Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Sam Tallent Returns!
Uploaded: 2022-07-03T23:45:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Sam Tallent Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Sam Tallent Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-03. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Sam Tallent Returns!

Kip, let's talk about that middle-class famous tour, baby.
Those sweet, sweet live shows.
Woo! About to be kicking into high gear.
It's a stand-up comedy show with a little AYG that we play with the crowd.
Great way to introduce new people to the show.
So grab the squad, grab the homies, grab the bozos, grab your best girl,
grab your best guy, and come out and see us.
Yeah, guys. First date is going to be Red Bank, New Jersey.
That will sell out. Get those tickets.
And we're in Seattle, Portland, Kansas City, Springfield, St. Louis, Nashville.
Man, up there to Indy. Get your tickets.
Like the big man said, it's a great time.
These live shows are bonkers. You've seen Eclipse.
Link in the description. Do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
A little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find out if they're good to be classy or if they're just a big old piece
of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Antony's basement.
She had said that she had got fireworks for the 4th.
Okay.
I go upstairs, there's a crate of flashbangs up there.
She's shacking up with some guy on the SWAT team.
I told her I still got all that scuba gear in the garage from the search and
rescue guy.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
You had me on flashbang, big man.
Nothing like getting greedy.
You know what I'm saying, gang?
The American way.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He's the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman, and he is not to be trifled with in the
boardroom or the bedroom.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, gang.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Please.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
True to the roof.
Cook it.
And then, obviously, what is it?
Is it google.com, asjeeves.ebay?
Listen, Jeeves can fucking suck it.
I'm a fucking Sam Yen man.
It's called patreon.com slash are you garbage.
Woo, set up.
And it's a real good time.
Get a bunch of bonus content.
Get episodes of AYG, episodes of Hard Feelings, which is a completely different
podcast we do all together.
You get those weekly.
Get live streams, the whole nine yards.
Check it the fuck out.
Yes, sir.
Please do.
And come see us on the road, gang.
We're fucking kicking it off.
Just added new cities, too.
And how about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic
man.
Makes us all look good.
He crosses the T's and he dots the I's.
Give it up for the good one.
Toby McMullen.
Hey, what's up, dudes?
Hey, pal.
Oh, man.
It's going to be a sick one.
We got a guy who knows how to fucking live in here, dude.
Who does.
He really does, man.
A real fun dude.
Life champion and all-time party animal.
He's got a bottle of fucking Pinot Gris behind him, too.
And it looks cold, which I assume you're going to some park to watch somebody
play the
cello or something and sip on that.
No, I'm going to Tommy Pope's house.
That's a good hang, too, though.
He's pretty trashy.
Oh, yeah.
But visually classy.
Gang, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest back
with us again
today.
He is one of the funniest stand-up comedians working.
He is also an author of this book right here, Running the Light.
You know him.
You love him.
Give it up for the one, the only Sam Towers.
Hey, man.
Hey, thanks for having me back, guys.
That was great.
That's also the first tootie joke you've laughed at all year.
Me?
Yeah.
He got me recently.
See, he knows I'm a big anything with flashbacks.
What are you, my manager?
Keeping a score?
This is my boss, goddammit.
Fucking the quarterly reviews are coming up, and you're reminding him that I
stink.
No, I watch the show, and you'll have this great bit.
You come in real hot, and then Kevin's just checking his watch.
Tell me, what time did we start?
Fucking sit next to Lorne Michaels over here.
Fucking ice at me.
Very good, H.
Good work.
He's just checking the Patreon numbers.
Yeah, we're still rich.
I guess I still need him.
Two, three more months.
Yeah.
You just bought yourself another day.
Stavros is looking for a job.
Accident.
Yeah, there you go.
Stavros is killing it, man.
Shout out to Stavros.
Stavros and that special.
Last time we saw you, we hung out.
We had a nice time.
It seems to me, unless I'm wrong here on the timetable,
that you really started cooking sometime after that.
You started going on the road more,
and then I saw you're in Europe for extended periods.
And I'm not talking about with you and Timmy D.
Yeah, yeah.
You were over there with your squad.
I went over and brought the whole family to Europe for three weeks
over Christmas.
Yeah.
That's what T-Bone's talking about.
I look at you, and it seems to me that you don't let any of the trappings or-
Of success?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm just avoiding it at all costs.
No, of like a city comic where it's like, you're worried about this.
You live out in your space.
You have a life outside of comedy that a lot of people don't have.
Yeah, yeah.
And you're enjoying that and flourishing in that to such a degree that it makes
me happy
to see.
Ah, that's really sweet, man.
It's awesome.
Yeah.
Mortality is a big thing I deal with.
Okay.
So I'm pretty sure I have-
It's a comedy podcast.
Well, you know, but let's be honest.
I probably got 15 good more years.
Oh, it's that.
Yeah.
So I'm trying to get it all in.
I'm trying to get through the weekend.
Yeah.
This guy's talking 15 years.
Fingers crossed.
I didn't even pay my taxes yet.
Yeah, man.
It's fun.
I like to live.
You know, I like to drink nice wine.
I like to be in the water.
You know, I like to eat food.
I'm sorry, Kibbe.
Were you already going out with Tim Dillon on the road?
No, no.
That came afterward.
That started around then.
Yeah, yeah.
I think I was out here last summer, and I started going out with him in
September.
Okay, and then you took a little bit of time off, and you guys all went to
fucking Europe.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
It was a hoot and a holler.
