Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Jail on the First Date w/ Kippy and Foley
Uploaded: 2022-06-26T22:54:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Jail on the First Date w/ Kippy and Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Jail on the First Date w/ Kippy and Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-26. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Jail on the First Date w/ Kippy and Foley

Kip, let's talk about that Middle Class Famous Tour, baby.
Those sweet, sweet live shows.
Woo! About to be kicking into high gear.
It's a stand-up comedy show with a little AYG that we play with the crowd.
Great way to introduce new people to the show.
So grab the squad, grab the homies, grab the bozos, grab your best girl,
grab your best guy, and come out and see us.
Yeah, guys. First date is going to be Red Bank, New Jersey.
That will sell out. Get those tickets.
And we're in Seattle, Portland, Kansas City, Springfield, St. Louis, Nashville.
And up there to Indy, get your tickets.
Like the big man said, it's a great time.
These live shows are bonkers. You've seen the clips.
Link in the description. Do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
A little show we sit down.
I got him. Take that, Tootie.
We're having a good time.
A little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find out that you're to be classy or to just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Aunt Tootie's basement.
A little bit of a somber mood upstairs with her.
Oh, no.
Just got off the phone with her lawyer.
Okay.
It turns out that she's going to have to drop the case that she has
against the good people at 7-Eleven.
Oh, no.
Turns out they caught her putting the cup of coffee in the microwave
before she threw it into her own face.
Okay.
So the lawsuit's dead.
But we still got the CVS thing working out,
so it could be a shorthouse in our future.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
This is a family episode.
We got to do a better screening job on these writers.
I'll tell you that right now.
Holy cow.
My co-host is the CEO, the founder, the executive producer of RU Garbage.
He's an international businessman.
He's the prince of Park Avenue, but always the king of the boards, baby.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Somebody's angling for a raise.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
Trigger up!
Cooking!
And then, obviously, head over there, pull up the computer,
fire up the Dell, the Gateway, whatever you got.
The MacBook, www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage.
You can sign up.
You get bonus episodes of AYG every week.
You get bonus episodes of Hard Feelings by the week,
which is the runaway pod of the century, I would say.
Golden Globe nominated.
Yeah, that's like the real behind this.
If you like this show, that one gets real fucking wonky.
It's like Gunsmoke over there.
Yeah, a lot of yelling, a lot of finger pointing, a lot of icing.
It's the show behind the show.
Check it out.
Yeah.
If you do sign up for the Patreon there,
make sure you got your bit rate turned up,
because there's a lot of product over there that you can fucking download right
into your home,
right into your brain.
Terabytes.
Terabytes.
Where's that?
I don't know.
Oh.
Sounds like a...
So where's that?
I thought it was a restaurant.
Trying to get a table of terabytes for two months.
Drop my name.
How about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man.
Makes us all look good.
We love him.
You love him.
Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen.
What's up, dudes?
What up, T-Bone?
Looking fresh, looking stylish, looking chill.
Thanks, dude.
Just want to give a quick shout out to all the boneheads out there.
Oh, boo.
Who's the bonehead?
Who's the bonehead?
Shout out to the boneyard.
All the boners out there.
Oh, man.
You're getting a lot of love in the streets, man.
Listen, I don't hate it.
I got to be honest with you.
While I wanted to hate it at first glance, Kippy loves a good name.
You're going to be opening up for Dave Matthews with a name like that.
Hey, man.
Shout out to Lawrence at the Motion City Soundtrack show.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
That's good stuff.
The boneheads.
Well, put it on a T-shirt.
We'll see how it does.
You know what I mean?
Toby buys six of them.
Let the market dictate the demand.
This is capitalism at its finest, baby.
Yes, sir.
Gang family episode.
We're here.
Went to the gastro guy today.
The gastrologist over there.
Okay.
You ever get a good doctor and you're like, fuck, man.
You're fucking awesome.
And it's just fucking great.
I got a little nervous when I walked in there when I went to give them my copay.
$50.
No big deal.
Cash only.
Cash only at a doctor's.
What is it?
A dive bar?
Where are you at?
Fucking a hole of hands?
Cash only at a doctor.
That's no bueno.
Dude, no shit.
No, no, no.
A dentist, maybe.
I could see that with a dentist.
But cash only at a doctor's office?
What's a credit card machine, Dan?
You look over, there's an ATM machine.
Whacks you over the head for five beans for the fucking surcharge.
Five beans at the machine, five beans.
My bank charged me getting fucking hemmed up.
That's strip club stuff.
Here's the thing.
There was an ATM out in the hall.
Of course there was, dude.
But he's awesome, man.
What part of Queens was it?
Because it wasn't Manhattan, I'll tell you that much.
This has fucking Barrow written all over it.
That was a deep Kentucky.
That's no good.
Yeah.
I mean, I get that he's a nice guy and everything.
No, he's a great doctor, though.
Yeah.
How big is his pinky ring?
What do you mean?
That's crazy, dude.
That's insane.
Shouldn't you have gloves on?
Nah, nah.
We're good.
We're good.
Man.
What, you been getting strange lately?
Sounds like you got some good insurance over there.
Oh, man.
I don't.
My MetroCard and my insurance card are the same card.
Yeah.
My wife keeps going to doctors, and I don't have the heart to tell her that,
like, what
our coverage is nobody.
She's used to German universal health care.
You go whatever for whatever.
She's on there with yours.
Yeah, and I got, like, I got, like.
I got, like, collision.
That's all I got.
You know what I mean?
I got, like, just in case I hit somebody else type thing.
