Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Pasta Wars w/ Kippy and Foley
Uploaded: 2022-08-10T23:08:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Pasta Wars w/ Kippy and Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Pasta Wars w/ Kippy and Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-10. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Pasta Wars w/ Kippy and Foley

Hachi machi, that middle class famous tour is in full swing, Gipperino.
You ain't lying, fatty.
It's a live comedy show.
We play a little AYG with the crowd.
Great way to introduce people to the show.
Bring the squad.
Come out and see us.
We're coming, baby.
Yeah, gang, these tickets are selling quickly, so make sure you get your
tickets.
We're coming in.
We're going to be Red Bank, New Jersey.
Then we're going to Seattle, Portland, all in August.
Then in September, we're going Kansas City, Springfield, St. Louis.
Then we're going down to Nashville, hitting Indy, coming home to Philly, baby.
The chicken's got to come home to roost.
Then we're hitting Providence, Rhode Island, and up there to Beantown.
Get those tickies.
Let's go.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Take two.
A little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they
grew up to be classy.
Yeah.
They're just a big old piece of shit.
Trash, trash, shit, shit, shit, shit.
I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here in Antony's basement.
The recession is hitting the household very hard.
Oh, no.
She just tried to sell me back their vacuum cleaner.
Okay.
For the listener, I just did a take two.
I did the same joke.
That was rewrites.
Still got them.
Still got them.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
It's a family episode.
This is a serious broadcast, goddammit.
Quit screwing around.
Stop flubbing lines.
This guy stinks.
I'll take 98 of the intro.
Who's doing these cue cards?
What's going on?
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
As I said, it's a family episode.
He's the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He's an international businessman.
He is the Prince of Park Avenue, the king of the boards.
Fucking Mr. Neptune 2005.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Is that the new one you told me you were going to drop?
He goes, I got one.
Just wait for it, and it's Mr. Neptune.
What are you talking about?
Am I Pharrell?
Come on.
What's up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes over there.
Full video available on YouTube, as you know who those numbers are.
Shritter up.
T-Bone from the Rafters.
Cook it.
And then obviously, I mean, the fucking army of garbage.
Shout out to www.patreon.com slash are you garbage.
It's the greatest goddamn website in all this here land.
Shout out to Sam Yem and Jack Conte, the founders of that fucking greatest
website over there.
Oh, yeah.
Also, people in back right there, little bobbleheads with the boys.
Beautiful piece of artwork right there.
You can sign up.
You get bonus episodes of AYG.
And then you get the fan favorite.
Hard Feelings, which is a completely different podcast than AYG.
Some would say better.
I would say that.
I got a list today, too.
Ooh, I'm coming at you.
It's behind the scenes.
It's me and the big man.
We really go at it.
It's a lot of fun.
It's behind the curtain a little bit.
Yeah, a little HR.
A little cleaning out the bad blood.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the only way we know how to do it.
Dysfunction.
It's where we like to live.
And how about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic
man.
Makes us all look good.
Works the ones and twos.
He crosses the T's.
He dots the I's.
Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin, Mr. Toby McMullen.
What's up, dudes?
What up, T-Bone?
All right.
If anybody want to see the outtakes, I'm fully blown on the intro.
You can Venmo me at Toby McMullen.
I'll send you the outtakes.
And another thing, Mr. Neptune sounds like a professional bowler.
Shout out to the tune.
No, Mr. Neptune would be the person, like the mermaid dancer, like the mermaid
of the boardwalk.
What?
The mermaid of the boardwalk.
That's not a thing.
Yeah, they do like short towns.
They have like the mermaid award for like, it's like a pageant.
Mr. Neptune would be like the guy with the trident that comes out of the water,
like Aquaman.
All right.
So it's an award I won on Mr. Neptune.
You were named Mr. Neptune down the boardwalk.
Mr. Idiot.
Let's continue.
Yeah.
I mean, what is it?
Like maybe in the 1920s they did that.
Step right up.
Step right in.
That's what I was getting at.
Okay.
Jesus.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Your bid stunk.
All right.
Let's do it one more time.
One more time.
Take 48.
We were talking about this slightly.
What were we talking about?
I got something I want to say, too.
Okay.
We were talking about this slightly on the airplane that we were just on
together.
Picking up your check from work.
How did you use to pull that move?
What did you do?
I assume you were a Friday guy the second they were ready.
Yeah.
Because that's how I like to roll.
Well, most of high school, I worked at a grocery store.
Shout out to Acme, the Acme.
I was a bagger.
Local 1144, I believe.
Shoot.
I forget what the local was.
I was in the union, though.
I had to pay my dues.
All right.
Relax.
You weren't putting up any fucking hotels in Vegas.
I was blowing up taxis.
Kippy Buffalino over here.
This is what you're talking about.
I'm a hardworking union man, all right?
At 13.
I'm like Rosie the Riveter.
With a bonnet and everything.
Big set of cans on me.
Yeah, I worked at a grocery store.
So Friday after, I think they would have been ready Thursday.
I forget what it was.
Love the Thursday ready.
Whatever day they were ready, we would go scoop them.
If you weren't working, you'd go scoop them.
And then they cashed them right there.
Because supermarkets used to do that, cash payroll checks.
And they would charge you a little bit, but not if you worked there.
Like if you went in as a non-employee, they would cash it up to whatever, $2,000.
And take whatever, you know, they wet their beaks.
Charge you a cucumber?
But they wouldn't charge us.
So I'd walk with cash right away.
That's nice.
Real nice.
Dangerous for the weekend.
