Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Whitney Cummings!
Uploaded: 2022-07-27T22:58:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Whitney Cummings!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Whitney Cummings!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-27. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Whitney Cummings!

Hachi-machi, that middle-class famous tour is in full swing, Gipperino.
You ain't lying, fatty.
It's a live comedy show. We play a little AYG with the crowd.
Great way to introduce people to the show.
Bring the squad. Come out and see us.
We're coming, baby.
Yeah, gang, these tickets are selling quickly.
So make sure you get your tickets.
We're coming in, we're going to be Red Bank, New Jersey.
Then we're going to Seattle, Portland, all in August.
Then in September, we're going to Kansas City, Springfield, St. Louis.
Then we're going down to Nashville, hitting Indy.
Coming home to Philly, baby.
The chicken's got to come home to roost.
Then we're hitting Providence, Rhode Island, and up there to Beantown.
Get those tickies.
Let's go.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage.
A little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're
going to be classy.
Yeah.
Or just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Antony's basement.
She just got back from a nice three-day weekend at Central Booking.
Wow.
I told her, you don't start shit in the parking lot of a Phillies game on a
weekend because the judge don't come till Monday.
Yeah.
My co-host is coming at you on a muse this week from right next to me.
We're going to fire these writers, I'm telling you right now.
He is the Prince of Park Avenue, but always the king of the boardwalk, baby.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, gang.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
Shruder up!
Cook it!
And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash
are you garbage.
Check it the fuck out, gang.
Love that money.
It's a party over there.
How about a nice quick shout out to our producer, Extraordinaire, the magic man,
makes us all look good.
He works the ones and twos, he crosses the T's, and he dots the I's.
Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen, everybody.
Hey, what's up, dude?
There he is.
Oh, we got a hot one today, baby.
A star power in this motherfucker.
As my aunt would say, she brought the weather with her.
The long hair ain't lying, folks.
Not the usual bums and bozos you see walking in here.
We got a little star power in the joint.
Some loyalty in here.
We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly,
special guest here with us today for the first time.
She is a legendary stand-up comedian, actor, writer, director, producer, and
podcaster.
It's true.
Of course, she is the host of the amazing podcast, Good For You.
You might have seen her in, but not limited to.
Sit back, put on a cup of coffee.
This is going to take a couple of minutes.
What are you reading from?
Is that your suicide note?
This is making me nervous.
It's all just letters taped together.
From Cosmo.
All right, gang.
You've seen her in What About Brian?
The 7-10 Split.
Tell me you love me.
Okay, this is-
Grizzly Park.
Oh, it's a roast.
Oh, what are you talking about?
No, we're celebrating.
These are earned credits here.
Maid of Honor.
House.
The Jim Gaffigan Show.
The Ridiculous Six.
Undateable Workaholics.
Marin.
Unforgettable.
No, these are just adjectives about me.
Undateable.
Adam Ruins Everything.
How It Ends.
Tacoma FD.
Studio 666.
Good Morning Entertainment Tonight.
Kelly Clarkson.
James Corden.
10 episodes of Wendy Williams, which she co-hosted.
Jimmy Kimmel Live.
6 episodes of that.
Also co-hosted that.
10 episodes of Kelly and Ryan.
Guess what?
Hachi machi.
Co-hosted that.
You've seen her on The View.
Self-Helpless.
The Tonight Show.
Lights Out with David Spade.
Conan Ellen.
The Today Show.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Match Game.
Tiger Belly.
Seth Meyers.
Rachel Ray.
Hold on.
You're just reading the Epstein Manifest.
This is the TV guy if you haven't picked up on it.
She's been on every goddamn show out there, folks.
Pizzagate.
What the fuck?
Craig Ferguson.
Letterman.
Chelsea Lately.
60 episodes of that.
No big fucking deal.
You got Jay Leno.
You got The Pete Holmes Show.
Kill Tony.
Carson Daly.
Your mom's house.
But listen, here's the real fucking turkey right here.
Now, you have the amazing film, The Female Brain, which she wrote, directed,
and starred in.
Then you have her own sitcom, 38 episodes of Whitney.
By the way, it also has Andrew Schultz in it, and he's trying to buy it back
from me.
It's really annoying.
I'm like...
Schultz, we love you!
Like, no.
Sorry about that, Schultz.
You read one scene.
You can't buy this.
Man, that's the joke of the week.
That's a good piece of business right there.
But hang on.
All right, we got 38 episodes of Whitney, which she co-created, co-wrote, and
starred in.
Then you got this little program called Two Broke Girls.
Is that what this is called?
38 episodes.
We do have tits.
Yes, we do.
Two broke women.
She created and starred in and produced that.
She also produced and wrote on the Roseanne revival.
Then you got the comedy specials.
You have Money Shot.
You have I Love You.
I'm Your Girlfriend.
Can I Touch It?
And, of course, the brand new special out on Netflix right now called Jokes.
Ladies and gentlemen, she is one of the funniest, one of the hardest working,
one of the most successful comedians coming around the fucking block.
And we got her down here at Toadies.
Do me a favor.
Give it up for the one, the only, Whitney Cummings.
Yeah.
Look at that.
Look at that.
And let me be clear.
I asked to be on.
Sure.
Get out of here.
To be very clear.
This was not like you guys have been chasing me.
I asked.
You were so far out of the world.
I wouldn't even know how to get to you.
Like, I.
I might have used star maps last time I was in Hollywood.
Floated around the property a little bit.
Falling star maps?
No, but I literally asked.
I was doing Bert's show.
And I was like, I want to do that show.
And he hooked me up.
So, thanks for having me.
