formal.
I just look bad.
You got to have someone 