Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Trashy Real Estate w/ Tom Thakkar
Uploaded: 2023-05-21T23:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Trashy Real Estate w/ Tom Thakkar' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Trashy Real Estate w/ Tom Thakkar' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-21. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Trashy Real Estate w/ Tom Thakkar

Game, we got a live show bombshell to drop on you right now.
Just added a second show at the Vogel Theater, August 11th, over there in Red
Bank, New Jersey.
Grab some ticks and come see the boys.
Yeah, shout out to the Army Garbage. We sold it out in four days, so we added a
second show.
Get those tickets before they're gone, because they're going to go. We love yous.
Also, May 24th, we'll be in Louisville, Kentucky.
There you go.
Then June 14th, 15th, we're going to be in Cleveland, Ohio, and Columbus, Ohio.
Then again, back to Red Bank, New Jersey. Get those tickets. We love you.
Be adding dates.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find it
out there to be classy.
Yeah.
Aren't you just a big old piece of trash?
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition, baby.
Uh-huh.
Living high on the hog.
Woo-wee.
She just got back from spring break.
Okay.
Ankle bracelet should be off sometime around Labor Day.
Good for her.
Jammed up down there.
Don't screw around down there on Miami Beach.
Say that, Toby.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me, unamused, this week.
Swing and a miss on the old days.
I'm kicking things off in a new studio just the old-fashioned way.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide
world.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, what's up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube, as you know those numbers are.
True to rip.
Cooking.
Cooking.
And obviously, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the greatest website of all
time,
www.patreon.com.
Are you garbage, baby?
Check it out.
You got bonus episodes.
You get hard feelings.
You get a sheer crap ton of content on there.
Check it out.
It's a good time, gang.
Check it out.
And how about a nice quick shout-out to our producer, Extraordinaire.
The Magic Band makes us all look good.
Works those ones.
Works those twos.
Crosses them T's.
Dots them I's.
Now you can get a little peek at them with the Toby cam.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
Toby McMullen.
What's up, dudes?
What's up, T-Bone?
Did you guys hear the news?
What?
What's that?
That our guest won all-time dude at the Homie Awards this year?
Yeah.
Fucking.
The biggest piece of dirtbag trash I've ever seen in my life.
Gang, the long hair ain't lying.
We got a goddamn fan favorite in the room.
What the hell?
I didn't come here to be fucking sandbagged.
I didn't show up here.
I thought I was going to get a classy introduction.
By the way.
Showed up with the biggest big golf I've ever seen.
Dude.
That has coffee in it.
This is coffee, baby.
What the fuck?
This is coffee, brother.
That's insane.
I got a life hack for your fans, baby.
This is cold brew, nitro brew coffee from 7-Eleven.
It is a game changer.
Game changer.
It changed my whole fucking life.
I'm here to tell you about it.
I used to feel like shit.
Now I feel much worse.
But I used to feel like shit.
But I got 20 ounces of free cold brew.
This is like 30 ounces of cold brew.
That's too much.
They fucked me on this one.
They're always out to get you.
They're always trying to get me.
They wouldn't take a check?
It's my mom's check.
She said I could have it.
Paying them in rolls of quarters.
Oh, I thought I had one in my pocket.
I used it in a bodega last night.
Why would you have rolls of quarters?
Because I was selling merch in fucking Tulsa.
At an arcade?
Yeah.
Somebody thought it would be funny to pay me in all quarters.
And I was just like, just give me the fucking quarters.
I need every dime I can get.
Gang, he's one of our absolute favorites.
We love him.
You love him.
The best.
And he has a brand new special out right now on his YouTube page.
Takar Noir.
Give it up for Tom Takar, everybody.
Thanks for having me.
Man, I'm off.
Back, boys.
You're on.
You're on.
He's back.
I will say, this new studio is changing, boys.
The vibes in here.
When the mics are off, they don't look at each other.
It's gone to shit.
Sitting eating my cucumber sandwich.
You got too much money now.
It's over.
The Toby Cam ruined everything.
They're showing to shit when they got the Toby Cam.
We're jumping the shark.
Me and him, we're fucking swinging around and stuff.
We're suspended.
So what kind of mayonnaise do you like?
Okay.
Sitting on Pelotons.
Real snobbity snobbity.
Buddy, how the hell are you?
I'm good, dude.
I'm good.
I just got a little house in LA.
I'm here.
I'm back in town.
I'm back in town to get my cats.
I feel like I'm in a movie.
Like a dumbass.
That's like a Seth Rogen.
I got to go back and get my cats.
I'm coming back for my cats.
Com to car, starting dudes.
Where's my cats?
Let's go.
Let's write this script.
Toby, get on it, man.
What are you doing over there?
Give us the back story.
You moved out to LA.
You're out in LA.
So you're buying a place.
You're a landowner.
You bought a place.
Landowner.
Yeah, I got it.
You own property in Los Angeles County?
That's right.
Well, yeah.
Actually, it is county.
It is county.
Not city.
County.
County.
Cell number 328.
I haven't...
It's full of Rattlers, but I think it's going to be nice.
They don't do much testing out there anymore, so you should be all right.
You ain't going to need that microwave, boy.
Yeah, all my food is cooking automatically.
It's so weird.
It's in my fridge.
It's just hot pockets going all the time.
Why does the ice keep melting?
Oh, that's great.
Where's the spot at?
We're in East LA, Boyle Heights area.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can't get too specific.
These psychos are coming out of the woodworks.
I think it might be a bad neighborhood.
I don't know.
I haven't heard great things about East LA.
