Name: Andrew Schulz Returns | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast
Uploaded: 2023-04-12T22:50:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Schulz Returns | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Schulz Returns | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-12. Transcript available.

Andrew Schulz Returns | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast

Stop the show, gang. We got a little tour update coming at you.
Uh-oh.
The Stay Trashy Tour is rolling along.
Vermont and Connecticut, we added second shows.
We'll be there this weekend, baby.
Get the squad and come out and see us.
Yeah, gang, then we're going to be in Tampa, Florida.
Second show out of there.
Get those tickets. Limited tickets left.
Then we're going to Dania Beach, Florida, Raleigh, North Carolina,
Louisville, Kentucky, Cleveland, Ohio, then Columbus, Ohio.
Get those tickets. It's a good time.
A little AYG with the crowd, some stand-up comedy.
We'll see you there.
More dates coming.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find out if they grew up to be classy or if they're just a big old piece
of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition, baby.
Mm-hmm.
Ooh, she's out there spending that money thinking about putting in a pool table
for the summer.
Oh, God.
See how it works out.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman.
And the word on Wall Street is you think about scooping up a couple of these
banks that are pinned up against the wall.
Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
About to find themselves between a rock and a forehead.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, what's up, gang?
Got me at the buzzer meter right there.
What's up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
And obviously, I don't have to say it in this room, the greatest website of all
time, www.patreon.com.
Check it the fuck out, gang.
It's a party over there.
Yes, sir.
And having a nice quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man,
makes us all look good.
Works the ones, works the twos, works the threes and the fours now.
Crosses the T's and dots the I's.
And now you can get a little peek at him on the Toby cam, ladies.
But no touchy-touchy.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, dudes?
What up, T-Bone?
There he is.
Yo, gas up the jet, grab the caviar.
We got the big homie in the edition.
Hey!
Ooh, yeah.
The long hair ain't lying.
It might be warm outside, but we got the heat on in here, baby.
I'll tell you that right now.
We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly
special guest, back with us again today.
This man has led more people to the promised land than Moses himself.
He is the international sensation that has swept the nation.
He is the light that shows us the way.
Give it up for the king of New York, Andrew Schultz, everybody.
Let's go.
Schultz!
Bro, first of all, I told you guys this a million times when I walked in, but
the new studio is absolutely unbelievable.
Thank you.
Have you done like a whole tour of all the rooms and everything?
Yeah, not yet.
We're going to.
I walked in, and the waiting room could be a set.
Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's unbelievable.
We went big.
Tootie's spending the fucking cut, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dropping a little cash.
And also, the intro was immaculate.
Thank you, buddy.
Do you guys remember that show where they, it was like a Japanese game show,
where they
dubbed over...
Maximum Extreme Challenge.
MXC.
They need to get you guys to do that.
Yeah?
That would be a good time.
A little Japanese television money?
I'm about it.
Let's go.
Let's go.
You talk to someone.
Schultz, get me locked in.
All right, I'm going to make it happen.
This guy.
Plus, I hear the milk in Japan is really, really good.
Yeah, great milk.
Great milk.
Great milk.
They almost had...
Back in the day, MTV2 bought the rights to that, and then they had Damien Lemon
and I
dub it over.
No shit.
Yeah.
That's all right.
Yeah, yeah.
Didn't make it.
But I think you guys could pull it off 100%.
But I wouldn't even have you guys dubbed.
I think I would have you guys actually just making fun of Japanese people
slipping.
That's what got Chrissy D. jammed off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That is true.
Not for Netflix.
True, yeah.
Or is that what I'm saying?
We'll do it on YouTube.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Buddy, I got to ask you.
The cut, the haircut.
Yes, yeah.
We were talking about that before.
You're doing a little shooting.
I was doing a movie.
Hold on.
This is how cool you are.
I didn't even think anything of it.
I love that.
I was just like, this is what Schultz rocks.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm also slightly offended by that.
You should be.
You should be.
I meant it as a little bit of an insult.
It was a dig, for sure.
But I'm such a fucking sociopath.
I would walk around like this thinking people would be normal.
I can tell, and I'm always very jealous of that.
Yeah.
That, you know, to have the haircut for whatever you're working on.
Yeah.
I've done that in my lowest points.
I've gotten a regular haircut and been like, yeah, I'm shooting something next
week.
I'm going to get my haircut for it.
But usually, the production company does that.
Not a barber in Queens.
No, you were trying to get laid.
I remember the story.
He told a girl he was on Boardwalk Empire one night and then was going to see
her the
next day and went and got his haircut like Boardwalk Empire.
Did it work?
No.
No.
No.
No.
That was supposed to be again.
He showed up the next day looking like Buscemi.
I was like, what the fuck is this?
Smoking unfilters and drinking whiskey in the morning.
I love it.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I was doing this movie.
What do you got cooking?
We were shooting up in Calgary, but it's called The Thicket.
And it's got Peter Dinklage in it.
Nice.
I love Dinklage.
Oh, come on.
He's the man, dude.
Yeah.
So I was like, hell yeah, I'll do that shit.
I want to make a couple movies, so I'm learning how to behave.
And it's a period.
It's a period piece.
It's like 1908.
Yeah.
Sharp duds?
I don't know what that means.
Sharp wardrobe.
