Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Robbing the Queen w/ Kippy and Foley
Uploaded: 2022-07-10T22:55:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Robbing the Queen w/ Kippy and Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Robbing the Queen w/ Kippy and Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-10. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Robbing the Queen w/ Kippy and Foley

Gang, that middle-class famous tour is coming your way, and it's coming fast,
baby.
We just added a bunch of new cities.
It's a fantastic time, stand-up comedy show, plus we play a little AYG with the
crowd.
It's a fantastic way to introduce the new bozos and the new homies to the show.
So get the squad and come out and see us.
Yeah, guys, in August, we're going to be in Red Bank, New Jersey.
That show is about to sell out.
Then we're going to Seattle, Portland, September.
We're going to be in Kansas City, Springfield, and St. Louis.
Then in October, we're in Nashville, Indy.
Then November, we're in Philadelphia.
Yikes, coming home.
Then December, we're in Providence, Rhode Island, and Boston.
Get those tickets.
Those shows will sell out.
See you there.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out
they're going to be classy.
Yeah.
But they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here in Toadie's basement.
She's upstairs making some potato bread.
Okay.
That's what she's doing, folks.
All right.
For the neighbors or for the houses, are we expecting company?
What's happening?
I hope I'm wetting my beak on that.
What do you mean?
It's carb-free, I think, too.
She does it with meth.
Gluten-free.
Why is it blue?
Blue magic, baby.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
It's a family episode.
Oh, yeah.
Just the homies, just the bozos, just the gang hanging out together.
Give it up for my best pal in the whole wide world.
Some would say the solar system.
KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, gang.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video album on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
Trader Roof!
Cooking, baby!
It's nice.
Then, obviously, the greatest goddamn website of all time, www.patreon.com.
Slash are you garbage.
You sign up, you get bonus content, episodes of AYG.
You do.
Episodes of Hard Failings.
You do.
A couple of live streams on there, too.
The whole thing's a fucking party.
Get involved.
Ooh, the bald guy ain't lying.
I'll tell you that right now.
And how about a nice quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire.
The magic man makes us all look good.
He crosses the T's and dots the I's.
He works the ones and twos, goddamn it.
Got to be in Ibiza this weekend.
Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What's up, dudes?
T-Bone.
Yeah, I'm working the valet.
It's the only country that would let me park cars.
He's going to be in there dancing like fucking Tara Reid.
Getting white girl hoisted.
He took a pill and Ibiza.
Show Foley, he was cool.
Hanging out with Diplo.
Shout-out to Diplo.
Ooh, that dude's cool, man.
He's got purple hair.
Yeah, he does all right.
He's getting a little too...
Yeah, this is not a show we typically do.
What's he pull down on a gig?
A couple grand?
What?
Yeah?
Yeah.
He does all right.
Hundreds of thousands of dollars.
I think depending on the gig.
All he's got to do is show...
I don't think he's splitting it with you either, all right?
Like, I have to.
All he's got to do is show with his laptop, right?
And he's in.
He's ready to go.
I think it's a little harder than that.
These DJs get made fun of, but you know...
Oh, they're super talented.
I love when that pops in.
I'm dancing around, popping E-bombs.
Let's go.
Fucking smoking moon rocks.
You are.
I wanted to ask you this.
Ask me, buddy.
That's why I'm here.
This is our comedy podcast.
We're trying to be better people.
I don't know, but sure.
On paper, I say I am.
Yeah.
I'm trying to be a better person, do more things, this, that, that.
I want to do things right, okay?
I haven't traditionally done things right.
We don't have a dishwasher, so we wash everything by hand.
My dishwashing...
What's it like to be poor?
Hachi machi.
My dishwashing practice has increased a million fold in the last couple months.
I'm washing more dishes.
Okay.
I'm not just saying, I'll get up, I'll do it.
Just whatever.
Real quick.
You know, I look at it like it's a project.
It takes five minutes, ten minutes.
Whenever you get in the shower, you do it, you're done.
You don't go worry about it.
Uh-huh.
I don't know how my assembly line is, to be honest with you.
I also wouldn't...
I don't think you're the most sanitized guy.
I would assume there's a couple pieces of lettuce and spinach stuck on there.
I've heard complaints.
Oh, yeah.
There's a couple Yelp reviews out there.
Uh-huh.
I can imagine.
Yeah.
I don't have a fucking A rating, I can tell you that.
But I really...
I'm real heavy with the soap.
You know what I mean?
I like a nice scrunchie.
I like using an old gym sock to fucking...
As the sponge.
Yeah, I was gonna ask what your arsenal is like.
I can see you really...
What kind of hardware are you working with?
I can see you rocking with the sponge attached to the handle with the soap in
the handle.
That's pretty good.
That thing's trash.
Dude, my stepdad had one when we were in elementary school.
Hell, yeah.
Well, we would go over.
In the 90s, that was NASA.
Dude, we would go over and play with it.
Oh, man.
It'd be me and my brother posted up at the counter at the sink.
Fucking...
Hey, just get a pot.
Let's see how...
Sir, we're being attacked by dawn.
Yeah.
Let's see how it works on a kettle.
It was like fucking...
No, we were just doing dishes for them.
Fighting over who's palm olive.
Oh, man.
Just doing dishes.
Yeah, we were just fucking...
My mind...
Dude, to see that thing.
I was telling my friend...
I'm like, you should see what my stepdad has.
I like good equipment.
I like fucking getting it all soaked up into hot water and organize it in the
sink.
It's all right, man.
It's all right.
That thing, we're past, though.
No, we got a...
We have the fucking wooden handle like loofah for the cups.
We have a little tiny thing for the metal straws.
We have a nice Scotch-Brite, but it's not Scotch-Brite.
And we got the Scrub Boy.
