Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Redemption of Ari Shaffir
Uploaded: 2022-11-02T22:59:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Redemption of Ari Shaffir' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Redemption of Ari Shaffir' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-02. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Redemption of Ari Shaffir

attention attention bozos and homies we got the card game for sale which is
running out and we
also got some live dates that just keep on trucking gang the card game is
running out we're
running out of supplies do yourself a favor act now pick up the card we're
never making it again
it's the last time we're making this edition so do yourself a favor pick up a
pack let's go uh
yeah guys we also uh this month in november we have two shows in atlanta one
sold out early
tickets still left for the early show and then we're going to charlotte north
carolina get those
tickies philadelphia two shows are sold out we got some tickets left in providence
on the second show
get those tickets and boston's about to sell out if you're in if you're in beantown
let's go let's
party do it gang we love you gang this episode is sponsored by our good friends
at established titles
as you know with established titles you can buy as little as one square foot of
dedicated land over
there in scotland and you can call yourself a lord or a lady it's a fun way to
preserve the scottish
woodlands yeah guys it's fantastic a title pack gives you uh at least one
square foot as the big
man said if dedicated land on a private estate in eddleston scotland an
official certificate with a
crest will be sent to you check here i got it in my hand baby uh it's fantastic
i got one big man got
one debunk got one new guy luke out there not a landowner yet maybe one day he'll
get his act
together become a landowner i've been throwing that on my my family's face
charging you rent over there
uh established titles is actually running an early uh black friday sale it
makes a great last minute
gift plus if you use the code garbage you'll get an additional 10 off go to
established titles.com
slash garbage to get your gifts now and help support the channel baby support
the people who support the
channel it's true uh established titles.com slash garbage to get your gifts now
do it do it welcome to
another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your
favorite comedians are
classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h
foley
hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast
this is are you
garbage oh yeah well show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find
out they're going
to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash i'm your host h foley
coming at you on a
beautiful day we're down here at aunt tootie's basement she's upstairs making a
nice fresh batch of
kugel okay and shishushka okay in honor of our guests that we have today my co-host
is coming at
you from right next to me he is the ceo of are you garbage he is an
international businessman he is
not to be trifled with in the boardroom or the bedroom give it up for kj how
about that kevin james
ryan everybody come on hey what's up guys thanks for tuning in as always please
make sure you rate
view subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube as you know those
numbers are
closing in on a hundred k let's go let's get there get that plaque yeah uh and
then obviously
the greatest goddamn website of all time www.patreon.com slash are you garbage
baby a lot of that money
check it the fuck out yes we do have a nice quick shout out to our producer
extraordinaire
had his nose wide open at a couple of casino tables recently he's upside down
with draft kings give it up
d-bone mcmuffin toby mcmullen everybody what's up dude don't bet on aaron rogers
or against him
that's all i have to say had a real nice time down there in vegas kid likes the
over what are you
gonna do gang we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and i mean
incredibly special guests
back with us again today we're gonna do something real fun with them uh you
know him you love him he
has a brand new special out on youtube right now that you gotta check out
entitled jew his title not
a lot of crosses there ladies and gentlemen mr ari shaffir come on thank you
thank you for having
me back now you're all dressed up you came in you wanted to look nice because
first time that you
appeared on the show you were deemed garbage you did not like that rule i didn't
like it you
you fought it for since we since that happened not only that he will comment
himself in new our
new youtube episodes that ari shaffir is not trash yeah i didn't like it at all
it stuck with me it
burned me more than uh most of my uh defeats in life okay so what we're gonna
do today is we're
gonna go over some of your answers from your first appearance okay which you
say you are not garbage
i think i'm classy okay all right he did show up in the suit which is fucking
awesome that thing's
mean by the way a little three-piece that's a clip on tie though don't you lie
that suit was more
than fifty dollars all right handmade in hong kong by a guy who's a tailor from
mao i don't know you
only twenty bucks you look like you should be getting yelled at by james corden
right now
the black shirt's brutal anyway he's here he's all dressed up you claim that
you're not garbage
we're going to go over the answers of your of your first appearance we're going
to ask you some
new questions and we're going to go from there we're going to give you one more
shot
thank you redemption only you would we give a redemption i appreciate the only
guy that asked
by the way i appreciate the opportunity esquires but before but before that you
got a brand new
special out congratulations i remember when you were filming it i know how much
work you put into it
uh congrats man thanks buddy i'm really excited about it i did the roulette in
uh in brooklyn home of
the jews um home of the landlords huh home of the landlords yeah if you get evicted
the paperwork
goes right through that neighborhood uh yeah yeah it's great i'm really excited
