Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Kyle Kinane Returns!
Uploaded: 2023-05-17T22:52:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Kyle Kinane Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Kyle Kinane Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-17. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Kyle Kinane Returns!

game we got a live show bombshell to drop on you right now just added a second
show at the vogel
theater august 11th over there in red back new jersey grab some takes and come
see the boys yeah
shout out to the army garbage we sold it out in four days so we added a second
show get those
tickets before they're gone because they're gonna go we love you's also may 24th
we'll be in
louisville kentucky there you go uh then june 14th 15th we're gonna be in cleveland
ohio and
columbus ohio then again back to red bank new jersey get those tickets we love
you be adding
dates welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you
find out if your
favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your
hosts kevin ryan and h foley
hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast
this is are you
garbage oh yeah it's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians
and we find it out
they're good to be classy yeah just a big old piece of trash i'm your host h foley
coming at you on a
beautiful day we're out back here at tooties in the new edition baby she's out
doing a little fishing
uh-oh over there at the vfw okay trolling looking for some night crawlers if
you know what i'm talking
about my co-host is coming at you from right next to me he is the ceo of are
you garbage he is an
international businessman and he's my best pal in the whole wide world give it
up for kj kevin james ryan
everybody what up gang thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate
view subscribe on
itunes full video available on youtube as you know those numbers are true to
rip cooking then obviously
i'd be remiss if i didn't mention the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com
slash are you garbage you check it out it's a party over there gang yeah it's a
good time having a nice
quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look
good works the ones the
twos the threes and the fours he crosses the t's and he dots the eyes and now
you can get a little
sneak peek at him on that toby cam give it up for t-bone mcscruffins toby mcmullin
everybody what up
dude what up man we got uncle barbecue in the edition bro talk about a guy who
knows his way around
a portillo's hot dog fucking real one in the building baby let's go gang the
long hair ain't lying
we could not be more excited to have our incredibly and i'm an incredibly
special guest back with us
again today it's been a minute we are so excited he's on tour right now
absolutely fantastic stand-up
comedian has a brand new special out right now shocks and struts do yourself a
favor check it out and
give it up for mr kyle canadian what's up buddy hi boys looking sharp man i
like the chain i like the
jacket this is me trying to change pace really it was a big event that i went
with a jewelry
okay yeah that is a big step but it looks great i would have never pegged it as
a new look
it seems normal to you it's like to be middle-aged and start doing accessories
i got shiny watch there
you go this guy's a full-blown you got a bank account too yeah i got a couple
bucks let's see
that watch what are you rocking with it's a seiko oh that's nice though it's
not like it looks shiny
but it's not you know it's what it's all about this thing hasn't worked in four
years oh no it's like
the top level camry you know fully loaded yeah yeah heated seats seated seats i'm
not a jerk off
all right the moonroof and the spoiler i'm not gonna i'm not dickhead with an
avalon
buddy congrats on the new special man i just peaked those numbers that thing is
a cooking
that's going on it's getting around you know i'm too shabby what is the uh we're
gonna do just do a
little retouch on you because it's been a minute um what's the van situation
the van van situation is
the van uh you've been living in a van i wasn't no i wasn't living in the van
yeah i got a po box i'm
doing better than that yeah yeah access to indoor plumbing okay okay no i hit
well because i bought
it at the beginning of pandemic because like i didn't know like you know
everybody like what's
going to happen remember that those few like we might have wonky times there
might not be airplanes
anymore i might have to just go you know just drive town to town and set up and
pedal my wares like
like it all like get right up folks yeah like a knife sharpener just going down
you're doing demos
out in the parking lot ice cream truck speaker on the top where are you from
miss what do you do
guys ever get hemorrhoids that's a crazy thing huh no context i should at least
write comedy on the
side of it so i have but now i just take it out it's like more of an rv i get
out there and i still uh
nice is it nice is it done nice a guy built it okay and it was the one van he
built okay you can tell
and he did he did a good job for himself and then it's a prototype yeah he
built it to his
specifications as a single man and then he met a woman and she's like i'm not
going to live in a
van with you and then he sold it to me and my girlfriend's like i'm not going
to hang out in
this van with you but uh picking up on a trend here chicks don't like vans i
did well i i got my
appendix out and i did get to keep that little jar you pee in so that's coming
handy in the van
there you go it's angled yeah how was the appendix that it started to start
bothering you
started hurting you or did you catch it before that oh that was weird i had no
symptoms i was
just all of a sudden like oh i feel like you know like the different like oh
the inside pains of like
sure elbow oh i hit my elbow my elbow hurts but inside here you're like
all right man weed and sprite let's see if that fix it
do thc and seven up and see uh if that doesn't do it we're gonna have to get
into the deductibles
