Name: Are You Garbage: Discount Dental Work w/ Kippy & Foley
Uploaded: 2022-03-07T01:55:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage: Discount Dental Work w/ Kippy & Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage: Discount Dental Work w/ Kippy & Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-07. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage: Discount Dental Work w/ Kippy & Foley

Gang, big news, the R U Garbage Middle Class Famous Tour is coming to
California and you
don't gotta wait long, baby.
We're gonna be in San Francisco on April 3rd, we're gonna be in Los Angeles,
California
April 4th, and April 6th we're gonna be in La Hoya, so grab the squad and come
out and
see us.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage, the show where you find out
if your
favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley.
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is R U Garbage.
It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if
they grow up to
be classy or if they're just a big ol' piece of trash.
I'm your host H Foley coming at ya on a beautiful day down here in Antony's
basement.
Uh huh.
She's upstairs switching from vodka to gin.
Okay.
Solidarity.
So look at that right there.
We're all doing our part over here.
My co-host is coming at ya from across the table.
He is the brand new hot driver in the NASCAR sprint series.
If you ain't first, you're last.
Gonna be running at the motor speedway this weekend.
I'm a dirt track man myself.
Driving the double zero PAPS car.
Give it up.
Give it up for Colt Ryan everybody.
What are you doing?
I'm living my best life baby.
You know?
Gotta support the brand.
It's American brand.
Gotta support.
Gotta support.
You know?
That's what I'm doing.
What's up everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
We're still available on YouTube.
And as you know, those numbers are...
Through the roof!
Cooking!
And obviously, Patreon.com, the greatest website of all time.
Shout out to them boys.
Sweet lord.
And gals over there doing the fucking lord's work.
You can sign up, you get bonus content.
Episodes of AYG, which...
Episodes of hard feelings, which is me and a big man behind a curtain a little
bit more.
A little HR.
A little airing of the grievances.
Sticking each other.
Check it out.
It's a good time.
Thank you.
Perfect shout out to our producer extraordinaire.
The magic man makes us all look good.
It's T-Bone McScruffins.
Toby McButtons, everybody.
What up dudes?
What up, E-Bone?
Dude, Kippy looks like he brings his own helmets to the go-kart.
Dude.
I got a mic in there.
Where the hell's my pit crew at?
You fall in both worlds.
It could be cool.
Uh-huh.
Or you also looked at the guy like the guy that goes to every Met game.
You're that guy.
You look like you got that jacket out of a claw machine.
That's a pretty expensive claw machine.
This isn't a chalk line original, by the way.
This guy's walking around like a drunk astronaut.
Look at you.
Dude, steaks.
That has screaming at T-Ball written all over it.
Oh, yeah.
Big fan of Paps.
I was watching "Taltega Nights" last night.
That's a good fucking piece of business.
Got that, uh...
Yeah, it got me pumping.
I was like, you know what?
I gotta break it out today.
Been waiting.
Been waiting for the perfect moment to break this out.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Where did you get it?
Online.
What credit card did you apply for it to receive this?
I put this on the business Amex, by the way.
I'm wearing it on screen.
It's a wardrobe cost.
How many Paps caps did you have to send in for it?
Paps caps.
Are you gonna get the Kia wrapped in Paps shit?
I would if they would pay for it.
I would drive a fucking Paps Kia around town.
Man, remember when that started happening?
Dude, if Paps would sponsor our tour?
Or us in general?
This is a power play I'm doing here.
This is a money play, all right?
You two are sitting around thinking I'm a bozo.
Can I touch it in the Jeep?
You can get me at the goddamn lease.
What are you doing?
Yeah, right.
I'm gonna have Paps on your forehead next week.
I'm gonna be selling out your fucking belly.
You're gonna be doing this shirtless.
Paddy's walking around head to toe Paps.
Do you remember when that...
I kind of feel like I remember...
What?
When that really started to happen.
