Name: Stealing Beer Money from Kids - Are You Garbage Live: Stand Up Comedy (2022)
Uploaded: 2022-05-14T18:38:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stealing Beer Money from Kids - Are You Garbage Live: Stand Up Comedy (2022)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stealing Beer Money from Kids - Are You Garbage Live: Stand Up Comedy (2022)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-14. Transcript available.

Are you garbage if your dad shoots squirrels off the bird feeder from the
kitchen window?
I don't think it's classy, buddy.
Nothing like a tranquil morning to hear gunshots as you wake up.
Hold on.
I got that, little fucker.
The best is he goes, he makes everyone shut up while he lines up his shot.
Shut the fuck up, goddammit.
Shit.
I got a bogey at 12 o'clock.
He starts throwing the military hand signals.
What's your dad's beef with the squirrels, man?
It's the only thing you have control over there.
The murdering of animals is the only thing he controls.
It's the only time I feel alive.
When I got a chipmunk in my hands.
And I watched the life bleed out of him.
What's your dad do for a living?
He's a retired pharmacist.
You got a pharmacist shooting up squirrels in the backyard?
Hachi machi.
Kept a couple of the pills for himself.
Yeah.
Nothing like a couple of quaaludes and a .22, am I right?
Kid's a fucking dead eye.
Jesus Christ, dude.
Where do you live?
Are you allowed to do that legally?
No.
That's the answer.
It's a flamethrower, so I'm pretty sure it's a . . .
All right, there you go.
I'll give you that.
Clap it up for the D. Smith, everybody.
Oh, man.
Starting it all fucking strong, baby.
Got 12 confirmed kills last week.
All right, where's Ed M?
Eddie?
What's up, bro?
How are you?
Not too bad.
Who you here with, bro?
Nice.
Nice.
And how long you guys been together?
Okay.
Shout out to Eddie for not even fucking faking it.
I don't know, bro.
They fucking come and go, man.
Dude.
That's the way the Eddie operates.
He collapsed under a second line of questioning.
Eddie, do you remember where you met her?
At work?
What kind of work do you do, brother?
Okay.
All right.
Talk to me after the show, my friend.
Now I understand why your shirt's on memory is bad, but still.
Connor steal him a crap, man.
I mean, this is just...
Is it garbage to buy alcohol for minors
then drive off to teach them a lesson?
Eddie, I gotta be honest with you.
I fucking respect the move.
I call balls and strikes up here.
That's pretty fucking good.
That's awesome.
A weed grower trying to teach lessons.
I fucking love.
Hey, man.
That's our beer.
You'll thank me one day, punk.
Throws him a business card for his weed.
Call me when you're 18.
When's the last time you did that, Eddie?
Like four or five years ago.
Four or five years ago.
How old are you?
I'm 30.
Oh, God.
That's too old to be doing that at 25.
That's...
Did they say anything to you?
Did they try to start a shit?
Fuck you, pussies.
Come back to my house to drink this beer, nerd.
How much money did you score?
Uh, usually like 30 bucks.
Usually?
Usually.
Yo, come on.
He's got a fucking data set on this.
He's selling a cocktail waitress.
On a good night, I can make $40, $50.
If I'm really hustling, I'll make it.
One time for Eddie.
God damn, buddy.
Denver's not fucking around so far.
No.