if the sierra mist don't care i don't know what to tell you um you flew here
though i would assume
right yeah yeah yeah i'm part of the modern world i have uh he didn't take the
oregon trail
i just thumbed my way across the country um so where are you based out of now
where are you posted
up i'm in oregon oregon said you were out there in the burbs nice bird suburban
just outside uh just
outside of portland oregon and your feet you said you were feeling it out there
a little bit i like
it man i'm from the berm we talking it's like it's like the first it's a town
called beaverton it's
basically the brooklyn of portland um now it's fine i'm like a third of a mile
away from the nike
campus oh i know where that i went out there okay yeah and it's real fun to see
those dudes that work
at nike but aren't athletes like they're just in accounting but they get the
freshest nike gear yeah they look like
tiger woods out there yeah but there's any there's an indian buffet right
across the street and they
see lunch breaks these guys just can't wait to just light up a smoke and just
in like the nicest track
suits oh can't wait to pound five pounds of tikka masala right now just do it
baby oh my god i dig you
guys what uh what uh what grocery store are you going to out there what grocery
store yeah what are you
hitting up okay all right here's my options right when i first got out there
right they got uh they got
it's not what's called uh shit what's it called it's not it's not whole foods
it's like a fancy
one oh not trader joe's no it's not trader joe's is it the one they have in la
air one god damn why
can't i remember the name of this place that's right there it's it's wegmans no
but it's nice
it's super expensive and you went we went through the first couple times like
we just moved here sure
let's cook at home yeah and then uh right next to it is a employee-owned place
called winco that's also
open 24 hours which is my favorite thing about a grocery store my kind of speed
right there and
you're just like you can't you it's like cash or debit like they don't even
take credit cards i'm
like holy this is my spot yeah i got like okay i i dipped into the fancy stuff
and now i'm over at winco
and uh i'm down with it there's something about a grocery store in the middle
of the night when it's
just nice and clean and quiet in there and you're just scrolling through the
aisles the right like when you
get them when they've faced up everything like everything yeah yeah i used to
do that i used
i used to work at a kmart and would face everything up and then that's the like
it's peaceful yeah
everything you could tell the employees are proud of it too like yeah in six
hours this is going to be
a nightmare go check out cereal while you still can as flat as an eye can be
the soup aisle's gonna look
like me lie so get in there now it's color coordinated it's also at that point
when it's
clean and it's empty and it's whatever it's midnight anything's possible you're
like i can
make a lasagna right now like you're just walking through like i can do
anything it is yeah there's
no like like gopher holes dug into the bin candy from children just reaching in
there
some nine-year-old in the bottom of it you're all right man i got so high i
went there i got so
i i'd like so i'm vegetarian but i was getting cat food cats not vegetarian so
i was living out my
fantasies we're like oh ham and gravy i've never had gravy on ham before cats
getting it right now
it's so high i'm like all right now i'm gonna get candy but i can't get the
lower bin candy because
that's when the kids dig around sure i gotta get and then i was just still
eating it with my hands
and then i got microwave popcorn for myself when i got home i forgot i don't i
haven't had a microwave in
three years man that's really high you forgot what kind of kitchen you had i
got so excited about
buying home popcorn in a while i got so excited about putting in a toaster oven
yeah um new seasons
new seasons is the name of the fads fancy one okay seasons new seasons that
sounds nice it sounds like
a good rehab facility down here at new seasons anything's possible drying out
at new six weeks
your parents come out at the end of it insurance covers it ah that's all right
are you cooking a lot
at the house am i cooking a lot no but one of my trips to winco i found this
weird little niche where
it's like hot dogs and cans and stuff like what veggie like there was like this
hidden three can wide
section of vegetarian meat substitutes okay that i wasn't even looking for and
i caught it out of the
corner of my eye okay i think they put it in the ethnic food aisle because like
we don't know we
don't know where this should land yeah where it doesn't need its own eye we don't
know where a can
of hot dogs should be and uh the girl not quite indian not quite spanish we're
not really sure yeah
just sausages and water okay give it a shot and so the girlfriend was out of
town i'm like i'm making
all this stuff this meat in a can and she almost cut her trip short to come
home yeah she's like this
is like i'd rather see you doing drugs like i'd rather just get a bag man i'd
rather see you do a
coke by yourself that's funny but so no that's that's like the extent of my i
cooked oh i did a piece
of fish the other day i eat fish sometimes okay i cooked a piece of fish and i
was like real proud
of myself what kind of cut we talking what kind of fish it was uh it was a gift
from my father-in-law
because he was like he's like well i don't know what to get you because you're
not like a dude dude and
uh you can't get your hamburger meat uh there's nice fish yeah okay so it's
like a like a red snapper
or something yeah yeah that's all right that's pretty hoity-toity i watched it
yeah i watched the
youtube recipe uh-huh there you go you know when they like touch it real gentle
yeah it's real adult
right there i did that with seasoning and cooked it then the house smelled like
fish for five days i'm
like i don't know if this is worth it i don't know if this was worth what i did
um how big is that big
piece of property you have out there you gotta you got a good yard i don't know
it