Like around role models time.
When people were like selling their car.
Like people were driving around in like Monster Energy drink cars.
A lot of brand...
That was when like brand reps were big.
Huge.
The beer rep would show up.
Yeah.
But like people would like freelance as the reps.
You know what I mean?
They would be like...
Like I used to work when I was like in an office job.
And like girls on the weekends would be like...
I'm doing a whatever event.
They would make like 120 bucks giving out like Monster or whatever.
Like stand at the tent or whatever.
Man.
Some PT cruiser wrapped like Fig Newtons.
The trashiest wrapped like Fig Newtons.
That's the perfect car to wrap for a Newton?
Is a fucking PT loser.
Let me tell you something on the Newton subject.
I've recently rekindled my love affair for the Fig Newton.
Sure.
The healthy cookie.
Not what you're thinking.
I'm having one at a time.
I'm having one at a time.
It's the nature ones.
They're real thick.
They're like double stuff.
Blueberry.
Fucking nice.
Gluten free too.
So it's fantastic.
Yeah.
You'll be under 400 in no time.
I'm on the Fig Newton diet.
Once can you come and be like carrots are good everybody.
I'm a big carrot guy.
I had carrots this weekend.
They were delicious.
Deep fried butter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But the trashiest wrap.
Is that where we were?
The trashiest wrap was the Hummer.
People would wrap the Hummer.
Like fucking especially like or like every strip club in Philly down at like
down by the airport.
That run.
They all had the Hummer.
They would show up to like the tailgating events with like fucking chicks with
cannons.
And like there would be like little kids.
I remember.
I'm filing at the back.
Yeah.
I remember catching some of those as a kid.
That's real Pro Bowl vibes.
Yeah.
Pro Bowl weekend in fucking Arizona.
Girls and girls twerking next to a bag of fucking tournament.
That shit's trash.
The strip club limo.
Yeah.
Decked out.
Yeah.
It's a tough look.
The Hummer.
Anything.
I'm not.
Anything from a strip club club outside in public is a tough look.
Have you ever had them send the limo for you?
What?
What?
What?
Send the limo for me?
What am I?
A big spender?
I'm in there picking pennies off.
I'm picking dollars that these broads are dropping.
I'm splashing around in the puddles when people are making it rain.
50 cents a dance Ryan over here.
One of those little change coins.
Honey, honey.
Folding money only.
Can you break a five?
Folded?
What is this?
Deadwood?
Paper bills or treasure?
T-bills.
On that similar line, how do you feel about the courtesy car from the dealership?
That's a tough look.
It is a real tough look.
And listen, I'm a Kia man.
That's what I can afford at this current state in my career.
I drive a Kia.
I've never really been a lug.
I've never driven.
I think I've driven a BMW.
My buddy's BMW.
I've driven that.
But he's gotten it where a lot of those BMW dealerships, if your car goes in,
it's imported.
You've got to import on a bra.
It's tough.
That's different.
That says, I would be pissed if I spent money on a BMW.
You're talking about like Jamie Kennedy Chevrolet.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
No, they do that on the Beamers.
It'll say like fucking, you know, Edison, New Jersey.
Oh, no.
Of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course.
I would be pissed if I paid for a Beamer and you give me a fucking, I'm driving
around
in a wrapped car.
You look like a fucking asshole.
I'm an asshole.
I spent enough money.
I'm not your fucking billboard on 95.
I would be fucking pissed.
You mean the renter that they give you?
Yeah, they give you the loaner car and it says like Johnson BMW.
Yeah, no, that's no good.
At the auto mall.
Pick rocks.
I'm talking about the one where a dealership guy drives that and picks you up
and brings
you back.
In a Beamer, that's okay.
No, that's worse than a Beamer.
You're driving a luxury car that has like on the back windshield, like Johnson's
BMW?
Well, my mom-
That's real trash.
My mom used it last week for her car and the guy picked her up in like a '96
Windstar,
so I'll take the fucking BMW.
