Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: David Cross!
Uploaded: 2023-01-22T23:56:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: David Cross!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: David Cross!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-22. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: David Cross!

New York City, baby! Listen up and listen good!
The tickets for the third show at the Gramercy Theater are going fast.
There are a couple of tickets left.
Do yourself a favor and grab them before they're gone!
Yeah, time is running out, gang.
Very limited tickets left to the show on February 3rd, Friday night.
Get them while supplies last.
We'll see you there. We're gonna blow the roof off the place!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
It's a little show where we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find
out if they're going to be classy
or if they're just a big ol' piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Antony's basement.
She's upstairs, just got a fresh bag.
Okay.
She'll be out for a couple hours.
Put the Do Not Disturb sign on her bedroom door.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me, unamused this week.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman.
He's my best pal in the whole wide world, and I love him.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Yeah, thank you, Foley.
What's up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube, and as you know, those numbers are...
And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com, slash RU
Garbage.
Check it out, gang.
Big party over there.
Love that money.
And how about a nice quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic
man, makes
us all look good.
Works the ones and twos, crosses the T's, and dots the I's.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
It's Toby McMullin, everybody.
Come on.
Hey, what's up, dudes?
What's up, T-Bone?
Dude, this is sick.
We got a legend in the mix there.
Come on.
This is very cool.
Literally, man.
Very cool.
Pants are busting.
Gang, the long hair is not lying.
We could not be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly
special guest here with
us today for the first time.
He is a legendary stand-up comedian, actor, writer, director, and producer.
You might have seen him in, but not limited to.
Here we go.
Sit tight, because the list is long and distinguished.
We got the Ben Stiller Show, we got the Cable Guy, Waiting for Guffman, the
Drew Carey Show,
Men in Black, One and Two, No Big Deal, Tenacious D, News Radio, Small Soldiers,
Strangers
with Candy, Ghost World, Dr. Dolittle 2, Pootie Tang, Scary Movie 2, we got
King of the Hill,
we got Just Shoot Me, we got Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, oh my God,
we got School
for Scoundrels, we have Family Guy, we have I'm Not There, Alvin and the Chipmunks
franchise,
no it's not baby, we're going all the way, we're still in the 90s I think,
Jesus Christ.
We got Kung Fu Panda 1, 2, and 3, we got Tim and Eric, we have Megamind, Modern
Family,
Rick and Morty, Obvious Child, Community, Marin, Kimmy Schmidt, Archer, Big Mouth,
Station
11, Corden, Kimmel, WTF with Mark Marin, we got Conan, Fallon, Bill Maher,
Tough Crowd,
Letterman, he's seen it all and done it all, but here's the turkey right here.
Creator, Star, The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, Creator, Star,
Animated Series
on Comedy Central, Freak Show, we got Mr. Show with Bob and David of course, 84
episodes of
Arrested Development, he has multiple stand-up specials and album, including
2022 special,
I'm From the Future, and he has a brand new spring tour starting this spring.
Gang, give it up for the one, the only, Mr. David Cross.
Now, okay.
Come on.
No Amelia Earhart story?
I was reporter number three.
Reporter number three!
There was a criminal intent in there too.
Yes, yes there was.
I don't want Dick Wolf suing me.
Buddy, thank you so much for coming and sitting down with us.
Well, thanks for reminding me of all the work I've done.
You've been killing it, Jesus!
I've got to check my residuals.
Yeah, I've got to check the mailbox, man.
That thing might be full.
Stop by the SAG office on my way.
Yeah.
Buddy, what is the backstory of David Cross?
Give us the full scoop.
Where are you from?
Well, I mean, it started going, originally, it started in a Petri dish.
It's taking it way back.
You know, we're still waiting to see if it was a success or not.
What the hypothesis was, yeah.
No, I was born in Atlanta a long, long time ago, and then moved around a whole
bunch, almost
yearly, even sometimes less than a year, always in a new place, until I was
nine, and then
moved back to Georgia, and then was there until I was 19, moved to Boston for
nine years,
then moved to LA for nine years, and then moved to New York, and been here
since.
Here we are.
What did your mom and dad do that you moved around so much?
Well, my mom was a homemaker, you know, and my dad just got fired a lot.
Constantly getting fired.
It wasn't promotion, yeah.
No, he was one of those, he was one of those, like, kind of pathological liar,
exaggerator
guys who was very much, you know, the, like, you can't fire me, I quit.
Yeah.
That's my favorite kind of guy, actually.
And it's like, well, we, you can't come back here to quit.
We fired you five days ago.
You're, what do you, you know.
So, yeah, we, he, he was just a whole string of crazy jobs.
Really?
And then he left us, and then he left us shortly after we moved to Georgia.
That's when you got back where you were until you were 19?
Yeah.
Gotcha.
Okay.
All right.
And what'd your mom, did your mom start working after that?
Yeah.
I mean, she had no, she was a school teacher when they met.
And he was in, he's from England.
Uh, but then he joined the army and I don't know why he, they were in Ann Arbor
together
for some reason.
She was teaching.
I know she was teaching.
And, uh, uh, I don't know what he was, you know, you, you wouldn't be on leave
and go
to Ann Arbor right now.
It's the sunny beaches of Ann Arbor, folks.
Really tear it up in Michigan.
Yeah.
R and R.
And, uh, and then, and she eventually, she had no real skills outside of
teaching.
And we were in, um, kind of rural suburban Georgia and zero money, like in debt,
heavily in debt.
