Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: PATREON - Ian Fidance Hangs out w/ Amish People
Uploaded: 2021-04-28T22:30:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: PATREON - Ian Fidance Hangs out w/ Amish People' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: PATREON - Ian Fidance Hangs out w/ Amish People' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-28. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: PATREON - Ian Fidance Hangs out w/ Amish People

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Clogged arteries anyway from genetics. You could have them. He could have them.
Doesn't matter.
Yeah, but you ain't helping your cause.
Yeah, I mean, you're pulling the genetics card on us. You're 400 pounds. You're
going, it could be genetics.
It's jeans.
Nah, my great-grandfather had them.
Split in the ass.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage? Goddammit!
It's a show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they
grow up to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of shit.
I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at
Aunt Tootie's basement.
She's doing good. We love her. She's a good kid.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
This is a wacky one today. I'm normally not this close to you on a p-p-p-patriarch.
You are. You are not. We have a little company in the house, a little special
treat for you folks.
He is not being compensated financially.
I already asked.
First time is a joke.
I won't leave until I get money.
Kevin James Ryan is right next to me, everybody.
Hey, gang. Thanks for tuning in.
You guys are the fucking lifeblood of this motherfucking show.
We appreciate it.
The fucking Patreon.
We just hit 1,000. Over 1,000.
That thing's cooking, too, daddy-o.
So thank you to everybody.
The fucking support means so much to us.
You guys are the fucking shit.
Thank you.
We love you.
Shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man.
Makes us all look good.
Some of us, at least.
Me, in general, specifically, I think.
Most attractive guy on the show, possibly.
Fair enough.
T-Bone McMullen, everybody.
Give it up for Toby McMullen.
T-Bone.
What up?
You, T-Bone.
What's with the dead stare?
Honestly, I couldn't tell if you were saying that you were the most attractor
or if I was.
I took it as he needs the most work.
That's how I took it.
I think it is he was the most attractive.
Yes, thank you.
Yes.
Thank you, Ian.
Psychopaths think alike.
I like you.
Will you two get a room already?
We got one.
You guys leave.
A couple more of those pics going around.
We'll make a little something started up in here.
You guys just trading some hogs back and forth before we hit record.
Docking, engage.
Gang, this is a Patreon episode.
It's a bonus episode.
It's going to be a fun one.
We thought it'd be fun to have our incredibly special guest, our good pal, back
again.
This will be, I think, his fourth or fifth time.
Sixth.
Fifth.
Fifth.
Fifth.
Whatever the two of you.
Shut up.
Fourth or fifth.
Whatever.
He's got cat hair on him.
Sixth.
Can't come back enough.
Whether you want me or not, I'm here to stay.
And always when I'm here, it's the highlight of my week.
This will be Ian's last appearance.
I don't even think this is going to get released.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's our old pal.
He's our wacky neighbor.
Ian Finance, everybody.
Hello, Jerry.
Hello, Henry.
You're our Wilson.
We'll put a fence up to your eyes.
Yes.
The subscribers have voted.
They want to only see half.
Hi, everybody.
Thank you for having me.
I love being here.
Nice to see you two, you three, and Aunt Tootie as well.
And thank you for having me on.
This is going to be fun.
Thanks, buddy.
It's going to be fun.
Today's topic of conversation, we hinted to this last week, is going to be
field trips.
And I figured you, being Delaware trash, must have had some interesting ones.
Delaware's finest.
Yes.
You know, I'm just, I'm the shiniest diamond in the diamond state.
Now, you went to private school, right?
Wait, Delaware's called the diamond state?
Delaware's the diamond state.
And the halfway house I lived in, they called it the diamond of the north.
Because we had less.
The dime bag of the north.
We had less people smoking crack in our house.
So that was like, this is the good one.
Wait a minute.
Why is Delaware called the diamond state?
Do they mine diamonds down there?
I don't know.
Toby, look it up.
I'm looking it up now.
Why Toby?
He's a producer.
Yeah, a lot of Neil Diamond fans.