Spray paint over the name?
Probably at the window.
She's hopping-
Wait, where was she going?
She was going to pick the car up after it got serviced.
Oh, and they came to pick her up.
Like a shuttle.
Not like the loaner car.
It was like a shuttle car.
Just like some fucking poor schmuck on his lunch break.
They were like, "Go pick up Patty."
That's what happened.
Smoking it here or what?
I smoke it.
Crack the window.
Stop being a pussy.
Oh, dude.
Using the car lighter still?
I remember that guy showing up a couple of times throughout my life when the
car was in the shop or something like that.
We never-
Yeah, this is where we differ, our family.
We were in a dealership.
That's where they fucking bamboozied.
Dude, I get nervous driving by a dealership.
We're used cars-
We're front lawn by the mailbox, people.
Yeah, we're person to person.
Yeah.
We don't do that.
I love when they pull a car out right by the mailbox.
It's all freshly washed.
It's funny to say that.
So, my stepdad ran into some car trouble recently and his was out of commission
for a while.
So, his buddy has a used car lot.
So, he bought a used car off this guy because it was supposed to take like-
Lot versus dealership.
Yeah.
It's a huge difference.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
We're a lot family.
It's really like the guy's house.
It's a trail.
It ain't like college and university.
No.
No.
It's a couple of pegs down.
Yes.
Go over there in the lot.
Yikes.
That's where I've gotten every car is off from this guy.
My picture's on the wall in his little office that has-
It's like me next to the Lumina and me next to my Montego.
We don't-
Going into a dealership-
And he's standing there running the odometer backwards.
Oh, yeah.
He's got the back propped up.
Wheels are just spinning.
Three miles.
It's an '86.
Belong to an old lady.
It was garage kept.
What do you want?
Yeah.
Dealership's nuts to me.
We would never-
You gotta know a guy.
You don't buy-
To us, if you buy a car off a dealership-
Oh, we always-
Who do you think's paying for all the coffee and donuts?
We always knew a guy.
You are, please.
We always knew a guy.
But we never-
There was always somebody working for somebody.
Also to get a-
I guess if you were leasing too-
But to get a fix, we would never go to a dealership to get a fix.
We would just let it sit in the driveway for six months until the neighbors
complained that my stepdad finally pulled the trigger on it.
Maybe the holes will rust up.
So, his car was jammed up, right?
Mm-hmm.
For it was going to be like months, they said.
Months?
Yeah, I don't want to get into it.
Months?
It was going to be a long time.
Some engine problems.
What?
I gotta go to physical therapy?
Months?
Months?
Who's-
Months?
He was out of the highway driving to begin with.
That's it.
Not a lot of starting and stopping.
For three weeks.
Months?
Months?
Yeah.
Well, that's what they said.
They had to redo the whole engine or something.
He bought a lemon, I guess.
It was a huge truck.
Huge pickup truck.
So-
Redo the engine.
Something happened.
And so he bought a used car off his buddy who has the lot.
Sure.
Right?
Of like, well, I'll just zip around in this until my fucking-
It's-
It was like an Audi he bought for like six grand.
Okay.
It's like a 90-
Or like, it might be like a 99 Audi or whatever.
Audi, that's good.
Yeah, probably all beat up.
It's a convertible.
It's not-
Nice.
It doesn't make any sense that this guy's driving this-
He looks like he's in the Russian mob or something.
So, I was just on the phone with my mom yesterday.
He goes, "Oh, his truck's finished early."
You know, whatever.
It wasn't as bad as they anticipated.
He can go pick it up.
They go, "Well, what's he gonna do with the Audi?"
He goes, "Hey, he's gonna park it out in front of his office with a for sale
sign on it."
Wow.
And see if he gets any takers.
Flipping it real quick.
So we're currently-
If anybody out there is in the market for a beat up Audi.
Hey, it's pr