Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Francis Ellis - Parking Wars
Uploaded: 2021-05-27T02:03:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Francis Ellis - Parking Wars' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Francis Ellis - Parking Wars' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-27. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Francis Ellis - Parking Wars

hey gang real quick before we get the old show started let's talk about these
live days we got
coming up it's the keep it moving 2021 tour and we're coming to a town near you
we're going to be
in atlantic city new jersey june 18th oh yeah and then we're going to be in
chicago for our fourth
and final show on june 22nd then we're heading over to indianapolis indiana at
the helium over
there on june 23rd get some tickets and then we're coming back thursday night
back to the windy city
for two sold out shows so if you heard a date on there that wasn't sold out buy
some tickets to
come see us it's gonna be a great time yeah guys the live show is awesome it's
stand up and then we
play ayg with the audience we answer your questions it's a good fucking time
get involved see you there
oh baby welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where
you find out if your
favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your
hosts kevin ryan and h foley
hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast
this is are you garbage sure
is a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians we find out if they
grow up to be classy
or if they're just a big old piece of trash i'm your host age foley coming at
you on a glorious day
we're down here in aunt tootie's basement i gotta say our guest got me a little
nervous i'm sliding
off the stool over here the kid's a looker but we're not there yet i got bozo
sitting next to me
my main just as good looking some say better kevin james ryan everybody only my
mom hey what's up
gang thanks for this is a silly one already thanks for tuning in uh as always
please make sure you rate
view subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube and as you know those
numbers are
true to roof true to roof those numbers are cooking baby and then
the bread and butter the money maker patreon.com slash are you garbage love
that money closing in on
1500 pay come on we fucking appreciate it um you can sign up you get bonus
episodes at ayg you get
episodes of hard feelings which is me and uh foley behind the curtains a little
bit shitting on each
other did a little comic bashing this week oh yeah that one that one can't get
released talking a
little shit and then every month we do a live stream uh with our top tier
patrons where we ask you
questions you ask us questions it's a good fucking time yes it is and have a
nice quick shout out to our
producer extraordinaire the magic man he makes us all look good give it up for
t-bone mcmuffin
toby mcmullen what's up dudes hey buddy fucking you guys look like such shit
next to this guy
you have never looked pastier i know i don't know if that bothers you or not
but i you look at me like
i'm a pile of trash me no oh i do too i certainly do
ladies and gentlemen you know him from oops the podcast he's a previous guest
it's a it's a it's
a little company in the house here um you got to go check out his episode it's
absolutely amazing
you got to check out oops the podcast and you got to check him out on patreon
he's got his own
patreon he's producing his own patreon he's got a smash hit on there called
alternate side
alternate side parking thursday my favorite thing on instagram it's fantastic
it's him just
fucking dealing with the parking nightmare that is new york city give it up for
the one the only
francis ellison hey thank you so much for having me back fellas buddy thanks
for coming i mean you
can't not comment on it like what are you doing to your skin are you are you
doing anything or is
this just genetics here's the thing listen you're a great comic funny guy
absolutely fantastic i don't
mean to just point out your physical features no but they are alarming i feel
like you got better
since the last time we had you on the podcast well he's definitely gotten worse
so it could be
could be that juxtaposition my eyes have gotten fatter uh i i uh i've been a
redhead my whole life
so i've had to protect my skin but it's strawberry that's that's really the
answer dude people ask
people do ask me like what's your skin care routine it's sunscreen and i'm not
even being
funny about that like i start my day with a with a moisturizer that has 20 spf
in it for real and uh
i think i think sun is the number one thing that makes people look old it makes
you look like a
catcher's mitt real quick you look like us yeah i could have been him yeah well
i i mean i started
hold on no you couldn't that was the joke um i started because once we started
in hd
we've just been i've been getting fucking destroyed so i've been doing a a face
care routine myself
trying to bring back a little bit of the life or stop it what is what's in your
routine i'm curious i
got well we went out i went to this fancy spa and we spent a couple of hundred
bucks on some products
while it was i got a facial i was there and then i bought the products they
used okay um yeah all
organic and so it's like a cleanser ball what was that a mall it's just a face
mask uh yeah so it's
pretty good uh i love it you know uh i i think having some kind of a routine is
i hate i hate that
word like what's your skin care routine corny let me ask you this so we're they're
they're busting my
chops that i'm a little heavy that i gotta lose some weight i just out of
curiosity you're a classy guy i would like
to know what is your daily routine like as far as like working out getting up
what do you eat for
breakfast what do you do with the loofah what are you doing i like to eat um so
you get up overnight
oats in the morning it's classy i think he told it's not classy no that's nice
you're premeditated
that's overnight oats is well it's you could you could also just do oatmeal
instant oatmeal sure
what do you put in it is it soy milk or is it regular milk oat milk bro really