And then I would buy a pack of Bernie's right there, too.
Shout out to Marlboro.
Marlboro Miles I was smoking back then.
High school.
I love the Thursday ready.
They're ready on Thursday, but you're not allowed to come get them until Friday.
But if you work that shift Thursday.
Might be able to leave with it.
They'd let you take it on.
Hey, tomorrow's my day off.
You care if I grab it?
I won't cash it till tomorrow.
If those fuckers weren't there, man, I had to come on my day off.
Fucking feel like a loser.
Checks ready?
Yeah.
Then you got to fucking hang up by the bar.
Well, they're not quite ready yet.
They used to love fucking stringing you along.
Yeah.
But the smart kids would go get it on Monday.
Why?
To not fucking blow it for the weekend.
Yeah, but then I'm going to not party on the weekend.
I got to have my fucking Miller High Life's fucking asshole going to sit there
like a judge.
No shit.
But those kids that fucking had good head on their shoulders, they'd wait till
Monday.
I've been poor my whole entire time.
I mean, I've been living.
You know, some would argue.
My bank account would argue that I'm still living paycheck to paycheck at the
moment.
But, yeah, I never had money ever.
I don't know if you want me to cut this or not, but the reason we started
talking about it is because you said we might switch over to paychecks.
Yeah, that's right.
Which I like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Me and T-Bone waiting here at fucking...
No, T-Bone won it.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
T-Bone won it.
No, no, no.
People who cash checks are crackheads.
I want direct deposit like a gentleman.
Yeah, it would be direct deposit.
I'm not going to print you out a check.
Ah, come on.
That would be fun.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Put a little mailbox.
For tax purposes.
This is hard feelings content.
Grab my check.
Phil X, they're screwing me.
Also on the Patreon, I didn't know Phil X sent me a picture of it when we
called him to see if we could afford to sponsor the race card.
Our financial advisor, Phil X.
He put, new guy Luke put a picture of Phil X like on the phone, like in the
corner.
It's really fucking good.
New guy Luke does good stuff.
He's all right.
He's a good kid.
I wanted to bring this up.
It's been very well documented about how I manage the eggs in my apartment.
Yeah.
Right?
I crack an egg if I'm making some scrambies in the morning, which I tend to.
You crack it and put it back in the thing.
And I made a video the other day.
A lot of hate.
A lot of hate.
Sure.
You know, he would have thought I fucking threw a baby in the ground.
Grand Canyon or something.
We're together on this.
I always thought that you didn't like it, that the missus did it, and you
thought it was crazy.
No, I do it.
She's not the biggest fan, but that's what brings us to this.
Okay.
So I made that video.
I got trashed pretty hard.
Uh-huh.
And she was like, yeah, what are we-
For the record, it's cracking an egg.
Cracking an egg.
Keep the dozen of eggs on the counter where you're making breakfast.
And you put the shells in there.
I put the shell back in, close it up, put it in the fridge.
And when the 12 is gone, the end of the weekend.
The end of the weekend.
Sometimes it's like a day and a half if I'm having breakfast for Dinden.
I'm doing keto.
Fucking 90 eggs a week I'm on.
Yo, Rock, take it easy.
Okay.
All right.
Then you throw it out.
Then I throw it out.
I do the same thing.
It limits cross-contamination.
That's what I say.
The yolk gets everywhere.
It gets all over the fucking place.
It gets everywhere.
And if you don't have a garbage-
This started when I moved out on my own in college for the first time.
I didn't have a garbage disposal.
I grew up with a garbage disposal.
You just fucking chuck them in there.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
What do you do with them?
Do you have a garbage disposal?
Never.
You still don't?
Like in your family?
Your mom's not?
Patty doesn't have a garbage disposal?
Are you nuts?
No.
That thing has power down there?
How do you guys do it?
That's for suckers.
You got the professor on a fucking stationary bike?
Yeah.
No.
No garbage disposal.
Wait, a garbage disposal's for suckers?
Yeah.
Please show me this logic.
Because that's more piping.
It always breaks.
Something always goes wrong.
It's been in my house for 35 years.
There's never been an issue.
No.
You drop your wedding ring down there.
Yeah.
That's my kind of videos.
You get stuck when your aunt comes over.
No.
She gets stuck.
Who doesn't?
How would you get stuck in the garbage disposal?
Is it always the girl that gets stuck?
Yeah.
What's the guy going to do if he's stuck?
He's hemmed up.
Hey, get back here.
What the fuck?
Please.
Hey, Aunt Cindy, don't go nowhere.
Well, I'm going to run and call the plumber.
Oh, you can just suck my dick real quick.
What the hell kind of video are you watching?
I didn't know it was always the girl that got stuck.
Yeah.
All right.
I didn't know you could crack eggs in there either.
Yeah.
Can you put cans and shit in there too?
It's not an incinerator.
I don't know.
Eggshells are pretty hard.
Can you put your dead pets down there?
Eggshells aren't hard, you idiot.
That's crazy.
They're like the most delicate thing in the world.
No, but they're jagged.
That's like glass.
They come padded, man.
That's like glass, though.
What?
That's nuts.
You could put eggs.
Ah, man.
I always wanted one of those.
Yeah, I thought they were for suckers.
And his response was, because it's more pipes.
Yeah, you're not living like a poor person.
So that's when I started, when I didn't have a garbage disposal.
Because then you throw them out.
And in my younger days, you would throw them out.
And that trash wouldn't always make it out right away.
But like in college, there'd be like two or three bags stuck up.
There's eggs falling out.
You ever have a bad egg?
You ever crack