Because most of the state is a piece of shit cold.
You got to really squeeze it to get a diamond.
Yeah.
What is it, Kippy?
No, it's the blue hen state.
Yeah.
No, Delaware's the diamond state.
I've never heard that.
I am right.
And this is a hill I'll die on.
Okay.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but.
I thought it was always called the first state.
Oh, here it is.
The diamond state.
Okay.
What on the, okay, but on the license plate, it's the first state.
Yes.
So the official nickname is the first state.
I mean, Delaware's so great, it's the first state.
The small worker.
It's the first one to irritate because it's got so many nicknames, it can be,
you can
erudate.
Thomas Jefferson gave this nickname to Delaware, according to the legend,
because he described
Delaware as a jewel among states due to its strategic location of the eastern
seaboard.
Guy must have not traveled a lot.
Yeah, no shit.
Tommy J not getting out of the house.
And name one bad thing the guy's done.
He's a good kid.
Yeah, I'll wait.
A couple of rough tweets back in the day.
Other than that, it's all right.
What's Philadelphia?
Yeah.
What's Philadelphia?
No, Philadelphia's first in flight.
No, well, Philadelphia's a city, so Pennsylvania would be the keystone state.
Pennsylvania's way trashier than Delaware.
No, it's not.
You're out of your mind.
Dude, fucking travel to some parts.
Delaware is where people-
They call it pencil-tucky.
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
What?
Oh, there you go.
Okay.
Yep.
Point Ian.
I'm not-
Point Ian.
Point Ian.
He thinks if he gets enough points, we're going to pay him.
Woo!
Venmo Ian-finance.
You guys owe me 36 points.
Wait a minute.
Wait, hold on.
Pentucky?
You're a fucking idiot, dude.
You've never heard of pencil-tucky.
I've heard of pucks-a-tawny where the groundhog is.
Fuck you.
Where the rabbit is or whatever it is.
That's trash!
What's his name, Pete?
Yeah, they pulled a rabbit out the stump.
Pucks-a-tawny Phil.
Pucks-a-tawny Phil.
Delaware is a state where companies go to have shell corporations to launder
money.
Paul, this is the second time you brought this up today.
Were you watching a movie or something?
What were you doing?
Patreon's doing what?
Watching Fight Club or something?
Patreon's doing good.
Also, you've been asking a lot of questions about money.
Someone's in your ear about the corporate structure of this.
Yeah, Paul is like, hey, for the Patreon, can I get it on unmarked bills?
Your mom's on LegalZoom or something, giving you notes.
Is he telling you what you're making and giving it to you?
Yeah, Delaware is a-
There's nothing-
Okay, hold on.
I'm sorry.
There's nothing redeemable about Delaware.
No.
Both are trash.
What's-
What do you guys got?
An airport or something?
No.
Yeah, Dover Air Force Base and the Newcastle County Airport, which is-
Well, unless you're flying an F-16 to fucking somewhere.
Where do all our military members fly out of?
And when they die, where do their bodies come?
To Delaware, out of respect.
Why do you think they put that there?
They put that there because they think, hey, if Delaware gets taken out, all
right, we'll keep it moving.
It's cheap land.
Yeah, they're like, these guys are already dead.
They don't care where they land up.
They're not going to put them a penthouse in Center City.
I know.
Delaware is, I think-
What's your cuisine down there?
I think Pennsylvania as a whole is trashier than Delaware.
That's insane.
No, it's not.
No.
There are infinitely more trashy parts of Pennsylvania than there are-
Well, it's bigger.
Delaware is like one big city.
It's just garbage.
No, there's North Wilmington, which is the main city, and there's Dover, which
is the capital.
Delaware has three counties.
Nine tire fires.
Newcastle County, Sussex County, and Kent County.
8,000 McDonald's.
Wonderful beaches.
Pennsylvania is landlocked.
It's where they debuted the KFC Double Down.
Yeah.
I don't know if I'd say wonderful beaches.
I'm a Dewey man.
