Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Tom Papa!
Uploaded: 2022-12-18T23:58:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Tom Papa!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Tom Papa!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-18. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Tom Papa!

Stop the show, gang. We've got an important announcement.
The boys are doing a live stream, New Year's Day.
Come hang out with the squad down here with Tooties.
We're going to have some special guests.
Might be an appearance from Patty and Denise.
You don't know what's going to happen. It's going to be a good time.
Get a hair and a dog in you. Kick off 2023 right.
And that ain't it, you bozos.
We've got a third show at the Gramercy Theater.
Shout out to the Army of Garbage, baby.
We're on sale now. Our third show.
It's going to be February 3rd. That's a Friday night.
Get your tickies now. New York City, Army of Garbage. Let's go.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
A little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they're
good to be classy.
Yeah.
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Antutti's basement.
She's upstairs, has her eye on that new divorcee that moved in across the
street.
Okay.
Says he's easy pickings.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He's an international businessman, but he always gives back to the community.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
True to roo.
Over $100,000, baby.
Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RUGarbage.
Love that money, baby.
And then we just announced our third date at the Gramercy Theater.
It's on sale.
We sold out the first two in like two days.
Get those tickets to the third one before they sell out.
Do it, gang.
And grab tickets to the live stream.
And the live stream on January 1st.
New Year's Day.
Come see us, gang.
It's going to be fun.
And I'll be a nice quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic
man.
Makes us all look good.
Works the ones and twos.
Crosses the T's.
Dots the I's.
Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin.
Toby McBone, everybody.
T-Bone.
Hey, what's up, dudes?
What's up?
I'm excited.
Nope.
This guy didn't bring us bread, but he did bring us Al Capone's hat.
I know.
Classy gentleman in here.
Gang, the long hair ain't lying because we couldn't be more excited to have our
incredibly,
and I mean incredibly, special guest here with us today for the first time.
He is a legendary stand-up comedian, actor, writer, podcaster, and producer.
And you may have seen him in, but not limited to, here we go.
We got Bee Movie, Analyze That, New Adventures of Old Christine, The Informant,
Behind the
Candelabra, Inside Amy Schumer, Top Five, The Nick, The Jim Gaffigan Show, Red
Oaks, Paper
Spiders, North Hollywood.
He has two Comedy Central Presents.
He wrote 22 episodes of The Marriage Ref.
You've also seen him in The Comedian, Carson Daly, Conan O'Brien, The Late Show,
Oprah,
Ever Heard of Her, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Last Comic Standing, Your Mom's House,
The Tonight Show,
This Is Not Happening, Cop Show, Larry Wilmore, Craig Ferguson, Something's
Burning, WTF,
Cobert, Lights Out with David Spade, Joe Rogan, Seth Meyers, and he's going to
be in the brand new Ben Affleck,
Matt Damon movie entitled Air Jordan.
You can hear him every week on his amazing podcast, Breaking Bread with Tom
Papa,
and a serious XM show with Fortune Feimster.
What a joke.
Specials include Calm, Cool, and Collected, Tom Papa Live in New York City, Freaked
Out,
Human Mule, You're Doing Great, and he has a brand new Netflix special out
right now called
What a Day, but the big question in everybody's mind, is he garbage?
Like the boy said, first guy to walk in here with a fedora and pull it off.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Mr. Tom Papa.
What a day.
What an intro.
Tommy.
Congratulations, sir.
Thank you very much.
Why live stream on New Year's Day?
It's like a hangover show.
We're going to live stream from here.
Hangover.
A little bit of hair of the dog, you know?
So how do you play?
Will you just go rip it up on New Year's and kind of come in a mess, or do you
dial it back?
That's the plan.
No, we're going heavy.
Yeah, come correct or don't come at all, Tom.
I like it.
I like it.
You're going to come and hammer it.
I'm going to be drinking Alka-Seltzers and vodka.
I got to be honest.
I opened the door to let Tom, I thought he was a hit man.
I thought he was the landlord about to evict us.
I didn't know what was going on.
This is the classiest dress guy we've had in here.
Jimmy Scagnetti says hello.
Jesus.
That's a sharp hat, man.
Yeah.
Get the cannoli.
I'm imagining that you're going to be all class.
You're a sharp guy.
You carry yourself very sharp.
I'm very interested.
But he is from Jersey, I believe.
He's from Jersey.
That's a little dirt under the fingernails.
Yeah, good point.
Good point.
Give us the origin story of Tom Papa.
Give us the whole scoop.
Born in Passaic, New Jersey.
Okay.
Grew up as a Jersey kid.
My parents met in high school.
They're still together now.
Nice.
I'm the oldest of three.
I've got two younger sisters.
Grew up mostly in Park Ridge and Woodcliffe Lake, New Jersey.
Okay.
Up north.
Went to high school there.
I was class clown and captain of the football team.
Man, this guy does it all.
I had the combo.
And then I...
Prom king and prom queen.
Wanted to be a comedian since I was seventh grade.
Okay.
And...
But my parents wanted me to go to college.
So I went to Ryder College.
Yeah, my brother went there.
First semester.
Nice.
There's a lot of that.
I describe it as down the street from Princeton.
Oh, you go to Princeton.
Down the street.
Right down 95.
Yeah.
Do you play ball there?
Do you play football there?
No, that's why I went there was they had gotten in trouble and their football
program was disbanded.
Huh.
They had no football.
And I was done with football.
I went from kindergarten to 12th grade.
