Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Paul Virzi Buying a Horse
Uploaded: 2022-06-22T23:25:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Paul Virzi Buying a Horse' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Paul Virzi Buying a Horse' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-22. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Paul Virzi Buying a Horse

Kip, let's talk about that middle-class famous tour, baby.
Those sweet, sweet live shows.
Woo! About to be kicking into high gear.
It's a stand-up comedy show with a little AYG that we play with the crowd.
Great way to introduce new people to the show.
So grab the squad, grab the homies, grab the bozos, grab your best girl,
grab your best guy, and come out and see us.
Yeah, guys. First date is going to be Red Bank, New Jersey.
That will sell out. Get those tickets.
And we're in Seattle, Portland, Kansas City, Springfield, St. Louis, Nashville.
And up there to Indy, get your tickets.
Like the big man said, it's a great time.
These live shows are bonkers. You've seen Eclipse.
Link in the description. Do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
A little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians
and we find out if they're going to be classy or if they're just a big old
piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Antony's basement.
She has disappeared.
Oh, no.
On the lam.
Okay.
The last thing she said to me is, anybody from FanDuel shows up at the house,
you don't know me.
My co-host is coming at you right next to me.
I got him, technically.
He's the CEO of Are You Garbage?
Bit of an international businessman.
He is the prince of Park Avenue, but always the king of the boardwalk.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James Ryan.
What's up, KJ?
I got the giggles early.
Thanks for tuning in, everybody.
Make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
True to Roof.
...cooking, and then obviously Patreon.com, the greatest goddamn website of all
time.
Check it the fuck out, people.
Yes, sir.
You don't know what you're missing.
You don't.
You're missing millions upon millions of hours of content over there.
Sure.
And that hard feelings, too, where we really let the hair go down.
But how about a nice quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic
man, makes us all look good.
We love him.
You love him.
Give it up for Toby McMullen, everybody.
What's up, dudes?
What's cooking, T-Bone?
No, loving the frames, buddy.
Thanks, pal.
I got my new glasses.
You're the only guy who looks dumber with glasses.
Trying to take my SATs again.
Gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I fucking mean,
incredibly special guest back with us again today.
He's family at this point.
For sure.
He's always been.
We love him.
Fucking absolutely amazing.
And here's the fucking turkey right now.
He has got a brand new Netflix special out right now called Nocturnal Admissions.
Do us a favor and give it up for one of the most classiest guys to ever sit at
fucking T-Bone.
Sure.
Of course.
Mr. Paul Verzi.
Yo, there he is.
Cousin Paulie in the building.
Dude, what's that?
This is like my third.
Yeah.
He did this.
That's real fucking kidding shit, too.
That's three times I've been here.
Yeah, fuck Steph Curry doing this.
This is my third time.
My third fucking repeat.
Yeah, dude, the SNL hosts, right?
They get a jacket for five times.
There you go.
So when I come five, I want an RU Garbage, one of your fucking Coors Light
jackets.
Get a monogram, says Cousin Paulie on it.
A pair of Foley's old sneakers.
Well, since you brought that up, we actually have a little gift for you.
Yes.
We know you're a classy guy.
No.
Listen, this is a fucking big deal.
Paulie's got a special out on Netflix.
It is literally the fucking talk of the town.
Everybody's saying how fucking amazing it is.
Second major special, by the way.
Second major special on Netflix.
Anybody can do one.
They're giving them out.
Anybody can do one.
Anybody can throw it on YouTube, whatever.
If you want to see my first one.
Probably what I'm going to do.
If you want to see my first one, you've got to hunt down a Comedy Central
executive.
He's got it under the bed somewhere.
You've got to go to a theater in Mariupol to take a look at that.
Yikes.
But, buddy, everybody's saying this is, you know, there's specials, then there's
something
that's special.
And the word on the street, this is truly special.
And we wanted to give you this as a token of our gratitude.
Nice bottle of wine.
Nice bottle of cake bread for you.
And you guys know I know my reds.
I know you know your reds.
You choose, okay?
Oh, dude, thank you so much.
Buddy, of course.
Appreciate it.
I figured you could take that home when the time's right.
You've got a couple of steaks on the grill.
Take it home.
I'm sipping that in a car ride tonight.
Stuck in traffic on the Bell Parkway.
I'm Sicilian.
I'll be sipping this like a 40 in fucking 96.
He's got a straw in it.
Driving down the street with a crazy straw and a bottle of cake bread.
What would the person next to me be like about the episode?
Like, I think he's...
They roll up the window.
They're like, I think he's Italian.
I just let it go.
It's all right.
It's what they do.
A little Dean Martin playing.
You'll be all right.
Oh, thank you, dude.
That's awesome, man.
Yeah, I'm really excited.
Congratulations.
I worked real hard on The Hour, and then a pandemic hit, and it actually
allowed me to kind of work on some jokes even more.
Okay.
So it came together.
Everybody who saw it, people that I really love and respect are saying some
nice things.
That's what we're saying, man.
You're still always like, hey, man, when it comes out, but I know that this is
the best work I've done as far as anything that the public is going to see.
So, yeah, I'm just going to leave it to everybody that watches it and hope for
the best.
I was there.
You were there.
I was at the taping.
I opened up, struggled a little bit up front, not going to lie.
Isn't that nuts how comics remember that?
Biggest night of your life?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's going to do it.
Congratulations.
Here's wine.
Dude, my second joke was flat, dude.
I tried ripping.
I wasn't there.
You know what I mean?
How many jokes can you make?
