Name: Hard Feelings: Drugs in a Room (PATREON)
Uploaded: 2022-06-04T14:38:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Hard Feelings: Drugs in a Room (PATREON)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Hard Feelings: Drugs in a Room (PATREON)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-04. Transcript available.

Hard Feelings: Drugs in a Room (PATREON)

He's more of a Yellowstone man.
I'm a Lil Huddy kind of guy.
I'm Team Huddy.
Who's Huddy?
Exactly.
Exactly.
Was he a SoundCloud rapper?
Because I want to know.
Lil Huddy.
What up to Huddy?
Me, Tim Dillon, Huddy, all hanging.
Nice.
Lil Huddy was a TikTok star.
Yeah.
He was dating...
Trippie Red.
No.
The Cossey 6ix9ine.
The Charlie Dimalilio girl.
The main TikTok chick was one girl, and they were dating.
I thought it was Jessica.
He's part of the Hype House.
I don't have to explain everything to you.
I thought it was Jessica Respond.
Who?
That's Jessica Rabbit.
No.
Pine Piece ass.
Man.
That was my dream role when I was a kid.
Not Jessica Rabbit.
Her ass?
Yeah.
No, to play the Bob Hoskins role.
That's what I wanted.
That never did it for me.
Roger Rabbit?
The real world, the fucking cartoon.
Zip it.
Give me all or nothing here.
Give me Shawshank or Bobby's world.
On the low, I didn't see it until years later.
I was not swept up in it at all.
I wasn't swept up in Aladdin either.
None of that shit did it for me.
Kick rocks.
I totally like it.
When the mermaid came out, that was just another day of school for me.
Give me a guy with some trials and tribulations.
You know what I mean?
Like somebody who can't pay rent or has got to fucking rob a bank or something.
These fucking cartoons never...
And they don't do it for me now either.
These goddamn superheroes.
Kick rocks.
I'm starting to become...
Well, I don't want to defame it too much, but...
You're going to intro this show at all?
You're fucking hosting.
Oh, hey, everybody.
And welcome back to them hard motherfucking feelings.
I'm your host, H. Foley.
I'm here with Kevin James Ryan.
Hello.
Toby McMuffin is in the building.
Oh, yeah.
Let's get into it tonight on Hard Feelings.
Shake the cameras.
Now, there's bullshit with the ten rings.
I'm losing now.
I need a guy.
I need a guy.
I need a guy.
I can't relate.
What are you talking about?
With movies.
I'm talking about movies here.
Oh.
Movies, Jerry.
After Spider-Man, I don't know.
I got one foot off the door.
How many times can you see a guy fucking zip across the world?
Give me real-life consequences.
They have them.
The guy's shooting fucking webs out of his hand.
I'm supposed to believe that he's going to get locked up.
They just found Chapter 11.
Yeah, that's so insane.
They took his kids.
So insane.
Anyway.
Yeah, it's no good.
I'm off the Super Heroes.
Fuck them.
You know what is great that I watched last night?
Boba Fett.
Rounders.
Classic.
What?
You've never seen Rounders?
No, I've seen it a million times.
Do you mean my identity from 2002 to 2007?
Which is why I wanted to bring it up.
Everybody.
Kibby, tell me you didn't get into poker after you saw Rounders.
No.
I got into poker through Chris Moneymaker when he won the World Series of Poker,
I believe,
in 2003, let's call it.
2002.
And then at that time, Rounders had Boiler Room and then Rounders.
And then we created our own casino.
Toby, you're a young kid.
Let me take you back to that age.
32.
Which I called the most brutal age of all.
It was post-9-11.
All right.
A lot of people were moving.
Snacks sucked.
A lot of people.
Couldn't get good PETA to save my life.
They just discontinued dunkaroos.
Yeah.
Hummus out the door after 9-11.
A lot of people were.
It seemed to me like a lot of people were like starting to move back home.
Move back to like.
Just your dirtbag friends.
Who all busted out.
They did all the blow on the Upper East Side.
So they had to go back to the suburbs with Ma and Pa.
Busted out.
Yeah.
You get out of here.
