Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Best of 2022!
Uploaded: 2022-12-29T00:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Best of 2022!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Best of 2022!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-29. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Best of 2022!

gang let's talk about that live stream baby we're doing it live january 1st
live from 27 o'clock
eastern standard time it's going to be a good good time come hang out with us
we're gonna have
some friends over we're gonna have a little appearance from denise and patty
couple of pops
come hang with the boys yeah it's gonna be a good time baby link is in the
description moment.co
slash a y g and that ain't it we got our third show on sale right now at the gramercy
theater
let's go the army of garbage came correct in new york city sold out two shows
we added our third
links in the description let's party baby friday february 3rd we'll see you
there see you there
welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find
out if your
favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your
hosts kevin ryan
and h foley were you ever big into auto trader magazine nope ever ruined a
family vacation or
gathering yep i mean probably this week if i had a couple times a couple a cup
of a fair amount of
times like straight like everyone left too drunk or you said something uh a
number of times yeah
i don't know if i had a toothbrush all right give the guys some yeah what more
do you want um do you cut your burger in half when you eat it
a hundred percent gentlemen really 100 percent will you take the steak night
from a nice steakhouse no when was the last time you stole a pint glass from a
bar
probably pretty recently yeah i could just because i i make irish exits irish
goodbyes so
well you sneak the beer out so you can have it on the walk i just walk it yeah
you kind of got that cachet
i got struck by lightning i don't know what's going on
in the last 365 days have you shit in your pants oh god yeah are you fucking
serious
what's your private lounge over here hey boys i shit in the bed you need
um all right anyone in your family play semi-pro football no okay you ever wore
pants that zip
into shorts yeah that's a very florida thing yeah gotta be ready to party but
they only zip once
and then you never go back to bed you're like well it looks like i have shorts
now i lost that leg
yeah that's what nobody thinks about you gotta walk around half upset of pants
in your
pockets where you gonna put your toothbrush um magazines in the bathroom yes
okay have you ever
had a quail egg yes yes yes yes you like them i love them i just had fucking
what 15 the other day
15 yeah i had a full fucking jar big omelet yeah i've got a large amount of quail
eggs i love i
actually love quail eggs a 15 quail eggs how many come in the jar we got a jar
of quail eggs i ate all
of them i ate them in the fucking car ride over i couldn't stop eating them i
love quail
wait they were hard boiled yeah oh my god hard boiled i've had i've had i've
had every type of
quail egg you can have now that you say that i've really enjoyed duck eggs i
love eggs i love eggs
big egg guy i like eggs too i like eggs what do you do if you crack an egg and
there's like the
double yolk oh i jack off yeah it's good right i jack off that's good that's a
good time i take
pictures of it i take pictures of it i post it on instagram i send it to rogan
look what my fucking
look what my chickens are doing yeah yeah it's a good time root beer birch beer
root beer
hmm you didn't you could have said anything after that do you have a specific
brand that you like
no i and w barks oh a and w is my what we have on the bus i love a and w uh but
i love going and
finding like of course if you're from you got philly roots check out hanks i've
had hanks i'll tell you
right now in a parallel universe i am brewing root beer in northern washington
with a beautiful blonde
swedish wife six kids and a shitload of quail eggs and fucking and a lot of
saint bernards oh that's
a good time uh you got the tour bus now is there is there an essential item for
the tour bus that
really ups the quality of life for you uh yeah a water pick i couldn't get into
it i tried it i
couldn't get into it i like it i water pick probably twice a day i love water
tried i bought one
everybody was raving i got one it just didn't stick floss every day i floss
every day you do yeah you
do old school floss or the picks picks great the glides i'll i'll you and let
me tell you something
they're fantastic if i find a pick i know it's mine i'll use it again wow do
you smell them always
oh you gotta smell them fingers fingers on this on the floss run them down and
then to the nose i told
him that his mind was blown you gotta smell i've been doing it ever since it's
some of the rapiest shit
you've ever had in your life dude i have a hole in one of my molars that's why
i'm water picking
so much lately and i in the morning i will i will water pick that hole and the
smell that comes out
is so aggressive yeah what's what's going on in there it's like bacteria i'll
show it to you take a
look where oh right there yeah and uh it's a good looking tongue though thank
you looks like he was
chewing firecrackers oh i have oh i should tell you this i got hit in the mouth
of the baseball bat
when i was 11 and i lost 26 teeth so all the shark all the teeth you see who
has that many teeth
you have 32 32 well i'm an asshole that's like the 7 10 split jesus christ but
you never count on your
teeth no i've never counted my teeth that would have been a great question how
many teeth do you think
you think you have 100 115 i don't know 2 220 whatever it takes you know what i
mean
what movie is that from dude 221 mr mom mr mom michael keith oh what are you
working on some
electrical work yeah what are you doing 2 22 22 whatever it takes yeah why don't
you come on in
here ron sure you're doing a little my time off people can i grab one more i'll
take one more too
that's great yeah yeah drinking beers with the machine during the day let's go
yeah this is it
