Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Drunk Tattoos w/ Mike Cannon
Uploaded: 2023-02-20T00:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Drunk Tattoos w/ Mike Cannon' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Drunk Tattoos w/ Mike Cannon' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-20. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Drunk Tattoos w/ Mike Cannon

Kip, how about that Stay Trashy Tour?
Low ticket alert!
Moving some ticky wickies, gang.
Listen, here's the turkey.
We've been all over the country.
We're coming again.
It's a good time.
Stand-up comedy.
Play a little AYG with the crowd.
Come and hang.
Yeah, guys, this is just the first leg.
In March, we're starting Baltimore, Maryland.
Virginia Beach, Virginia.
Richmond, Virginia.
Oklahoma City.
Dallas, Texas.
Houston, Texas.
Austin, Texas.
Then in April, we're doing New Haven, Connecticut.
Burlington, Vermont.
Then in May, we're doing Tampa.
Dania Beach, Florida.
Raleigh, North Carolina.
Then in June, we're doing Cleveland and Columbus.
We're adding more cities.
These tickets are going quick.
Some are about to sell out if they're not already sold out, so don't snooze on
this.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Hey, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find
that they're
going to be classy after just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Antutti's basement.
A little bit of a solemn day.
Oh, no.
She's been bedridden for most of the week.
Okay.
Went to the doctors.
It's not looking good.
Uh-oh.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman.
He's my best pal in the whole world.
You off your meds?
What the hell's happening here?
I love him.
Did you just kill off Tootie?
Is that what you're doing?
You got to run that by me, dude.
I give you car planche on the Tooties, but if you're going to throw her down an
elevator
shaft, I got to know.
I got to make sure her fares are in order.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James is riding everybody.
Say a prayer, ladies and gentlemen.
No, no.
She's fine.
Light a candle.
She's fine.
What's up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
Trudor out.
Cookin'.
Cookin'.
And then obviously the greatest gosh darn website of all day tootin' time.
Sing it, sister.
I'm talking www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage Baby.
You sign up over there.
You get a bajillion hours of content.
I hear it's closing in on two bajillion hours of content.
Episodes of AYG.
You get episodes of Hard Feelings.
It's a completely different podcast.
We got a whole bunch of videos.
The Disney video is dropping this week.
Hopefully, if Toby ever gets his finger out of his head.
We got back five seconds ago.
They're waiting for it.
Clock's ticking, dickhead.
See, you got to say it on the air.
That way the listeners keep them on it.
You know what I mean?
I'm not saying it as a boss.
The fans want it.
The customers are demanding.
Hold them accountable.
Yes.
How about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the forementioned
producer.
He works the ones and twos.
He crosses the T's.
He dots the I's.
We love him.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What's up, dudes?
What's up, T-Bone?
Know what you're doing this weekend, huh?
Just recovering from that bus throw.
Oh, yeah.
You're going to have a lawsuit on your hands, though.
That's good.
Buddy, we got a killer guest in the room today.
Yeah, we do.
I have a standing bet.
Anyone who wants to jump in on this can get it.
Whose kid is going to triple backflip first?
Tim Butterly, Jeremiah Watkins, or Mike Cannon?
Yeah.
My money's on Tim Butterly.
Same.
Shout out to Butts.
We love you, buddy.
T-Butts.
But that's either here nor there, because we couldn't be more excited to have
our incredibly
special guest back with us again today.
One of our best pals in comedy.
He's family at this point.
Sure is.
One of the funniest guys out there working.
He's got multiple stand-up specials over there on his YouTube page.
And here's the turkey.
Everybody get serious for a second.
It's going to be performing at the Gramercy Theater.
And Tootie's dead.
It just came in.
I just got a call from the hospital.
You ain't going to make it.
Each prayer card is attached to a pack of marbles.
It's on the back of a matchbook or something.
I'm just trying to set up zombie Tootie.
That's how you're doing.
This comes back.
The last of us Tootie.
Gang, let's quit screwing around here.
Quit dicking around.
He's going to be performing at the Gramercy Theater.
Oh, yeah.
February 25th.
If you haven't seen him, if you know him, if you love him, which I'm sure you
do, do yourself
a favor and go check him out.
He's one of the best working.
We love him.
Give it up for Mike Cannon, everybody.
Yeah, Mike.
Mikey.
R.I.P. Tootie.
No, shut up.
Shut up.
She's the one selling the tickets.
I wish her well.
Thank you, man.
We appreciate your thoughts and prayers.
Yeah.
In lieu of flowers.
No.
I love the fact that that's just a major storyline shift and you threw it out
there.
That's like universe altering in this world.
I just said she wasn't feeling well.
That's all.
I don't know.
See what happens.
I don't know.
You said it's not looking good.
That was the exact terminology.
Yeah, and then when she makes a miraculous recovery.
Everybody loves an underdog.
Yeah.
Everybody loves a comeback, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm with this.
Okay.
Yeah.
She's just sad from the Super Bowl?
Yeah.
She's sad from the Super Bowl.
Sad from the Super Bowl.
That's what it is.
That makes sense.
She's sad.
She's very sad.
She sounds like drug-seeking behavior if you ask me.
She thought it was a soft call in crunch time.
I mean, what are we talking about?
He's going to the ER and trying to get Percocets.
What's the matter?
I had a bird sitting cover.
How the hell are you, buddy?
I'm good, man.
Thank you so much for having me.
Excited for the show?
Yeah, I'm fired up, dude.
That's awesome.
I've passed the panic, I think.
I don't know if you guys experienced that.
No.
I really panicked until it was over.
Yeah.
