Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Mike Cannon Returns!
Uploaded: 2021-06-28T13:47:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Mike Cannon Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Mike Cannon Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-28. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Mike Cannon Returns!

Hey gang, welcome to the R.U. Garbage Comedy Podcast.
Please make sure you subscribe, that way you get the episodes as they come out.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage.
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
Sure is.
It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if
they grew up to be classy or if they're just a big ol' piece of shit.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day down here in Aunt Tootie's
basement.
She is driving around the city of Philadelphia with some of her friends and
some baseball bats trying to find out where Ben Simmons lives.
Okay, that's good.
And that's just, I'm not leaning one way or another on that.
I don't think it's right, but you want to know what she's doing.
That's what she's doing.
It's weird that they waited a week to go after Ben Simmons.
It is.
She said they wanted to give him a head start.
All right, they were mad, but they're still sportsmen.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of R.U. Garbage.
He's really an international businessman, Mikey.
He's the head bozo around here, so show him a little fucking respect, will you?
Give it up for Kevin James.
Hey, gang.
Happy to be here, as always.
Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube, and as you know, those numbers are...
True to roof.
True to roof.
Those are cooking.
Patreon.com.
Just passed 1,700 patrons today.
Ooh, kids are cooking.
Yikes.
It's going to be a good summer.
You can sign up.
You get bonus episodes at AYG.
You get episodes of Hard Feelings, which is a whole different other podcast
with me and Foley.
You get live streams.
You make it sound like we speak French in it or something.
It's just us being idiots.
It's just us being mean to each other, for the most part.
That's it.
Come to a show on the road.
Come to a show.
I'm not sure when this is coming out, by the way.
Speaking of shows, how about a nice shout-out to our producer extraordinaire.
Who dat?
A little kid we call the Magic Man.
Part of the Chicago comedy scene.
New New York City transplant.
Living out there in Queens.
Heard of it.
T-Bone McMuffin.
Toby McMullen.
What's up, dudes?
T-Bone.
What's up, bro?
Dude, when I hit the true roof, Cannon gave me the most approving nod.
He was like, you've arrived in New York.
You did the intro bit well.
Well, nobody that has ever produced any of my podcasts has been that on the
ball with anything.
That was like the quickest response, call-to-action response.
It was incredible.
I just have never seen that before.
That's funny.
That impressed you.
Like, damn, these guys are good.
I'll also never ruin a show with drops.
Yes.
Just stories about myself.
I'll ruin a show with drops.
Gang, that can neither be here nor there.
Forget about all this business talk.
We got an incredibly special guest.
What the fuck was that?
Back with us here today.
I won't stand for it.
I don't know what's going on.
We got a little company in the house.
He's back.
If you haven't seen this guest, he's like our first guest ever.
Our first episode ever.
Yeah.
From Jump Street.
From Jump Street.
Back at some podcast studios.
One angle.
Toby bleeped that, all right?
Don't give him a plug.
Can't be going fucking toe-to-toe with the competition.
Back in the day.
You know, G.
Oh, the O-ist of the G-ist.
Uh-huh.
All right.
He is one of the hosts of the incredible podcast, the Irish Goodbye Podcast on
the Gas Digital
Network.
And he also has an amazing special out right now that I fucking tell you, you
got to go and
watch.
It's called Life Begins.
You know him.
You love him.
He's a good-looking kid.
Oh, cute.
All right.
He is the perfect combination of being in the zone and losing it all at the
same time.
This kid's been in way too many firefights.
Yeah.
But he's the guy you want watching your six when you're going through the A'shaw
Valley.
Give it up for Mike Cannon, everybody.
Yeah, Mikey.
Oh, my God.
That was unreal.
I've never been summed up that accurately, either.
Yeah.
It was great.
That was on the nose.
So perfect.
And I am classic first guest on every popular podcast.
You are.
They got an idea.
Who's funny but nobody listens to?
Who's funny but gettable?
Yeah.
We don't want to show off.
We just want to break in the jeans.
I always get, when it comes to live shows, I'm always the second installment of
a monthly
show.
Oh, yeah.
It always sucks.
They do the first one.
They're like, this is great.
They invite all their friends, their family, whoever sells out the next month.
They get two people.
That's exactly right.
They're like, last month was great.
I don't know what's going on.
That and they forgot to hire a photographer.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, everything is falling apart.
Yeah.
Even though you dressed up for it.
It's a bar show, but you wore your cool shoes.
I know.
You want to get the cool black and white pick up on Instagram.
It's picture day, baby.
It's comedy picture day.
I feel like a lot of that's just great photography.
You think so?
A lot of those shows.
All those shows.
Oh, yeah.
Yes.
Because you can tell by how they crop them, how many people are in.
They can make two audience members look at like a sold-out show.
Hey, it's packed out here.
And, you know, the dry cleaners at Brooklyn.
There's a couple that covers your kneecaps on stage.
They're like, looks hot.
Oh, pretty good.
Looks hot.
Mike Cannon also, I've said this before, is a little inside baseball.
My favorite, my number one person to bomb in front of.
I figure you've done it a lot by that.
Oh, I've been around the block a couple of turns.
I'll tell you that.
We've all humiliated ourselves in front of each other.
Of course.
But you are one of those people that if you're in the back of the room and I'm
bombing and
I say something about me bombing, you give me a laugh that makes me feel like
everything's
going to be okay.
