Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Chris Distefano - Chrissy Chaos Returns!
Uploaded: 2021-10-25T02:13:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Chris Distefano - Chrissy Chaos Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Chris Distefano - Chrissy Chaos Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-25. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Chris Distefano - Chrissy Chaos Returns!

Philadelphia, New York City.
We get your tickets to the AYG live shows.
They're going to sell out.
Yes, they are.
You got October 27th down there at Helium Comedy Club.
Show starts at 7.
Don't be late.
Those ticks are almost gone, so get on them.
Then you got New York City on November 9th at Gotham Comedy Club.
It's going to be a hot one.
Get your ticks.
Part of the New York Comedy Festival, do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Sure is.
It's a little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find
out if they grow up to be classy.
Yeah.
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Antony's basement.
She's excited for Halloween.
Yeah.
All right.
She wants a couple of razor blades in her candies, so you get a little lawsuit
going.
Gotcha.
Get that Snickers money.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He's the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He's an international businessman.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the one and the only, Mr. Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, gang, happy to be here.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube, and as you know, those numbers are...
True in a row.
Hit that button.
Fucking cooking, baby.
Hit that button.
And we say it every episode, but I would be a fucking asshole if I didn't bring
up the greatest website of all time.
Don't do it, sweet lord.
www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage.
Sing it, sister.
Shout out to the Yam families, the Conti families, the founders, all their
subsidiaries.
You're fucking A-plus in my book.
Ooh, salt to the earth.
I'll tell you that right now.
And how about a quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire.
He's the magic man.
Makes us all look good.
It's T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen.
What's up, dudes?
What's up, T-Bone?
Not that we hit all the sharp implements.
It's about to get Quaguki in here.
It's going to be a wild one.
Gang, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest back
with us again today.
You know him.
We love him.
Everybody loves him.
This man moves in many circles.
He goes by many names.
Some people know him as Chrissy New Money.
Chrissy Sellouts.
Chrissy Second Show Addit.
Chrissy Algorithms.
Chrissy Cable TV.
Chrissy Merch Drops.
But everybody, and I mean everybody, knows him as Chrissy Chaos.
Give it up for the one, the only.
Chris DiStefano, everybody.
How you doing?
Thanks for having me.
I'd like to add one more.
Chrissy, fuck Renewal by Anderson.
You guys overcharged from my windows.
I had to drop 50K on windows.
Oh, man.
I got abused.
Man.
They saw you coming down the street.
It was one of those things where I tweeted out, hey, just had a great
experience.
Because I was genuinely being sincere.
I was like, just had a great experience with the lovely people at Renewal by
Anderson.
Can't wait for my new windows.
And then my DMs, my tweets got lit up.
They said, you fucking idiot.
Why would you?
It was people going like that.
He said to me that, they were like, you got ripped off.
And then I said what I paid to a friend who owns a window company.
I said, how much, how bad did they bang me out?
He said, I would say you got hit up for about 60% upcharge.
Yeah, easily.
I was like, wow, what we want.
Easily.
I was like, well, let me call and cancel.
And then I called, and of course, they have no cancellation.
Were the windows in?
Are the windows already in?
No, January.
It's going to take six months.
I used to sell windows.
Anderson was one of our competitors.
Yeah.
Was Renewal by Anderson a big mistake?
For 50K, yeah.
It was a big mistake.
19 windows, though.
That's a lot of windows.
But on paper, as a kid, you'd see those Anderson windows commercials.
Yeah.
You would say to yourself, someday, someday, ma, someday we won't have this
bullshit.
We'll get some fucking Anderson.
I said, and he came in with his tools.
He had a heat lamp.
Oh, he sold me with the heat lamp, and I was like, ooh, it does feel warmer.
Yeah.
They do that.
With the Anderson windows.
This one's triple pane.
There's krypton gas in there.
That's the same shit with super pane.
He probably sold you on tents.
You get tents?
He said, hey.
Got a couple subwoofers in there.
He said, hey.
He said, listen.
He said, I know you live on top of a hill, but you got little ones.
These windows need to be flood proof.
I said, okay.
Yes, they do.
I can't have my kid in a flood.
This isn't Noah's Ark.
We're on an island.
Just think about it.
Yeah.
This is Stan Allen.
I said, yeah, but I live about 800 feet above sea level.
He said, you never know.
You never know.
The weather's changing.
Global warming can be a bitch.
Jesus Christ.
The whole joint.
You got the whole joint.
I got the whole joint.
Dude, when you come.
Where'd that come from?
Why'd you make that move?
How old's the house?
Probably 20-something years old.
No, older than that.
The house was built in like 1955.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Something like that.
Nice place.
Nice place.
Yeah, and they haven't updated the windows since 1989.
Yeah, that's great.
It's like 20 years.
How'd it come about is J-A-S-M-I-N.
Jasmine.
My girlfriend.
Anytime you see me adding a fucking 15th show at a venue, it's because she
wants to get
something done.
Next, she's ripped up the entire carpet, so we just added a show at Foxwoods.
He's doing nine shows on Sunday.
Yeah.
One of them's a breakfast show.
I swear to God, I have six shows at Laugh Boston, and then I put two on sale at
the Wilbur,
because she wants to fucking raise the roof in the bedroom.
What?
Yeah, because she's like, oh, look, Chris, you could get hit in the head with
the fan.
I said, I'm not nine feet tall.
She was like, we need cathedral ceilings in here.
Oh, my God.
I was like, I don't want to get cathedral.
She's like, it really makes me happy to get cathedral.
I said, give me a show at the Wilbur.