There it is.
I like Dewey.
We got Dewey.
We got Bethany Beach.
We got Rehoboth.
We got Indian River Outlet.
Rehoboth is garbage.
Or Indian River Inlet.
Rehoboth is garbage.
Rehoboth is a wonderful beach.
And it was the first openly gay beach acceptable in America.
Did you just try to big us up by mentioning an inlet?
Yes.
That's what you're going to get us with?
Yep.
The hoppers are fantastic.
Listen, you should see it at low tide.
Go crabbing.
Go crabbing in Pennsylvania, pal.
It ain't going to happen.
God.
I mean...
I'd go to the Jersey Shore like a gentleman.
Yeah.
And steal my crabs from somebody else's top.
You know where it's closer to Jersey Shore than Pennsylvania?
Delaware.
There you go.
Okay.
Dude, I am so fucking dumb.
I did not realize that Delaware was right next to Philly and New Jersey.
Yeah.
Close.
I thought you were going to say you weren't recording or something like that.
No, I thought it was by, like, Missouri or some shit.
Holy shit.
What?
That's the thing.
People would go, oh, I'm from Delaware.
They go, what state's that in?
I'm like, you uneducated piece of shit.
No, you're trash.
Yeah, the reason it's trashy is because you're so prideful of it.
That's what makes it trashy.
Well, I think it's because you've got nothing else going on for you.
Is that a Delaware hat?
It is.
Wilmington Blue Rocks, baby.
Yep.
A minor league affiliate.
Double A.
Double A.
Is that a kind of meth?
Double A, which is something I'm also a part of.
Oh, also on the thought of me being really dumb, the thought that I had outside
was when
you guys were talking about the SATs in the last episode.
I've been saying I'm getting a 980.
And you guys, but it wasn't a 1350.
It was out of the other one that you said.
No, it's either 1600 or 2400.
It was out of 2400.
You got a 9, that's like getting a fucking 200.
No, it's not.
No, there's no way you got a 900.
Toby, you got a 900 out of 2400?
Wait, is your helmet under the table?
What the hell?
You should have applesauce on your face.
Are you from Dover?
Yeah, no.
But that was crushing when you said that.
Because you were like, you're younger, I'm the same Acer as her.
And then, oh, such a bummer, dude.
Wait, you really got a 900?
I got a 980.
You got a 980.
I mean.
Jesus, dude.
Foley beat you.
Yeah.
Foley beat you on the SATs.
What did you get on your SATs?
870.
Barbecue sauce.
All right, Uncle Kippy.
Come on.
You're giving him that.
That was great.
Holy fuck.
You've never heard that?
No.
That's the oldest dad joke in the world.
I thought you were lobbing me up for it.
No, that was incredible.
Dude, I thought we were, I thought you, I literally thought you were fucking ooping
me.
I tell you, these rubes from Delaware, you can get them with anything, huh?
I mean.
Hey, got your nose.
Yeah, yeah, double side of fries.
There it is.
Woo.
What did you get on your SATs?
1140.
What did you get?
1190.
Really?
Not bad.
And you got into NYU.
I went to NYU, yeah.
We've had 75% of guests that said they've gone to NYU.
It's a tough school to get into.
It's expensive, too.
It's a tough school to stay at, too.
Yeah.
I had to take an extra semester.
I got a all incompletes.
Do you graduate from NYU?
You have a degree from NYU?
Mm-hmm.
Really?
Bachelor of Science in English Education.
Wow.
That's right.
You're a teacher.
Mm-hmm.
Yo, teach.
Must have been around real tight.
Oh, yeah.
Shaken right in his name.
I'm Mr. Friday.
The very first day.
Does anybody have a sing I can bubble?
The very first day.
Will you guys follow me on Instagram?
The very first day of teaching eighth grade on the Upper East Side.
I'm not going to mention the school, but all the kids were bussing from Harlem.
And it was, you know, I was the minority at the school.
A teacher asked me, can you watch my classroom in it?
I got to go to the bathroom.
A