Everything I do, I have this phase, which typically lasts right up until the
moment, where I'm
like, who do I think I am?
Whoa.
Every single time.
100%.
And it typically always goes okay, and if it doesn't, it's a funny story to
tell.
Sure.
But that is my initial, like, why?
Why would you think this is okay?
100%.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's big imposter syndrome.
Can I ask, is this, this might be just a me thing, but no matter where I am or
where
I'm performing.
I always shit my pants.
I always perform with a little bit of poop in my pants, which is probably not
far off.
It's hot and cold at the same time.
You got to stop eating icy hot.
My wee-wee, like, shrinks up a little bit.
It wasn't that far off.
Yeah, yeah.
You get that?
Like, you get a little-
Yeah, you turtle, she sucks in on you.
I get performance Adderall dick.
It just kind of comes on top of my ball bag and just rests there.
Yeah.
Well, your body's scared, you know, even if you're not nervous, like, your body's
like,
oh, we're about to go do this thing that is inherently scary.
Isn't that weird?
Because we're going out there to make people laugh, right?
But instinctually and genetically, that's there to protect us from, like, a
saber tooth
biting our dick off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's the same response our body gets, as if we're entering the jungle
with a fucking
spear, but we're just going up there to be like-
Tinder's weird.
My dad hurt me.
Hey, God knew what he was doing, huh?
I know.
Protect the goods.
I know.
You know what I'm saying?
And what's weird is, like, that doesn't give you a lot of confidence.
No.
It should grow, is what it should do.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
You should have a hanger.
Go out with a hammer.
Yeah, dude.
That saber tooth saw that shit.
Yeah, just chopped up.
Yeah, little, like, almost post-sex.
You ever see that Bieber dick pic?
No.
Where he, like, came out-
Go away!
Go away!
Pick it up!
I might take a pic at that thing.
Oh, dude.
It's, like, clearly post-sex.
Sure.
Because it's perfect.
It's still a little red, but it's got, like, the gonzo nose dangle, and it just
looks
like he just had a good time, but it's not fully.
It's still got room to grow.
Yeah, of course.
I like that.
Yeah, it's a good piece.
Well, I got a tour on out there.
I got a tour concept to pitch you, Mike.
Huh?
Mike Cannon presents Fluffed Up.
Very good.
Now we're talking.
Yeah.
That's my solo pod.
Just you wailing on yourself the whole time?
Welcome back to Fluffed Up with Mike Cannon.
Today's guest is...
He can only go so far, though.
Each app is a cool 60 minutes on one celebrity guy's dick.
Yeah.
I don't hate it.
Yeah, I don't hate it either.
That's actually pretty good.
That's great.
You're going to do anything special?
Because it is, you're a New York boy doing the Gramercy Theater.
It meant a lot to us, and we're not even, you know, New Yorkers, but it is one
of those
things that's in the...
Are you doing anything special?
Here's the thing, man.
It's, like, I don't know if you guys do a lot of, like, pomp and circumstance
or, like,
fireworks, or you have, like...
Yeah, we got a pyro guy.
Akash brought an entire, like, native Indian group out there, and they're doing
dances
on the Wilbur.
I think that was his family.
That was his uncle.
But, uh, so that, like, puts pressure on me, or it feels like there's pressure
to, like,
make it a spectacle, to make it a thing.
The craziest thing that I'm doing is, like, my wife is designing a floral
backdrop.
Okay, that's nice.
There you go.
Yeah, so that'll look cool.
Getting a new shirt?
I wanted to have a marching band come up right down the line.
That'd be cool.
Come up on stage.
Did you guys do anything like that?
Like, did you have a dancer or, like, a Subway drummer on a fucking...
We had a tiger.
Yeah.
On a spackle bucket.
We had a tiger that we killed after each show.
It was expensive.
We lost all our profit, but...
Dude, that might be the move.
Should I get a spackle bucket Subway drummer to just fucking open up the show?
Yeah, there you go.
Okay.
If you have any leads on one, hit me up.
Yeah, just go...
Spackle bucket.
Go on the A-train.
Spackle bucket.
A couple of Showtime kids.
That's right.
I pay an exposure.
Get up...
Get them up there.
Get a homeless guy to come up and take a shit on the stage.
You know, we're talking...
Ladies selling churros.
I think I'm free.
This is a New York show.
Yeah, there you go.
Really New York it up.
Ladies selling churros.
A couple of transit cops.
Ladies selling churros during the show, just walking down, interrupting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've had those.
They'll be quiet.
They're not that bad down there.
No, the Subway churros are pretty good.
Were you banged up?
Huh?
Were you banged up?
When?
When you ordered a Subway churro?
No, I'd get them during the day.
Yeah.
He's on his way to work, dude.
He's eating them for breakfast.
He's on his way to his office.
I got the cinnamon sugar all over me.
I'm like deep in Brooklyn.
The only chance I'll buy those things is when I was like shit-faced and just
ready to eat
whatever.
They give you like 50.
They give you a lot.
Because you ordered 50.
I asked for 50 and they gave me 50.
And there are 100.
What can I get with this many?
He just leaves the cart and walks away.
All right.
Let's quit screwing around, gang.
This is a family episode.
Yeah.
We got Mikey Cannon here.
We're going to be doing your questions from the Patreon there.
Mm-hmm.
Right now.
I don't like when you do that.
You act like we're going to cut to some guy on the street or something.
Sometimes I just fall into it and I can feel the eyes on me.
I'm in the hole now.
And you panic a little bit.
Tootie's dead.
What do you want from me?
Have you hosted like a game show or TV show?
Or are you just like, do you look up to Dick Clark?
