Name: Bert Kreischer & LeeAnn | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcasts
Uploaded: 2023-03-22T22:54:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bert Kreischer & LeeAnn | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcasts' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bert Kreischer & LeeAnn | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcasts' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-22. Transcript available.

Bert Kreischer & LeeAnn | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcasts

Quick tour update, gang.
The Stay Trashy Tour is a cook, and we're adding shows,
and we're coming to a city near you.
Bring the squad out and come see us.
Yeah, baby.
Plus, we got new digs.
Next week, we're going to be in Oklahoma City, Dallas, Texas,
Houston, Texas, Austin, Texas.
Second show added there.
Then in April, we're hitting New Haven, Connecticut, Burlington, Vermont.
Second show is added in both those cities.
What?
Then we're going to Tampa, Florida.
Second show added there.
There you go.
Then Dania Beach, Florida, Raleigh, North Carolina, Louisville, Cleveland.
Get your tickies now.
You snooze, you lose.
See you out there.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, baby.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find
that I have
to grow it to be classy.
Yeah.
They're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a glorious day.
We're out back here in the new edition of Tootie's Baby.
Uh-oh.
Woo.
The boys climbed out of the basement.
Tootie came into a little medical malpractice money.
Uh-huh.
Got the boys some new digs.
Got her a new set of implants and a one-way trip to hedonism.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide
world, and I
love him.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are.
And then obviously the greatest goddamn website of all time, www.patreon.com
slash RU Garbage.
Check it out, gang.
It's a full-blown party over there.
Ooh, love that money.
And having a nice quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man,
makes us all
look good.
Works the ones, works the twos, the threes, and the fours now.
Uh-huh.
Crosses the T's, dots the I's, and you can get a little peek at him on the Toby
cam.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
It's Toby McMullen, everybody.
Look at him.
Hey, what's up, dude?
There he is.
The addition is fire, dude.
And what a perfect couple to come christened, man.
We got some prime time company, dude.
Yeah, this is great.
You're like a kid on the local news right now.
I love it.
What do I do with my hands?
Gang, but the long hair ain't lyin'.
We could not be more excited to have not one, but two incredibly special guests
here with
us today.
She is a very successful podcaster and producer, and she is the engine that
drives the machine.
He, of course, is one of the funniest, most hardworking, highest-grossing stand-up
comedians
working today.
Oh, yeah.
He is the host of BirdCast.
He is the co-host of Two Bears, One Cave.
He is the creator and star of Something's Burning.
He is currently on a world tour, has his own comedy festival, has a brand new
Netflix special
out right now called Razzle Dazzle, and has a movie based on his life that he
produced
and stars in.
Guy's a worker.
Hitting theaters nationwide May 26th, and oh, yeah, he got Luke Skywalker to
play his
dad.
We're talking Hollywood power couple, baby.
Do us a favor.
Give it up for Bert and Leanne Kreiser.
It's the Kreiser's.
Let's go.
Kreiser's.
Let's go.
Come on.
Kreiser's in the building, baby.
Did you forget all that?
As you say it, I'm like, Jesus Christ.
Dude, it's wild.
Congratulations to both of you, man.
Thank you.
I will say this.
I will say this.
This is the only moment of sincerity.
I really genuinely could not have done any of this without her.
I think sometimes the reason I don't cheat is because, number one, number one.
I'll throw a bumpy start.
Number one, number one, I'm fast at sex, and I don't want to show that to
anyone.
Hey, me too, pal.
We'll talk later.
I have a joke about her in Razzle Dazzle about how fast I am.
Do you remember the time you laughed at me when I had an orgasm?
Yes, yes.
She laughed out loud and went, that was fast.
That was fast.
That was remarkably fast.
He's efficient.
He's efficient.
Billy the kid over here.
But I often say, I picked the right chick because she got me to where I am.
Sure, of course.
And I wouldn't be here without her.
I really honestly wouldn't be here without her.
Aw, look at that.
One last moment of sincerity.
Now let's dial it in.
Let's call her a piece of garbage for the next day.
I think you guys, I think she's going to change the scope.
I think you're going to, I think you guys are going to be like, hold on.
Wait, what the fuck is that?
Leanne, we have had Bert on.
We know he's certified garbage.
We do do want a little bit of a background check on you.
We know you're from rural Georgia.
Yeah.
All right.
Give us a little bit of that backstory.
No.
How rural.
Where, how close was your closest neighbor?
Oh, God.
Hold on.
Hang on.
This is the area.
They, this, this is so rural.
They, families live on like land.
Right.
So neighbors are all related.
Right.
Right.
That's right.
Like you have like a family has an area, right?
Like a.
Well, I grew up on a road called Dot Road.
Okay.
Hold on.
They get worse.
Hold on.
Nobody has ever said I grew up on a road.
I did.
It's Dot Road.
Yeah.
Dot Road was not paved when I was a kid, but it became paved as I grew up.
Okay.
We were related to everybody on the whole mile and a half long road.
And the end of the road was a community called Bug Scuffle.
I told you, I told you, I brought a fucking baller in here.
Bert's bringing in fucking ringers, dude.
That ain't fair.
What the fuck, man?
Funny thing about Bug Scuffle, they were all doctors.
So how long did the, how long does the land go back in your family?
Well, there's a church on the land that's in my family.
And I think the sign on the front says 1840.
Whoa.
What the?
Jeez.
We got married in that church.
We got married in that church.
Really?
It's the one room, one room, white clapboard, one room church.
Yeah.
Her grandfather went to school in that church.
