Name: Are You Garbage Patreon Preview - Foley Bombs
Uploaded: 2022-01-11T15:02:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Patreon Preview - Foley Bombs' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Patreon Preview - Foley Bombs' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-11. Transcript available.

two walkie keys uh you just got back you were gone i was tell us about what was
i i was about
the trip were you doing peyote or something you just kept texting me you loved
me to the point i
didn't know how to respond dude i was i was in a bad spot we're getting on that
plane um
it was like hey what's up all right i love you guys you're like all right
thanks man hey hey just
check in it's lunch time love you guys i'm like all right man it was about 4 a.m
in hawaii when i
was sending those texts uh yeah we um well let's go back man i guess we would
have to cut this but
hang on no no no no no nothing we have to cut no nothing i i just don't i don't
know if i can say
this or not did you be the judge of that i'm terrible at that is this about
something will this implicate
me or is this about your trip me my trip then what do you mean you're the one
who decides if you can
say that or not well okay so we um you know we were you came back dumber
somehow jesus i mean the
conversations we were having before we started whoa man i was like he's gonna
come back we're gonna be
refreshed he's like nine points dumber i ate a whole tube of surf wax while i
was over there
which apparently is poisonous drop me on my head um jesus christ enough with
the sandwich you know
we were burning the candle at both ends we had a very vigorous schedule for the
two months leading
up to you going away sure and it it caught up to all of us we were all
exhausted we were tired we were
sick fucking voices were gone where our our mental state terrible i mean i i
felt like we were in the
middle of fucking fallujah fucking when we did uh we did we did schultz's we
opened up schultz's
residency at new york comedy club yeah you bombed oh man the big man took a hot
one i bombed in front of
scooter brawn i know i did well i i have the tape i saw him laughing at me i
bombed in front of one of
the biggest managers in the world but he still manages justin bieber yeah but
he got busted for
stealing taylor swift cds or something like that no he didn't steal them he
bought the rights to her
music i heard it was a b and a i don't know about you guys there's only one
copy so we're cut we're
coming off hot i mean we're we're touching gold here at this point fucking gotham
gold gotham was
fantastic philly well when philly philly skank fest new york that we're
recording this whole time too
because we're traveling right then the grammar see with the boys grammar see
the schultzy thing that's
where i started to that's where this all started to i felt the walls closing in
on me yeah they were
before from the outside looking in you were struggling a week before that yeah
i don't know that one day in
uh that week in therapy we just opened up a can of worms and it was like i was
back to square one
and i was really feeling it that friday night i just couldn't relax i couldn't
there was just
something and then you know but you know we're doing the job and stuff like
that schultzy's crowds are
always fucking awesome they're always great it's always a fucking layup uh
whenever he has a show at
new york comedy club that i've hosted um and this one it was just a fucking
buzzsaw like they were
either nervous to see him or there was a lot of or you stink or i stink one of
them but man i walked
up there and fucking talking about from the frying pan into the fire just
fucking just
fucking two by fours in the face and i didn't make adjustments i just fucking
kept i saw you hit your
closer oh dude i saw you hit a bit to literal nothing like actual zilch like it
was i was
punting on first down you might as well been in space dude because nothing it
was dead silent oh
you were just out there floating like the moon man just eating it oh yeah so
they just that i did well
based purely off that i was not you yes like they were like this because they
just did not like
you no and that happens a lot of times it's like for whatever reason they don't
like you
the next person just by they were still all bit wonky the crowd yeah like there
was one or two
things that i had that fell really they didn't really loosen up until after schultz
got off stage
i felt like there was it like the air was that toby got on
we'll get into that eight my balls put a pin in that put a pin in that um
i forgot about this whole night oh man you i couldn't get you on that plane
soon enough
away from me to relax i'm telling you dude holy shit man i was fucking instant
section eight
get this kid out of here so it gets worse so um
so yeah i felt like there was just anticipation of that because once schultz he
got off and mark
got up there they was everything was but they know and like him yeah so they're
all characters
well i thought they knew and liked me too apparently i was wrong why would they
know you
scoot what's up kid skater
yo skeeter brown what are you doing you got taylor swiss number tell that pale
bitch i said what up hey shooter mcgavin give me a favor how about a chuck over
the big guy over here
i'm fucking bombing up here plus he had two goons with him i was killing with