Damn.
What position were you playing?
I was...
My high school career, I was fullback in defensive end.
Damn.
And I was...
But I was done.
I knew I wasn't going to keep playing.
Is this North Jersey you're playing?
This is North Jersey.
What high school did you go to?
Pasquick Hills.
That's a pretty good squad.
It was a good squad.
Yeah.
It was a good squad.
A lot of talented kids.
We were like a little over...
We were probably...
We missed like...
We had a coach fall out our senior year.
They fired our coach and brought a new guy in.
Kind of messed everything up.
But we were winning like all the way through.
And then that year was just kind of done.
And I was done.
Just over.
Yeah.
I'm not going to...
My father was like maybe play Division III.
And I was like maybe not.
Maybe it's time to go be a comedian.
You're like Mean Joe Green.
Ice in your knees.
Nah, Pop.
I'm hanging it up.
You're 18.
What are you doing?
I'm not.
It's in the best shape of your life.
I want to spend more time with my family.
So I went there because they had theater department, but they didn't have
football.
Okay.
Smart.
And so it kind of took it out of that debate out of the house.
So then I went there.
I started acting and stuff.
Got through four years.
Got out.
Graduated.
Graduated.
Yeah.
Did it.
B.A. in acting?
In communications.
Okay.
But spent all my time in the theater.
The whole time was just in the theater doing the plays.
That was it.
I just did that nonstop.
Got out of school.
Moved up to Paramus.
Lived in Paramus and saw in the Village Voice that I started, I took some
acting classes
and I was like, how do I audition for stuff?
What were you doing in Paramus?
It was close to the city.
Oh, okay.
And I couldn't afford the city yet.
And I was, but I wanted to be a comedian.
And I realized I opened the Village Voice and saw I can do an open mic at New
York Comedy
Club or I could try and get parts like through, I was like, well, this thing
sounds better.
Just go do the thing.
Five of my friends sit in the audience.
I'm going to be on stage on June 12th, 1993.
There you go.
And I went and I did it.
And I was hooked.
The only other comedian in the place was Greg Giraldo, who was a young Greg.
Shout out to the greatest.
The greatest.
Waiting to go on, all nervous.
And we became pals.
And then I just started.
I was like, I was hooked.
And, you know, the first couple, first three years, you do like one set every
two months
or so.
Yeah, sure.
But you're a comedian.
And I felt like I was a comedian.
I stayed in New York, became a comic.
Eventually met my wife, who was a comedian at the comic strip when I was past
the comic strip.
Okay.
She grew up in the same hometown that I grew up in.
Did you know her there?
We had the same kindergarten teacher.
We were a year apart.
Never met.
Really?
Yeah.
That was my opening line.
That was my opening line.
That was my opening line.
Did you have Miss Conway for kindergarten?
And the spark started flying.
Yeah.
And I was like, so then we had all the shared history and stuff.
Sure.
We were like, oh, we're going to get married, right?
And I said to her, like, immediately, you're going to have my babies.
And she...
That's not off-putting up front.
She got...
She did shots the rest of the night and threw up in my bathtub.
No lie.
She was like, what is your plan?
So, became a comic, met her in 93, became a comic in 93, started living with
her around
98.
Okay.
Had our first baby in...
Got married in 2000, had her first baby, like, 2002.
Had two kids.
Just went through the ranks and did all the stuff that you were mentioning in
that great
intro.
And now my kids are 17 and 20.
And I'm here with you guys.
There you go.
Damn.
That was absolutely...
Jesus Christ.
Talk about an elevator pitch.
I'm in.
This guy's got it.
Now, who's going to play you?
I see a young Joe Namath playing you.
Take me back to Jersey.
What did your mom and dad do?
What did your dad do for a living?
My father was in sales.
Okay.
He was in early communications companies.
So, like, GTE and those kind of companies.
They were like...
It was the beginning of what is now, like, you know, the big communication
companies.
Sure.
It was the beginning of that.
And he was a salesman.
GTE is old school.
Old school.
And he was very successful.
He became, like, the national guy.
He was into sales.
But he was also...
He also rode motorcycles.
Was not into, like, corporate culture.
But he was in there.
That's what his career was.
Renegade.
He was a renegade.
Okay.
He would come to my games when I was a kid and, like, on his motorcycle.
What are we talking about?
Choppers?
No.
Like, Harleys.
Eventually, it was all Harleys.
Okay.
Before that, it was, like, big Honda Gold Wings and stuff like that.
But then it was Electra Glides and all that stuff.
That's pretty sweet.
Yeah.
What about your mom?
My mom was a mom for the beginning.
And then when I was around, maybe, like, junior high, she went back to school
to get her degree.
Okay.
Got her degree.
Started a small advertising agency on her own.
In northern New Jersey.
Fucking go-getters, these guys.
A whole lot of them.
She also drove race cars.
Another renegade.
Parking my games in a race car.
And she started a small advertising agency and did that for, like, I don't know,
15 years or so.
Damn.
Where'd she go back to school?
Where'd she get her degree?
Ramapo.
Okay.
Right.
In New Jersey.
And where'd your dad go to school?
My father went to Uppsala.
Okay.
Which, if you're going down the Garden State Parkway.
I don't know that.
Like, when you get into the-
It's gone now.
Okay.
But if you go down the Garden State Parkway, there's, like, a field.
When you get in the oranges, there's, like, this old field over there.
That's where he played football.
Okay.
So, he was Division III