about it i saw it
you showed me uh you know just like a little bit of it on the phone it looks
fucking yeah it looks
fantastic we got like we got thousands of candles and put them up there to make
it to make it go with
the uh with the sort of the theme of the thing but it's just a stand-up hour
and you guys are
going to love i'm really excited about it it's fucking hilarious best special
you've seen since
i don't know that other one jesus made that speech since fluffy
all right so here we go you got the new special out you're a new man let's see
if you are no longer
garbage all right so we're going to go over some of your answers from your
first appearance as we said
okay kippy you want to take it away sure or do we want to allow him to you you
said you have a few
things that you feel are classy i just yeah i do have some things you've
analyzed you've analyzed
some of your things that you do that you think make you a classy individual
yeah well i think the
court will hear your case proceed when you're ready i know how to uh do a place
setting oh what does
that mean i know where forks and spoons go and in what order all right so you've
been to an outback
steakhouse big deal he stole he stole the knife okay so how does it go toby up
to how many forks and
spoons yeah two each
all right so you have the plate in the center of the table what side does the
uh the knife go on the
knife goes on the right side that's very good i think he struggled on that one
he almost he he
i had to do what it is for us right side i just so happen to have extensive
experience in the fine
dining uh industry does the butter knife face into the plate or out to the
plate out from the plate
faces in the sharp side faces in because you wouldn't want to cut yourself
reaching for anything that's
that's very good that's pretty good i don't know i don't know this has wikipedia
written all over it dude
although he has he was just walking around the dining room at del frisco sorry
we're not open yet
although you and we're not hiring you have eaten at very nice restaurants
around the world i have
eaten at nice restaurants and i've been to a lot of shabbos meals over at
family's houses okay
yeah so this way i grew up among class and uh i don't know if a shabbos meal
would count as fine
dining though i think it's just a fork and a knife right yeah but you want to
impress the other
families coming over like look at us okay you don't just throw like it's not a
dick's last resort
new reference
shout out to dick's last resort over there on fremont street in las vegas chuck
silverware at you
what is the um what fork goes first the salad fork goes first guys this is
easier to remember it
if you're classy if you want to pretend like you're classy easy way to remember
it is you go outside
in what you're eating i hate them soup spoon on the outside dessert spoon on
the inside salad fork
on the outside meat fork on the inside you'll be all class i don't like this
new harry uh just for
the record he forgot the cocktail fork and the steak knife is not on the table
until the second
court steak knife fuck off now do you clear from the left or do you clear from
the right let's move on to
the next thing
okay let's not get caught up uh badgering the witness your honor let's not get
caught up in one
one detail what makes me classy by the way that's pretty good you kind of know
how to eat at a
restaurant i'll give you that listen i i don't i'm not typically on a side but
i gotta call balls
and strikes here most people probably wouldn't know that that we have in here
sure you're in the
you're in the you're in the right hand right half of the bell curve i'll give
you that thank you
when you get your salad fork you you want you ask them to heat it up for you i
no i would never do
that okay also you don't eat until the woman is at the table as well until the
broad gets back from
however one exception to that soup go ahead don't let it get cold okay i'll
give you that is that is
that an ari shafir freestyle or is that might be just my family i'm not really
sure just my jewish
family which you'll hear about an ari shafir jew on youtube now all i want you
to do is watch it there
there you go okay so here's here's another thing that makes me classy i've been
to london england
you are well traveled yeah he probably stayed in a hostel though it's not fair
yeah but but not
cambodia like you have whatever you bought in that box hey hey hey this is an
american-made company
oh yeah yeah tootie what's going on here where are you ordering from those kids
came here on their
own volition um you had you are you are well traveled you've been to london but
it's not
cla- it's backpacking and shit it's not classy travel it's a bunch of toothless
guys eating beans
yeah i don't know this is yeah i still i still class i still give them i still
give them the uh
enrichment of travel and even when he enrichment yes he's a very enlightened
fellow yes you've been
to asia i've been to asia many countries in asia right you've been this summer
you went to uh france
oh yeah france that's class he went there to take a writing class yeah i went
there to take a
regular i picked up a hand-rolled cigarette smoking huh people like you smoke
am i faking it
yeah yeah you do look classy when you you either look very trashy or very
classy i had trouble
rolling i forgot about this and i just couldn't what am i getting wrong and my
friend was getting
it right and then we looked at my pouch it was uh cigar tobacco huh he's got
huge tobacco
pipe pipe tobacco i want to go on record i'm sure it's a nice suit i'm sure you
don't look good in
the suit you don't look i disagree you don't think you're about to screw me on
a sonata all right
i don't like that he's turned us against each other either just get in the car
just try it you'll
see it smell it smell yourself on the inside yeah where's the where's the suit
from did you get it
made in china i made it got made in hong kong china at a recommendation from
tom rhodes what did
that set you back how much 300 i was like 300 it's not like 40 bucks he was
like dude it's a classy
suit yeah i mean handmade