Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Andrew Schulz - Spending Cash!
Uploaded: 2021-07-11T23:22:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Andrew Schulz - Spending Cash!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Andrew Schulz - Spending Cash!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-11. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Andrew Schulz - Spending Cash!

Gang, real quick before we get this episode started, summer is going into full
swing and so is the Are You Garbage Keep It Movin' 2021 tour.
Oh yeah.
We're going to be coming to a town near you for a little bit of stand-up and we're
going to be answering your garbage questions.
Kippy, tell them what they need to know.
July 14th, Columbus Funny Bone.
July 15th, Cleveland Hilarities.
August 11th, Rhode Island Comedy Connection.
August 12th, Laugh Boston.
Those tickets are cooking.
That's going to sell out.
Get those tickets.
I won.
Then August 25th, we're at New Brunswick Stress Factory and then August 26th,
we're at McGooby's Joke House in Timonium, Maryland, right outside of Baltimore.
I like it, gang.
Get some ticks.
Come out and see.
It's going to be a fantastic fun time.
I'm mixing stand-up comedy and the AYG game.
Come out and hang with Uncle Hank and your Aunt Kippy.
Do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
I used to always get nervous when we'd go out to eat.
Okay.
The whole meal, I'd be worried that we weren't going to have enough to pay the
bill for some reason.
What?
Real relaxed seven-year-old we got over here.
Did that affect your ordering at all?
Not really, right?
Hey!
I'll figure it out.
Everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is our fucking liar.
What a fucking liar.
She just threw you out from left field.
I don't know if my family will be able to pay for all the food that I'm about
to eat.
You shouldn't have had nine appetizers.
Exactly.
I wasn't hitting the fucking buffet or anything.
I just had anxiety about it.
Nobody asked me to chip in.
I would have split a salad with somebody if it came down to it.
Gang, welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
It's a little show.
We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they grow it to be
classy
or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Fully, coming at you on a glorious day.
We're down here at Aunt Toadie's basement.
The whole neighborhood is abuzz.
Yeah.
We got some star power.
Toadie's has never been this clean.
She's been running around.
She's all excited.
I hope she didn't flash this guy when he was coming down the stairs.
Yeah.
She was looking forward to this.
We couldn't be more excited.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of R.U. Garbage.
Sure.
You're really an international businessman at this point.
He's the head bozo around here.
There's a show to get a little respect.
Give it up for Mr. Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, gang.
What's up?
As always, please make sure you rate, you subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
And as you know, those numbers are...
True to roof.
YouTube's fucking cooking.
The word on the street is that Patreon.
Coming for that top spot.
Big guys.
There's a new kid in town, baby.
Coming for the king in New York.
We're coming for him.
All right?
Patreon.com.
Sign up.
Get a bunch of fucking bonus content.
It's cooking, baby.
Holy shit.
How about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man.
He makes us all look good.
We love him.
You love him.
T-Bone McMuffin.
Toby McMuffin.
Yeah.
What's up, dudes?
What up, T-Bone?
Nothing.
Just fucking in that Hank carpool.
Me and Uncle Hank listening to the oldies.
This dude ain't never heard a song.
Came out after 9 to 5.
He's got the stereo juice.
We got Bruce over the bridge.
News radio and an egg McMuffin.
That's all you're getting out of me.
Don't be looking for conversation.
I'm very disgruntled until I get my coffee.
You're reading the paper as you're driving.
Did the Yanks win last night?
Pitching about the Mets.
Gang, we're all giddy.
We can't contain it because we could not be more excited to have our incredibly,
incredibly
special guest back with us today.
We are so excited.
He's currently on the Infamous Tour, which is selling the fuck out all over the
country.
It does all right.
Host of Flagrant 2, creator, host, mind behind, Schultz Saves America on
Netflix.
All right.
We're talking about heavy hitters.
We're talking about Bruce Wayne here.
Not the usual ding-dongs and deadbeats you see walking around this city.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the one, the only, Mr. Andrew Schultz.
Hey, Schultz.
What an intro.
I love the intro, guys.
Thank you.
Big man loves his intros.
We usually don't do big ones for returning.
But we couldn't.
I got to.
I got to do it.
You're a special guest.
It's too fun.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll take it.
I'll take it.
What are we talking about, boys?
We were calling Foley fat, I think, in the beginning.
I wasn't saying fat.
I think that's where you left off, Andrew.
He caught me with Schultz magic.
Schultz logic.
I'm not saying that you're fat.
What I'm saying is that you weren't really that concerned with whether they
could pay the bill
or not, to the point where you would sacrifice your order.
But I still had anxiety about it.
Sure.
Was I ordering two entrees?
Yeah.
But I felt bad about it, Schultz.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I pulled my dad aside like popless and I don't mean to do this thing.
But I need these mozzarella sticks.
But I'm getting the veal and the meatballs, all right?
Were they ever not able to pay?
Was there ever like a weird...
No, never.
No, never.
Huh.
Never.
But I was aware of money, of like, you know, having it or not having it at a
very young
age.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was shattered.
I mean, we had a great childhood, don't get me wrong.
But I was aware of it.
Interesting.
Yeah.
You didn't know that?
You didn't see that in New York growing up in the fucking East Village?
I'd be like, that guy has money, doesn't have money?
Your parents seem like they might have been a little more calm or a little bit
more...
I don't know.
Like, you know, my folks had a small business and like my mom came from nothing.
My dad came from more.
So, but yeah, it was weird.
Like, I don't know.
