Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Dangerous Vacation w/ Oops the Podcast
Uploaded: 2023-02-02T00:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Dangerous Vacation w/ Oops the Podcast' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Dangerous Vacation w/ Oops the Podcast' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-02. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Dangerous Vacation w/ Oops the Podcast

Pickles and dickles, Kippy.
We got a new tour alert, baby.
Oh, yeah.
The Stay Trashy 2023 tour is upon us.
Uh-huh.
Come hang with us, gang.
It's a great way to introduce new people to the show.
Bring the whole squad and come see us.
It's going to be fun.
Yeah, gang, it'll be a party.
Obviously, this weekend,
when there's still some tickets left to our third show
at the Gramercy Theater in New York City,
scoop them up if they're still available.
But then we're gearing up and we're going out, baby,
running and gunning.
Starting in March, we're going to be in Baltimore,
Virginia Beach, Richmond, Virginia, Oklahoma City,
Dallas, Texas, Houston, Texas, Austin, Texas.
And in April, we're going to be in New Haven, Connecticut,
Burlington, Vermont.
May, we're hitting Tampa, Dania Beach, Florida,
Raleigh, North Carolina.
Then in June, Cleveland and Columbus.
More cities coming.
Get those tickies now, baby.
Yeah.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians
are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back
to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians
and we find it after the earth to be classy
or after just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Aunt Toadie's basement.
She's upstairs screaming,
Go Birds, baby.
Go Birds, baby.
Going to the Super Bowl.
Everybody's excited down here.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman.
He's the kind of guy that can pull your car
to make it look like an accident.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate,
view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are cooking.
And obviously, the greatest gosh darn website of all time,
www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage.
Check it out.
You get bonus episodes, episodes of Hard Feelings,
the whole nine yards.
We've got a bunch of shit on there.
Check it out.
Yeah, paying for my dermatology appointment tomorrow
to get this nose fixed.
How about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire,
The Magic Man.
Makes us all look good.
Works the ones, works the twos,
crosses the T's, dots the I's.
Plus, he's got that big old ding-dong.
Give it up for T-bone McScruffins.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What do you want me to do?
He doesn't have a mic.
That was egregious.
He's sitting there staring at me.
Gang, the reason the long hair doesn't have a mic
is we have two of our old good pals here in the studio with us.
They're the stars of Oops! The Podcast.
Fucking love them to death.
One of them recently got a high five from Jason Tatum.
And the other one recently almost got his balls electrocuted by the Taliban.
Give it up for Giulio Gallarotti and Francis Ellis, everybody.
Let's go.
The boys are here.
What's up?
The better looking us.
That's a fine intro.
They are the better looking us, man.
Hilarious.
What are you wearing, Francis?
What's that shirt?
L.L. Bean.
Really?
Yeah.
We were just talking about the Bean, man.
I'm from Freeport, Maine.
So I grew up less than a mile from the store.
Just walking around wearing duck boots the whole time?
You know, I didn't buy the boots, but we had everything else was Bean.
I mean, I would buy a new backpack every couple of years for school from L.L.
Bean.
You have a very L.L. Bean stature.
You look good in L.L. Bean.
It's one of those things I didn't know.
I didn't think it was cool because we lived there.
It was.
It really wasn't.
No, it was.
It wasn't.
When I was a kid in the 80s, it was very cool.
Agreed, dude.
I did not think it was cool.
No, maybe in the 80s.
And then for people, when it hit the 90s, you were like, that was like what the
dorky dad wore.
Eddie Bauer started to take over.
Dorky dad stuff.
Yeah.
But now, they've, I guess, moved a little bit more towards kind of being
somewhat acceptable.
And I wear them unironically now with their clothing because it's like all I
want to look like.
Is that new?
Is that brand new?
Got it at Christmas time.
Have you washed it?
No.
So, is that something that you would wash or are you a dry clean only guy?
No, I wash it.
Because you strike me as a dry clean only guy.
No.
Dry cleaning.
Doesn't he?
Gotta read the tag, bro.
I play it by the book, maybe.
I play it by the book.
Yeah.
Dry cleaning is expensive.
It's super expensive.
It is.
For laundry, what are you guys doing?
You drop off.
You're obviously both in New York.
You live in New York.
Do you drop off?
You do it in the building.
You probably got it in the unit.
He's got it in the apartment.
You got it in the unit, right?
In the apartment.
Got it in the unit, yeah.
He's got people making fresh L.L. Bean shirts downstairs in the basement of his
house.
He's got Mr. Bean in there?
I got my, I have a laundry on the floor.
Oh, that's, that might as well be in the apartment.
That's all right.
Okay, so I would argue it might as well be in the basement.
It sucks.
Like, you have to, because you know how, I don't know, doing laundry requires
mustering
up energy to do it?
The most.
And when I finally have that fucking sack of Santa's gifts over my shoulder,
heading
over to the laundry machine, and if there's somebody already doing it, I might
not do it
for four more days.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How many washer and dryers are on your floor?
There's only one of each, but there's only three.
What?
There's only three units on the floor.
Okay.
And each floor has their own washer dryer.
Great.
Will you ever get other people, this is, will you ever get other people going
to another
floor to do their laundry?
No, it's always, always your floor.
But some of the people on the floor will just leave their shit in there for a
bit.
Yeah.
But since it's not, it's like not that populated, it doesn't end up being a
problem, but it sucks.
In unit would be significantly better.
