Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Chris Alan - Writing Bad Checks
Uploaded: 2021-08-30T03:03:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Chris Alan - Writing Bad Checks' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Chris Alan - Writing Bad Checks' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-30. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Chris Alan - Writing Bad Checks

Holy Bunkos, kids, look out.
The Keep It Moving Tour is adding new dates.
We're coming to a city near you.
Come and see us.
Some stand-up, and we play AYG at the end of the show with the crowd.
We answer your garbage questions.
We've got some trash so far, but I know, I know there's deeper garbage out
there around the country.
Oh, yeah.
So come on out and see us.
Kippy, tell them what they need to know.
Oh, baby, we're all over the place.
Tejas, baby.
Uh-oh.
September 21st will be in San Antonio, Texas.
September 22nd will be in Houston, Texas.
September 23rd through the 25th, Austin, Texas, for the Moon Tower Comedy
Festival.
Look out.
And I ain't done yet.
August 26th will be at Dallas, Fort Worth, Texas.
What?
Then we're bringing it back to Long Island, baby.
What?
September 30th, and then we're coming home.
The chickens are coming home to roost, baby.
October 27th, we're going to be in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and then back
down to Tejas,
November 5th through the 7th for Skank Fest South.
Get those tickets.
The link will be in the description.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if
they grow up to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
Oh, yeah.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Aunt Tootie's basement.
Uh-huh.
She's been all over me.
Why?
Because she knows we're going down to Wildwood for the weekend.
So, yeah.
She keeps trying to set us up with a couple of ladies down here.
She knows a couple of broads?
I told her, I was like, listen, I'm in a relationship.
He's mentioned, oh, no, you're going to love these girls.
Yeah, what happened?
50-55, deuce, deuce, and a quarter.
We'll see what happens.
What, are we playing a pickup football game?
What the fuck?
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He's an international businessman.
He is not to be trifled with.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for my good pal, Mr. Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, gang.
Happy to be here.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
And as you know, those numbers are...
True to roof.
True to fucking roof, baby.
And then I would be an asshole if I didn't bring up www.patreon.com.
You mean the greatest website of all time?
If I hear someone out there talking shit on patreon.com, I'll fucking come see
you for sure.
Guys, Patreon, you can sign up.
You get bonus episodes at AYG, episodes of Hard Feelings, which is a completely
different podcast.
And then we do live streams every month with our top tier members.
It's a good fucking time.
We put clips of the live shows up there, extended versions.
It's a whole fucking thing.
Check it out.
Yes, sir.
And how about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire.
He's the magic man.
He makes us all look good.
Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin.
Toby McMullen.
What up, dudes?
Yo, T-Bone.
Chillin'.
We got a great guest.
I'm fired up.
Beautiful day.
Survived a hurricane.
It wasn't shit.
Some fucking bullshit.
And gang, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest
here with
us for the first time today.
He is a very funny stand-up comedian and podcaster.
He has an amazing podcast called Negro Please Radio.
What was that?
That's the title.
He said I could say it.
And also has a fantastic album out right now called Off Script.
But the big question in my mind today, is he garbage?
We are about to find out.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the one and the only, Mr. Chris Allen.
Hey, what's up, guys?
Thanks for coming, buddy.
Thanks for having me.
Yeah, man, for sure.
It took a while, but we got there.
We got there.
It was supposed to happen.
A couple of, we were trying to schedule it, and then I was out of town a couple
of times,
you know, traveling, international business kind of stuff.
I understand.
Checking on things overseas.
Yeah, securing some more funding.
Making a deal with the Taliban over here.
Toby ain't cheap, all right?
But yeah, we got it to work.
And then it almost didn't happen today.
Yeah.
This guy's coming up on trains.
Came up on the train.
On the Amtrak.
Yeah, man.
Pretty classy.
Give us the full story, because you're from Charlottesville.
I live in Charlottesville.
I'm from Rochester, New York.
Okay.
Born and raised there.
Went to private schools and shit.
Private schools?
Yeah, man.
Yep.
Like expensive private schools, or just like the public school's so bad, there's
a relatively
cheap option?
No, they were bad, but I was so much of a pussy, my dad was like, we got to get
this
kid out of here.
This kid's going to get his ass kicked.
He's going to get killed.
He's going to be embarrassing me all over the town.
I was, dude, I was a big nerd, man.
Really?
Yeah.
Because you're like a big-
You're a big dude.
You're a big-
Did you play football or anything?
No, I used to be very, very skinny, man.
Very nerdy, dorky kid.
The last public school I went to was Shalott Middle School, right?
Shalott Middle School.
Shalott Middle School.
What was the mascot of Shalott Middle School?
I wasn't there long enough to find out.
The nerds.
The bakers.
Dude, I got tripped down an entire flight of stairs, almost broke my ankle.
Dude, I had to low crawl to the nurse's office.
I had dust bunnies all over my shirt.
Dust bunnies, dude.
People were laughing at me.
And honestly, I think the low crawling is probably why I joined the military.
Dude, I haven't heard the word dust bunny in 30 years.
Who tripped you?
Some kid.
I was running to my Latin class.
That's how dorky I was.
I would have tripped you, too.
I got to get to Latin class.
I got to get to Latin class.
It was probably the principal.
Hey, dork, vino vertas, huh?
Vinny, Vinny, Vinci, bitch.
Yeah, man.
Holy shit.
Running to your Latin class.
Latin class got tripped down a flight of stairs, and my dad was like, we're
calling it.
Is Rochester bad?
Is it like a tough?
I've never been.
