Name: PATREON: Are You Garbage: FAT COURT (Season 2) w/ Kippy & Foley
Uploaded: 2022-07-08T20:50:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'PATREON: Are You Garbage: FAT COURT (Season 2) w/ Kippy & Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'PATREON: Are You Garbage: FAT COURT (Season 2) w/ Kippy & Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-08. Transcript available.

PATREON: Are You Garbage: FAT COURT (Season 2) w/ Kippy & Foley

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Y'all.
We'll show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we finally have to be
classy after a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a glorious day down here in Aunt Tootie's
basement.
But I'm going to tell you folks, because you're the homies.
The Patreons.
That's right. We're here for a bonus episode on the Patreon.
Oh, yeah.
Having a good time over here on the Patreon.
We love each and every one of you, despite what you said about me in the last
seven days.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
He's my goddamn boss.
Do me a favor.
I'm in the hole with this guy.
Shoot me a fucking Yelp review or something like that.
I think they did already.
It ain't good.
Service was bad.
Give me five stars.
I'll take four and a half.
Something.
Make me look good.
This guy's getting ready to kick me to the curb.
Oh, look at him.
Rolling over playing victim already.
Give it up for KJ.
I'm thinking about changing to just Kev.
The beer jackets.
You're a Kev.
No, beer jackets are KJ, I feel.
No, KJ wouldn't wear that.
Kev is the cool guy.
He's still hanging around the area.
Didn't go to college.
He's doing pretty good.
Your stock's really rising.
Everybody loves you.
I'm a nice guy who's not a psychopath, a liar.
Yeah, Toby.
Speaking of Toby McMullen, our good pal, the magic man, another kid fucking
killing it.
I'm fucking falling behind here.
They used to love me.
Now I'm the bad boy.
The bad boy over here.
Really buttering us up for this one, aren't you?
Oh, yeah.
T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen is the gentleman from North Carolina's name.
What's up?
Hey, pal.
I got presents for you guys, by the way.
Oh, nice.
I just wanted to give a quick shout out to all the new kitchen staff over the
last couple
of days.
You're doing a great job in there because we're fucking cooking.
This Patreon's cooking.
Before we get into everything, we just, you know, we hit the $3,600, so the $10,000
bet
will be happening very, very soon once Foley has $5,000.
So it could be six to eight years.
Who the fuck knows?
We'll take that from the nut.
I think we might even take it from the ad money first.
Okay.
Because we want to get that out.
We want to fucking strike while the air is hot because we had to push fucking
the Disney
thing due to the tour.
So, like, I want to fucking get this done.
I mean, you know, get this and give it to the fucking patrons.
They fucking, you know, they rallied behind it and I really want to fuck it.
I want to, you know, so we should be getting that.
But we just got jammed up with that money.
They're really giving me the fucking runaround.
Who is?
The old ad company.
Uh-oh.
I didn't know this.
It got bought by a big ad company.
Really?
And now, like, everything's done online.
So I hit the guy.
I'm like, hey, man, you never sent me the breakdown for the payment this month.
Uh-huh.
And he goes, that's all done online now.
You got to set up an account at fucking JG Wentworth or whatever.
Well, it's my money and I want it now.
It's Kevin's money and I want it now.
So, but yeah.
So I think we're going to do that.
So that, you know, we should have some of that money and then we can, you know,
use, apply that towards the $10,000 bet.
Sounds great.
That'll either be the greatest night or the worst night of my life.
It's going to be fun either way.
It's going to ruin my summer.
How do you think we should do it before we have a lot to get to?
I don't know.
I don't know how we're going to film it, to be honest, once we get into the
casino.
It's going to be dicey.
Fake camp, fake cats.
I also want to get you, you can buy like glasses.
I thought about those.
That would be funny just to like have you going like, all right, here we go.
We're going in.
Even if it's like grainy and whatever, it'll still be fun.
Yeah.
And then I think you could do like.
The problem with the glass.
The cell phone jack, like cell phone pocket.
That was going to be one of the moves for sure.
And if we all do that and we have three fucking camp, three cell phones running
at the table.
Why are you guys all wearing the same glasses?
No, I'm saying if T-Bone has the glasses on.
The glasses only record for like 30 seconds at a time though.
You only need that fucking, you just need you looking at the ding, ding, ding
as it's bouncing around.
We're going bleak, bleak, bleak.
For sure we'll get audio without a question.
Sure.
Because we'll just fucking run them.
I think you can pull your phone out.
Even if you stand back like in the hallway.
Like if you're not at the table.
The hallway.
Where are we doing this at?
Like the walkway.
Yeah.
Like because that's like technically not the floor.
Hold on.
That's an idea.
Like if you're just even back, if you're like five feet behind.
I honestly think, I honestly think if I film it vertically on a phone, no one
will say shit.
I think it's a fucking Instagram story.
Yeah, of course.
That's what I'm saying.
I think you gave me an idea with the hallway.
Instead of going to an actual casino, we go to somebody's casino night and
clean out some church.
That's not a bad idea.
No.
What?
The Baptist church isn't going to take a $10,000 bet.
All right.
They got a bake sale they got to cover.
Send a couple of drinks over to the table.
Will you, Padre?
How the fuck do you get this wine from, huh?
Yikes.
Very exciting.
Yeah.
We'll figure it out.
But like, should we also do like a nice dinner?
Like, what's the night?
After.
But that might ruin the dinner.
I think.
What we need to do.
What we need to do.
The night's ruined.
We're going to lose.
And I'm going to be in serious trouble.
All three of us are doing this.
We need to take the $10,000 out for a nice night on the town.
Like, go around with the stack.
That's pretty funny.
Like, have him at the table and stuff.
He'll have the Pellegrino.