He fucking remembered.
The waitress was loud at that second table.
She dropped the glass.
I'll never forget.
Hand to God.
Hand to God.
I'll never forget.
Put that guy in the back eating a popcorn.
Don't you crazy, too?
We're so nuts.
We remember fucking everything.
It's actually sick.
I know.
I know.
But you fucking nerd.
Like, it was one of those where, like, because you're, you know, I'm nervous
watching you because
I'm like, oh, shit, there's a big, there's a, it's a production.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a proper fucking production.
Yeah.
Directed by Pete Davidson.
I mean, you got the fucking crane.
It's, it's, it's crazy.
Yeah.
It's like a fucking movie.
It is nuts.
Like, the night you do it and you just start seeing the biggest agents and, you
know, and
Pete Davidson reached out to me and we were, he's like, hey, man, I'd love to,
I'd love
to direct this thing.
So he was there and he, he's so cool.
He's just do whatever.
He's, yeah.
He's smoking cigs with Pete Davidson in a locker room.
That's real fucking cool.
Oh, he's the best.
He's the best dude.
He's the most misunderstood.
Like, he's the fucking chillest dude.
So he was there, but everybody's there.
My wife and all these people.
And I'm like, just get the wheels in, I'm in the back.
Like, just get the wheels in the air.
Like, start cooking.
And he starts murdering.
I was like, ooh, all right.
And they did, I said, you know, my wife was like, you guys will love this shit
because
we're on Argue Garbage and I'm, you know, I'm clearly not garbage.
Don't you, don't you forget that out there, you dirtbag.
I don't know how many episodes I got to be on before you guys could just erase
the, let's
just talk.
I'll give you a fucking nice bottle of wine.
There is a diet bottle of Snapple behind that bottle of cake right now.
Yeah, there's a real big contrast here.
It's got dip spit in it.
No, but I said to my, I said to my wife, should we get some champagne out here
for after the
show?
And I said, yeah.
I said, get the bottle of Dom, you know, and then I go, I go two bottles.
I go, I did two specials.
I want two bottles of Dom.
So I was holding him like two trophies and I said to her, I go, but if you get
this,
you, and he was there.
He's got the goggles on like he wanted to.
He's got the green room was all tarred down.
I'm thumping it on my wife's head.
I got the makeup lady in a headlock squirting her face.
Kids are all smoking cigars.
No.
And I said to my wife, I go, listen, here's the deal.
If you get the bottles of Dom on ice, which I knew she would, I said, we're
going strawberries.
And she goes, I go, I need strawberries with it.
And I get off stage.
I come in and there's just two bottles of Dom on ice and just a vat of
strawberries.
He likes his fresh fruits, that Mr.
Ray.
You take a little bite of it and you dump the rest in the, I mean, yeah, it was,
it was,
it was, it was, it was, it was, he's crazy.
Yeah.
No, there's something like, as he's, there's literally something wrong with him.
Kevin, Kevin knows because here's the thing.
I travel.
I've, yeah, we've traveled.
I opened up for you for, you know, for a long time.
I'm known as a, and I think you could attest to this.
I'm a very easygoing laid back dude.
Of course.
But there are certain things where you're just like, oh, he's got a, he's, I
mean, he like
is demanding strawberries.
You're particular.
You're classy.
You like things done right.
But I'll never shit on the people.
Like if they don't do it.
No.
You know, I'll quietly.
I'll hold a grudge for 20, 25 years, but I ain't going to shit on them.
If you're drinking a bottle of Miller High Life with a Laffy Taffy, I'm not
going
to say nothing to your face, but I'm going to trash you in the car.
Yeah, well, what would happen is if they were like, Paul, we couldn't get the
strawberries.
I'd be like, it's fine.
Then I'd call Kevin.
What the fuck was that about?
Don't fucking tell you.
Don't tell my agent.
I'm never fucking coming back here.
Come over eating cantaloupe like an asshole.
Quite frankly, I don't like the bathroom in the hotel.
I don't fucking, what the fuck is it?
You know, there was a hair on the, and then he would hear it, and then we would
go out
and eat and forget about it.
Are you a move the room guy?
Have you ever moved the room at the hotel?
Hey, I don't like this.
Set me up with something else.
No, I'm not a move the room guy, but I'm a, if it's like, if I could see that
it's
like three stars, like lie to me.
If it's three stars, just spruce it up so I think it's close to four, but don't
show
me it's three.
Like, I already know I'm in a shithole, so let's lie.
I gotta sleep here for two nights.
Make sure the remote has a back to it.
That's bad you gotta duct tape fucking remote.
Dude, dumb things.
Like, make the towel an animal.
Makes me better.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, make the fucking.
Make the flower out of it.
Yeah.
You like the toilet paper with the little fold in it?
I do.
The fold in the sticker?
Even though it's like almost gone, like the roll's like half empty.
Yeah.
Just fold it and put a sticker on it.
It makes me feel nice.
I agree with Paul.
You know what I do?
When I first get there, I go, you guys got movies?
This is my way to.
I go, you guys got movies in a room?
And then they go, what do you mean?
Like, movies.
And then when I say that, and they already say no.
I mean the movies you could purchase.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But, you know, sometimes they just got like HBO.
Sure, yeah.
So I always go, hey, you guys got movie in a room to order?
And they go, no.
And I just, that's when I know.
You're in for it for three hours.
Only Adam and Eve, huh?
Now, will you.
Send them a couple hustlers, will you?
And if they just have show time, it's a problem.
You cocksuckers couldn't get