Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Dalton Pruitt - Texas Kid
Uploaded: 2021-10-07T01:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Dalton Pruitt - Texas Kid' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Dalton Pruitt - Texas Kid' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-07. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Dalton Pruitt - Texas Kid

This just in, gang, we are going to be a part of the New York Comedy Fest here
in New York City, November 9th.
You can get tickets to come and see us at Gotham Comedy Club, November 9th.
It's going to be a fantastic time.
Yes, and also don't forget, October 27th, we're going home, baby.
The boys are going back to Philly.
Helium Comedy Club, one show only.
Get tickets.
That's close to selling out.
New York's going to sell out.
Philly's going to sell out.
Let's do it.
Get your tickies.
Let's do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians.
Let me find out if they grew up to be classy.
Yeah.
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day down here in Aunt Tootie's
basement.
The fall is in the air.
She's doing some home brewing.
Oh, yeah?
Fucking beer she's making with a secret ingredient.
She's doing it upstairs in the bathtub.
Shout out to Tootie.
Secret ingredient.
She says it's nutmeg.
I'm pretty sure just fentanyl.
Okay.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
Unamused, I must say.
No, I like that one.
He's an international businessman.
He's my best pal in the whole world, and I love him.
Give it up for Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, gang.
Happy to be here.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
And as you do know, those numbers are...
True the roof.
True the fucking roof, baby.
And then obviously...
Sweet Lord, don't say it.
The greatest website ever invented.
A shout out to www.patreon.com slash RUGarbage.
Shout out to the Yam family, all the subsidiaries.
Great people.
God bless them.
We love you.
And how about a quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man.
He makes us all look good.
Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen.
T-Bone.
What's up, dudes?
What up, bro?
T-Bone, good to see you.
And gang, let me tell you something.
We cannot be more excited.
And I may not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest here with us
today.
He is one third of a hot, new, amazing podcast called the Loud Boys Podcast
over there on
the Gas Digital Network.
But the big question in his mind today, is he garbage?
Talk about a home game.
We got him fed the rights.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Mr. Dalton Pruitt.
Howdy.
Howdy.
How are you, man?
Thanks for coming.
I'm good.
I want to clarify.
We're not on Gas Digital.
We are partnered with Gas Digital.
Oh, boy.
We are partnered with Gas Digital.
But we are on Patreon.
Oh, shout out to Patreon.
So go to the Patreon.
Subscribe to the Loud Boys.
Patreon.com backslash the Loud Boys.
Oh, yeah.
Very nice.
Awesome.
You don't like my fentanyl joke?
I liked it.
Iced me.
The whole room iced.
Trying to look good in front of the kid.
Well, we've lost so many people to fentanyl this year.
I bring up a national tragedy in the intro to a comedy show.
Is your Aunt Tootie soaking in a bathtub full of pumpkin juice and fentanyl?
She's taking a nap right now.
Oh, my God.
I apologize for my misstep.
I'm taking swings here.
I like it.
Dalton, give us the back story.
I'm excited for this.
You're a Texas boy, right?
Oh, yes.
Yes.
I've seen your feet.
My feet are fucked up.
Yeah, man.
They look like something a Hollywood costume designer would be.
Yeah, they look like a crocodile or a gargoyle.
They haunt my dreams.
You know, it's not as painful as it looks.
It looks so painful.
It looks, your fingers look painful.
You've never seen them, Toby?
Toby, Google them.
Okay.
I saw them on Twitter.
Pull them up in Variety.
Okay.
And I'll put them on the screen if I think it's, I don't know.
We might get flagged.
We might not get ads.
This one might not get monetized.
People are eating.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, this is going on rotten.com.
It's a family show, T-Bom.
What the fuck?
It's like something you see on E-Bom's World back in the day.
Yes.
So give us a scoop.
So you grew up in Texas.
Give us the whole deal.
How old are you, by the way?
I'm 28.
28.
Oh, okay.
You look young, though.
Thank you.
I would have pegged you for like 27.
I couldn't tell.
You had me and I'd have pegged you.
Welcome to AYG.
I couldn't tell if you were older.
You got a Hezbollah vibe, Tia.
You have a baby face.
I do have a Hezbollah vibe.
Yeah, I grew up in Texas for the most part.
My heart's in Texas, but...
Ooh, that's trash for the most part.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We bounced around before we settled down in the West.
Statue of Limitations was waiting to run out.
Yeah.
No.
Where in Texas?
I grew up in a little town called Springtown, Texas.
What's close to that?
Nothing.
Nothing, Texas.
Nothing.
That's right next to nothing, Texas.
We didn't even have alcohol.
It was a dry county.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
When I was growing up, I think it's since changed, but when I was growing up
there, it
was a dry county because of the Lord.
I never liked that guy.
Yeah.
And so if we wanted booze, my friend's dad would have to drive us like a half
hour into
Azle, Texas.
That's where the fucking goddamn Hornets play.
The Azle Hornets.
The mortal enemy to the Springtown porcupines.
What the fuck?
Sounds like a Simpsons episode.
I feel like you're from the multiverse.
What the fuck?
That was our high school football rival, the Azle Hornets, the Green Hornets.
Was it a big football town?
It was, yeah.
Was it six-man or was it full?
Because some of those towns in Texas have three-man football.
It was a town where there was nothing in it, but a lot of people lived there
that would
commute to Fort Worth for their jobs.
So there were a lot of families there.
Okay.
But it was like, you know, still the country, but there were still a lot of
families there.
So it was a 4A, like, football high school.
Okay.
It was a big, you know.
So it was a big deal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pep rallies.
I was in marching band.
Wow.