We spread my mom's ashes in like three different rivers.
Fucking awesome.
Yeah.
We're still looking for a killer.
Oh, that's book two.
There you go right there.
Yeah, she died on September 11th last year.
Jesus.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Easy to remember.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Man.
So, yeah, after that, I really realized there's not a lot of time.
That we have, so it's like, let's blow all the cash.
We're not having kids.
Sure.
Yeah, that's good.
You know, my wife, I got life insurance, so when I go down, she's fine.
That's real dirtbag shit.
Well, she's a piece of ass.
You're almost trying to die.
Yeah.
I want to tap out so she still has, you know, a couple good more years to get
some sweet
new hogs.
Sure.
She's a hardworking young doctor with rockin' cans.
Like, you know, I'll leave her a million bucks.
She's good.
There you go.
She's a doctor, so she does well on her own anyway.
Yeah, I know.
You think she would be more invested in how I'm living?
She's got that Millie staring at her.
What are you, nuts?
Yeah.
Yeah, she's got an incentive.
I'd be feeding you Wendy's three nights a week.
Oh, yeah.
She's like, have more butter.
Who cares?
You quit smoking?
Why?
Protein shakes.
It's good.
What is it?
Sugar.
Uh-huh.
But even the stuff that you could do at home with the little cookouts and all
that stuff
and you guys were just at, like, a state fair or something.
You do that kind of stuff and I fucking love it.
Thanks, man.
Was there an influx of cash around, like, sometime after we met for the first
time?
No, no.
I've always been very smart with my money.
And the book was, like, it was life-changing.
Cash-wise.
Yeah, yeah.
Really?
So, you know, we bought the Bronco.
Nice.
I gave my sister an Ethereum for her wedding.
What's that?
It's a whole, it's like a mini Bitcoin.
It's like a, yeah, it's a coin.
Yeah, it's like the silver to Bitcoin's gold.
How much did they a piece?
They were, like, four grand.
Yeah, I dropped one on her little ass.
Nice.
That's the wedding present.
Yeah, that's the wedding present.
How do you give that, though?
That's huge.
You just tell her she has one.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're like, I'll get it to you.
Yeah.
I owe you one Ethereum.
The next day, it just crashed.
It's crazy.
No, it did, dude.
Did it?
Yeah, I gave it, her wedding was, like, end of April, and it was, like, right
around $3,500,
and now they're down to, like, $1,000.
So, she's like, maybe I could have got two.
It's the same difference to you, you know?
She's a greedy little monster.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
I take her to Europe.
Then she's pissed she's not going to Japan with me and my wife in January.
You can't win.
How old is she?
She's 32.
Oh.
Yeah.
Is she out there in the same neck of the woods as you guys?
Yeah, she's in Denver.
So, she's in your life on the daily?
Oh, yeah.
Nice.
Too much, some would say.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I see a lot of old fee.
Why don't you go to Japan?
What the fuck?
And my wife's like, no, this is for us.
Yeah.
I don't want to have sex in spas.
Yeah.
And my sister's like, we'll give you space.
I don't want my sister smelling what I do in Japan.
Those rooms out there are small.
They're so little.
I know.
Yeah.
I'm trying to bang my wife behind a paper sheet.
I just see the silhouettes there.
On a tiny little bed.
I'm just bowing at my wife's vagina.
Wouldn't you say you were always smart with money?
Well, no, I didn't have money for a long time.
I was like destitute forever.
Well, when you were younger, were you the kind of kid that like, you know, if
he cut a lawn,
he put $10 away and all that stuff?
Oh, yeah.
I was so industrious.
I was out cutting lawns.
What are you talking about?
I know.
It's crazy.
I had to bring back up clothes here because I sweat through my first shirt.
I took a cab.
Kind of a real Warren Buffett story.
Yeah.
I also eat McDonald's every day.
He said you were smart with money.
I don't know.
No, yeah.
I was always good with money, but I didn't have any.
So it's really easy to be like, I have $20 till Thursday.
Sure.
Hold on.
Is that budgeted or is that all you got?
Because if Kevin says he has $20.
No, literally like no money.
The only money I had for years was hosting the open mic Monday and Tuesday in
Denver.
And that was a total of like $180.
And then I could scrape together cash on the weekends working.
But it was also like, okay, I'm still going to smoke name brand cigarettes.
I'm still going to spend like a bunch of money on every Miller Lite that I can
get my hands on.
You just learn how to be like, all right, you can make, like you said,
you can make $20 stretch until you get paid again.
Whether it's like, all right, let me get my cigs.
I can get $5 here or a couple beers over there.
I'm going to figure it out.
Yeah.
I mean, we had to do that for years.
Listen, I know we're dirtbags, but from what he said that he was smart with
money,
I thought it was a situation.
I think he's just applying that now.
Applying that now.
I have more money, but I still live like, you know.
Because I used to hate in high school when like you would take a test
and then you'd lean over like the girl next to you and be like,
I definitely failed that.
And she'd be like, I definitely failed it too.
Yeah.
And she gets like an A plus.
Right.
It's like there's people that say they're broke.
I mean, well, they got like 10 grand in the bank.
Right.
They're just smart and they don't even consider that as money.
No.
Yeah.
I mean, it's mostly invested and stuff.
My liquid assets are pretty low.
Liquid assets?
What the fuck?
Well, yeah, man.
You write one bestselling novel in your life.
This next one might be shit.
Who knows?
So I'm trying to save and nut up 