Get the renewal guy on the phone.
Yeah.
That's foundation work.
Oh, dude.
You shouldn't be saying that publicly, because you're going to be getting hit
up by every
sleazeball contractor from here to Bayonne.
Well, now, though, now I got my guy, a guy, I...
We said this on your show.
You need a buffer.
I got my guy.
Shout out Anthony Esposito.
Sounds real credible.
I call him Anthony.
$8 million retainer.
Worth every penny.
Yeah.
Shout out Anthony Esposito from Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.
He owns Badass Academy Gym in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.
What the hell does he know about houses?
He got some kickboxer handling the books?
What the fuck's wrong with you?
This kid, I'm telling you, he doesn't let anything fucking get past anybody.
He...
He chops the prices.
He chops...
Yeah.
Put that savings in a headlock.
And for a very, very, very small fee that he collects, I never get fucked by
anybody.
I like that, though.
You just got screwed on the windows.
No, but that...
This is pre-Aint me.
This is pre-Aint.
I called him.
I called him after I got fucked by Renewal by Anderson, but it's all good.
We're on the up and up now.
I did have to air the show at the Borgata, because she wants a porch swing, but
that's
the last one.
A porch swing?
That's like a grin.
Yeah, but not the one she wants.
It's got Anderson windows on it.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
You are upside down.
I got the pool closed.
We finally closed the pool.
They hit me for $3,000 for that.
Is that too much?
Dude, you...
A pool closed?
What should it be?
Oh, my God, dude.
What the fuck?
A couple hundred bucks.
You paid three grand for a tarp?
Yeah, well, that...
They pumped the pool, and he put some chemicals in it.
I mean, this is crazy.
Dude.
Three grand.
Shout out Tom's pool service.
Tom's a good guy.
Oh, my God.
How about this?
Yesterday, and tell me what you guys would do.
This is chaos.
You've been in my block.
Yes.
Very nice.
Beautiful.
Very nice neighborhood.
Nice house.
Beautiful piece of property, ladies and gentlemen.
What am I supposed to do here in this situation?
I'm sitting out on the porch swing with my little format, though.
We're having a good day.
I'm drinking coffee out there.
We're having fun.
I noticed the landscapers across the street, at my neighbor's house, I noticed
one of them
put the lawnmower down and take a piss right in the corner of my neighbor's
house.
Right?
Pissed on the side.
Do I go tell the neighbor...
I was obviously raised where Staten Island.
I don't want to rat anybody out here.
I did see this guy piss on their property.
You know, he probably doesn't have any access to the bathroom.
I guess it's better than pissing the street or in their bushes, but he did take
a nice
leak on the side of the house.
When I see the neighbors, do I say, hey, I noticed that they're pissing?
Did he make an effort to go around somewhere?
He wasn't pissing on the front lawn.
No, no, no.
He went in the corner of the house, but I saw, I mean, he fully pissed.
Yeah, I think he got to let it slide.
Yeah, this one, he got to let it slide.
Because it did rain last night.
So my thoughts...
We had a drizzle, so I figured it went away.
But I was like, I'm not going to rat this guy out, because his company also
does my landscaping.
Yeah, you don't want that.
They're going to be shitting on your house.
They're going to shit.
Oh, yeah.
They do.
But if you see this guy, what if you're in the house having a coffee, they
think nobody's
home, and you see that kid taking a piss out the window.
What are you going to do then?
Are you going out there and cracking skulls?
Pay them three grand is what I'm going to do.
I was going to say...
Well, listen, it's...
And or would you let the landscapers into the house to use the bathroom?
Because they're all...
I would.
They got green shoes.
No, I would.
I would let the landscapers...
I would let the landscape...
Dude, I mean, I got fucking T.T. Jerry living in my house.
I could deal with some green shoes.
T.T.
Come in, T.T.
He'll blow you.
Take a piss.
We'll give you a curate.
Give you a curate.
I think you got to let that one slide.
Because that's the situation.
You're going to look more like the busybody...
Yeah, I don't want that.
Annoying guy.
Plus, what if the lady across the street's a bitch?
Yeah.
And she calls the company and gets this guy fired?
Yeah, yes.
You don't want that.
Then he knows where you live.
I don't want that.
Yeah, don't jam him up.
All right, I'm not going to jam...
Yeah, that's the thing, you know.
This is all new for you.
It's new.
The suburbs living is big.
That's what I said.
I said it's my responsibility right now to the streets.
And, you know, break the code.
Don't break the code.
Don't be right.
It was my responsibility.
To the block.
You got to protect the block.
I mean, we got a nice block here.
If he was breaking into the house, yes.
Then, of course.
Taking a leak in the corner.
Oh, dude, no.
If I was breaking into the house, I'd go out there.
I'd intervene.
You know?
You have to intervene.
Chrissy, see something, do something.
I got to protect the block.
You know?
I mean, my kid's school bus stops on that.
We wanted to ask you that.
Yeah.
Because it is Halloween season.
Big season in the birds.
Are you a Halloween guy?
I'm a Halloween guy.
Since I've had children, I've come back to be a Halloween guy because it's such
a fun
thing for the kids.
Yeah.
When you have kids, you relive the holidays again.
Of course.
So for her, yeah, we're a big Halloween.
And in my neighborhood, what they're doing is called a trunk or treat.
You ever hear of the trunk or treat?
Yeah, that's big now.
That's big.
We're doing the trunk or treat.
And then they said, they told us in my neighborhood, because there's only about
like 10 or 15 houses
in that little area.
They picked two houses.
We weren