I never really had that idea of someone who was poor, not probably until...
Or rich until maybe high school, middle school, middle school or something like
that.
Yeah.
Who was it?
What'd you see?
There was a kid who wore these like Gap sweatsuits.
I don't know if this is...
I don't know if that's good or bad.
Maybe it's rich and poor.
Bro, no, this was the first time I knew someone was rich.
I had a friend of mine.
Gap sweatsuits?
We might even have to like blank his name, but his name makes it that much
better.
His name was a...
Cagney.
Holy shit.
That kid's got a little bit of cash on him.
Yeah, no kidding.
He was related to James Cagney.
What?
That was his uncle, right?
Holy shit.
So, we'd go over...
Did he walk around going, listen, see?
Bro, you'd think.
You'd think.
He'd look the fucking part, hair combed to the side.
It was everything.
What?
And his...
It was amazing.
And we would go to his house.
It was right on fucking Central Park.
Oh, all right.
It was like Fifth Avenue shit.
It was like real bougie shit.
That's money up there.
Yeah.
Big, big time money, right?
We're like, okay, you know, he's got money from the James Cagney estate or
something like
that in years later, it turns out his father was a con artist.
Wow.
And he was never even related to James Cagney.
What?
Holy shit.
Dude, that shit used to happen so much back in the day when you could just be
like, I'm
a Rockefeller.
Did the kid not know this?
The kid didn't know.
Did they take away his Gap sweatsuits?
Bro, they should have, but it was unbelievable, man.
Like, I remember that.
Holy shit.
And then I thought back to, like, what was going on.
He would say his dad worked for the CIA or some shit like that.
That's all.
He was in on it.
Come on.
He was being investigated by the FBI, but he thought that the guys were, like,
working
with his dad.
Oh.
So, the way his parents would, I guess, tell him.
Yeah, we're working with him.
Yeah, we got a special case.
They're trying out the handcuffs on me today.
That's what they're doing.
Yeah.
James, your dad's actually a CIA astronaut.
Yeah.
And he had fake cable.
I remember that.
That was the only suspicious thing.
What do you mean fake cable?
He had the box.
I don't know if you guys have that.
Like the illegal, like the hot box.
Yeah, yeah, he had the hot box.
With the Spice Channel.
I remember that box.
Oh, dude, Spice.
I'm a fan of the box.
That's what sets an alarm off for New York kids.
If they got the box.
If they had the box, we thought it was so good.
Dude, this is, I remember the Spice.
Cable vision or hit it.
My mom, so my mom's from Scotland, right?
When she first made, like, some money, like, you do, you know, like anybody,
you kind of,
like, flex a little bit, right?
So, that's what this whole thing's about.
Just started two weeks ago.
Of course, right?
So, when she got, when she first made a couple bucks, she got, like, a mink
coat, right?
My mom had a mink in the 80s.
Mink coat.
I don't know if she's bought any new clothes since, but, like, she really had
it.
She got it.
And then when we were living in this place, she got the full cable package.
And I know she told Time Warner or whatever.
I know she was just like, yo, everything.
Give me the, yeah.
Just give me everything.
Put the dish on the roof.
I want everything.
Everything you can get, I want.
Everything.
Because we had all the porn, right?
And my mom wouldn't ask for that, but, like, it had, like, Playboy channel, Spice.
There was, like, three channels in a row.
We just, and me and my boys would go after school, and we'd just watch porn
together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
In my apartment.
Like, in my room, we'd just watch porn.
That was a hot streak, those three channels, man.
It was great.
Yeah, it was great.
65, 66, 67 for us.
And, uh, tattooed that on your palm.
Yeah, you'll never forget that run of channels.
Like the Manchurian candidate.
65, 62, 67.
We just heard him mumbling three numbers.
His eyes were all to glaze.
But I remember.
Did she know or know that you were watching it or now?
She had no fucking clue.
She didn't even know the porn was there.
She was like, well, that would give me the wide open.
She finds out because, um, she saw us.
Because the TV.
Everybody's walking out with fucking hard-ons.
Besides that.
She's like, oh, they're kids.
This is what you look like when you're a kid.
So besides us all just having boners together.
You glued to the couch for eight months.
No one's gone home.
No one's went to school.
No one's eaten.
Their parents are calling.
Nobody will move.
Yeah, she picked up on it.
No, she just saw the reflection of the window.
And I had no clue.
And literally it was gone like the next day.
But there was like a two-week streak where we were just learning everything.
She didn't say anything to you?
She didn't say a single thing.
See, that's why.
That's respectable.
But that's why you never noticed people being poor or rich when you were a kid.
Because there was no confrontation.
She just took care of it.
Interesting.
That's interesting right there.
Yeah.
That's a different style.
My mom would have burst in.
What are you doing?
Scream.
Oh, my God.
Really?
Buddy.
Because of religion or something?
Or what?
I mean, yeah.
They're just old school like that.
I would have been out in the middle of the village square in one of those
things.
You get me?
But why?
Because you guys were watching porn?
Is that bad?
Shame.
Yeah, that's bad.
It's a Catholic guilt.
Oh, okay.
It's a Catholic shame.
Yeah, I've never had any of that.
That's nuts.
You guys have no religion growing up?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
But it's also very Scottish of your mom to be like, we're never going to talk
about this.
Just remove the cable channels and just move forward like this never happened.
Yeah, I guess.
I don't know.
But we would talk about stuff.
We're pretty open.
Like, I could say that to her.
I could probably say at that time, like, Mom, d