Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Dan Soder Returns!
Uploaded: 2023-04-23T22:59:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Dan Soder Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Dan Soder Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-23. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Dan Soder Returns!

Hachi-machi, gang. That state trashy tour is cooking.
In May, we're coming down to Tampa, Florida. A couple of tickets left.
Then we're going to Dania Beach, Florida. Then we're going up to Raleigh, North
Carolina to good nights.
Come out and see us. It's a good time.
Yeah, gang, and that ain't it. We're also going to Louisville, Kentucky,
Cleveland, Ohio, and Columbus, Ohio.
We're moving some tickies. Don't miss out. Get them now. You should lose.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out
that they're good to be classy.
Yeah.
Not that they're just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here with Tootie's in the new edition, baby.
She wants to remind you, if you're coming by, use the side door.
She don't want you traipsing mud through the new parlor.
I'll tell you that right now.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is an international businessman, and I'll tell you what, right now, my best
pal in the whole wide world,
and I love him.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
Come on.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
True to rip.
Cook it.
Then, obviously, I'd be remissed, an asshole, a J-O, if I didn't...
Sing it.
If I didn't mention the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RU
Garbage, gang.
Check it out.
It's a goddamn party over there.
Love that money.
And how about a nice quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic
band, makes us all look good.
Works the ones, works the twos, the threes, and the fours.
He crosses the T's, and he dots the I's.
And now you can get a little peek at him on a Toby cam.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
Toby McBallin, everybody.
What up, dudes?
There he is.
Yo, this guy we got in here is the type of dude you can't introduce to your dog,
because your dog will love him more than your dog, too.
Yes.
He is part Labrador, I believe.
Hey, he's a goddamn rock star, the long hair ain't lying.
We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly,
special guest back with us again today.
Third or fourth appearance here on the show.
First time here in the new edition.
We're so happy to have him.
Of course, you know him from Billions.
He's on tour right now.
Do yourself a favor.
Get some goddamn tickies at Dansoder.com and give it up for Dan Soder.
Hey, dude.
There he is.
I'm fully back, and we've already determined I am garbage.
Oh, yeah.
So now we're just picking through it.
Now it's just time to pick through that trash.
Welcome to the party, baby.
This place is fucking awesome.
Thanks, man.
Thank you.
I was, like, walking around.
For the viewers at home, this place is so cool.
Thank you.
It's so cool to see you guys have this.
Thank you.
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
And I mean-
The idea was, like, if, you know, two dirtbags hit the lottery, how they would
do it.
I would want to live here if I were wanting that.
I've wanted a big buck hunting machine since I've been 19 years old.
But there are-
You guys both booze.
Sure.
Like a cocktail.
There's got to be a time one night where you're just, like, in the city, you
don't want to go home,
and you're like, I go sleep in the studio.
I would be tempted to sleep in the studio so much.
He's already asking.
We can't allow it just yet.
Why?
Would they get mad?
I don't think so, but he'll move in.
Like, he'll, like, properly-
I'll have the girl going in here.
He'll have family members staying here.
Do you guys have a working kitchen, too, right?
Yeah.
Not, like, there's no stove or anything, right?
Could there be?
I might get a hot plate going.
That's what I was going to say.
Foley-
Like, we're in jail, dude.
You know, one of you guys would just be cooking.
Foley's in the back on the hot plate.
Turning over sausages.
Slicing garlic with a razor.
Yeah.
And doing steaks like in Goodfellas.
Yeah, dude.
I love you guys squatting in your podcast, dude.
That's why, because the second we do it once, it's fucking game over, dude.
We'll all be in here.
I'll be divorcing.
Yeah.
I always was, like, one of those kids where I was, like, I, like, wanted to
live in a van
when I was a kid.
Oh, yeah.
Because I was, like, this is cool.
My, like, uncle had a topper to his truck, you know.
It's tight.
Whoa.
And it had the bed on top.
And I remember we were visiting my uncle, and I was, like, can I sleep in there?
Wait, it was a truck with a cabin on it?
Yeah, you put, like, the Winnebago-esque cap on it.
It goes out over, and that's where the bed is.
Yeah, and I was, like, I was so hyped on sleeping up there.
Sure.
He was, like, I have a nice cabin here in Carbondale, Colorado.
And I was, like, can I sleep in a truck?
Let me see the keys to that truck, old man.
He's, like, yeah, sure, dude.
Whatever.
Until you catch a glimpse of your first spider up there in the corner.
Oh, yeah.
Then you're you.
Yeah.
No good.
I almost just went on Smash Patrol.
Get away from me!
The trashiest one is the little, uh, the one that you tow.
The little cabin that you tow.
The pop-up ones.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That is pretty shitty.
Yikes.
I kind of like them.
Like, I, my neighbor had one, and I wanted one so fucking mad.
Yeah, that's what you see them, and you're, like, oh.
Because in Colorado, there's a lot of Winnebagos.
I love a Winnebago.
Not, like, the cool big ones, like the tour buses that you see.
Sure.
Like, the ones that people in Arizona have, like the snowbirds.
I'm talking about.
16 bikes on the back.
Crazy.
Towing a Corolla.
You would see the people come in on the winter when I lived in Tucson.
You would see all the snowbirds come down, and they're fucking giant Winnebagos,
and you'd
be like, damn, you got a house on wheels.
What's a snowbird, exactly?
Those are the people that are from, like, Minnesota or cold places who leave
and come to Arizona
in, like, November through February.