Your fucking worldview is so fucking skewed.
So anyway, as I was saying, don't listen to him.
You know it is too.
I'm giving you the skinny.
Nothing about you skinny.
So everybody was moving back home.
Everybody was like doing, I don't know, whatever.
Hold on.
No, stop.
This is how you describe things.
Everybody was moving back home.
Who's everybody?
Did you say whom?
Whom.
Hey, Horton, zip it, will you?
I'm telling a tale over here.
Who's everybody?
Trying to chat this long hair up.
It feels like a.
Okay.
No, not it feels.
Give me everybody.
You got a name at least.
All right.
All right.
Jesus.
Can I get a glass of water or something?
If we're saying everybody, I need at least six people.
All right.
Six?
Exactly.
You got two of your dirtbag friends.
Can I use you guys?
Hold on a second.
He's stinking.
It was.
Okay.
So I'm 45.
Around that time, people were starting to get married, buy houses and stuff
like that.
How old were you in 2003?
2003.
It was 20 years ago.
You were 25.
25.
26, 24.
So people were starting to get married.
They were starting to settle down.
They were all doing like the suburban life thing where they would have a party.
They just want to have a party.
That kind of thing.
And every fucking dude.
I just had my tunes, man.
Every fucking dude.
They'd show up with the fucking briefcase with their chips.
Yeah.
Sorry we're trying to wet our beak a little bit.
Play for a little bit of scratch.
Texas Hold'em was real big at the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Of course.
Some say the only pure game left.
Let me tell you something.
Those guys.
Oh, you talking about Doyle?
Shout out to Doyle Brunson.
I know he-
John Malkovich?
No.
What's Doyle Brunson's hand?
I mean, that's insane.
10 deuce.
Come on.
That's the Brunson.
Yeah, of course.
10 deuce officer.
Do you want two fucking world series back and back with the same hand?
Let me get a hose and hose you down like a whale getting shipped from tank to
tank.
I was going to say, if I'm abroad at the bar, I'm moving on to the next guys.
You two stink.
Talking about Rounders.
Yeah, Rounders is a great movie.
And I'll tell you-
Damon.
Let me tell you another thing.
The other guy.
Norton.
Yeah, of course.
Let me tell you another thing.
That chick.
All right.
Tell me the thing.
My hoodie-wearing friend.
Sure.
Those bozos that I see on ESPN for some reason in the middle of the day,
at like the World Series of this and the World Series of that,
I want to smack this shit out of everyone.
They're all fucking cunts.
They have their hoodies and their sunglasses on.
They're being real snarky to each other.
I just want to smack them.
So I don't like it.
I don't like the home poker thing, whatever.
You don't know how to play, do you?
Play Uno like a gentleman.
You don't know how to play, do you?
Play what?
Cards.
Poker.
There's like 45 different versions of it.
It's all the same game of poker.
Yeah, I get it.
I don't know how to play poker.
Deuces, aces, one-eyed faces.
Dead man's hand.
All I need is a chip and a chair.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
It stunk.
I played Hold'em from time to time.
That's what it was like back then.
You would have hated it.
I mean, dude, first of all, you act like you're hanging.
A lot of royal blue button downs.
Yeah, there was a lot of those.
Shout out to Express.
A lot of Maxim magazines laying around.
Also, like, you paint...
Ben Affleck could do no wrong.
You paint this picture like you were cool.
You were a fucking...
You were a zilch living with his parents.
Yeah, you were a drug addict.
No, I wasn't.
I was living in New York on my own with my brother.
You said you didn't leave your apartment for like 18 months one time.
I still live there.
You were a shut-in.
Sure.
That everyone moved away.
And was doing I don't know stuff, is what he said.
And no, whatever.
Everybody seemed to be doing whatever.
I was watching from a distance.
I was like Nick Cage in City of Angels.
Yeah, there was like a huge...
That was a good thing about the other 2000s.
What a movie.
There was a huge, obviously, like, cultural...
Like, the culture behind it.
Douchebags.
Yes, Poker Bros do suck.
But anybody that latches on to anything like that doesn't have an identity
themselves.