the goons really i got it
on camera oh and you can see them lean and elbowing i'm photoshopping that just
put your head put a
couple other celebrities in the crowd anyway anywho what so let's let's talk
about that so i come off
stage obviously my head's in the toilet i'm outside talking to toby he's
fucking don't worry about it you did great talking me up this that the other
thing i'm like no man
such a big game oh my god and then it turns out that they needed somebody to do
the old checkerinos
the check spot tough spot not an easy spot especially on that show
so kippy brings up uh to our to to to one of our
bagarino joey bagarino the manager over there um
hey why don't let toby do it yeah he's like we need a comic i said t-bone's
here t-bone was not
in that conversation no then we the three of us walked up to toby
the two of you i said t-bone looks like you're doing checks what do you mean i
go i just said you
were doing no no no ladies and gentlemen the color ran from his face as if jack
the ripper had
sliced open his his carotid artery or whatever it's called yeah i'm talking
talk about changing
your tune oh dude i went from you know what happened he was about the faking
asthma
ah miami god damn he just picks up a bottle of purell for the listener what the
check spot is is
an unfortunate casualty of the new york comedy club and the way it has to
function not new york
comedy club specifically but every every comedy showcase you can't wait till
the end to do the
checks because people will run out they run out so you gotta have a check spot
five ten minutes
to give the servers a chance to fucking get the bills and they typically put up
a young it's like the
apprenticeship to get into a club right it's like every a lot of people go
through it to do the you
get to get into a club it's where our boy even if it's beneath you yeah it's
where our boy tommy
cassidy made his bones you gotta you start doing it was a master and then they'll
give you like a
late night wednesday night spot and then you work your way toby's case but
normally oh my god but it's
also it's like so so you're trying to tell jokes after the show you're set hold
on you're set up to fail
like yeah success rate is maybe maybe if you do them a bunch maybe fifty
percent everyone in the
room is finding out they just paid twelve dollars for a miller light yeah yeah
if probably more than
that yeah they're all look who had the chicken fit a lot and also a lot of
people are good now they
just drop it with the card and like whatever yes but if it's a group of people
they start it's
everybody's just talking for the first minute but joe says to toby he's like it's
going to be about
10 or 15 minutes and i didn't know that toby's like 10 minutes would be great
yeah 15 would be
a complete nightmare that's what he said yeah let's make sure it's not 15. he's
like for the landlord's
sake i don't want to ruin people's thanksgiving but no toby's too hard himself
he went up and did
a good job i was the one that fucking steered us into the ice yeah which i don't
i was there with
two buckets i don't know i jumped in with an anvil i tried i tried this guy
from the top rope
thinking he's gonna save the day swan dives pocahontas out here hi you're like
mickey
rook at the end of the wrestler in one last body slam heart attack right in midair
but i i've learned because usually denzel and a man on fire just walking over
the bridge
a life for a life i just watched that too great flip oh my god that'll that'll
tear you up that'll
jerk you up oh man are you kidding me i'm the sheep that got lost madre oh that's
a good one oh i was
bawling my eyes out um i almost started crying oh my god i love you i'm doing
good
you see dude i counted you said i love you like 14 times one day i'm cracking
up over here um
i'm like hey you guys want to record on whatever you want i love you man i'm
like all right
i uh uh uh used to wear my heart on my sleeve with that like that was just boogies
you had to look to see if there was boogies
it's not because it my shirt would be flipped up i'd flip them up and that's
how i put my
boogies on the inside in case i want a little snack later um i i was bad at
that for a long time like
if i didn't do well i would come out and announce it to everybody ah i stink i
still do that but the
better thing is hey it was great see you later nobody knows any wiser to the to
a degree yeah you're
making a lot you make a lot of noise people now so i tried to keep up good
appearances especially i
walked in the green room told chelsea he was going up in a couple minutes i'm
like hey buddy i'm gonna
let him a couple minutes everything's great they're doing great have a good
time right i don't know
if he got wind that i stunk i was it all was it on in there was it was it
playing it wasn't on
but you know in that room who does everybody when you're in that green room i
do when you're in that
green room you can tell if the person's doing good or bad was it discussed hey
he's not doing that
great no i mean not in the circles i was in maybe when i you know if i popped
out to go pee pee or something but they know we're bullies so they might have
been trashing
you behind my back which i would have encouraged i would have been upset if
they left me out of that
halfway to the set listen feel free gentlemen like this fat guy stinks right i'm
starting it