Will you do the trash move of taking somebody's wet laundry out of the washer
and put it in
the dryer?
I won't do it.
I know you would.
I would not.
I would.
For sure.
I'd give you like three or four, five minutes tops.
Yeah.
Then it's getting, it's getting pulled.
I think I did it in college once because we used to have, you know, it was like
communal
and there'd be people who just leave it for forever and you wouldn't have any.
So I would take it out and put it on top and then, and, and then put my stuff
in.
And you got a machine in the, in the house, right?
Yep.
Nice.
Dude, the guy in my floor left his stuff in the dryer and my stuff was in the
washer
and I went back three or four times.
He did not take it out.
I decided I'm going to fold it for him.
What?
Folded it?
And put it on top of the machine.
He comes in while I'm doing it, bro.
He just thinks you're a creep.
Hey buddy, get off my underwear.
Sniffing his boxers.
Dude, I'm holding his fucking bloomers, dude.
And he goes and he looks at me.
I'm like, oh yeah, I figure we're both guys.
I didn't know what else to say.
And then I was like, I'm never going through that again.
What did he say?
He was like, how dare you assume my gender?
He's kind of quiet to begin with.
So it was going to be awkward just seeing him.
So like.
He probably wrote the landlord, dude.
That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard in my life.
My girlfriend, I told her this story.
She ran in bed and put a pillow over her face.
Yeah, that's very.
You can't do that to a girl.
No.
How bad would that be?
You can't get caught doing it to a girl.
Would you.
Was the move to be like passive aggressive?
Like, fuck you.
Or you just felt bad.
I don't want to leave his fresh, clean clothes to get wrinkled.
I'm like, dude, why am I touching your shit?
And here's the answer.
I wasn't being passive aggressive.
I just was like, my shit was sitting in the washer rotting.
And I was like, all right, enough's enough.
Got to make a move.
I tried to be cool about it.
I think we're cool.
I don't know.
I'm not trying to have a Hatfield McCoy situation.
Yeah.
I'm just trying to chill, dude.
You know what I mean?
I don't need any trouble.
Are you currently in any beefs with a neighbor?
You're a prideful man.
You argue with strangers.
He's a fucking troublemaker.
He's a beefer.
What are you talking about?
You are.
He's a beefer.
Starts trouble.
I'm a beef man.
And did you knock off that block in the lane shit?
Are you still doing that?
No, I haven't done it in a while.
That went viral.
Yeah.
Do you know what I did do, though?
Dude, you're going to get shot.
I know.
But he looks like a guy.
If I got it, I'd be willing to, if you are willing to fight and get out and saw
him,
I'd be like, all right.
It's like, he's the guy you don't want to be in the car, size-wise.
You're a nice guy, but I'm just saying.
The people, though, that are getting out of the car to fight me will have
weapons.
Yeah.
That's true.
That's what I'm saying, man.
I don't have weapons.
Can't be doing that shit out in Brooklyn.
But you know what I did get as a weapon against all of this for me to keep
doing?
I got one of those stickers that says, baby on board.
So that they'll see that and they'll be like, well, I'm not going to go beat up
this father.
I'm not going to kill this dad.
I don't want to beat him up in front of his newborn.
And in fact, I wouldn't even want to say-
You got two car seats in the back?
It doesn't even say baby on board.
It says princess on board.
Oh, my God.
That's great.
You just mean you.
Yeah.
Someone's saying, hey, princess, get out of the car.
I figured that would appeal more to the Latinos.
On my way to a quinceañera written on the back of the car.
That's all right.
What's the vacation plan?
Do you boys got anything coming up?
You like to hop, knob, jump around the world?
Well, his vacations aren't-
I mean, you do vac-
But you do like trips.
You were just literally in-
Where were you?
Iraq or Afghanistan?
That was recent?
Well, it was in September.
So, recent.
Dude, if you've ever been to Afghanistan, that's recent.
I would argue.
If you-
That classifies as recently.
Yeah.
Dude, that's wild.
Not a vacation, for sure.
You were filming.
It sort of is.
No, but I mean, it ultimately is-
It's like a trip.
Girlfriend always says, there's a difference between a trip and a vacation.
I agree with that.
Yes.
Not relaxing at all, obviously.
But it was obviously fun.
Yeah, dude, it's a war-torn country.
Yeah.
It's true.
Go to Puerto Vallarta like a normal person.
And it's still a little, you know, prickly.
However, there is technically no actual war occurring.
So, theoretically, it is probably-
It's safer to drive around there than-
You still get your fucking fingernails pulled out.
Yeah.
I know.
Well, not by the Taliban, though.
Because, you know, they're a visitor now, and they are happy that they're
visitors.
So, they treat you really well.
They're not scoped-
What do you mean?
You're an American.
You're an able-bodied, war-eligible American.
So, they're not looking at you like you're working for the company?
They make sure-
I'm not over there in camouflage, dude.
They make sure-
He's over there getting drunk with people with falcons.
What are you talking about?
Imagine showing up to an army recruiting office and being like, I'm eligible
for war.
Yeah.
You said that like it was the Patriot, dude.
I'm eligible.
I'm not there.
No.
So, they kind of, like, make sure to cross off that possibility when they first
encounter
you, which is not fun.
You're greeted with suspicion, and you're kind of always worried about how that
might go.
But, once they find out that you're a visitor, they're like, hey, you know, you're
a guest
in our country.
Let us know if you need anything.
But, they also will probably force you to hang out for a while.
Really?
Which blows.
And, so