this is what we play for uh have you ever had one of those magic wallets where
you can go like yeah
yeah of course of course i've been saving that for a year i knew he was gonna
say yes of course i did
if you're getting a baked potato what are the toppings that you prefer on it
you're not gonna
like this he's gonna paint his masterpiece just butter i'm all right with that
classic one full
stick of butter on a baked potato i love butter it's a big one from a steakhouse
you're talking
to a huge butter man i use it like icing i'm telling you it's i use it on can i
tell you i
dated a chick who put it on a pop tart one time and it's a game changer someone
was just talking about
that i'll give you something get a honey bun put it in the microwave with the
butter on top for like
his eyes just rolled back in his head for like 12 seconds enter nirvana
unbelievable my
daughter puts them on oreos butter on oreos but she put man she has a butter
problem i love dude i
she just she just came up veganism so isla my youngest was like one day came
down she i'm going
vegan and we're like that's stupid she's like i'm going vegan i have headaches
i don't i think it'll
get rid of them and so she was vegan for like six months seven months maybe
since april april right
the other night she comes down she goes i'm done let's get a pizza i said what
she goes pizza
and onion and then we're like okay and then the next day she goes steak i need
a steak back on
the horse and then we went to in and out last night for dinner i mean she is
back and she
walked down that burger yeah punching cows when she walks by them let's see don't
look at me uh
pop tarts or toaster strudel pop tarts oh wait toast them strudels that's not
what they're called
i thought they were called for the record folks they're strudels i thought it
was toast them
strudels just so everybody knows some strudels no it's toaster strudels and by
the way bert it is april
just wanted to let you know that it's march oh so it's about a year ago wait is
it toast them strudels
no toaster strudels you're thinking of steak um pills how do you feel about
steak um uh come on
daddy 100 it's toast them strudels no it's not toaster strudels strudels uh
toast them strudels
that's the mandalorian effect you're talking about the mandela mandela effect
mandalorian effect
i'm surrounded by bozos there's birch rubbing off on me it's toaster bird on me
you got a bad case of
the christians it's called toaster strudels toaster strudels pillsbury toaster
all these years i
thought it was toast that's going viral which they were awesome when we were
kids but i don't know
about now now the pop tart has really really come into itself yeah they really
know what they're doing
i'll tell you what hot or cold i i'll tell you what when especially when
someone takes something
that's industrial corporate and then makes it thrown have you had homemade pop
tarts no how do you
do that i get them like a lot of people will bake stuff for our show like they'll
bake us stuff we
had a woman not trying to throw anyone under the bus we had a woman one time
because i like i like
uncrustables yeah she made me an uncrustable donut her homemade uncrustable
donut wow that was so
good wow tim dylan woke up at six in the morning and got an uber to her place
and bought some for
himself before we left that morning they were that fucking shout out to timmy
timmy d knows what he's doing like that move but i've had homemade pop tarts
and they are wow
phenomenal i never even thought of that if there was just a little more filling
in them yeah they
got to be my only great they got to be like the double stuff so homemade pop tarts
probably are
probably like this big this this but they're this that's what i'm talking about
and they
fucking come in your mouth that's what i'm talking about will you do a fig newton
a hundred percent
a sleeve of fig newton yes you can't just i don't do one cookie i'm not a one
cookie guy i'm a i'm a
i'm not really one anything i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna suck down a regrettable
amount of cookies
favorite cookie one cookie what is it oreos i have a problem with oreos
standard straight up regular
double stuffed double stuff okay you ever put them in milk and crunch them up
and eat them like cereal i'm
sorry i apologize yeah i didn't mean to insult a gentleman he almost hit you
dude i i'll take i'll
take nutter butters and leave them on the counter for an evening so they get stale
and they're soft
and with when it comes to oreos i soak them i take the fork shove it in the
icing and then i stick
it in the fucking thing until it's fucking good and then pulled out still
attached to the fork and
to the mouth god because the icing's hard and the cookie's soft yeah i love oreos
yeah it's something
else this is a big one okay this might determine a lot okay all right i'm gonna
give you two choices
helman's mayonnaise or miracle whip oh helman's without a fucking doubt i
almost had you escorted
from the premises i made the big mistake in college of getting miracle whip
thinking it was
mayonnaise no it ain't it stinks and i i because i i like mayonnaise sardines
and saltine crackers whoa
mayonnaise sardines sardines and saltine crackers how are things in the 20s
yeah jesus christ isn't
that what they ate in the burbs in that movie the weird family
that's civil war shit right there jesus christ that's like finland
shit who does that i loved it especially served on the titanic it's so fucking
good this guy's old
school a saltine a dab of mayonnaise with the with the sardine and uh and i and
i picked up
uh miracle whip and i was trying to explain to a girl how good it was and i
used miracle whip instead
and all of a sudden i put it in my mouth i was like this isn't what it is get
it out i got the wrong
thing in my mouth this is peanut butter miracle whip stinks i have to ask just
because it's standard
operating procedure what's the credit score like um i mean probably fine like
yeah a thousand there's no
way you have blemishes at this point it's stellar i don't know what it is it's
got to be exemplary yeah
what kind of what kind of a