I got swept up in that game where you bounce the ball on the little trampoline.
What?
That was like a craze a couple summers ago.
Spike ball?
Spike ball.
Yeah, spike ball's all right.
You got wrapped up in that?
What do you mean?
You haven't been to the beach in six years.
What are you talking about?
I played it a couple of times.
I could see...
Where?
In Astoria?
No.
My parents.
Oh, you guys are playing in the backyard?
Oof, that's a beach-only game, buddy.
The kids are playing in the driveway.
Yikes.
Holy shit.
Was it stickball court closed?
What do you mean?
Throwing half a wiffle ball at you?
Jesus.
We used to play half ball.
Yeah, we didn't play...
Not stickball, half ball.
Real South Philly, old school fucking...
Yeah, half a tennis ball or whatever.
Half a tennis ball or a fucking broomstick.
Up in New York, they got a real skinny stick, real big ball.
Down here in Philly, we got a real big stick.
Well, half ball, there was an art to it.
There was an art to the way you threw it.
You had to, like, saucer it in.
You could really get a piece of that thing.
If you kept that at the end of the broom, good night.
Yeah, they used to play when...
Anyway, back to your Mahjong game or whatever you were talking about.
I was playing high stakes.
Get out of here, high stakes.
We were, man.
We were.
You didn't have high stakes.
Exactly.
That's what makes it even more high stakes.
You play...
All right, so you would sit down at, like, a fucking...
We used to put in a couple hundred...
Like, a hundred bucks or whatever.
Like, three or four of us.
At a casino?
No, you'd be playing...
I mean, yeah, no.
You'd be playing online if you're playing with, like, a team.
Or you would go to the casinos, but when you can't...
This is a Friday night?
No, this is a whatever.
Wednesday?
Yeah, I mean, we used to go to the fucking casinos during...
We used to drive down to Atlantic City during the week when we were 17.
Shout out to Circus...
Not whatever it was.
The West.
Circus, Circus.
Oh, the Wild West.
Dude, don't let anybody in there.
There's infants dealing.
It's crazy.
A couple of toddlers...
There's still remnants of that place, too.
There's still some murals up outside.
It's connected to whatever we do the shows at.
It's connected to the club...
To the hotel we did shows at.
I want to hear how did your team on online?
So there'd be, like, three or four of us, right?
You know.
Naked.
I'm bottomless.
Just bottoms is great.
Tippi's wild.
Um...
I got two pairs.
I got a set of deuces.
Full boat.
I got some low-hanging eights.
Oh, no.
I got tight eights.
I got a set of tight eights wired.
Sometimes you guys say shit on this.
I'm like, it's a shame it's mine to paywall.
I know.
But it is.
No leeksies.
Chicken sandwiches.
No, so you would play...
You get, like...
We would do this, typically, if we were, like, gambling on, like, you know,
college football.
Like, we would go through phases where we were really fucking gambling.
And I don't know why you rolled your eyes at that.
You act like you're Sammy Rothstein.
You're a couple of suburban punks.
Listen, to anybody that's ever done anything and says they did it,
you go, oh, this guy's done something.
You believe this guy?
Anytime anybody says, oh, I've done this, it's like...
If it's something cheesy, yeah, call it out.
Gambling on...
If you guys said you were playing paintball or at a monster truck show,
I'd be like, that's pretty sweet.
So, watching college football and gambling with your boys is...
Not gambling on college football.
That's literally what I just said.
I mixed it in with the poker.
I know, that's what I'm saying.
Are you all wearing khakis?
What's going on?
I was a jean, man, through and through.
But, so we'd be playing fucking...
And then, like, at the end of the night, the games are over.
So, like, you can't...
There's no more fucking action.
But you've been juiced up all fucking day chasing the dragon, you know?
But, like, PokerStars or whatever, you put a couple hundred bucks on there,
everybody throws up, like, a hundred bucks, two hundred bucks, whatever.
And then, uh...
You sit in, like, a fucking...
Regardless of how much money you have, you sit in, like, a one-two game...
Like, a one-two no-limit game.
Like, a smaller game.
And then you, you