Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Tommy Pope Returns!
Uploaded: 2021-04-05T00:24:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Tommy Pope Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Tommy Pope Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-05. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Tommy Pope Returns!

Hey gang, welcome to the R.U. Garbage Comedy Podcast.
Make sure you subscribe so you get the videos as they come out.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage,
the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
Sure is.
A little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they
grew up to be classy
or if there's the big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a glorious day.
We're down here at Aunt Tootie's basement feeling fine, feeling good.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of R.U. Garbage.
He's getting into NFTs and Bitcoin.
Kid's got his toe in a lot of pools.
He's got cash these days.
I call him Mr. Ryan, but give it up for Kippy.
Kevin James, everybody.
Hey, gang.
What's up?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Subscribe there.
And as you know, those numbers are true to roof.
True to fucking roof.
Okay.
True to roof.
Patreon.com slash R.U. Garbage.
You can sign up.
You get bonus episodes at AYG that don't get released to the public.
Not a lot of people picked up on that.
We do weekly episodes that don't go out.
You can only get them on Patreon.
We do episodes of Hard Feelings and then live streams on Patreon as well.
Also, we just dropped the Kippy MTV Cribs edition on Patreon.
That's up.
Go check that.
We got a lot of fucking business today.
Fun times.
The cards.
There's still some cards left you can get.
Link will be in the description.
They went quick, huh?
There's not that many.
I don't even know if they're going to.
By the time you hear this, they might be gone.
And then also the live shows will be in Raleigh, North Carolina on 420.
And then 421 will be in Nashville.
Get those fucking tickets.
Let's go.
Don't make us look like assholes.
Yeah, no shit.
We got the guys from the coast calling every day up our asses.
Let's move some fucking merchandise here.
It's the coast of Delaware, but still, we're trying.
I got the guys from Rehoboth all over me.
Gang, real quick, give us a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the
magic man,
the fucking genius behind the Kippy's Castle video.
Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen.
What up?
What up, T-Bone?
Dude, chilling.
Stressful day.
Getting fucked by Instagram with their goddamn copyright bullshit.
We had Toby hemmed up early on this morning.
I was like, you fucking idiot.
You didn't use royalty-free music.
I did.
It was YouTube.
I'm on the phone with Nashville.
Fucking talking about copyright infringement.
It's fucking crazy.
It's my buddy's band, man.
They said it was cool.
They said it was cool, man.
Sir, you don't know Bob Seger.
I was just going to say that.
That's why you don't do business with friends, dog.
Gang, this is a fucking family episode here.
An old school one, baby.
Old school one from Jump Street.
Back to the roots with this fucking WAP.
When Moses was short, man.
All the way back to the streets of the East Village running around the Lower
East Side.
Whatever.
I don't know who you're talking about.
Gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly special guest back
with us today.
If you haven't checked out his episode, make sure you check it out.
We're going to do some Patreon questions, some Facebook questions.
We're here answering your fucking questions.
Give it up.
You better save something for the tank, buddy.
As soon as I introduce you, I take a nap.
Oh, dang.
Tommy Pope, everybody.
What's up, boys?
What's up, buddy?
Thanks for coming in, man.
Yeah, it's always great to see Foley's tongue in person.
That thing's got a fucking heartbeat of its own.
Oh, man.
All the comments on YouTube are like, the big man's tongue is going wild today.
It is.
It's like going to like a Japanese seafood market.
You know when you see a fish or like a sea cucumber?
I've never seen that before.
Foley's down on the docks every morning in Tokyo.
Dude, I want to be in your will.
I want your tongue.
I'll put that thing in a fucking glass cube on my dresser on my home run ball.
Turn it into a love seat.
Splash a little soy sauce on it.
It ain't too shabby.
Dude, I got a merch idea for you.
Why don't you guys make beanbags, put Foley's face on it, and when you sit, the
pressure throws
on a tongue.
Maybe throw his laugh in there.
That might be a logistical nightmare, but I'll have the guys look into it.
That's a shipping and handling nightmare.
Oh, man.
Oh, buddy.
Thanks for fucking tuning in with us.
Thanks for coming in and sitting down with us.
You got your Home Depot shirt on.
I find one t-shirt I like, I buy 17 colors.
Same way.
It's always black for me, though.
That's garbage, and that's old school.
I do the same thing.
I'm currently operating.
You only have one of everything you own.
Don't fucking lie to the people.
That's not true.
I got a bunch of these t-shirts.
Unless every t-shirt comes with mustard stains.
He gets them pre-uncertified.
You can find them on Amazon.
Squirt some mail on these before you send them.
Yeah, sprinkle the chips right on there.
That's fine.
It's like a stamp of approval.
Patreon questions, Facebook questions.
Before we get started, I'm told I got a call this morning from corporate, from
up top, top
floor, that Mr. Ryan has a statement to make.
Before we get into the questions, we're going to start off with that.
I will turn it over to our CEO, Kevin Ryan.
You know, it's hard for me to admit when I'm wrong all the time, right?
Okay.
I take very staunch opinions on this program, as we both do.
Fair enough.
And I've had the attorneys and corporate draft a statement for me to make as I've
changed
my ways.
Okay.
How I see the world.
Did you touch someone?
This is pretty dark, dude.
Hey, Doobie Dobrik, whatever your name is.
First of all, I thought she was 17.
She was well-developed like a 23-year-old.
Hang on a second.
Let me move my chair over.
Yeah, I don't know if that's testosterone in the chickens, but she had a set of
hooters.
