Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Tom Thakkar - Living Dangerously
Uploaded: 2022-09-04T23:00:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Tom Thakkar - Living Dangerously' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Tom Thakkar - Living Dangerously' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-04. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Tom Thakkar - Living Dangerously

Hachi, machi, middle-class famous tour update, Kippy.
Uh-oh.
We got a couple alerts going out.
Straighten them out a little bit.
Kansas City, Springfield, St. Louis, Nashville, Indy, Philadelphia.
That show sold out already three months ahead of time.
We added a second show.
Tickets are on sale right now.
Then we're going up to Providence, Rhode Island.
That's going to sell out in Boston.
There's low ticket alert.
So get those tickets now.
We'd love to see you.
Do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
A little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out they
grew up to be classy.
Yeah.
If they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Antony's basement.
She's upstairs.
Just picked up a new metal detector.
Okay.
Yeah, start it in your room.
Fucking combing the walls, looking for the money.
Okay.
All right.
That missed.
My co-host is coming at you.
Well, I mean, a metal detector doesn't find money.
What are you talking about?
I thought I'd get a laugh.
I don't know.
Okay.
My co-host is coming at you.
Oh, we laughed at you, so it did work.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman.
Uh-huh.
He's not to be trifled with in the boardroom or the bedroom.
Yep.
Or the bathroom.
K-putz, huh?
Kip it up for Kippy, Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, gang.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe over there on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
True to Rope!
...cookin'.
And then, obviously, the greatest goddamn website of all time, www.patreon.com.
Sweet lord.
Slash Are You Garbage.
Sign up, you get a bunch of fucking bonus content, a bunch of videos.
Yeah, you do.
Get the Cribs episodes.
We went golfing.
We did the Dave and Busters with our guests today.
Woo!
We did a bunch of shit.
We went camp.
The whole nine yards.
Check it the fuck out.
Yeah, gang.
And having a nice quick shout-out to our producer, Extraordinaire, the Magic
Man, makes us all
look good.
He crosses the T's, he dots the I's, he works the ones, the twos, and the threes.
Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen, everybody.
What's up, dudes?
What up, T-Bone?
You know what kind of guy I am?
What's that?
I'm the kind of guy who appreciates a guy who shows up late with two tall beers
and two
big bars.
Gang, the long hair ain't lying.
What the hell?
We got a great-
So we're starting the day?
All right.
Grade A dirt bag.
Start the day.
It's three o'clock.
Jesus Christ, the car.
Gang, you fucking know him.
You love him.
He's back for his fourth or fifth time.
He is the Papa Shot Champion 2022.
He forgot about that.
He is our-
How could you forget?
Best day of my life.
Highlight of my life.
It was fucked up how close that was to my wedding because that was the best day
of my life.
So-
Yeah.
Probably got more money out of it, too.
Gang, give it up for Top to Car, everybody.
Hey, Tommy.
Thanks for having me, boys.
Thanks for coming back, man.
Good to see it, Toby.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I'm sorry I'm drunk.
Sorry I'm dumb and drunk.
No, I'm trying to get my tolerance back up.
So I've got to start-
You're not training for the Olympics.
You got Tokyo coming up in a few months.
I'm up to two sixes a day now.
Why are you trying to get your tolerance?
Well, I took-
Why was your tolerance off?
I took two weeks off drinking before the wedding and it plummeted.
And then I was-
The first night I drank, I was like, I'm fucking hammered.
Was that for like vanity purpose?
You wanted to tighten it up?
Yeah, I was trying to tighten it up.
Yeah.
And I had been on a bender.
I'm in the middle of five wedding weekends.
I was just getting hammered all the time.
And just my normal day-to-day life.
I needed to take a little break.
Try to hold off the cirrhosis for a couple of weeks.
I don't want to look yellow in the wedding pictures.
I have jaundice.
How was the wedding?
Oh, it was insane.
It was so good.
It was the best day.
I got to play wiffle ball the day of.
Oh my gosh.
Who are you, 11?
I have the best wife.
I do live the life of a 12-year-old.
It's true, yeah.
You sound a lot like Dennis the Menace.
Before we started filming, you said you had plenty of pizzas there.
That is true.
I had a taco truck and pizzas.
You had a taco truck there?
Yeah, yeah.
I had a taco truck.
Wow, that's a fucking solid move.
Yeah.
I mean, there was no dinner, so that was the food.
Who took it with the taco truck?
But it was a hit.
It was a beeria truck.
Fucking incredible.
You just go up and order whatever you want?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nice.
It was sick.
Yeah, it was the best day.
Played wiffle ball, went and got married.
Who did you play wiffle ball with?
I had some rascals out there, you know, the regular riff-raff.
A couple of street tops running around.
Regulation field?
Where were you playing at?
We were playing at McCarran Park.
I love it.
It's my greatest athletic.
All my athleticism is shit like Papa Shot and wiffle ball and darts.
Which, by the way, we had, so we did the family reunion at Dave & Boss, the Tootie
family reunion
at Dave & Boss.
There's a full vid over there on Patreon.
Did open bar.
We had the food.
He texted me like a half hour before the thing started.
He's like, dude, I'm here practicing.
Where are you at?
I'm like, what the fuck?
I got there.
I was early for that, late for this.
Goddamn Sternos weren't even late when you got there.
We didn't have access to the room.
I didn't see the manager.
I was getting my own beers before.
I didn't need the open bar.
Oh, we got the invoice.
Don't worry.
Hey, is that idiot in the back with you?
I'm like, yeah.
I like how after like an hour or two of being there, when you found out what
could be paid
for it, you were like, fuck, I should have had my wedding here.
