Name: PATREON PREVIEW! Are You Garbage Bonus: Seafood Disaster
Uploaded: 2023-06-20T19:57:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'PATREON PREVIEW! Are You Garbage Bonus: Seafood Disaster' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'PATREON PREVIEW! Are You Garbage Bonus: Seafood Disaster' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-20. Transcript available.

Speaking of char, we can talk about the dumbest waitress in the world
and the 24 oyster incident.
Yeah, I think oysters on the endangered species list
after dinner the other night.
Big man was putting them down like a beluga.
I wanted to get rid of the other plate because I didn't want you guys.
Baby beluga.
Man, they dropped.
There was a lot of shellfish on the table.
Listen, this is what it was.
It was like low tide, dude.
So I was keeping it tight, food-wise.
Foley put his order in and they had to drain a lake.
We're going to go kick the pumps now.
What?
The dam should be up and running in about 90 minutes.
It's a busboy putting on scuba gear.
As soon as a ticket goes in, all you hear is...
We're right back.
No, so there was one of the dishes that was on there
was a half a dozen oysters and an ounce of caviar, which I never had.
And I assumed that was in a little tiny fucking thing,
a little tin in the middle of the fucking, of the crushed ice.
So I said to the dumb broad, I says, listen, lady.
She was actually really sweet.
I said to her, I said, instead of a half a dozen oysters,
can I have a dozen?
And she didn't understand what I meant.
Because then the manager came over and said, are you sure you want this?
And we're like, yeah.
So they brought me a dozen oysters and then six oysters
with little dollops of caviar in each one of them.
I got to say this.
They were fucking phenomenal.
Sure.
And I think I can eat as many oysters as I want, from what I understand.
They're like super good for you.
They're not fat or anything like that.
It's not like a hamburger bun.
Not as many as I want, but I think a dozen oysters as an appetizer is okay.
Sure.
Can we take a break?
It was 18 oysters.
It wasn't a dozen oysters.
So this is fully math.
Just continuously move the fucking facts and information and the goalposts.
No, the second round was a lot.
Yeah, it was a miscommunication.
You ordered 12, 18 showed up, and you didn't offer a single one to anybody else.
You don't eat oysters.
Nobody eats oysters.
You didn't even offer.
Nobody eats oysters.
No, you could have said, I know you don't like them,
but here, if you want to try them, these are the ones that we got nothing.
You had your fork out poking at us.
Got a little cocktail fork.
I had a little lemon as a shield.
You were growling at the bus boy when he came to take it.
Wrap that ice up.
Take it home.
Yeah, no.
She was sweet.
The biggest jam up of the whole trip is that you're walking through all these
crowds of people,
and we did a good job of not getting separated, but as you're walking,
sometimes you'll-
Did we?
Yeah.
You disappear like a fucking runaway.
I turn around, and you're nowhere to be seen, and it wasn't when you were
filming.
A couple of times, you just dip.
You're a dipper.
You dip at the airport.
I'm not shitting on you.
You dip at the airport.
I don't think we get there.
There was no losses.
Yes, or there was no losses at all this week.
There was the one that he was running around filming at fucking-
Yeah, but you're still a dipper.
Sure.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, fuck, don't leave me hanging here.
You know he's a dipper.
Sure, but there was-
It gets a goddamn dipper.
If there was an incident I could piggyback on and say, yeah, nobody got lost.
One time, yesterday, we watched you from like 50 yards away.
Oh, you fucking pieces of shit.
Dude, and we were-
Tell me this.
If somebody, if you're in a group, and somebody says, I'm gonna go do this, you
wait there
until they come back, I was standing there with those drinks.
I was fucked up.
No, that was 10 seconds.
I didn't know what was going on.
Nah, dude, that was literally 10 seconds.
We walked halfway.
We walked to that fountain to look for a bathroom.
There wasn't.
We walked back.
We saw you the whole time.
I'm talking about when we were leaving America.
You went out the back way, and we went out the front, and then you were just
like-
I didn't know what was going on.
Oh, man.
For a couple seconds, when I get in those situations, sometimes I think to
myself, maybe these guys
don't even exist.
Maybe I'm down here by myself, and none of this is real.
That's what it seemed like.
I wish I could disappear right now.
I was looking through the crowds trying to find you guys.
I almost latched onto a family from Wisconsin.
No, but that's what I was about to say.
You'll be walking, and then you'll take two steps, and suddenly you'll wind up
in a family.
They're asking you if you want any snacks.
You have your lighting page.
You're like, what the fuck?
You made me a hot dog?
I didn't think it was the animals that they're portrayed as.
This time is good, like I said.
They all look like nice people.
Fucking everybody was chill.
There was no yelling.
There was no fighting.
I mean, it's not like a bunch of athletes running around.
Yeah, no.
I mean, there's-
Yeah, there's steps in.
There was gangs and families on scooters.
A family on scooters is a tough look.
Yeah, that is a tough look.
There was one thing I don't know if you remember.