yeah watch out
for that oatly i think they just ipo it actually and how much how much are we
talking you're the first
guest to ever address an ipo i don't even know what that means but it sounds
cool it's what they
went public and so you can buy their stuff yeah but dude i'm telling you if you
like oat milk uh there's
only one brand and then if you if they don't have it at the supermarket and you
have to buy any of those
other brands garbage yeah yeah absolute oh i know oatly is the one oatly is the
one and i don't want
to like give free ads or anything like that but i'm telling you if you've ever
our listeners are not
buying it if you've ever been you know you know how you know it's garbage
because the other brands
aren't even allowed to call it oat milk they call it oat beverage oh you're
drinking oat beverage step
your fucking game you're garbage yeah yeah um so wait hold on i want to hear
this so you get up in
the morning what's the first thing you do uh i do the cross the new york times
crossword puzzle on my
phone what yeah gotta stay sharp dude what time do you get up in the morning oh
like 7 7 30 no matter
what time you go to bed you get up at seven o'clock yeah i can't really sleep i'm
not a very good sleeper
any anymore and you do the new york times in bed yeah my girlfriend brings me a
coffee it's it's part of
our uh exchange of goods for services all right i don't like this i like where
this is going
well she's got her chores i got my chores her bringing me a coffee what are you
wearing that
time of day is that a curiosity just for the listeners so you're in bed you do
the new york
times crossword puzzle how long does that take you uh 20 minutes 20 minutes
yeah just about take me two
weeks then you can't even afford the paper once you start doing it you get the
like early days of the
week they're much easier monday tuesday wednesday is easier thursday friday it's
really hard yeah i can't
finish it off really same friday yeah so okay so you do that then start on a
monday uh get up take a
shower uh you know then i put my my spf on uh-huh my moisturizer with the built-in
spf and then i uh
get to get to emails and and writing and all that stuff and then around uh 5 p.m
i usually do my
exercising that's what you do then you work out yeah then you shower again yep
and then off to spots or
whatever that's it yeah and what are you having for lunch so when do you have
the oat milk or the
the oats that's uh usually around like 8 30 9 okay and it's just a small
portion i would assume i
probably i don't even know what you'd call i eat a lot dude i eat a lot yeah
huh people are always um
kind of aghast you're a big guy you burn a lot of calories yeah i mean i eat
healthy food but i eat
a lot of it sort of the quantities that what's the last thing you had today let's
let's start there
uh i i didn't have much time today so i had just a bunch of pre-made chicken
salad that i bought at
like whole foods okay and then i had half an avocado no bread it's a tight ship
do you eat a lot of
bread probably doesn't touch the stuff what are you talking about what about
fast food no even wendy's
she's a nice girl i like i like wendy's but the problem is uh when i eat it i
get i feel like
awful it's just my body fucking rejects it yeah and then i know that i fight
through it i fight
through it you take it personally not this time wendy fully starts his day his
girl brings him a honey
baked ham to a big bowl
i do some mad libs
i hit the coloring book for about 20 minutes connect the dots oh it's a it's a
constellation
can't finish the word find on fridays his goddamn marmaduke gets up to trouble
i'll tell you that
what this kid's doing oh my god why he's asking we just we're doing a weight
loss challenge for him
this month he's a classy guy i know i like to learn from class people that's
what i'm saying he came
and we asked if he wanted a water he's like no i brought my own i knew it was
going to be a
fucking reusable water bottle yeah you're very he's the reason i like this is
because it's bigger than
those yes and i need more water and that's not enough water for me i know i'll
do a couple of
these this is like 38 ounces how many of those do you drink a day like two at
least yeah yeah gotta
stay hydrated yeah what about hair product what do you put in there i don't
have i don't i'm not a big
hair product guy and there's a reason really yeah it's because i i sweat and
then it drips into my eyes
and my eyes sting yeah i've had that problem though i don't like having the the
hair gel sweat in my
eyeballs what about your shampoo and stuff like that and just use head and
shoulders two for one
real you're doing two furs well yeah it's it then i don't have to do both the
conditioner and what
about the soap you gotta have trash fancy you're gonna walk over the two for
head and shoulders
that's fucking trash that is trash can't do no wrong shaving with it well i do
use for the soap i use the
dr bronner's yeah it leaves your skin all tingly it does use the mint and if
you're out camping and
you're in a pinch you can use it for everything you wash your clothes with it
you can brush your
teeth with it shampoo soap yeah man they a little goes a long way it's dr brommer's
is all right i
love that tingle on the nuts tingle yeah it's like you just smoked a newport
soon to be illegal by the way well thank you i wanted to know that's my routine
did you have braces
yeah i did flawless teeth for 11 months i hated him 11 months it was a short
time jesus i told him i
didn't want him anymore i had him for like four years yeah my sister was six on
your legs all right
come on you're lobbing these out oh man good stuff we appreciate also i want to
say the
fucking alternate side parking hysterical oh is so funny thank you so good it's
developed we were
talking about it the other night before we even hit you up to do the pod we
were talking about how
funny it was and you've created this world on your block it's interesting there's
the car there's
recurring characters yeah the family you call it the fast and the furious car
or whatever yeah the
mad max fury road car he's never there gets a ticket ev