I want to move my chair over away from you from Getty image purposes.
I don't want to get hemmed up in the post.
Because he's making this.
Stamped creep on both of our faces.
She found herself drunk in the basement of a Tootie's.
Ah, man.
It's funny.
Ah, what do you got?
All right.
So my statements made on previous podcasts regarding brushing your teeth in the
shower have been
wrong, and I sincerely apologize to anyone I've affected with my words.
While my words at the time were said to shame and hurt people, especially my
fat co-host,
Foley, I now know I was wrong.
Please accept my apology.
Wait a second.
Are you saying you're for it?
I'm for it.
I was totally against it.
Kevin.
I started doing it this week.
I saw it sitting there.
I'm like, I'll try it for the show.
It's a fucking game changer.
Dude, it's great.
I actually was the same way.
This quarantine is...
So 40 years I went without doing this because it was garbage.
Yeah.
I got a fucking...
Wait, you're 40?
Yeah.
You look terrible.
And you slept with three...
You slept with three of your brothers until you were 28.
But that's garbage.
It took another 12 years to figure it out.
No, I got a separate tube and a separate toothbrush.
Josh, do you leave it in there, though?
Yeah, leave it in.
Oh, that's tough.
Wow, look at you.
I can't do that.
That's a lot.
No.
Well, you'll be writing another fucking apology in a week.
I'm still going through with the lawsuit, all right?
Fucking Kippy Rapaport.
The defamation.
Get Portnoy on the phone.
I want some tees made.
Dude, it's a game changer.
You get out and it's complete.
I never realized that.
You fucking jerk off.
You know what?
It comes down to like...
Growing up, I thought if you leave the conditioner in longer, your hair will be
more healthy.
Yeah.
So I find things to do while...
Do it while you're in there.
Yeah.
I put the conditioner on first and then I...
It's working, dude.
I got to tell you.
This guy's got a fucking head on here.
It never worked for me.
Nice lettuce.
The longer I left the conditioner in, the flatter my hair was.
Really?
Oh, it was brutal.
Oh, because you got dirt and old grease in there.
Yeah.
Well, I got thin hair.
Yeah.
That's the only thing thin about it, folks.
It was pre-product.
Yeah.
I didn't surprise you condition.
Yeah.
Well...
I would say you've never washed your hair once.
I wash my hair every day.
Every single day?
Every single day.
He's got that good Italian hair, dude.
That's ridiculous.
The whole fucking...
Because it looks so full and in place and that's what people do.
They don't wash their hair to get that fullness.
What do you use?
You use the good stuff?
Yeah.
Like how...
Portate candles?
My mom's got a couple of Yankees laying around.
No, I use...
Smells like apples and cinnamon in the winter.
Sebastian Clay.
It's like...
How much is it?
Like 20 bucks for one ounce.
It's a lot.
20?
That's more than Coke.
No.
Crew's about 22.
Yeah, Crew's expensive.
Crew's all right.
I do the Crew Spray.
I think it's like 15.
Kip, you stop.
Yeah.
Come on.
Dude, I'm great.
Tommy and I are talking here, okay?
Yeah, sit this one out there.
You touching me hurt me more than the joke.
You being like, oh man, he might be affected by that really hurts.
But he washes his hair with his toothbrush.
Why do you think it's in there?
I got baby bristles going.
This is a hot one, folks.
So that's your statement.
So you're brushing your teeth in the shower now.
I knew things were going to go screwy because Kippy's solo right now.
He's got the place to himself for a little while.
The broad went back home.
And you're stepping out of your element.
You're doing a little experimenting in that place.
Yeah.
I'm all over the place.
What made you decide to brush your teeth in the shower?
Well, it's never been close.
And I can kind of get to it from the shower now.
And I just saw it there.
And I was like, you know what?
For the pod, I'll try it.
And I'll fucking throw it in your face.
And I'll hate it.
And we'll get content out of it.
The R&D.
Dude, I was like two seconds into it.
I was on my fucking second molar.
And I was like, this is not too shabby.
Then you spit it all out and turn the shower off.
Then you rinse and it's done.
Get that coolness in there.
I got one more for you.
I could take it up a notch if you want.
Hard enough.
You could do it in the shower or in the sink.
Say, eat nachos.
I'll fucking dive over this table.
What you do is get a bag of tortilla chips.
You'd be surprised.
They don't sog up as fast as you think.
If you get the water hot enough, the mist helps the cheese.
Yeah.
Gives it a good consistency.
You got to drink lemonade while you're taking a piss.
It's like the same going in, same going out.
Brush your teeth with hot water.
It feels like you just had them polished.
It's fantastic.
All right?
You feel clean in the mouth.
It feels great.
I'm a cold water guy.
I don't know what you want from me.
Listen, I'm trying to fucking save you the embarrassment having to come in here
fucking six months crying at a fucking audience again telling them that Uncle
Hank was right.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't like the way this was received, so I don't know if I'll ever be
publicly apologizing again.
That's really turned back on me.
Yeah, you never apologize.
You don't know.
You were fucked up.
Fucking dumbass.
Whatever.
That's what it is.
I'm a changed man.
I'm a reformed man.
You think you'll continue to do it even after your wife gets home?
Not every time, but yeah, you know.
How's she going to feel about that?
I think she's done it.
She has to be a shower brusher as well.
A shower brusher and a non-shower brusher cannot exist in the same household.
Immediate divorce.
She does it occasionally.
She's not against it.
She's not opposed to it by any means.
She's defi