Yeah, people go to Florida in the winter are snowbirds.
Exactly.
And they stay in the Winnebago that whole season?
Well, those people that live in the heat, they get all angry, and then they
have to come
up with terms for it.
Yeah.
Like, you're a goddamn snowbird.
I don't like the water in those things.
No, they're never good.
Yeah.
Drinking that water.
Bad water pressure.
They all smell the same.
It really was a very fleeting moment in my life of six to eight years old that
I wanted
to sleep in a Winnebago.
And then now I'm like, that's cool.
Yeah.
Like, tour buses, I would like to get to that point, but I don't yearn for it.
Sure.
You sleep good on them.
We got to go out with Burt for a couple of nights.
Man, I slept like a bitch.
Really?
I think about it weekly.
Because I'm doing the first weekend of the Fully Loaded Tour.
Oh, you'll love it.
So I'm going to be on the bus with Big J and Norton.
Best sleep of your life.
Yeah.
Your buddies are all around you.
Burt was sleeping right next to me.
It felt like having your dad snuggled next to him.
I don't even know what that's like to begin with.
Dude, it was awesome.
You guys might fill a hole I've had since I was five.
Oh, it feels real good.
I'm going to be like, dude, fuck it, Burt.
Just let me sleep on your bus.
Dude.
Just to get some REM sleep.
No one of the professional drivers driving.
You're in this little cubby.
I was a little concerned when they were like, all right, just go to bed with
your feet facing
the driver so you don't immediately break your neck.
And I was like, oh, all right.
Okay.
I was about 400 beers deep at the time.
I don't want to get Cliff Burton.
And we heard everybody yelling.
Cliff.
Oh, my God, dude.
If I like to take edibles before I go to bed, I feel like that would fuck me up.
No, man.
It's cozy in there, dude.
It's cozy in there.
It has a little light in there.
A little light.
A little AC.
You can read a little Hardy Boys book or something.
I love having a little fort.
I do like that.
That's it.
It's an adult fort.
I do like that.
It's very calm.
And the hum of the bus puts you right out.
You guys are probably too young for this.
But for a while, they sold these things.
You can get, like, G.I.
Joe, the Transformers, the A-Team, WWF.
And it was like a tent that had a fitted sheet on the bottom that you would put
over your
bed.
And then it had, like, the little wires.
And it was a little tent on top of your bed.
Oh, no.
Ooh.
Clean living, dude.
Are you serious?
That's a thing?
Dude, I had my comic books, a couple of G.I.
Joe's in there.
How big are we talking here?
It was like, it would just be like the size.
It would look like a tent on top of, like, shaped like your bed.
Because what I would do, and as most kids would do, is you'd get under your comforter
with a flashlight or something.
Oh, yeah.
But then you'd be breathing that hot, thick, humid air after, like, two minutes.
Every time in a movie, when someone's reading under a blanket, I'm like,
bullshit.
It doesn't work.
Because you've got to crack that thing.
You ain't finishing that chapter.
Yeah.
And then put it back down.
I'm going back in.
Yeah, but I would have loved it.
Oh, they were fucking awesome.
I would have loved that, dude.
For all my guys?
Yeah.
Come on.
Dude, it was great.
He saw the end table behind me.
He goes, this is where I used to keep my guys.
Yeah, dude.
That looked exactly like the end table we had at the end of our couch.
That was base?
You'd just open the door, and toys would flood out.
Yeah.
And you'd pick through them.
Wasn't it always great when, like, you know, you would get yelled at?
Enough or whatever.
Or every once in a while, you cleaned all your guys up.
I kept them all under the bed, and it was usually a mess.
But then, you know, every, some Saturday, I would take it all out.
I'd organize everybody.
I'd line the cars up.
That's great.
Like, all the vehicles up.
Yeah, like a Cribs episode?
Yeah.
Like a tiny Cribs episode?
You're like, hey, what's up?
It's me, Cobra Commander.
He's got the waters all lined up.
You know me.
You know me from trying to dominate the world.
Here's a couple of my whips.
This is where the magic happened.
This is where Destro and I fuck each other.
It was devastating to find out.
A lot of those were fake.
A lot of the Cribs houses were fake.
Red Man came on the bonfire, and he was like, that was 100% rude.
Oh, yeah, that was.
Yeah, that was like a fucking duplex.
He said the thing that I didn't even, it was in Brick City.
It was in Jersey.
Yeah, it was in, yeah.
But he said something that made me laugh so fucking hard, where he was like,
they showed
up earlier than they were supposed to.
So he just let him in, and it was like, yeah, film your B-roll.
I'm going back to sleep.
And he just went up and slept for like another two hours, and then came
downstairs and was
like, all right, what do I need to do?
Red Man's the, he's the guy.
Yeah.
Dude, he had like cereal on top of their fridge.
Yeah, it was a real one.
He had it, and I've always wanted one.
A dollar box.
You just throw a crumpled up couple dollars in there, and then when you need
milk, you
need bread, go to the dollar box.
I have had a change bag since 2008.
Quit bragging, man.
That is two Ziplocs filled with quarters or whatever, but Coin Stars are.
They're jamie up.
Yeah.
There's one of the Bronx I had to go to when I was in a real bad pinch about
two years
ago.
I have a giant bag of change.
That I've been saving for fucking 16 years.
And it's full.
I need to go somewhere.
You got to go to a Coin Star?
They take a piece though.
You got to go to a suburban, Coin Stars in the city, there's not that