What'd you play?
Trumpet.
Ooh.
An aristocrat.
Yeah.
I like how you said trumpet.
Yeah.
Like it was D-line.
It's a surprisingly difficult instrument to play.
I'll have you know.
Yeah.
It really hurts after a while.
When you say your buddy's dad would drive you to get beer, are we underage at
this point?
Of course.
Yeah.
It's Texas, baby.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Catch up, fatty.
So they sound like the age they couldn't even drive.
No, we were like 17.
And he was cool with that.
Oh, yeah.
Were the cops real ball busty about the drinking?
No.
There was probably one cop.
Our drinking happened in a barn.
Like the cops weren't coming out to the middle.
The cows weren't filing noise complaints.
Yeah.
My friend had converted, his dad had converted their barn into like a little
saloon.
There was a pool table.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah.
There was a whole bar.
I would love to have a couple of pops in there.
Oh, my God, dude.
It was the best.
Like weekends, or I guess just every night, really.
In high school, we were at the barn just drinking Keystone Lights until we
blacked out.
That's America, baby.
Yeah, dude.
USA.
So we're talking small town.
Small town, yeah.
The attitude towards drinking was that like, well, we know you're going to
drink, and we'd
rather you do it here.
Yeah.
But it was like, but that's, like drinking's the only thing to do in this town.
So it's like, if you didn't buy it for us, we wouldn't drink.
We don't have anywhere else to go.
Sure, yeah.
Was there a movie theater?
No.
There was no movie theater.
No, we had to drive.
You had to drive to Weatherford.
Ah, the lovely town of Weatherford.
That was maybe the closest movie theater, about 40 miles, I think.
What?
I don't know.
I forget how far Weatherford was.
Doesn't matter.
That's a hike.
Goddamn.
I don't know if you guys are prepared.
I've listened to this show, and your metrics of garbage.
Yeah, we're playing t-ball.
Yeah, it's like, I'm scrambling to even think right now, because it's like, it's
all garbage.
Sure.
The whole childhood.
Well, the South plays by its own rules.
We have to grade on a curve when it comes to the South.
It's definitely different than, like, Boston trash.
What did your mom and dad do?
My mom was a secretary until she wasn't, and then she just started.
Well, that's a tough, that's such always a tough line.
Yeah.
She was till she wasn't.
Well, yeah, because I remember, because, like, I didn't grow up.
Ever?
I didn't grow up ever.
No, I wasn't.
What are you, Peter Pan?
We didn't move to Texas until I was in, like, fifth grade.
And so, I was born in Georgia in a little town called Vidalia, and we hopped
around a bit
because of my dad's job always transferred him.
Which was what?
He was a federal prison guard.
Ooh.
Federal.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
He started at the Georgia State Prison and worked his way up to federal,
which meant we had to move around quite a bit.
That's probably a good job, though.
Good job, though.
No.
No?
No.
No.
No, it's pay, Benny's?
Oh, yeah, I mean, pay is good, benefits.
He just hated it.
But it's like, he would come home and tell us, like, what was happening in his
day-to-day.
You shouldn't be doing that to your seven-year-old child.
No, you shouldn't.
He would tell us stories about it.
That's your night-night story?
Yeah, for real.
He would come home and tell us about, like, inmates throwing shit at him
or cutting their own nuts off or, like, getting into fights with inmates,
like, riots and shit.
MS-13 was everywhere.
Yeah.
Night-night, little Dalton.
He had these horrifying stories.
He would, like, looking back on it, yeah, I'm like,
why would you tell your kid this?
That's fucking insane.
Yeah, like, guys would go crazy in jail and, like, cut their own nuts off,
and he was like, pfft, another day at the office.
Jesus.
A couple of Keystone Lights and trying to put that away.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Something a little harder than Keystone Lights.
Did you smoke as a kid?
Cigarettes?
Here and there, cigarettes.
Because you have, I started smoking at six, face.
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
No, where I grew up, it was mostly snuff and chewing tobacco.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you ever chill?
Dip or anything?
I dipped a little bit.
I like the pouches a lot.
Yeah.
Those are my favorite, which is pussy shit where I'm from.
You got to get some real Skoll or Copenhagen where I'm from.
Because you just got back from Texas.
Were you a cowboy boots guy?
I never was.
You've seen my feet.
Well, the feet were never.
Yeah, I can't pull them off.
I can't fit into them.
I always wanted to be.
Like, I wanted boots so bad.
You'd have to shoo them first.
Dalton threw another shoe again.
Oh, my God.
How did we, all right, hold on.
I would pin in the back story.
How did your feet get like that?
Was there like a, did you walk in acid or something?
What the fuck's happening?
Yeah, like in RoboCop.
Was there one in some X-Men?
No.
Or just years.
I'm still trying to figure out exactly what it is, but it looks like it's congenital.
It's something I, I probably inherited it from my granddad.
Can you open anything with them or like catch a football?
Because they're like, well, they wide out like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They go, was that you relaxed?
I'm never relaxed.
No, but I mean, are you, are you extending your toes or that's just how they
fall?
That's just how they fall.
Holy shit.
It's bad.
Wow.
Yeah.
He had a, so it was explained to me.
It's a form of muscular dystrophy.
Now I feel bad.
Jesus Christ.
No, no, no, no.
He's a, he's a piece of shit.
Don't worry.
He beat, he beat up my Nana.
Wait, who did?
Who are we talking about?
Pappy.
My grandpa.
Jesus Christ.
But he, yeah, it was a form of muscular dystrophy called Charcot Marie 2.
Named after the scientists who discovered it.
Wait, how was your grandfather qualified to ma