You know what?
I liken Rochester to a smaller Baltimore.
It's got its nice parts, but Rochester definitely has its primary areas.
Yeah, the seedy areas, yeah.
So I grew up in the inner city around a lot of black people, but then I was
fortunate because
I grew up with a very diverse background.
Like I said, I grew up in the hood.
All black people went to private schools, mainly white people.
So I've learned how to deal with all types of people at a very, very young age.
What kind of house did you grow up in in Rochester?
Single family home.
Single family home.
Yeah.
We used to get made fun of.
People used to say that we thought we were white because we cut our grass.
Well, hey, a stereotype is a stereotype, I guess.
Look at him.
I heard somebody said that about my dad.
Look at him.
He think he's white.
He's cutting the grass.
It's like, bitch, we own this house.
That's why we're cutting the grass.
We're homeowners.
That's a tough one.
Getting shaved for cutting the lawn.
This guy's got a weed whacker and everything.
Pussy.
Sounds like a bad neighborhood.
What did your parents do for work?
Yeah, what did your dad do?
My dad.
Because private school, he had to do something to get you cash.
My dad saved a shit ton of money.
He was a cheap.
My dad was one of 18.
What?
Yes.
Holy shit.
One of 18.
So he learned to be very thrifty at a very young age.
Yeah, you got to be.
He started working when he was like seven years old, shit like that.
What?
Yeah, man.
So he went to a trade high school.
He got into the printing business, and they used to do like advertising.
What the fuck do you call it?
They used to like.
Circulars.
They used to edit all the photos for Kodak.
This is back when Bill Cosby was their spokesperson.
Jeez.
For Kodak?
For Kodak.
I remember Jell-O Pudding Pops.
Yeah.
You don't remember when.
You can't eat film, so he blocked it out.
Bill Cosby was like their guy.
Really?
I don't remember that.
It's so funny, man, because like what my dad used to do back then, anybody can
do on their
phone now.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He used to like, he used to take me to his job.
He goes, because Bill Cosby has a lazy eye, right?
He would go watch this.
I can change out his one bad eye and put in the new eye.
So he would just cut and paste the good eye over the bad eye.
And I thought that was so cool.
But you can do that now on any app.
Every nine-year-old does that.
Right.
Taking the red out of the eye, shit like that.
My mom was a stay-at-home mom for a lot of times.
Okay.
But she would take some-
You had to be doing okay.
Yeah.
I mean, if you got to stay at home.
How many brothers and sisters did you have?
Two sisters and two adopted sisters.
Really?
They adopted?
Yeah, man.
Damn.
My parents are dope.
Yeah.
That's fucking sweet.
They were dope.
My parents are dope.
Yeah.
So it's me and my two younger sisters.
And then they adopted two other girls.
Where did the two girls come from?
Just other families from the city of Rochester.
Really?
Yeah.
Now, did you guys know their families?
Yes.
So then their parents were in a bad situation.
They adopted them.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
Yeah, man.
This guy's a hero.
That's great.
My parents are great.
I think as we got older and moved out, my mom got the empty nest thing.
She started doing daycare at the house and all that type of shit.
Are they still-
They get bored as they get older.
Yeah.
Are they still in the same house that you grew up in?
Dude, same house, same phone number.
All of that, man.
Old school.
That was-
Still cutting the lawn?
Still cutting the lawn?
They even cut-
Like, my dad is the type of guy-
Push mower or ride-y mower?
Push.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Please.
Plug in?
It wasn't electric, was it?
No.
Actually, it was.
Oh, Chris.
That's why they were making funny, isn't it?
Yeah, you're plugging it in to cut the lawn.
You're going to run out of cord, Mr. Allen.
You got an indoor cord?
Oh, man.
Yeah, dude.
I'm still terrified now when my dad comes to my house.
Like, I have to go out, edge the lawn, make sure everything is-
He runs a tight ship.
Oh, my dad.
My mom was the same way.
If they come to the house, my mom is the type.
She won't say shit while she's there.
Well, you'll get it.
But, like, yeah, when she leaves, she goes, hey, I noticed the dishwasher was a
little
dirty.
Yeah, I don't wipe the outside of the dishwasher now.
Like, really?
Like, stuff like that.
They can't let that shit go as they get older, too.
I noticed there was a couple of dirty cups around.
Yeah, man.
That's how my mom is.
Do you keep the lawn tight now, though?
You know what?
When his dad's coming, yeah.
Well, my dad comes, but I have somebody cut it for me, man.
My man, that's what you got to do.
I like it.
Yeah, what the fuck?
That's a black man in the South having a white man come cut my grass.
It's great.
You got a white guy?
A white guy.
Do you stand out there on the porch and watch him the whole time?
I drink a tea and everything.
Yeah, don't be stealing nothing, pussy.
Hey, boy.
You missed a spot.
He's got a mint julep.
Yeah.
You're dressed like a plantation.
That's right, Chad.
That's right, boy.
Don't miss the edges.
My dad's coming.
Bobby's coming.
Get those edges.
I got a seersucker suit for bullying purposes.
Yeah, man.
I don't fuck around, man.
Damn, that's great.
So, yeah, I'm doing pretty well.
I got a white landscaper.
All right, Chad.
That's it.
I mean, dude, I don't know anybody else.
You made it, baby.
I got a white landscaper.
Dude, I had a weird landscape situation happen.
This might be boring, but I shit got it.
This is what the show is about.
My dad got so overgrown to the point where I was afraid to do it myself
because I live out in the middle of nowhere.
There's snakes.
Ther