We'll put the little eyes on him.
Tap water for him, please.
We don't know how long he's sticking around.
Yeah, I don't know.
I think if we go to a nice dinner and you have like the buildup, it'll be fun.
We'll be so fucking anxious.
I'll be boozing heavy to forget about it, to shut the old memory off.
And then if we win, we'll go out and we'll buy like a bottle or something
somewhere.
If not, we'll go to that dive bar.
You have to have the money on you, right, when you go in?
Did I ask you this?
What?
I don't know if you Venmoed it or whatever.
I don't gamble.
All right?
Yeah.
We're driving down with 10 jihads.
Cash.
Money.
I'm nervous.
In ones.
So we look cool.
Taking the Kia?
I was thinking we should run a big car because Akash might come down, obviously.
Ooh, a little star power.
Oh, I forgot about that.
And that doubles the bet to $20,000.
What?
Then there was something else of if we win, we put like-
Not doing it, just going to a nice dinner?
If we win, we put like-
A grand on a number?
I don't know if it was a thousand.
It was something.
It was something along those lines.
We do another, a secondary bet.
Jesus Christ.
Whatever.
I have to go back and listen to that said thing.
The loud mouth promises we made?
Mm-hmm.
Yikes.
We really run our fucking yaps, huh?
Yes, we do.
We keep it interesting over here, though.
It made us this far.
It got us this far, so let's keep doing it.
A million dollars next time.
This has nothing to do with the new weigh-in and the new challenge.
No.
All right?
But I was in Wawa, and I got you guys a little present.
Just because we were talking about them the other day.
Pops.
Baseball cards.
Yeah.
Pack a pack of baseball cards for you.
Great.
Of course.
You got a trash can over there?
No, this is great.
I always wanted this.
This is...
Wow.
It's not your fucking birthday present, dickhead.
I just saw it.
We were talking about baseball cards, so I got you a pack.
And the Angels, too.
My favorite team.
It's not just the Angels.
That's who's on the cover.
You probably took the gum out of here already, didn't you?
It was a Snickers.
Let's see what we got here.
Holy shit.
Michael Jordan rookie card.
Holy shit.
Also, what kind of bullshit?
It says you get 16 cards, and then may contain only 9 to 14 cards.
What kind of bozo shit did you get me?
You're a dirtbag through and through.
You know that?
I got the Ace of Clubs.
What's going on here?
Man, talk about getting this screw job over here.
Anybody good?
No, I got a Met off Rip.
There's a couple of good guys on that team.
Piazza?
Who do you got?
Get me a Honda if you do.
Tell him Kippy needs a new CRV.
Mike Piazza Motors?
Yeah.
What if he's in there selling the cards?
I doubt it.
Maybe just on the weekends.
Orioles, brewers.
These stink.
So lay this out.
What's the scoop?
All right.
So, obviously.
Hold on.
Well, we were thinking.
Thank you, Pauly.
Of course.
Thank you, buddy.
This actually, you know, this was sparked by Tom Cassidy of, you know, the AYG
live shows.
I don't know if you heard.
He's a worker over there on a live show.
Yes, he is.
Hey, man.
Hey, man.
When are you going to do something?
It was along those lines.
Hey, man.
What's going to happen?
I think this was probably the first time he spent seven days with you or so.
And it did come at the end of the trip.
Yeah.
His, you know, his, like, whatever you want to call it.
Yes.
If you're not a $10 homie, you might not know what's going on over there.
Sure.
I had a rough weekend in Cali.
I messed up a couple of times.
You ended up costing the company about, I don't know, you know, at least three
grand.
Closer to conservative.
Yeah, that's very conservative.
But we hashed it out on a hard feelings.
Emergency hard feelings.
Yes.
So, I'm digging my way out of a little hole here.
What do you got going on over there?
You got the little hiccups.
You're like Hansi when he drinks too much toilet water.
That's exactly how I got it.
Blue stuff is delicious.
So, and it's honestly, in a, you know, we've been down this road many times,
but it's.
Not many times.
Enough.
It honestly, from a genuine place, you know, emotion, it has been weighing on
me.
No pun intended, I swear to God.
You really do see the behaviors when you're with, when you're together for a
week.
Mm-hmm.
You know what I mean?
You see, you know.
I just see.
How'd you feel about my eating habits in Cali?
If you had it graded from an A to an F.
C minus.
Yeah.
C minus?
That's passing.
C's getting degrees.
Mom, we're going to college.
Community.
For two years, I'll transfer.
I thought you would have said D.
Yeah, it wasn't good.
I think you were being polite.
It wasn't good.
I wasn't.
I don't know why.
I know.
You have this effect on me.
He does.
Join those baseball cards.
You want his affection.
You want his attention.
Get over here.
Yeah.
Squeeze a C out of you in no time.
Okay.
A C.
All right.
Let's call a spade a spade.
It was a D.
A D.
And the extracurricular activities weren't fantastic either.
I didn't snack in between any meals.
I kept it pretty tight with the meals.
Nope.
This is, and like from a non, we talked about this a little bit on the hard
feelings that
came out yesterday that we shot by the pool.
Are you referring to the sweet potato french fries?
The bread?
The bread?
Yeah.
What did I have that had bread?
You order bread every time.
You order bread every breakfast.
Oh.
And hash browns.
I have a slice of hash browns.
I know, but you think this, and I think, I think this is, you know, we did talk
about
this, and I think the disconnect is you're going, I had a slice of bread.
When it's really minimum two slices of bread, and the potatoes, and, you know.
You ordered like a whole pastry, and then pretended like you didn't know what
it was when it
showed up.
What was that?
Ah, the knish.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the knish.
And then got mad at us that you had to eat a healthy lunch.