And I don't want to judge, obviously, but in the back of my head, I'm like,
some of these
guys don't need to be on that.
They just don't want to walk.
Sure, which I think you-
Would have done?
Yeah.
I'll tell you this.
I mean, because I saw the-
If there was no walking and Disney had, if everybody was on scooters, this
place would
be banging.
I mean, it was banging.
But if everybody was just zipping around on those things and there was none of
that walking,
or what they should do, we were talking about, they should put some cushion on
the sidewalks.
They should make it like a track so it's softer on your feet.
That walking's brutal from park to park.
Yeah, for most people, it's fine, though.
I mean, we were all-
But think of how much more money they'd spend and how fresh they would be if
they were just
zipping around all day.
Listen, they got us.
We spent enough.
They got us hook, line, and sink, and they got us coming and going.
Yeah, we spent $90,000 on hot dogs or whatever.
Yeah, I was-
Yeah.
No, I didn't mean hot dogs.
Why don't we have hot dogs?
Oh, it's like concessions.
Yeah.
Which, by the way, there is a-
Hey, the way you responded, acted, that's a guilty conscience right there.
You had hot dogs.
Hot dogs?
I don't even touch her, dude.
Yeah, that's got-
I didn't have any-
And there's also the case of the missing bagels that nobody is-
I didn't eat a bagel.
Owned it up to?
You didn't have one?
I did not have one bagel.
Yeah, but you didn't eat a foot long and a handicap stall.
Hey, pulling them out of your sleeve.
I gotta go to the bathroom again.
Yeah.
They're going, psst, psst, meet me in the men's room.
You're tapping your toe and shit.
I go in there like Michael Corleone.
I'm feeling around behind a toilet fort.
Man, there's a real line of demarcation in the jobs at Disney where if you're
like front
of house, you're the most beautiful person you've ever seen.
And then they got the mutants running the concession stands, dude.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The uggos are really putting in all the hard work down there.
It's kind of funny, too.
They try to find, in Epcot, they try to find people from the country.
Like, if they try to find people from the country or at least speak the
language to work
in those countries.
And you see it in, like, Italy, France.
The two guys there got the drinks off were French.
But you get to do Morocco.
There was just, like, three blonde chicks.
Like, uh, what do you want?
By the way, Kippy hit the kid in Germany with the German.
Yeah, keep an eye on this guy.
I did.
I also, at that point, that's six beers in, like, 40 minutes or so.
I hit him with the hay, like, V gets or whatever.
And he responded with, like, four sentences of German.
I was like, no, no, no.
I'm good, man.
You get a table at the buffet.
What's fucking Van Der Sloot over here.
Watch out.
Foley did the same move in one of the Ubers with the real nice lady who didn't
speak
much English.
He goes, I'll blast my own.
She goes, see, he started speaking Spanish at him.
He just smiled at her.
Changed the radio?
Was silent for the rest of the car ride.
He gets out and goes, gracias.
There's nothing more pandering to me than that.
Can you speak Spanish?
He's like, yeah.
Can you?
He's like, no, no, no.
I sure can't.
No.
Buenos noches.
She said to me, I don't, she's like, I don't speak English real.
I said, oh, hablo espanol.
She said, si.
I said, okay.
And then I didn't say another word.
I didn't want to have a conversation with her.
Nor could I.
Wait, you asked her, she speaks.
Yeah, I would never try to, I would never try to speak Spanish to somebody that
like I
wasn't working with and had to communicate with.
How did it go?
I know kitchen Spanish.
That's it.
You said, do you speak Spanish?
Yeah.
What else did you think she actually speak Dutch?
I didn't know where she was from, but I want to assume.
Okay.
The soccer game at full blast.
The fucking, you know, the Argentina fucking football jersey was a dead
giveaway.
Fucking flat screen she had up on the windshield.
My brother one time, he was working and he was, there was this girl, her
English wasn't great.
My brother's Spanish wasn't great.
He was trying to tell her, you can go home.
Like he was trying to cut her early for the day.
Like you can go home.
But he kept saying, I'm going to go to your home.
I'm going to, I'm going to be in your house is what he kept saying.
I'm going to be in your house.
He's trying to say, you can go to your house.
And dude, she locked herself in the Dunkin Donuts bathroom because she thought
he was coming
at her.
So she had a, he had to call my sister.
Who's a Spanish teacher.
It was like, I'm trying to tell her like, so like my sister, like, like
whatever.
And they finally communicated it.
I'm going to be in your house.
That's why I don't do that shit.
That should get you in trouble.
Fucking scumbag.
He's putting like gloves on.
That's why I don't try to communicate.
I did it yesterday.
I don't either.
Out of respect.
I just was, I just wanted to, I don't know, man.
No, yeah.
No, you do like flexing.
A lot of people do.
Of course.
A lot of people.
She was cute.
Okay.
Now we're getting to the bottom.
And yeah, I had a bagel.
Go fuck yourself.
Thank you.