Of course.
Shout out to Bert.
We knew this day would come.
That might be.
We've had a lot of, you know, a lot of big timers in here.
That might be the most credits.
Yeah, I mean, that's why.
The 138 episodes of Two Broke Girls.
We're talking about early 2000s network sitcom.
You can't walk into a hotel room and that's not on.
Okay.
It was in color, to be fair.
Let me just.
This was 1944.
That's what I'm saying, Bozo.
You're going to show on network now.
We're talking when it was the real deal.
It was called Two Broke Gals at the time.
Two Broke Lassies.
No, yes, I guess it was.
Welcome back to Two Broke Broads, everybody.
Holy shit.
Yeah, 2010, that's fair.
Yeah, yeah.
That was still.
Dude, come on.
Still cooking.
Yep, yep.
That's fucking, that is insane.
Also, I love the pandering of the Phillies St. Paddy's Day show.
Okay, I'm going to be.
That's top-notch dirtbag in Philly.
You could play Antutty in a movie.
The early years.
You're the prequel to the current Antutty.
Okay, so let me just tell you really.
I am wearing a vintage Phillies shirt.
That's not vintage.
What do you mean vintage?
Touch it, touch it, touch it.
It has leprosy, touch it.
Touch that.
Polio.
So there is a store in Nashville called Starstruck Vintage, and whenever I
perform in Nashville,
I go there and I get gifts for people to give them on my podcast, because I can't
promise
them the numbers you guys can promise people.
So I have to give them gifts to lure them in.
I have $200 on my checking account, just so you know.
I am proper porn.
You know what you should do after this?
Sue me.
Now we're talking.
Slip and fall?
What do you want to do?
Do you know Rob McElhenney?
Yes.
I mean, I don't know him.
It's always sunny in Philadelphia.
So he comes on the show, and you know proper.
Do we know him?
Yeah, we were at his beach house.
I don't fucking know him.
Also, every dirtbag in Philly has like a six degrees connection to Rob.
Like I got a cousin who's like, I once punched him in a cafeteria.
I'm like, all right, all right.
I must have known him that well.
Did you see how gingerly I said his last name?
Sure, I'm a mackerspame.
Yeah, I mean, that was touch and go.
But so I got this for him, and then I never was able to like give it to him.
Then I was like, oh my God, I'm going on our garbage.
They're Philly.
And then I made this stupid, dumb, whore mistake of being like, everyone from
one place low.
Like, is this good or bad?
Yeah, that's 100% of a home run right there.
Yeah, that's, I mean.
Is this a good shirt?
That shirt was probably, that was a bar crawl that was maybe given out at a Philly's
game.
They were big on St. Paddy's Day.
Can you see what, I mean, this is like.
Have you ever looked at a tag?
The year's not on.
It's not milk.
It's not a car.
It's not going to say the date, but you will probably see like this company's
not in business anymore because of child labor.
It's definitely, yeah, it's one of the gildings or whatever it is.
Yeah.
Probably from the 80s, they told me.
It's aged, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It's not brutal.
Don't look at my face when you say that.
It's aged.
The shirt also.
It's aged.
I think it's a 55.
So I was like, you know what?
What am I going to do with this?
I'm just going to wear it and pander.
We love it.
We love it.
Give us.
Which is a fucking garbage move.
I know.
Also, you rolled up in a pretty nice car, by the way.
Pretty fit driver and all.
Got out, opened the door.
Got out of the car.
I've been in premium Ubers.
They don't get out.
No, that's not an Uber.
They barely slow down for my past.
What is that?
And you tagged the car company in the story.
Yes, I did.
What is that?
It me, look, I am hemorrhaging money.
Welcome to the college.
The show's perfect for you.
Do you want to get in a NASCAR?
Because that's what we're about to do.
I just bought a business class trip to Europe, by the way.
I am out of money.
But no, I definitely do the pay to post thing.
You know, like, what is it called?
Sorry, paid partnership.
So it's like Audi said, if you, you know, when you're doing press in New York,
we can give
you a ride, but like tag us.
Damn, that's fucking awesome.
So what, you just get a car?
Yeah, they'll just drive you around, but I have to be corny and be like, hey
guys,
here I am.
And I have to lose my friends and make, to me, I've lost all respect.
Yeah, I judged you immediately.
Yeah, every comedian hates me, but.
Is he outside waiting for you?
Is he your guy for the whole time you're here?
Just for like a couple rides tonight.
Yeah, before I go to the cellar, he'll drop me off.
That's pretty sweet.
We're two blocks away.
It's like having your dad.
It's like, no, can you drop me off like two blocks away so none of the comedians
see
me get out?
What are you talking about?
You pull up right in the front.
Tell those fucking bozos to kick rocks.
Don't watch it.
Hey, watch that.
Shit.
No.
You kidding me?
Flex on these pussies.
Here's the thing about New York.
I never really got it down.
I've spent a ton of time here, but I'm not like great at New York.
I don't have a great sense of direction.
And walking around New York is always embarrassing because I'll do the maps
that'll be like, take
a left here.
And then I'll be like at the corner.
And you got to look up and look down.
You might as well have a sign.
Rob me.
And there's like eight people around me just like, ugh.
Like it's so, it's like, take a left.
Yeah, like it's just embarrassing.
I look like the make a wish kid trying to get to the.
Where's the M&M store?
There are Fuddruckers near here.
Let's get into the origin story of Whitney Cummings.
Yes.
What do you got?
Tell us how you grew up.
D.C.?
So born in Washington, D.C.
Okay.
Like proper?
What was it at the White House?
Like Georgetown.
Okay.
So Geor