Yeah, I tend to live in places that the rappers like to talk about.
Oh, where they came from.
Have you picked a side yet?
Crips or the blood?
They do make you pick.
He isn't all blue.
I didn't want to say anything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I picked.
I made my choice.
What was that process?
It was a pain in the ass.
Joining the gang?
What's your credit like?
I got good credit.
I got good credit because I opened two credit cards within the last two or
three years,
but I've always paid my bills.
Two weeks before you walked in.
Yeah, yeah.
I didn't know.
I had a Southwest credit card that I just kept open.
Uh-huh.
I think that might be.
You think that's the trashiest credit card?
It's not classic.
Yeah.
Southwest?
Southwest is a rough one.
Southwest is a rough one.
I don't know if the other one's offer.
I don't think there's a Spirit card.
I don't think there's a Frontier credit card.
I don't think there's a Frontier.
They might, though.
We should look that up.
I think there is a Spirit credit card.
They all have one.
I mean, it's just-
Yeah.
But having one would be fucking insane.
Did they get you on the plane?
Did you sign up for it on the plane?
No, no, no, no.
I had been hearing comics bitch about, they were like, these idiots don't use
their points
or whatever.
And I was like, oh, I should be doing that.
And then I lived in Chicago, so there was a bunch of Southwest flights.
I'll give you that.
Out here, it doesn't work.
Yeah, it's tough out here.
There's barely any.
It's so good.
So I switched to that sweet Delta.
I'm a Delta man myself.
Shout out to him.
Delta Amex?
Oh, yeah.
Look at you.
Amex Platte.
It's assigned to Delta, so you get into the Centurion lounges.
That's all right.
Yeah.
That one in JFK is pretty good.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I just heard you guys talking about this.
I have gotten drunk at that speakeasy.
Dude, I heard you guys talking about that on We Might Be Drunk, and I was like,
I know
that exact speakeasy.
I love that shit.
You get fucked up in that place.
You get fucked up, dude.
That's like my favorite thing in the world to do is have a travel day where I
don't have
a show that night.
Oh, it's the best.
And then you're just chilling at the San Francisco Centurion Lounge that used
to suck shit.
Now it's way better.
And they've got these cocktails.
I have all these pictures on my phone of just blurry menus.
They're like, this is a good fucking drink.
I'm going to make this myself.
And I can't even read it.
I'm just crying.
What if you got Mountain Dew bitters?
You drink so much, your phone gets drunk.
That's all right.
But isn't that something?
A couple dirtbags like us end up in a fucking nice Centurion Lounge getting
blackout drunk
on free booze.
It's a good...
That's the American fucking dream, man.
Filling up your big gold cup.
Yeah, they let me bring this in there.
Just fill her up.
I have done that move.
At Delta Lounge, you can have like...
It's all spritz in there.
I've poured an old-fashioned to go cup out of the Delta Lounge.
Really?
And taking that on the plane with me.
Yeah.
You feel like a dirtbag, though.
You're going to feel like a dirtbag.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I did that.
And then I have a crown that's like loose or something.
It just pops out every once in a while.
I had my little cup.
Loose or something.
It just pops out every once.
It's a post that's broken.
I shouldn't say this shit.
You didn't tell the real estate agent.
People are going to be worried about me.
This showed up on my thing.
That's your credit.
I got a loose crown.
I can take that upon that if you want me to.
Scrap it.
I was just getting on a plane with a fucking tooth that just fell out.
Like fucking a whiskey.
You just don't feel, you know...
Man, do you get the crown fixed?
No, I got to get it fixed.
It's too much of a process, and I was filming the special,
and I was like, I just...
It falls out, and I just jam it back in there.
It's also like...
This guy's putting teeth back in his head.
It is so lame.
That's got to get stinky.
Yeah, I don't think it stinks yet.
Do you take it out and brush it, and then put it back in?
No, no, because it is stuck up there.
But if I eat, like, Jell-O or something...
How much do you eat Jell-O?
Look, you guys are missing out on this Jell-O.
I've been hanging out...
You know when you're eating Jell-O all the time?
No, I haven't had Jell-O since...
I've been hitting up these retirement communities.
I'm living large.
Are you going to finish your jiggler?
I've been spending a lot of time in the hospital lately.
I'm not doing too well, fellas.
Things aren't going great.
But no, it's like, I've got to get a flapper on it.
But I was like, oh, maybe I'll just not have it in there.
Is that a real word, a flapper?
I think the guy said it was a flapper.
I don't think he was a real dentist.
Like Yosemite Sam, like what tractor trailers have on him?
Yeah.
Like a mud flap?
Yeah.
It's like a clip-in tooth or something.
The doctor said I need a doohickey.
I think I'm a bob.
I've got to have to put in.
My insurance don't pay for whatchamacallits.
Dude, I feel like you're one whiskey sour away from just crazy gluing it down.
I know.
Legit, like that's what they did for me the first time.
And then they just put cement in there.
They did.
They put cement in there.
They had a bag of quickrete.
They really do.
Got it done in a car wash.
They were like, this should last you a couple months.
I was eating gummy worms one night, and it just popped out.
And I was like, god damn it.
And then I tried to go back, and I was like, can you just cement me back up?
And they were like, you really shouldn't be doing that anymore.
I was eating gummy worms one night.
It was when I was trying to tell the sauce for this.
That was his dinner, too.
Yeah.
Oh, it was.
Fine.
I'm trying to think of an early bird gets the worm thing.
The dirt bag gets the gummy worm.
The late worm.
No,