Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Stealing from 7-11 w/ Kippy & Foley
Uploaded: 2022-04-21T00:18:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Stealing from 7-11 w/ Kippy & Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Stealing from 7-11 w/ Kippy & Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-21. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Stealing from 7-11 w/ Kippy & Foley

Austin, Texas, the middle-class famous store is coming to town.
We're going to be at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival this week, April 22nd.
We're doing our stand-up show and playing AYG with the crowd,
and we're doing a live podcast.
You can either get badges or you can get tickies.
Come see us.
Let's party.
We're also going to be in Denver, Phoenix, Salt Lake City, Pittsburgh,
Buffalo, Detroit, Chicago, Rosemond.
Second show at it in Chicago.
Only late show tickets left in Chicago.
Get those tickets now.
It's a party.
We'll see you there.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
It's a little show.
We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they grow up to be
classy.
Yeah?
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a gorgeous day down here at Aunt Tootie's
basement.
She almost got caught stealing at the Wawa again.
What?
Yeah, there's a half a turkey hoagie upstairs if you want it, because I can't
have them.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
Check out the page.
You're on.
It's a family episode right here, gang.
Circle in the wagons is the big man.
We're hanging out.
Me, Kippy, and my coal store are still hanging on for dear life.
Thing won't quit.
I think I'd aggravate it since the last time I seen him.
He got into a bar fight this weekend.
I know.
But he's not kidding.
Did he wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something?
Not getting a full eight?
What's happening?
I thought I was going to cruise through on this one, but it fucking blew up on
me.
Now it's scabbing the whole nine yards.
It's tough, man.
What are you going to do?
The kid gets laid.
I don't know what to tell you.
Give it up for KJ, everybody.
Okay, that was a quick transition.
Talking about your herpes, introducing your best friends seamlessly.
Folks, he's got a head like a football.
Give it up for him.
Talking about my herpes.
And I like Kev, by the way.
Okay.
What's up, Kev?
No, you can't do that.
No, Kev?
No.
You, I'm just saying.
I can't do that.
What do you mean I can't do that?
That doesn't.
You've never done it in 10 years.
Oh, I wouldn't call you Kev.
That's your new nickname, Kev.
I don't call you KJ in our personal life either.
You're Kev, okay?
No, I don't like that.
No, I'm taking KJ back then.
What?
Yep, KJ's back.
Toby, you're KJ from now on.
Hey, gang.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available.
New tip, as you know, those numbers are.
Ritter up.
Cooking.
Cooking over there.
Then, I have to contractually say, check out the greatest website of all time,
www.patreon.com
slash RU Garbage.
You can sign up.
You get bonus episodes at AYG every week.
If you're on a $10 level, which is above and beyond the most popular level.
Buy like six times.
Bananas.
We're this close to being able to buy our way out of anything.
You get on the hard.
So, please keep it going.
You get the hard feelings over there, which is like a nitty gritty HR session.
We really, you know, really take the gloves off and let it fly.
We're not fans of each other.
No.
Not on that show, we're not.
Or in real life.
And then we'll do live streams with our top tier patrons.
So much fun.
Check it out.
It's a good time.
Support the pod.
Love yous.
Come do a live show.
Also.
Come see us.
Yeah.
Fucking out.
When does this come out?
Tomorrow night, we're going to be in Austin.
If you're listening to this.
Look at that.
The night it comes out, we're going to be in Austin.
Friday night.
Tejas.
Moontower Comedy Festival doing our show.
Some stand-up.
Some AYG with the crowd.
It's going to be a good time.
Get the digger.
Yeah.
It's a good time.
Quick stop at Bucky's, too.
Walk around.
See what's going on.
You're on a tight diet.
Tight, tight diet.
Check out the Patreon for more.
Can't wait to hear how that's going.
I'll be laying down some ground rules on the next Hard Feelings.
Just so you know.
Okay.
Taking the control back.
Putting it in my power.
I'll be having my meals alone.
That's what I'm saying.
Okay.
Fine.
I was hoping you would fight a little harder on that, but fair enough.
How about a nice quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire,
The Magic Man, makes us all look good.
One of my best pals in the whole wide world, and I love him.
I don't care how long his hair is.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins, Toby McMullen.
What's up, dudes?
Hey, pal.
Yo, so to avoid any Airbnb kerfuffles down in Tejas,
I have decided to find my own lodging.
I will be staying in a Bucky's.
Not bad.
Because they got everything there, man.
They got everything.
Get yourself a smoker, a grill, some deer pellets.
I'm going to set a tent up in the jerky aisle, dude.
I don't hate it.
We should camp out.
Why don't we camp out?
What?
Camp out as friends.
That way there's no temptation.
I don't want to get locked out of a tent at 3 a.m.
That's what I need.
Thought you were a bear, dude.
You bear spray me.
It's me, you motherfucker.
I thought it was a bald bear.
I don't know.
Kitty, what are you doing sneaking up on me like that?
Holy cow.
Family episode.
What's cooking with you?
Poorly timed sip there.
I saw you were going to throw it to me real quick, and I had already made the
decision to take a little nip.
Got hands of gold over there.
I got some J-Mo in here to take off the edge.
Do you, you little nippy-wippy?
Whoa, hey.
I'm driving out of here.
When's the last time you drank in the morning?
Saturday.
Really?
Yeah, I went golfing.
Oh, that doesn't count.
Golf.
I will tell the cop that pulled me over.
You've got to talk to a judge in Dennisville Township.
I shoot 18 over now, then.
You prick.
18 over.
I wish.
Sir, I'm going to just step out of the vehicle.
Is that a 3-1?
You're good.
Did you show him a tee?
Your Honor.
I was, sure it was mini golf, but still.