Both my grandparents went to school in that church.
He rode the mule down the street.
It was also the hospital, I think, too.
Right?
Could be, could be.
A couple of heart transplants in that place.
There was a swingers lounge at once.
Tell them that story.
An 1800 swingers lounge?
Yeah.
Maybe not in that community, but.
And where did you go to high school?
I went to the local house, the high school, Bowden High School.
Okay.
And what was the mascot there?
Red Devil.
All right.
The Red Devils, right?
Or the Jews.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Red Devil had a, was a tailor.
There's a picture of Larry David.
Our first cut in the new studio.
We're playing the Hellburners next weekend.
Wow.
Yes.
Okay.
Wow, we're in it.
And how many brothers and sisters do you have?
None.
None?
Your only child?
None.
No.
Okay.
What did your parents do for a living growing up?
Well, when I was little, my dad's a mechanic still, auto mechanic.
Okay.
And when I was really little, my mom worked in the local factory that made men's
suits.
So she sewed suits.
But she later became a model.
When they divorced, we moved to Atlanta.
Really?
Really?
Beautiful woman.
Whoa.
Absolutely beautiful.
She was the highest paid model in Atlanta for about nine years.
No kill.
Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't know that.
But, yeah.
She's from a smaller town than my dad and I are from.
Was there two guys there?
Pretty much, yeah.
A smaller town than Scud Buffers?
What are you talking about?
Yeah, it was pretty small.
Pretty small.
The mayor's a frog.
Yeah, right?
The mayor's a frog.
And then where did you go to school?
Where did you go to college?
To college?
I went to West Georgia College for two years and then I transferred and went to
Georgia State University, but I never graduated.
Okay.
Never graduated.
No.
What happened?
I moved to New York.
You moved to New York and just gave it up.
Did you graduate?
Come on.
It took him seven years to graduate.
Yeah, I had to, you know, I had to take correspondence classes through the
Florida State prison system.
Isn't that interesting?
This is before the internet.
The fact that you two got it together to be successful is nuts.
I think Scrappy is what we have in common.
We're fucking Scrappies.
That's a trashy girl thing.
We're Scrappy.
We're Scrappy.
Okay, I love it, baby.
Cheating off some murderer.
Come on, ice pick.
Give me the answer.
They sent me a box of books and a folder of tests and then they were like,
there you go.
That's before the internet.
This is before the internet.
I mean, the internet was there, but the classes weren't lined up.
Sure, yeah.
And so, yeah, I left Florida State, but I hadn't graduated.
I still was six hours shy.
So I had to take a, something, whatever the book, I didn't learn much.
Whatever the group of writers that wrote like To Kill a Mockingbird and all
those American writers.
Okay.
And then.
Harper Lee.
Whatever.
That area of time and then some other thing.
Area of time.
Of Viking longships.
Correspondence courses, huh?
Viking longships.
I had to do fucking, I don't know, Viking longships.
What?
My mom wrote it.
You two are my favorite people in the world.
25 years old.
Holy shit.
25 years old and I called my mom and I said, can you just please write this
paper for me?
And she was like, I gotta graduate college and I'm fucking done.
Your thesis was on pontoon boats.
And where did you two meet exactly?
At a bowling alley.
We met in LA at a bowling alley.
You met in LA.
So you moved, what did you move to New York for originally?
I moved to New York just to study acting.
Okay.
Okay.
And I did that.
Okay.
And then started writing when I was here.
And then I thought, I got, I got, you know, I'm from rural Georgia.
Sure.
So after being in the city for a while, I was like, I need a little bit of
nature.
Yes.
It's too much city for me.
So I was like, well, I'll try LA.
And I moved out to LA and dropped acting entirely.
I was like, I don't think this is for me.
Okay.
They told her, they told her.
Can I tell some of your stories?
Because he's a better storyteller than I am.
No, no, no, no.
And they told her, they told her you need to gain weight or lose weight.
Either the fat chick or the hot chick.
And she was like, I, why can't I just be me?
And at the same time, you edit this out.
If you don't want to put this in, she went to a party and she met a woman who
they said
the same thing to me.
And she goes, Oh, I'm going big.
I'm really just laying into it.
Yes.
And that woman was Melissa McCarthy.
Whoa.
Yeah.
And it worked out.
Yeah.
It worked out.
I'm doing the same thing, baby.
Hey, me too.
How fat do you guys want me?
They said 600.
I'll do it.
You want me, I can't shower by myself fat?
Hey, fame comes with a price, baby.
And that's two McDoubles.
Okay.
All right.
So you guys meet at a bowling alley.
Yeah.
And how long was the courtship?
How long did you guys date?
You don't remember?
Go ahead.
There's the one thing he doesn't want to tell.
A year and a half.
A year and a half.
I also just heard the very sweet story where you called her every day at like 9
a.m.
Every day.
Right?
Yeah, yeah.
What are you doing this noche?
Yeah.
And the day after they met, he called her every day at 9 a.m.
Every day.
9 a.m.
Psycho.
Yeah.
That is creeper status.
Yeah, baby.
I'm out in front of your house.
What are you doing?
When you like something, you like it.
Get to go there.
I like liking shit.
I like liking it.
He's an all-or-nothing guy.
That's for sure.
Sure.
He's all in.
He was all in from the beginning.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Although he didn't know it himself.
He'd always be like, yeah, this is my friend Leanne.
And at a certain point, I was like, dude, I'm your girlfriend.
You call me every day.
Every day.
What the fuck?
Stop calling me y