That's the real deal.
The Scrub Daddy.
The Scrub Daddy.
The thing that's real hard.
Shout out to Shark Tank.
That thing made like a billion dollars.
Yeah, I take it in the shower every once in a while.
Whoa, all right.
Never eaten at your place.
Nope.
That's what it...
That's your problem.
Just to exfoliate.
You cross lines.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what you're not...
Your borders are all wonky.
I like a good scrub.
Then buy a fucking...
Remember, my dad used to clean my fingernails with that scrub and brush.
We've mentioned it, and I have one in my shower.
I can feel the pain.
I took a picture of it.
I keep forgetting to send it to you.
Yeah, don't.
I don't need that.
I don't need a picture of anything in your bathroom.
Scrub them elbows.
My dad always said, here, scrub them elbows.
Yes, sir.
But we have a nice setup.
Okay?
We have good equipment.
She has all kinds of good stuff, but she's out of town.
I'm doing all the dishes.
You're also making all the dishes.
Very true.
You make it sound like you're doing other people's dishes, too.
Like, I know the neighbors do the dishes.
Like, I'm working at a catering hall.
Yeah.
So, I'm doing all the dishes that I make.
So, okay.
Let's say I got a couple of cups.
I got a couple of plates.
I got a couple of silverware in there.
This is what I do.
All right?
You tell me if I'm there or if I'm not there.
So, I organize everything.
Scrape anything off if there is.
Get it up.
I take a cup.
I take the biggest cup I have.
I stick it in there.
I fill that with hot water and soap.
I see where you're going.
That's where the silverware sits for a little while.
Soak it.
You got to do a pre-soak.
Soak it.
Now, my question is, with everything else, okay, obviously, you're going to do
the silverware
at the end.
Do you wash a dish, rinse a dish, and put the dish away?
Or do you soap up the dish, sit it back, soap up the other dish, sit it back,
soap
up the cup, sit it back?
I do, like, an assembly line like that.
I do phase one first.
Sure.
Then I rinse.
Okay?
Take a deuce.
Have a smoke, put the underarm, put Under Armour on it.
Sure.
And then a Armour on Under Armour.
I know what you meant.
And then I put it in the rack.
Uh-huh.
Is that proper?
What do you do?
I don't know.
I'm a one-four guy.
Boom.
I, like, one.
I clean the whole thing front to back.
Wow.
Yeah.
And then rinse it and put it in.
Rinse it.
Well, I mean, we have the dishwasher now.
Sure.
So, but, you know, a pot, yeah, I'm doing all that stuff and placing it.
Pot suck, man.
Pot suck.
I don't clean the outside of the pot, and my theory is-
What do you mean?
If you don't put, if you just, right, you pull a pot out of this.
The sauce is splattering on there from the other pot.
You don't clean the outside of the pot?
If there's something on it, yeah.
Huh.
But my thing is, this is very divisive.
Yes.
This is what you tune in for.
This is the fucking nitty gritty.
If you wash the pot, or, like, you pull a pot out of the bottom, right?
Out of the cabinet.
Right.
You fucking boil pasta or whatever.
Put your pierogies in there.
You're making pierogies.
We're making-
Oh, we are?
Yeah, we're making pierogies.
Well, we gotta get the skillet out, too, because I gotta finish them in the pan.
Yeah.
What am I, a fucking asshole?
You know, like a soggy pierogi.
Oh, dude.
Anybody that gets steamed dumplings or fucking steamed yoza?
I feel like I'm eating baby's feet or something.
I can't do it, dude.
I can't.
They're too soft and mushy and warm.
It's like eating-
Dude, get that in the cast iron.
Fucking put a-
Fucking sear it up for me, will ya?
Put a little jar on that for me, will ya?
Oh, man.
I can't do it.
There was once or twice where Patty fucking tried to hit us with the pierogies
without fucking
doing them in the skillet.
Oh.
Now, as a little fat kid at the school, I would just make them like that.
I would boil them.
That's all I knew how to do.
Desperate times.
I'm not fucking-
Yeah.
I'm not getting a fucking canola oil out, you know what I mean?
You're not fucking Bobby Flay.
What are you doing?
I just learned you're supposed to put them in the pan.
I always thought they just sucked.
Man.
You're eating real-
The old world Siberian recipe.
Toby's like an eight-year-old immigrant.
It's wild.
Was it the far part of Queens?
Has bed bugs?
Not anymore.
Not anymore.
Yeah.
But, all right, so you're making your pierogies.
The outside of that pan, unless you put it in the dirty, wet sink, isn't dirty
and
or wet.
That's crazy.
What do you mean?
If I just don't-
You give it a once over.
No.
Because the food that's inside gets around it and on it and other stuff.
Like, the stuff from the outside gets all over.
But you're going to be specific.
The stuff that's in the pan-
In the pot.
In the pot.
When you turn it or whatever, it gets on the side a little bit.
It's water.
If you're making pierogies, it's just water.
But it's pierogi water.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm not like, it's not wet.
It's dry.
Like, it's not dirty.
I'm a big pierogies.
You don't have to-
Would you wash your face with it?
With what?
Pierogi water.
No.
Then it's dirty.
What?
Is that your gauge of things?
That's what I would came up with.
I mean, that doesn't make any sense.
I don't even know what that means.
Toby?
You literally said you used the scrubber from the dishes on your face.
Hey, I'm a dirt ball.
Listen, that's not on the table.
Well, what's dirty about that?
Nothing got on the outside of it.
I think-
If I just boiled peas or something.
I'm so sorry.
My instinct was to take a shot at Foley.
I agree with Foley.
You got to wash the whole pan.
Thank you.
Pan?
Pot.
And you agree I'm a dirt ball, though?
He doesn't even own a pot and or a pan, I be