And, um, it took her a while to, uh, get credit.
You know, I think she got, I think the way it went was she got a gasoline card,
like a shell
gasoline card, um, and then was able to pay that off and then got a Sears card,
I want
to say, and then paid that up.
And so it was a long, you know, over, well over a year of just trying to get
credit.
Just starting with a gas card.
Yeah.
I think that was it.
You know, that's all, we had really little, I mean, no money.
And, uh, and then she got a job.
What was her?
Oh, her first job was, which actually is, was, I'll tell you.
All right.
So her first job was at a, uh, um, little tiny little place.
They were, they were like trailers.
There were three trailers in this like industrial park, um, like literally like
mobile home type
trailers, uh, that sold, um, uh, copier supplies like toner and ink and like
cold calling, that
kind of thing.
And their motto was the inspiration for, uh, uh, a Mr. Show, kind of an iconic
Mr. Show
thing.
Cause Bob used to love listening to my stories.
Like he couldn't, they were crazy.
That's where Ronnie Dobbs came from.
And that's where, uh, so Pit Pats, take it from me.
I love you.
They're on the, uh, I can't remember the name of the company.
And when I say company, it was like, you know, six women.
What year are we talking about?
Is this maybe 75?
I would have been like 11 when he took off.
Cause that's old school.
70s printers.
Yeah.
Where'd they store the ink?
Yeah.
Well, they were all like, you know, the car.
Yeah.
They were huge.
Huge.
Yeah, exactly.
And, uh, um, and then, so their, their logo was, uh, no, we love you.
Or something.
It was, and it was, it was like, so, and it was like balloons and a, and a, and
a little
Cupid that said, I, we love you or something.
That was so weird.
A printing company.
It's not even a printing company.
They're just selling toner and ink and whatever.
And it's like, how is this going to work?
Nobody gives a shit.
And, uh, and then, so I, I, you know, that was one of the stories I told Bob,
uh, cause
he would pepper me with questions.
And then, then that became Pit Pats.
Global Chem's thing was take it from me.
I love you.
Yeah.
That's funny, man.
Um, what did you guys live in when you guys were, when you, when you got
settled there?
Was it apartment?
Apartment, a house?
No, never a house.
Uh, we were in a series of apartment complexes.
Um, and like, you know, you see all over America, they were these, uh, just
shitty, you know, put
together quickly cheap materials, but they all had grandiose names for things
that weren't
anywhere remotely, you know, Grand Creek or Sandalwood and, uh, Sandalwood Manor.
Yeah.
It was all just like garbage on the turnpike.
Uh, and, uh, and then Noble Creek was another one.
We probably wasn't a body of water.
No, no, no, nobility.
There's no nobility to be found.
And, uh, and yeah, we were just in a bunch of apartment.
And how many brothers and sisters?
How many, how many of there were you?
Uh, two younger sisters.
Okay.
Uh, we don't know, we don't know the gender of the one that was aborted, but,
uh, my, my
sister and I used to say, we used to call our.
Um, fourth child that we never had cause we had no money.
And then my mom went and got an abortion.
Um, this is what she was still with your father.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, oh, she fucked around.
Okay.
Oh my God.
Town whore.
Wait, are you serious?
No, not at all.
Not at all.
Cause I was going to say, I'm putting two and two together with the printer
thing.
Not at all.
I think that was the sex line.
I don't know what's going on with the Cupid.
Uh, so, um, so yeah, two sisters, two younger sisters.
And did she ever remarry or was there a stepfather involved or anything?
No.
No, she barely, she's, uh, very anti-social, um, like social in a small way,
but, but very
like, uh, I think went on literally two dates, I want to say, where we, we were
encouraging
her.
Yeah.
Like get out there.
Just get a, you know, she had one friend in the apartment complex and, uh, they
were,
they were, it was the kind of thing, even as, uh, even young, uh, I felt a
sense of like
they were being charitable to my mom in a sense.
Gotcha.
Like socially?
Like take care of her, hang out with her.
Yeah.
I mean, I think they truly did like her, but I mean, she, that was it.
It was just, uh, uh, and they were younger, you know?
And, um, and I just felt, and it may not even be true, but I just had this
sense of like,
oh, they're being nice to her.
Nice to her.
Well, maybe after the divorce and all that kind of stuff, they wanted to, you
know, they
wanted to be cool to her.
I get that.
Yeah.
They, then they were, and they were, uh, it just, and I, it could be often, it
was just
a feeling I had when I was, you know, 12, 13, 14 years old, you know?
And what, did you start working early too?
Yeah.
I had a, uh, I worked at, uh, in the kitchen of Provino's, uh, Italian
restaurant, uh, in
Roswell, uh, off of whatever that road was, the only road there.
Uh, uh, and, uh, and I worked there from when I was like 14 and 15, totally
illegally.
Sure.
Sure.
Yeah.
Yep.
Washing the dishes, me and, uh, two friends.
Um, how was the food?
It was good.
Georgia Italian restaurant.
It was, and we'll get this, the, the guy who ran it was Austrian.
His name was Miss, Mr. Gerlitz.
Yeah.
And, uh.
They're known for their Italian cuisine.
And, uh, and, and also like Roswell in the seventies was nothing, there was
nothing there.
There was nothing.
So, uh, but it was, I mean, you know, I liked it and we all stole food, you
know, just stole
everything.
I mean, I stole a five gallon, uh, can of clams once, which I, which I had to
do.
Can