Name: Hot School Nurse - Are You Garbage: Stand Up Comedy (2022)
Uploaded: 2022-06-10T19:30:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Hot School Nurse - Are You Garbage: Stand Up Comedy (2022)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Hot School Nurse - Are You Garbage: Stand Up Comedy (2022)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-10. Transcript available.

Oh, baby. All right, let's fucking get into it. Where's Chris C. at?
It's not my real name, but it's Chris C.
Pinhead, did you put on the email Chris C.?
My name's Dimitri, but I emailed Chris C. at gmail.com.
All right, let's try to have it accurate, okay? My real name's Gerard.
You act like we walked into your apartment, like, you Chris C.?
Yeah.
You emailed us an hour ago.
Let me do a little background check.
Let the big thing give it to him.
Yeah, what the fuck? This guy's suspect as it is.
I know.
All right, you got a Captain America t-shirt on that strike one right there.
What's the credit score like?
Not good.
Okay, here we go.
Here we go. Here we go.
What'd you get on your SATs?
I didn't even take them.
My name.
All right, here we go.
We're fucking three for three, ladies and gentlemen. Look at them.
You ever been on the local news?
No.
All right, fair enough. You ruined that. Thank you.
Let's go.
All right, Chris Quet.
Is it garbage to fake a stomachache at school?
Wait, hold on. Let's start over.
There's a lot of twists and turns in this.
Is it garbage to fake a stomachache at school multiple times simply because the
school nurse never wore a bra?
Buddy, I like your style, I like your moves.
Yeah, man.
I take it all back, baby.
I take it all back.
I didn't know I was standing in front of Spicoli.
Jesus Christ.
That's part about it, bro.
Nurse don't wear a bra.
I'm going to have Crohn's disease for a little while.
Holy shit, dude.
How many times are we talking?
Once a day.
That's the nurse.
He was in there staring at me like I was a piece of meat.
You believe this, little pervert?
Here, you want to see him?
What grade are we talking?
Huh?
That was grade.
Oh, that's prime age.
Yeah.
You must have busted on the inside.
Jesus Christ.
I got a tummy ache and a huge boner.
What do I do?
Start with the boner.
I'm hard as a rock, god damn it.
What was her name?
Do you remember her name?
I don't remember her name.
Last name.
What's that?
Last name?
Miss Boner Machine.
I think it was lawyer jumping.
Give him a last name.
Something.
Give him something to play with.
Do it.
Thank you.
We have this.
I meant last name too.
I think I'm an idiot.
What was your middle name?
I just met her general name.
Well, in his defense, he did struggle with his own name.
He's not great with names.
Let's give him that.
He's still thinking about her.
He's rock hard right now.
Well, time for Chrissy, everybody.
Love it.
Thank you.
All right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
All right.
Where's Michael L.?
Hey, what's up, buddy?
How are you?
Looking a nice guy.
Is this your wife, your girlfriend?
Very nice.
Hold on.
You guys been together?
A year.
A year.
A year.
I don't think of anything.
Very nice.
Oh, that's real true.
Wow, she raised his wife.
It was an all-green wedding.
Cinco de Mayo.
Two years running.
Now, do you guys live together?
Yep.
You own your own place, or are you rent?
We're in the practice of life.
Very nice.
Congratulations.
Clap it up for them.
That's awesome.
That's all.
How's the credit score?
Excuse me.
You got your shit together.
Around 700.
All right.
Okay.
Good luck with the house.
Not approved.
What'd you have for breakfast this morning?
A big bowl of marijuana.
I'm over here trying to talk you up, man.
Four gravity bomb kids, fat boy.
Who says a big bowl of marijuana?
Big bowl of enjoying life, brother.
All right, so the world's problems trickle away.
Lay off the reefer.
You might get the house.
You get it?
You forget where it is?
Where are the keys at, dude?
Dude, where's my house?
The bank took it, because you're high.
Dude, where's my house?
He goes, that's funny.
Thanks.
Have you seen the show?
That's trademark, are you garbage, big boy?
I don't get the idea.
I'll stick the suits on you.
All right, Michael's question is, do you know anyone that thinks teriyaki is a
type of animal you can eat?
Buddy, you ain't getting that fucking house.
The teriyaki was spotted in the wild, savaging a wolverine.
Who was it?
Just a squirrel with a stick in his ass.
That deserved way better.
Hold on, big man.
What did you say?
Your 25-year-old brother thought teriyaki was an animal.
How does he explain teriyaki chicken, then?
It's a crossbreed.
It's a crossbreed.
It's a crossbreed.
It's a crossbreed.
Yeah.
They make it in a lab, I'm telling you.
That's insane.
It's like the pig man from years ago.
It's like a turkey tuna.
Everybody knows that.
Holy shit, that's trashy.
That sucks.
That's awesome.
Part of your bloodline.
Clap it up one time for Mike, everybody.