For bar fight purposes.
Two black eyes a year, it covers.
And a boxer's break.
Holy shit.
But she's going to all these doctors.
Chippie's not getting Tommy John surgery.
No, no.
He's the guy doing it.
She's going all, like, you know, she goes for checkups and this and that, and,
you know.
When was the last time you were at a doctor?
I mean, I don't want to talk about it.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't know.
15, 20 years.
You're probably good, then.
The last doctor I went to.
Ah, there's a lot.
I'm probably good, then.
That's your logic.
Well, yeah.
Once you get over the hump, you're good.
Right?
If you haven't broke down now, you're coasting.
The last doctor I was actually, like.
I guess assigned to isn't the word, but my last doctor, my last, like, doctor I've
seen more
than once, put it that way, was my pediatrician, and I went way, way too late
in life to
my pediatrician.
And hit that toy chest, huh?
You know.
Sitting on a race car.
Yeah, it was bad.
But, yeah, I haven't been to an actual doctor.
I think I went for a physical, maybe, like, right when I got out of college.
Maybe to get a job or insurance or something like that.
Trying to join the force?
What's going on?
They make you get a physical for a job?
No, it might have been, like.
What are you, a stunt man?
About to jump the great game.
Yeah, I never heard of such a thing.
No, I think I was enrolling on my job's insurance, and maybe, like, I hadn't
had a physical in,
like, five years.
Oh, okay.
In order to get enrolled, you know, you have to.
Yeah.
I think I had to do.
I think that was it.
They make you go.
But you ever go.
Anytime you go.
I guess as you get older, it's different.
When you go to a different doctor, you walk in, you're like, you know, this ain't
what
I'm used to.
No, it's no good, man.
It's no good.
It's a jack shack.
Yeah, other than the ATM machine and the cigarette machine.
And the craps game going on in the corner.
Dude, stop going to that guy.
Play pinball while you wait.
You walk in, put a stack of quarters on the pool table.
I'll be back in Toronto.
I got next.
I'm in line, daddy-o.
Holy shit.
Achimachi.
Oh, he's put me under the knife in August.
For what?
I'm going to get an endoscopy.
Get the pipes checked out.
Then we're going to go back and do a colonoscopy.
Get it all worked out.
Okay.
All right.
Well, like Chinese finger cuffs.
I got them coming on both ends.
This is very Patreon content, by the way.
We're letting the good people on iTunes and YouTube hear about your butthole.
This is stuff they got to pay for.
All right.
That's Patreon.com.
People say that's their favorite ongoing bit.
I call for a close-up, and Toby never goes to it.
And you don't get it.
Love a good bit.
You don't put your gum in your drink, right?
We've discussed that.
Yeah, no.
What?
No, you don't put it in a soda.
You don't like bubble gum.
Back in the day, you don't like bubble gum at the bottom of the soda when it
gets hard.
No, that ruins the what?
It makes it new gum again.
That's not new gum.
It's hard.
Gum is soft.
You always say that.
It makes it new again.
It revitalizes the flavor.
No.
Okay.
It does not.
Well, by accident, I spit my gum out in a Pellegrino bottle a couple days ago,
and I've gotten
into the bad habit of just drinking whatever drink is in the car, unless it's
been like
old backseat drinks.
Yeah.
Do you remember that Red Bull you got me last week?
Yeah.
I finished that off yesterday around two-ish.
Because it wasn't really that hot.
It wasn't hot.
If it's really, really hot, it's in there.
You're like a raccoon for energy drinks.
That's, yeah.
What are you doing?
Yeah.
It's in there.
That's how you get botulism and shit.
I don't think so.
I don't think it's recommended.
The only thing I'd worry about is if it gets really hot in the car, the microplastics
can get in the water.
That's already happening, I think.
Oh, I know.
Don't you know it, brother?
We're either coming or going.
You know what I mean?
All right.
I feel it.
Yes.
You should stop.
Find a new doctor and stop doing that.
Okay.
I signed a year contract with him.
12-month lease.
First left security.
Get a free cell phone, though.
And I don't know if to change my number.
Guys, this is a family episode.
As you know, when you sign up for that, they're Patreon.
The aforementioned greatest website of all time, we will answer your garbage
question on
the air.
On the air.
On the air.
That's how we do it.
That's how we do it.
People are loving it.
Thank you very much.
This one, this is from T.T.
Jerry's tuna can.
Shout out to Chrissy D.
Shout out to Chrissy D and the whole squad over there.
And the whole squad over there.
This isn't a question.
More of a story-esque.
Never had one ahead.
Been here a long time.
$10, homie.
I got hit by a car in eighth grade.
My parents must have got the worst legal team ever because they only squeezed
the person
for 13 hunts.
For hitting a kid?
Jesus Christ.
Then my parents turned around and took half of it to fix the roof of the mobile
home we
lived in.
That's bad.
Dude, you get fucking hit by a Toyota.
You only get 600 after attack.
Talking about taking one for the team.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's real.
That sucks, man.
We had a kid got hit eighth, seventh, eighth grade skateboarding.
Mm-hmm.
He got fucking mulched pretty bad.
Were you with him?
No.
No, no, no.
I didn't witness it.
I didn't witness it.
He got fucking ran over and like, he's fine now.
Shout out.
But he got like a couple hundred jihads.
Couple hundi?
Couple hundi.
What?
Wet his beak right then.
I think his parents gave him like 10 or something.
He got some cash up front.
Because they knew it was coming?
No.
So like, he got the settlement.
And obviously, when you're like fucking 13 or 14, lik