Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Hannah Berner - Tennis Star
Uploaded: 2021-09-16T00:09:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Hannah Berner - Tennis Star' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Hannah Berner - Tennis Star' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-16. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Hannah Berner - Tennis Star

Hey, Texas, New York, Philadelphia, take the Jolly Ranchers out of your ears
and listen
up, because the Keep It Moving Tour is coming your way.
Yeah, guys, it's a stand-up show, and then we play AYG with the audience.
It's a good time.
September 21st, we'll be in San Antonio.
September 22nd, we're going to be in Houston.
And September 23rd to the 25th, we're going to be in Austin for the Moon Tower
Comedy
Festival.
Ever heard of it?
Yeah.
Then Dallas-Fort Worth on September 26th, and we're bringing it back up north,
baby.
September 30th, we're going to be in Long Island.
And then, what are we doing?
We're going home for cheesesteaks.
Whiz-whit, baby.
Cheesesteaks and vengeance.
October 27th, we're going to be at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia.
Get those tickets.
They're going to move fast.
I'm telling you.
Yeah.
Do it.
Yeah.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage, the show where you find
out if
your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
We're ready to rock and roll.
T-Bone says ready.
We're ready.
Here we go.
Hey, everybody out there.
And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
It's a little show.
We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they grow it to be
classy.
Yeah.
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day down here in Antutti's
basement.
I ran into her last night.
Yeah, what she's having to say.
She jumped in front of my Uber.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of R.U. Garbage.
He is an international businessman.
He's my best pal in the whole world, and I love him.
I'm going to tell you that right now.
Give it up for Kevin James Ryan.
Gang, happy to see you.
I was with you last night.
You had a couple of Bud Lights and started hugging me.
A couple of Bud Lights, a couple of fucking teenies.
He put his head on my head.
He goes, I'm with you till the end, buddy.
You son of a bitch.
That's private.
Guys, thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
And as you know, those numbers are...
True to roof.
True to fucking roof.
And then there's this website I've heard about.
I forget.
It's not Google.
It's not Facebook.
Patreon.com.
Check out Patreon.
Mankind's greatest achievements.
Patreon.com.
Shout out to Mr. Yam and the Yam family for developing the greatest.
Guys, go to...
You can sign up on Patreon.com and get a whole bunch of bonus content.
Check it out.
Absolutely.
Have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, T-Bone McMuffin,
Toby McMullen.
What up, boys?
Left the batteries on the table.
Fucking up.
Should they be in the camera?
Oh, no.
Sorry.
I was too busy getting my license so I could be your designated driver, you
fucking booze
bags.
These boys got shit hoes.
Yeah.
Well, gang, that is neither here nor there.
I don't know why you're airing out our dirty laundry in the interim.
You two chatty Cathy's over here.
Zip it, will you?
Let's get to business.
Gang, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean
incredibly, special
guest here with us today.
She is a very funny, very successful stand-up comedian, actor, and podcaster.
She was the host of 42 episodes of Bravo's hit, Chat Room, and also appeared on
44 episodes
of Summer House.
She is the host of the wildly successful podcast, Burning in Hell, but the big
question in everybody's
mind today, is she garbage?
I think she bored her.
You're a reality TV star.
Yeah, I was like, why are we even going through this?
I'm a reality TV.
What do you want me to say?
Ladies and gentlemen, Hannah Berner.
Thank you for having me, guys.
I love how your producer also produces your life.
When you get too drunk, you're like, this needs to be produced.
Get me home.
Figure this out.
Figure it out.
Put me on YouTube.
Which wire goes where?
Get me home.
The kid's on the wagon.
We go out to dinner.
We have a couple of pops.
It gets a little antsy.
So the question is, how garbage am I is, I think, the better.
What's the origin story?
Where do you hail from?
What's the deal?
Because I can see you borderline.
Where do you guys think I hail from in the United States?
Which state?
I would say Jersey.
That was offensive.
Do you want, you want, okay.
I was born in Brooklyn, New York.
Really?
You're a New York kid.
I'm a New York kid.
I was born in Park Slope.
No shit.
My grandpa was there in the 70s.
He was a basketball coach, like one of those guys in the movies who was like,
you're going
to become a star.
Yeah.
And then the neighborhood got really bad and all the white people went to go to
Long
Island.
And my grandpa's like, I'm staying with the kids.
Yeah.
And then my dad got beat up every day.
And that broke character.
That worked out for everybody.
And then Park Slope got super nice.
Now it's like the, yeah, it's Ritchie.
And my grandpa moved out to Long Island later in life.
And I was raised in that brownstone.
I say like, hey, Arnold, that kind of thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And yeah, that's my origin.
I would have thought, since you asked, I would have thought Long Island, maybe
towards
the Hamptons.
I was thinking father, a doctor, mom, a lawyer.
No.
That kind of vibe.
No, my dad is in sales.
He works from home.
He like sleeps a lot.
Pets our cat.
Real go-getter.
I mean, he, yeah.
I don't know why he had to throw him under the box.
What the fuck?
Everybody's got the knives out.
I'm like, my dad could be doing more.
Wait, hold on.
He's an underachiever.
So your grandfather gave you guys the brownstone that your dad grew up in.
He basically let us live in it.
You grew up in the house your father grew up in.
Yes.
So I grew up in his bedroom.
But my dad's funny.
My dad is a very funny guy.
And he's kind of outsmarted the system where he's like, I don't fuck with subways.
I don't fuck with people.
I'm working from home.
So he originated the whole like quarantine vibes.
