Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Shark Week is Trash w/ Kippy and Foley
Uploaded: 2022-07-31T23:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Shark Week is Trash w/ Kippy and Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Shark Week is Trash w/ Kippy and Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-31. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Shark Week is Trash w/ Kippy and Foley

Hachi Machi, that middle-class famous tour is in full swing, Gipperino.
You ain't lying, fatty.
It's a live comedy show. We play a little AYG with the crowd.
Great way to introduce people to the show.
Bring the squad. Come out and see us. We're coming, baby.
Yeah, gang, these tickets are selling quickly, so make sure you get your
tickets.
We're coming in. We're going to be Red Bank, New Jersey.
Then we're going to Seattle, Portland, all in August.
Then in September, we're going to Kansas City, Springfield, St. Louis.
Then we're going down to Nashville, hitting Indy.
Coming home to Philly, baby. The chicken's got to come home to roost.
Then we're hitting Providence, Rhode Island, and up there to Beantown.
Get those tickies.
Let's go.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
A little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out they're
good to be classy.
Yeah.
But they're just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a sweltering day.
Hot.
Down here at Aunt Toadie's basement.
I go into that broad's room.
Uh-huh.
She's got two fucking window units in there.
Yeah.
It's like a Sheetz in that place.
Okay.
I told her, fucking open the door, share the love.
It's like a walk-in.
Fucking pouring sweat in my room.
I feel like I'm on an episode of MASH.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman.
He is not to be trifled with in the boardroom or the bedroom.
Yeah.
And he really stinks up the bathroom.
I can tell you that.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, gang.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe over there on iTunes.
Please.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are.
True to real.
Okay.
Just crossed 80,000 of them motherfuckers.
Love it.
The army of garbage grows, and we love you, and we appreciate it.
Getting new troops every day.
What else?
Is that it?
Patreon.com slash RU Garbage.
You sign up.
You get bonus content.
And, baby, it's going to be fucking flying off the shelf in there.
Oh, yeah.
We do weekly episodes of AYG.
Weekly episodes of Hard Feelings, which is arguably better than AYG.
And when we do, we just crossed our, we just did the Tootie Family Reunion.
Dave and Buster's.
That should be out by the time this is out of T-Bone.
Shout out.
If he fucking finishes it.
I'm kidding.
Also, we got camping lined up.
We're going to be going camping in two weeks.
It's going to be a whole fucking thing.
We got Disney coming up, too.
We had to reschedule Disney, but it's coming up.
We got some other cool things, and it works.
Yeah, so do us a favor.
Get over there to the Patreon.
Check it out.
It's a good time.
And how about a nice quick shout out
to our producer.
Extraordinaire.
Very funny stand-up.
New York City comedian.
We love him.
You fucking love him.
He crosses the T's.
He dots the I's.
He works the ones and twos.
Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin.
Toby McMuffin, everybody.
What up, dudes?
There you are, pal.
Yeah, we're going to pop a fire hydrant or what, dude?
It is hot as fuck.
Summer in the city, baby.
I'm going to fucking get myself arrested so I can cool off at fucking Rikers
for a couple
hours.
Jesus Christ.
Three hops and a cot.
Let's do it.
This is fucking ridiculous.
It fucking sucks, dude.
Fucking crazy out there, man.
Oh, man.
Sweating.
Plus, you got to fucking beg the Uber guys to fucking turn the agency out.
They get real fucking chintzy with it.
Oh, you crack that window.
It's fucking, they put the heat on.
It's like, come on, man.
I know.
Trying to get the best of both worlds.
I'm paying for premium.
And like, what?
I'm footing the bill on you.
I see you rolling around in a fucking Escalade like fucking Joe Biden.
That happened one time and it was a movie premiere and I wanted to impress my
wife.
Are you in this?
No, I'm not.
No, but I interviewed the guy who was in it.
List snubs you.
He signs my head.
Shout out to Joe List and Mr. Louie GK.
Loved the movie.
And that fucking feature film, Fourth of July.
If you haven't seen it, do yourself a fucking favor and check it out.
It's phenomenal.
How many Ubers did you take in the past 48 hours?
I would like to know.
Because I don't keep tabs.
This is more hard feelings.
I don't keep tabs on you.
But there was a lot of Henry charges.
Those records are sealed.
I can't just fucking tell everybody that.
What are you talking about?
Toby, switch over to Patreon real quick.
Hit the switch.
We switch over.
Well, we'll say that.
Let's tease out for hard feelings.
We're doing one after this.
You're not going to be happy.
No, I saw the charges.
I am not happy.
I'm like Kylie Jenner fucking floating around.
Three minute flights.
Did you have a helicopter in the Bronx?
I want to go to the game.
I'm taking Blade back and forth in a skirt.
Oh, no.
Funny, funny, funny, funny.
But I don't go to a lot of events, right?
I went to a UFC event.
And this was a dirt bag move.
Did you win?
TKO.
This is me versus a hot dog.
I got mustard all over me.
Also, shout out to the fucking army of garbage that was in attendance, baby.
Yeah?
I mean, a UFC fight in Long Island is our demo, by the way.
But, you know, that's kind of what...
Hey, hand you a belt.
But this is what I...
I didn't think of this.
And we went with our good friend, Brian.
And he was like...
Shout out to B. Morton.
He goes...
So we get there.
And he goes, you know what you want to do?
I go, what's that?
He goes, we had already had really good seats.
Tell him you're a cut man and get in the ring?
Yeah, but you brought your bucket, right, Kip?
I'm like, what the fuck?
Sew up this pork chop real quick.
See how good you are.
And maybe we've met...
I don't know.
He said, you get to your seats.
Right.
And then you pull out StubHub and see what's unsold so you can move closer.