Oh, actually, I'll show you guys a picture.
Yeah, I'm like a pimp in 1908.
Whoa!
That's a good time right there.
The whole thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's fire.
So it was fun.
Fun, cool little project.
And you're done with it now?
Yeah, yeah.
We're finished, so the hair's going up.
Did they tell you to keep the cut for a little while?
No, but they want to do reshoots?
Bro, no, but that's funny that you say that.
Sometimes they do do that, but I just got made fun of so much by my boys for
having it
that I think I have to keep it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just lean into it at this point.
Yeah, I think I have to continue cutting in.
You already took the heat.
Exactly.
Yeah, now you look cool.
Who cares?
And if I change it because they clown me, then I'm just a bitch.
You've lost.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Then they know they can just shit on you and you're going to have to change
next time,
too.
Exactly.
So I got to dig in.
Yeah, you got to dig in.
Teach him a fucking lesson right now.
Yeah, it's trench warfare, baby.
And I'll tell you what, I guarantee you see a couple of those cuts starting to
pop up
because they saw Schultz.
Ooh.
That could be the fucking cut of the summer.
Cool guy, you coming tomorrow, I got it.
Fuck it.
I got the receding hairline with the cool sides.
Dude, you should do it.
Stash and everything.
Like the Peaky Blinders?
Yeah.
The stash is sharp.
Thank you, man.
The stash, yeah.
Thank you.
The stash you got to keep.
Come on.
Thank you.
All right, fuck it.
The stash is sharp.
But you're in one of those worlds where like cool is wonky.
So it's like you can do anything and you still come off as cool.
You know what I mean?
I don't know.
Because you have confidence to do it.
Am I cool?
I don't know about that.
Do we want to be cool?
You're the coolest guy out of here.
What do you mean you're cool?
I mean, I don't think you're trying to be cool.
I think you're very genuinely authentic.
You're a person.
You're not trying to be cool.
You're just a cool dude.
I'll take it.
Fuck it.
Hey, bro.
I got to come here more often, guys.
Chelsea, I love you.
Jesus.
You guys got to do the tour of the studio.
It's unbelievable.
Yeah, we will.
That's going to be a Patreon.
www.patreon.com.
All right.
Sign up.
Sign up to the Patreon.
Check it out, gang.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just great.
Love what you guys have done.
Thank you, buddy.
We love you.
Follow it in your footsteps, man.
Thank you for laying the groundwork.
You guys are paving your own way.
And yeah, it's cool to see your guys' influence.
You're influenced, baby.
It's cool to see you.
Everything we say, we-
Easy does it, Chelsea.
Easy does it, Chelsea.
I mean this in a good way.
I think the sign of success is that-
Cool haircuts.
That's what he means.
No.
It's cool haircuts.
You pave away, and then I think other people-
I think as human beings, we look at things that are successful,
and we go, okay, wow, there is an opportunity here.
You know, and I think that that's-
I think that's how-
Judge a sign of success.
A lot of people have been putting on weight.
I'll tell you that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I saw a couple of bald guys out there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is a good thing.
Compression socks are in.
This is growing pains.
Sure.
All I'm trying to say is this is growing pains.
This is awesome.
This is awesome.
Thank you, man.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, buddy.
I have always said I always thank you.
We've taken a page out of your book, and you know-
Nothing.
I appreciate the guidance.
You've always been there whenever I call, I text, whatever.
Of course.
Any question I have-
Of course.
You guys are awesome.
But listen-
You guys are fucking amazing, and you guys have a great product.
I remember the first time watching.
I think I told this on the first time here.
And I was like, holy shit.
Like, this is it.
And I think I hit-
I don't know.
I think I hit you.
And originally, I was like, make it shorter.
Make it 15 minutes.
And I was like-
And I like what you guys have obviously done.
You guys have killed it.
He'll never let me live that-
No, no, no, no.
We're not making a 20-minute version.
No, no, no, no, no, because in my mind, the only thing that I had seen that was
anything
like in the world was the eat chicken that's hot.
The hot ones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's like, this is so much better because you don't have to eat chicken.
Sure.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, it's just you get all the fun-
A couple of wings would be-
I'm like, what are you talking about?
One thing he hates about the show?
When can we open the biscuits?
What the fuck is going on over here?
Sitting here without wings.
I thought we'd do it mozzarella sticks.
Get a sampler player.
But yeah, I was just like, this is it.
What a great way to go on there, be vulnerable, and like brag about how trash
you are.
And everybody wants to share the stories.
Like, you just created this great, great vehicle.
It's one of those shows where I think about people I want to be on.
Then we get that a lot.
Sure.
Bird will hit us up.
He's like, you got to have-
You got to.
I was looking at fucking Daly, the picture right there, John Daly, and I'm like,
oh, God,
is he-
Guy Fieri.
There it is.
Yeah, there's so many all-stars.
But that's how you know you have a product.
Like, people do that with Rogan, right?
Like, you see some scientist or a guy who's like an Egyptologist or a great new
comedian.
You're like, yo, you need to go on Rogan, right?
And it's because we feel like something special would happen in that experience.
So, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now you got me cooking.
I got to think about people I really want to see on.
You got to get the chicken guy.
You got to get hot chicken guy.
We were, I think.
Somebody con