I know.
It wasn't that expensive.
It was not expensive.
And he's like, dude, this is crazy.
This is awesome.
This is because this is the best day of my life is what he told me.
It was my dream.
It was so fucking fun.
It wasn't even that.
Honestly, for like whatever, there was like 30 of us.
We all got cards.
We all got unlimited booze for three hours.
It was food.
Food, yeah.
And it really wasn't that expensive.
No.
And I told you what I paid for it.
I couldn't believe it.
Damn, I should have had my wedding here.
Genuinely upset.
It is cheap.
Yeah, I fucked up.
How did you make out on a wedding?
Gish-wise.
We're almost, wait, what's that?
Cash-wise.
Oh, we're almost back to even.
Okay.
It was an expensive wedding.
And some people gave us a lot, which I was like, shit.
I invited too many people hoping this would happen.
The Supreme Pizzas?
And we spent all our money on dodgeballs.
That's right.
Two toppings, and we're not getting no thin crust.
I'm talking heavy deep dish over here.
We're going pan Domino's.
That's good.
How many people were at the wedding?
It was like-
Including the taco truck guy?
170, 172.
That's a big wedding.
That's a big wedding.
That's a big wedding.
It was big.
It was very stressful.
And also, it's like comedians are the fucking worst people on the planet, and
they're all
my friends.
I got a spot at nine.
What about you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So many comics were like sneakily dipping out and coming back.
A lot of people are probably asking, yeah, but what time do you go on?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got to get out of here.
I legitimately got shit like that.
People canceling like a day out because they got a loony bin feature spot and
some shit.
Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, it's crazy.
And they don't tell you.
Like, I found out through like-
A Facebook status?
Yeah.
They're like, I'm going to be at Uncle Chucky's fuck house this weekend.
And I'm like, I thought you RSVP'd yes to the wedding.
They're like, oh, yeah, I thought you didn't care.
And I'm like, that cost me a bunch of fucking money, you piece of shit.
You're the best man, Dirtball.
What are you doing?
Yeah.
Comics are notoriously bad with that, for sure.
Anybody dress out of sorts?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What was the attire?
It was supposed to be like cocktail attire.
Wiffleball classy?
Yeah, yeah.
You show up ready to play.
Wiffleball classy.
You wear your pinstripes.
We're doing home jerseys.
This is one of the boys.
Stickball chic.
You wear your finest cleats.
Yeah, no.
There were some people dressed to play wiffleball.
It was all my friends.
All of her friends and family dressed incredibly.
And then I had a buddy show up in a long-sleeved t-shirt.
And he was like, it's long-sleeved, though.
That's the fancy one.
The best is the justification for it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's fucking funny.
He was like, it was one of my hotter guy friends.
And he was like, look, I'm a hot guy.
Nobody cares how I dress.
And he was kind of right.
Was it in a church?
Did you get married in a church?
No, it was at the bell house.
Really?
Okay, so you did the whole thing there.
Yeah, we got married at a little Italian restaurant the night before because we
didn't want people to watch us do that.
Okay, so it was just a party.
So it was just a party.
We had speeches and it kind of turned into a show.
It was great.
We had to get our spots in.
I had to bail her to go to the stand-up New York.
Somebody in the audience, who books this?
Anybody know?
Where was the Italian wedding?
Where'd you do that?
That was in Williamsburg at La La Canda.
Yeah, yeah.
The finest Olive Garden.
Pizza, pizza.
We did check out an Olive Garden-like place.
And I was like, this would work for me.
This would be good.
Those places are great.
And who married you?
My mom.
Your mom did?
Yep, yep.
She claims that she's certified for that shit.
You didn't even check?
We'll see.
She didn't show me her credentials, but we filled out the paperwork, so we'll
see.
That's really all formality, right?
You're married in the courts.
No, you still need...
I mean, you can do it that way.
We did it.
She swore that she was an officiant, so we'll see.
Doesn't she have to have paperwork or something?
We had to get the paperwork from the courts.
Yeah, we had to get the license application.
No, but doesn't your mom have to have paperwork saying that she's allowed?
I didn't look at it, but she said she had it.
She does not have it.
She claims she's ordained.
We'll see.
How did she do?
She's great.
She killed it.
Is it good?
Yeah, she killed it.
Although it was like...
They booked her again the next weekend.
Yeah, she's featuring.
New host of the Bell House.
No, it was great.
I got hammered.
Congratulations.
We had a nice little hotel for it, and I...
Staying in a hotel in the city you live in is a fun time.
It's cool.
Vacation, not bad.
It's cool.
I was like, I'm such a penny-pinching bitch that I was like,
we don't have to get a hotel, but the place was sick.
At the end of the night, she wanted to go home earlier than I did,
and I could...
You can't leave.
You can't let your wife go home earlier than you on the night of your way.
I was like, fuck, let's go back, and I woke up.
She's sleeping with a half-empty box of pizza.
I'm in the middle of my closer.
I snuck two burritos out and a shot of fireball.
I had a little nip of fireball, and I...
She went to bed earlier than me, and we had a little balcony,
and I smoked a cigar and sipped a little nip of fireball by myself,
and she woke up and saw the scene out there.
It was like, what the fuck did you do on our wedding night?
Who did I marry?
Yeah, yeah.
That's good stuff, buddy.
Congratulations.
Thank you, boys.
That's great.
Let's get into some cues here, gang.
Tom, so glad to have you here.
Gang, when you know when you sign up for the Patreon,
get your questions right on the air.
We got Mr. Tom Takar, Papa Shot Champ,
here with us to ans