Well, I mean, you are so funny and so full of energy that the idea of a room
full of people
looking at you and being like, not for us, is instantly funny to me.
And then add the element of your Gallagher-esque sweat piling on the front
fucking.
Don't forget the spit that comes out of his mouth, ladies and gentlemen.
That's what I'm saying.
When I bomb, I'm really, I look like I'm.
Dude, you are the dog from Beethoven.
It is insane.
His jowls are going.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I just pictured me running through the yards.
Jumping over that fence.
Charles Grodin's furious with it.
Chasing me a rat, Grodin!
Oh, it's too funny.
Yeah, my favorite.
What happened?
There was one in particular, like kind of a classic foley.
We didn't really know each other that well.
That's right.
All right.
It was one of the ways we became friends.
So at New York Comedy Club, there is a door on the side that leads into the
office and
then into the green room.
So, you know, when comics come on stage and off stage, usually they used to, we
used to
go through there.
We don't need more, but we used to go through there.
And you were in the green room.
There was a bunch of people in there.
It was a fucking like, it was a fucking busy show.
It was packed.
I think I had just been hosting there a couple of months.
And I thought I really had it figured out.
You know what I mean?
I had like, I had my 10.
I had my fucking, you know, my opening crowd work bits.
I had all that fucking bullshit.
And where are you from?
What do you do?
Oh, yeah.
And they were coated in a shield that it could not penetrate.
It was almost like they weren't really there.
They were in another dimension watching me from some space command center.
Listen, that's an elaborate way to say you bomb.
Yeah.
It was like in Deadpool 2 when he was trying to reach his wife.
Yes.
Through that script.
Exactly.
He just couldn't connect.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Exactly.
And I, how do I put this?
I don't take that kind of stuff well.
I have a good facade, but deep down, I really crumble.
Like, you know, I know comments like, oh, I don't give a shit or I don't give a
shit.
I stink at that.
I'm just like, and I fucking, as soon as I started bombing, the sweat just
starts pouring.
And I fucking walked off stage and you were in mid conversation.
And I opened that door and I was coated in sweat.
And I was like, Jesus Christ, I just fucking bombed so bad.
And he just looks at me and goes, ahhh.
And just starts laughing in my face, but laughing with me.
Well, it was, it was the best because you're also like, dressed like you're manning
the barbecue.
Yeah.
At an outdoor party.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you come like, spilling through the door and shoving people out of the way
and you're like, whoo!
The whole image of it.
Tell your brother to run this store and get hot dog buns quick.
Yeah.
It was, it was a beautiful sight.
Oh, man.
Good stuff.
Good stuff.
Mikey, thank you so much for being here with us.
We appreciate it.
I'm happy for you guys, too.
I know I haven't been here for a while.
I was in that old studio that will remain.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But this is a, this is a legit space.
Yeah.
It's great.
You guys really carved out a nice little, a nice corner for yourselves.
We're down here at Toadie's.
We're trying, man.
We're trying.
That damn right.
We're feeling it.
We like it.
Let me ask you this.
The other podcast that you do on the Patreon, is that one of the failed incarnations?
Yes, yes, yes.
Yes.
Hell yeah.
Good for you guys.
We fucking picked that up, dusted it off, and fucking selling it on a Patreon,
$10 level.
That's perfect.
Fucking rebranded that a little bit.
You know what I mean?
Pull a bling on it.
Which, it's kind of funny because everybody's got, especially on the Patreon,
they're like,
this is better than AYG.
They're like, this is my now favorite podcast.
It just didn't have the hook.
The hook of AYG is so perfect.
Yeah, it works.
It works.
It's all the yellow.
It's the yellow that everybody likes.
Yellow pops.
Yellow pops.
Kippy knew it.
He's like, go yellow.
You'll never go back.
That's what I did, and here we are.
You make it sound like I was in a boardroom.
Like, what you need here?
Hawaiian shirts and yellow print.
I got two words.
Fat guy.
Yeah, it works.
And make sure he sounds like he's been in a cereal bowl full of razor blades.
What is going on with your voice, dude?
Yeah, your voice is big.
Is my voice bad?
It's bad?
Have you been screaming at traffic for the last 40 minutes?
Have you been joining the other homeless at the Holiday Inn half a block away?
Yeah, what is that?
This is the neighborhood where de Blasio put all the homeless.
Well, what's going on at that holiday?
Do they live there?
Yes, they're getting out in like a week, apparently, but that just dawned on me
while I was walking
out here and I was called the N-word six times.
I never put two and two together.
Yes.
Good evening, gentlemen.
I was like, hello.
I was literally walking.
I walked by that Holiday Inn a thousand times.
I'm going, man, they must have really low rates here.
I'm like, how are they okay with these crackheads coming in and out?
Yeah, and it smells of old feet the moment you walk out.
Now, are they going to take that Holiday Inn, clean it out, and then start
renting it and
selling it to other people?
They have to demolish it.
It's a bad scene.
At one point, I didn't even think it was open.
It was like boarded up.
Yeah.
That was just to make them feel comfortable.
Right this way, homeless people.
We don't want curtains.
We'd like boards, please.
Something to remind you of home.
Now, would you like a sheet or a trash bag over your window, sir?
What would you prefer?
Man, because what if you were in there and you found out, oh, yeah, by the way,
this was
the Death Star for homeless people.
I would get out.
I don't even like going to that 7-Eleven.
It