But you already paid for your seat.
Yeah, but we have really good seats.
Oh, oh.
You mean not pay for the new seats?
No, just see what's available.
That way, you know, no one's going to come and sit there.
Holy shit.
And I was like...
Wouldn't they shoo you back anyway?
What do you mean?
Wouldn't the ushers come?
I mean, we were on the floor.
Right.
But, like, they don't know where...
They just let...
Once you're on the floor, it's kind of wherever you...
Oh, really?
I mean, you have your seats, but, like, they're not checking every aisle.
Okay.
So, like, if you look and be like, oh, the third row's open, you can just walk
up fucking,
yeah, where seats 12, 13, and 14, and you know those tickets aren't sold.
Yeah, they don't do that shit up in the Bronx, man.
They'll fucking yank you out of there like a fucking high school kid.
Yeah, Steinbrenner don't play.
No.
Yeah.
No.
He's trying to get close to Aaron Judge.
But that was like, holy fuck.
I was like, that's a fucking solid move.
That's nice.
That's fucking sneaky.
Did you know it?
That's something I can get behind.
No, I didn't have the ball to do it.
I was getting recognized.
I couldn't get thrown out at the same time.
You moved two, three seats back.
Just to be safe.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
All right, gang.
This is a family episode.
Sure.
As you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon there, we answer your
questions right here,
live, on the air.
On the air.
And we're going to do that right now.
Kevin James, you got weird vibes, dude.
You do.
Turn it into Regis real fucking quick.
We might have to turn the AC on.
He's fucking overeating.
Holy shit.
Yeah, the windshield wiper fluid.
His brain's going to be bubbling in a minute.
Cool me down a little bit.
You ever pee in a radiator?
What?
No, I don't know.
Where did you grow up, dude?
Never robbed banks in the 20s?
I mean, pee on a radiator?
What's that get you?
Because it's too hot.
What?
Yeah, you pee in it if you're out of water in the radiator.
What, you got in the house?
I think you meant just for the weekend.
I didn't know.
See, you and the boys are fucking letting loose.
I genuinely thought you meant like the air conditioner on the side of the house
or something.
I didn't know what.
No, but I have scratched those things on the window here.
Oh, buddy, scratching the coils?
Ah-ji-ma-ji.
Man, that's a good way to get Patty to give you a right hook.
Yeah.
Fucking start scratching at that like a squirrel.
I got yelled at, and then I'm like, that shit doesn't fucking matter.
You got yelled at you.
I think it does.
It seals something up.
No, it doesn't.
It feels real good.
It doesn't.
Yeah, you used to put like, you used your thumb to put your initials in it or
something.
It said KJR.
My mom's like, you cocksuck.
I'm like, it wasn't me, I swear.
For a good time, call Denise, you piece of shit.
That's good stuff.
Yeah, shout out.
That was a fucking great pastime.
You know what else I had in the front of our house?
We had that big green humming box.
The fuck was in that?
I don't know, like the big green power box.
I still don't know what it is.
Yeah, that's new neighborhood shit.
It's a Transformer.
Yeah, that's new neighborhood stuff.
Kippy in disguise.
Fat little shahit sitting on the couch.
Not playing sports or scoring with chicks.
He sits there and watches the show.
How old was I?
If I was eight, it'd be weird if I was scoring with chicks.
He could be laying some groundwork out there pressing the flesh a little bit.
How you doing?
I'm Kippy in three years.
I'm going to want to fuck you.
Yeah, that was new neighborhood shit.
You saw that shit in the neighborhood.
I got jealous.
That and retaining ponds.
You really said in your...
Retaining ponds was a sign of a wealthy neighborhood.
It was a sign of a basement.
No, a basement.
I'm talking about in the neighborhood.
Sure.
I thought it had to do something with basements and flooding and like the water
table or something.
I knew we couldn't afford it.
I can tell you that.
You guys couldn't afford a hole in the ground?
Fucking sump pump city over at Foley's.
Yeah, we used to go swimming in them in a big flood, but you would just have to
stay away
because that hole from it was in there, the sewer.
Catch the whirlpool.
Oh man, that all fucking...
We used to get inner tubes and boogie boards and shit.
End up in Haiti.
Floating out the sewer.
I got a pina colada in my hand and a sombrero on.
Sunglasses are all fucked up.
Hey!
What the fuck?
Talk about margarita.
Hey, give me!
Yeah, it's like the upside down.
That was fucking frightening.
I remember doing that at the time, being like, we shouldn't be doing this.
Oh, 100%.
Anytime we had a strong rain...
Hurricane season, it was like having a pool in your backyard.
Dude, we were fucking partying.
We had the creek over at Townline Townhouse Community.
Now, did you call it a creek or a crick?
Crick is the trashiest word in the...
It's not in the...
Trashiest word in America is crick.
A crick.
Down the crick.
No, we said creek, I think.
Yeah, we were...
I would coin flip.
We did fish for little crawdads, though.
They were everywhere.
Couldn't eat them, but still pick them up and play with them.
I tried.
Still pick them up and play with them.
Crawdads?
Yeah.
Bluebell, Pennsylvania?
I'm telling you, we had these little tiny lobsters that were in the creek.
I swear to God, man.
Okay.
Little fucking Jimmy John's.
You fucking pick them up and hold them up.
Stick them in a girl's face.
Fucking throw them back.
But that thing would flood.
It ran down the whole side of the property, and then it hit a road.
And had the sewer that went in there.
Sure.
There was a grate on the other side that would, like, catch leaves and shit.
Or fucking Little Timmy if he gets sucked in there.
If you went in there, it was fucking...
Yeah, start splitting up the baseball cards.
He ain't