Yeah.
He was doing it.
He was doing it.
He was flattening the curve years ago.
When did your grandfather move out to Long Island?
When?
Yeah.
I love how detailed we want this.
We want it.
I'm going to say late 80s.
He moved to Shelter Island, which is a tiny island all the way out.
I know exactly where it is.
You do?
Yeah.
It's by Green.
It's across the harbor.
Greenport.
You have to get on a ferry.
They really make it hard for people to get out there.
Damn.
Yeah.
He's hiding from something.
That's old school shit.
Yeah.
But what I'm saying is when you grew up, that was your house.
That was our house.
Your grandfather didn't live with you.
No, but he owned it.
We were taking care of the tenants when something would break.
It definitely was haunted.
It was a very old house.
A lot of creeks.
But it was our thing.
We loved it.
And my mom was a principal of a middle school in Brooklyn.
All right.
There we go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Brothers and sisters.
I have one younger brother.
How far away?
He's two years.
Okay.
He's more straight and narrow, corporate America, very smart.
Nice.
Engaged.
Has his shit together.
And now the neighborhood's nice and that brownstone's probably worth a couple
of bucks.
So we got to the point where the inside is falling apart.
So you either have to redo the whole-
Classic New York shit, dude.
Classic New York shit.
Classic New Yorker.
On the inside, we're all falling apart.
Of course.
And probably all he talks about is how much it's worth.
I get a million.
Hey, I get 70 million for that.
You see the park out the front door.
The doorman building.
It's a wrap, but still.
My parents do that.
My parents do that now, too, because they're like at retirement age and like,
you know,
the way the housing market is and like houses are going left and right in their
neighborhood.
They're walking around like they're casino pit bosses.
Yeah.
Like down the street, 200 grand.
Down the street, 300 grand.
But my dad's so funny.
This is an incredible purchase by a gym teacher.
It was like 20 grand when he bought it.
My dad's like, why don't you buy a fucking building in Tribeca?
Yeah.
He scraped his whole life savings together as a fucking gym teacher.
The guy's saving the neighborhood one youth at a time.
And then his kid breaks his balls and he didn't buy an office building.
We could have had Chelsea Piers.
Come on.
Jesus Christ.
That's such a New York thing, too.
So what happened is we were like, either we put all this money in that we don't
have
to refurnish the whole fucking place, which was haunted, or I mean, friendly
ghosts.
I like how that's garbage that you said that refurnish.
Yeah.
You mean redo.
Who the fuck knows?
I don't watch HGTV.
Yeah.
It's got good bones in there.
It does.
It's got good bones.
Throw a couple of couches in there.
We'll get 12 million for it.
The outside had these carvings and structures and there was like wooden carvings
inside, Italian,
whatever.
I don't know.
I didn't listen, but it was nice.
So we sold it for like-
You did?
Yeah.
He sold it for, I'd say, a couple million.
But then a dude bought it, gutted it, and then resold it for like 10 million.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
But like, it's sad that like my house is gone.
Like, the rich people like gutted it.
Like, we lived in it for so long.
And I'll walk by it and I'll just be like, you're not the same.
You're not the same.
You're not the same.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
Where does he live now?
Where does your mom and dad live?
So my mom and dad just retired Shelter Island, but they lived in Long Island
City for a bit.
Oh.
They moved out there, too?
They followed your grandfather?
Yeah, because they got a house there, too.
Oh, this guy is fucking leeching off his old man.
What the fuck, man?
Hey, Pop, we're back.
Jesus Christ.
I'm trying to get away from you.
Probably get 14, 15 million for this place.
I love that this has become a real estate podcast.
That's great.
This is the nitty gritty.
This is what we like.
What was your dad's sales?
What was he selling?
Oh, he was, okay, one, he's so, he worked with big data.
I don't really listen.
This goes into my theory that most girls don't know what their dad does for a
living.
Take a poll.
No, but I'm going to argue this motherfucker doesn't know what he does for a
living.
He's very, it's like when lawyers have to do a case, he helps them like look
through
data and sift through it.
It's just some like fancy.
College?
Did he go to college?
He did.
Okay.
He went to a couple, he went, okay, my dad's trash, but my dad has sweat.
He's living with his dad.
This is not the way I saw this going.
This is great.
My dad went to four different colleges and my mom went to Cornell.
Oh my God.
He, we joke all the time.
My dad lucked out, but my dad is good looking and funny and like has charisma.
Nice.
I get it.
I get it totally.
So, I mean, you guys get it.
Like, how do you guys get it?
How the fuck do you guys get laid?
Like, it's, you know, so anyway, you get it.
Oh, we got quiet there.
I'm, I'm, I'm currently married to a woman way out of my league who paid for
this room.
So, we're going to keep it moving.
We go, no comment.
Next question.
I got a Cornell type thing going on too.
So, yeah, he did good.
He did good.
That's good.
That's funny.
It's shocking how good a sense of humor goes.
Truly is.
I'm not, and I completely understand why.
All right.
So, did you go to public school, private school?
New York's weird.
New York's weird.
Depends on where you, where you land.
We're going to go into it.
So, I went to public school and I became a tennis player.
Oh, that's right.
I was playing tennis.
You were a good tennis player.
I was a good tennis player.
When I was like, what do I not look like?
No, I didn't say that.
Just right, make it easy.
Judgey, judgey.
That's so funny when the heat's turned around on you, huh, Burner?
Some would say you're burning in hell right now.
So, I started playing.
Talking about my sex life.
Or lack thereof.
Or lack thereof