Couldn't get in that damn clown's mouth.
Why are your balls purple?
What?
Because they go.
They golf balls at mini golf.
They're not white.
They're like different colors.
Do you remember the golf balls you would go some places and they would float in
the water?
No.
You don't remember that?
There was like water where like, remember, because most mini golf places,
had the brick where it wouldn't go in the water.
Like it would.
There was some.
Oh, okay.
I got you.
I got you.
There was some that didn't have a barrier to the water.
Yeah.
To make it harder.
You're screwed.
But it was like running water or whatever, like down a hill, like a fountain
type thing.
Uh-huh.
And it would float and you would have to like pick it back up and play from the
beginning.
Oh, yeah.
That sounds like alien technology.
That's crazy.
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
That's what blows your mind?
I've never seen that.
A golf ball that floats.
Why don't they all float?
What are we doing?
What?
Why don't they all float?
Because it's changed the weight, the size, everything.
Can't use it on the tour.
Why not?
What?
If everybody uses it.
Okay.
Well, let's switch to tennis balls or something.
All right.
So the gators don't get you.
What?
There's alligators on golf courses.
So how would that stop?
How would that stop if the fucking ball floats?
So you wouldn't have to go swimming in there to get it.
You're not swimming in to get the ball anyway.
I've seen the guys go in and get it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
They're looking for a win.
I don't think they didn't touch the ground.
It's too late.
This ain't fucking tin cup, okay?
Great movie, by the way.
Maybe it's on the links with a rake.
I got a Louisville throwing it up.
I'm fucking cranking it.
Hmm.
What can I do for you?
Where were we?
I did something pretty trashy this weekend that I was like a little bit ashamed
of.
More street clothes than a golf course.
No, but I ran over a caddy.
I was going to say it was hard feelings, but I had to buy a whole golf outfit
at Dick's
the night before.
Because you're a pork chop.
What's that mean?
You tried your stuff on.
It didn't fit.
No, I didn't have any.
I thought we got real jammed up when we left the studio the other day.
I had to sit in traffic.
He got a baseball uniform on.
It's all he had.
Fucking old school stirrups on.
My butt's all big.
No, no, no.
You're in full catcher skier, dude.
I'm throwing it down the fairway.
Did you buy a nice pair of golf pants and a nice golf shirt?
Yeah.
Really?
Stopped just to buy.
What'd you go, Iggles?
What'd you get?
Did you get the real puffy pants like an old-timey director?
I had a jerk-off.
But they are a little flared at the bottom.
They all have a little Bee Gees vibe to them.
I was walking around looking like a fucking jerk-off.
Hey, give it up for night fever, huh?
This kid.
I moonwalked.
I moonwalked to the first tee box.
Ladies.
How are the greens today, huh?
What the fuck?
I've never noticed that.
Bell-bottom golf pants.
No, they're not bell-bottom.
Stop thinking everything's so literal.
Walking around like a sailor in the 70s.
They just had a little.
Everything was kind of snow-panty a little bit,
if you catch them.
They were wide-legged.
What's happening?
What's happening, cool cats and hipp-daddies?
They definitely didn't taper in.
Put the jive turkey down for a par four, huh?
My man.
Stink.
I was going to save this for hard feelings, but.
Collar that wide?
He can't miss.
I got the big.
I got the shirt collar outside my jacket collar.
Ah, ah, ah.
Going for bogey.
Going for bogey.
My car has a disco ball.
What'd you do?
Confess your sins, my son.
Wait, are we still in dicks or what?
I think we're outside of Studio 54.
I'm doing key bumps.
My jaw's all over the place.
Fucking Larry Ludes over here.
What's that, 130?
135?
Where's that cart girl?
Comes the heat, man.
Quit hassling me.
Oh, God.
That's funny.
No.
So, I was down the shore, and like I had stated, I got an Airbnb for me, my
wife, and
my newborn son.
Ah.
My four-
Young Hansi.
Young Hansi.
For the new pooch, just because my fucking mom's house is packed.
She's not the biggest fan of dogs.
Mmm.
So, I'm slowly breaking her in on that, but I didn't want to be like, well, the
dog's
staying here for four days, type thing.
You know what I mean?
I'm with you.
I understand.
So, and also, it's nice to have a little private time.
You know what I mean?
Privacy.
A little privacy.
Uh-huh.
So, my wife takes the dog to the beach, or he comes back off, saying he's in
the water
and stuff like that, like in the tide, whatever, you know?
He threw his dog shit in the water.
What?
Threw his dog shit in the water.
Was he loving the beach?
He was having a great time.
So, the dog came back a mess.
We washed the dog in the Airbnb.
We gave the dog a bath in the Airbnb, which is like, I didn't feel good about.
Because that's like a, that's a lot to do.
Mm-hmm.
The whole place smells like wet dog.
He's shaking.
We're using their fucking towels to fucking clean.
It definitely changed the vibe of the place for sure, dude.
I don't know the last time you smelled like a soaked fucking dog.
We're using like the VO5 to shampoo him and stuff, whatever was in there.
You got Perp Plus.
It was just like, I'm just saying, I used to Airbnb my place out, and if I came
home
and someone had washed their dog in my tub, I would be quite upset.
Did they say anything?
You get kicked out?
I don't know.
We left this morning.
We didn't get kicked out.
I was smoking Bernie's all over the place.
Really?
Not inside, outside, like a gentleman.
That's Jersey.
It's fucking North Iowa, dude.
You're lucky I wasn't on the roof with my shirt off.
I'm surprised you didn't say you had to smoke Bernie's inside.
Man, I'm having two packs inside for the weekend.
Yeah.
That's pretty trashy, man.
It's real.
That was real.
I didn't feel good about that.
I just, the place, there's dog hair all o