Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Ms. Pat!
Uploaded: 2023-11-09T00:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Ms. Pat!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Ms. Pat!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-09. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Ms. Pat!

Chicago, Illinois, doing four shows out there this week.
Do yourself a favor, couple of ticks left, scoop them up, grab the squad, and
come see the boys.
Yeah, baby, then we're going to be in Minneapolis, Madison, Milwaukee,
Sacramento, two shows there,
San Francisco, San Jose, Washington, D.C., then we're ending it, ending the
year big,
into Fillmore in Philadelphia, two shows, limited tickets there.
Peace.
Yeah.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find
that they're going to be classy.
Yeah.
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.
She's upstairs raking leaves.
Oh, good for her.
Drunk, but she's still raking the leaves, getting the housework done.
Uh-huh.
All right.
Mike Colos is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman.
He's my best pal in the whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
What's up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
It's a cool jean jacket.
As always, please make sure you rate, you subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are.
True to rip.
Cooking.
And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
Check it out.
It's a frickin' party over there.
And how about a nice quick shout-out to our producer, Extraordinaire, the Magic
Man, makes
us all look good.
Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours.
He crosses the T's, and he dots the I's.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, boys?
What up, T-Bone?
Hey, pal.
We got such a good vibe in the audition.
She comes in, makes you feel like family, nice and cozy.
One of the best.
We got a killer in the studio here.
You ain't lying.
Gang, the long hair ain't lying, because we couldn't be more excited to have
our incredibly,
and I mean incredibly special guest, here with us today for the first time.
She is a very funny, very successful stand-up comedian, actor, podcaster,
author, and producer.
And you might have seen her in, but not limited to, we got BET's Comic View.
We have Gotham Comedy Live.
We have Laughs.
This Is Not Happening.
Last Comic Standing.
The Church of What's Happening Now.
WTF with Mark Maron.
Dish Nation.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
The Cabin.
Wendy Williams.
Kelly Clarkson.
The Daily Show.
The Talk.
Jennifer Hudson.
Jimmy Kimmel.
Seth Meyers.
Big City Greens.
Zoe 102.
The Degenerates.
She's on tour right now, and of course, she's the star of the Miss Pat Show.
33 episodes of that.
About to have a fourth season, baby.
Look out.
She has her own Netflix special, Want to Hear Something Crazy.
An amazing podcast, The Pat Down.
She's also the author of her own autobiography, Rabbit.
And she has a brand new show on BET that is absolutely killing it.
Miss Pat settles it.
Give it up for Miss Pat, everybody.
There we go.
Look at that.
Girl's a worker.
Laundry list.
Man, you should do this for a living.
You can sell some people.
You make me want to know who the hell is Miss Pat.
I was just waiting on you to give all the air.
I almost ran out a couple of air.
I was like, shouldn't he be saying all this shit?
Ain't you too big to be running all that off?
You need to start reading.
You too thick for all that with that ticket.
I was concerned.
I was going to give you CPR over there.
Toby, get my inhaler, will you?
I was tired of listening to you.
And I'm big too.
I was like, brother, take a breath.
Take a breath, brother.
I'm sweating.
Blocked out three times.
I know.
Congratulations on the new show.
Thank you.
Miss Pat settles it.
Yeah, I'm a judge.
How the hell did that happen?
I've been to jail enough.
I know my rights, God damn it.
Passed the bar in Georgia.
Let's go.
I didn't need no bar.
I've been to the bar to drink and eat, but not that kind of bar.
Thank you so much for coming in.
Give us the back story.
Give us the origin story of Miss Pat.
Oh, I'm just a little old lady, a little old girl from the inner city of
Atlanta.
You know, I used to traffic cocaine, got shot a couple of times, got hit by a
dump truck.
Had two babies by a married man, had a couple of STDs, and I turned my life
around.
Now you're a judge.
Look at that.
I'm a fucking judge.
The least craziest thing.
I think I heard you got hit by a dump truck.
Is that right?
Chasing a man.
Wait, what?
Chasing a man.
You were chasing a guy across the street and you got hit by a dump truck?
No, I jumped off a little overpath onto his car one time because I was in love
with him.
Okay.
And he drugged me.
Jesus Christ.
Let me tell you something.
When you get a good black man that can't read and the sex is delicious, you
will do some crazy shit.
Everybody was wondering what was wrong with Whitney Houston.
I know what was wrong with Whitney Houston.
She got that ghetto pipe and it ain't got no turnoff bag.
Shout out to Bobby Brown, huh?
Putting it down in the sheets.
Bringing the heat.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
Okay.
All right.
So, who was in the house when you were growing up?
Mom, dad, brothers, sisters?
Give us the scoop.
Just mom, three brothers, and a sister.
Okay.
Your mom, three brothers, and a sister.
All right.
And was this an apartment or a house?
Efficiency.
Well, one time we just lived where it was a living room and a kitchen and a
bathroom and
then an apartment.
We were poor as fuck.
We got evicted all the time, but we never got sat outside on the street because
my mama
knew.
She knew the system.
So, she'd be like, pack your shit.
They be here in 29 days.
She was ahead of it.
Yeah.
Whenever we moved in, we really never unpacked.
Sure.
We just lived out of the pack shit.
So, we just put tape on it, put it in our car, and get the fuck out.
I respect the hustle, baby.
Damn.
One step ahead.
All right.
And this was all in inner city Atlanta?
All these moves?
Yeah, inner city of Atlanta.
Yeah.
Okay.
And that's who you live now?
You live in Atlanta now?
I live in Georgia.
You live in Georgia?
I don't live where I grew up at.
I know.
Those days are long behind you.
Well, I can't afford it.
They done fucking justified it when you bring a Starbucks and white people
walking their dogs.
Ain't no black folks.
Shit going down over there.
Baby, it's so much money to live in the West End now.
Really?
I called one day.
They was like, what they said, $5,500.
I said, but you ain't got rid of all the crackheads yet.
Not paying $5,500.
For no crackheads.
But you know, one thing about white America, y'all can see some shit happen.
Y'all walk with y'all head up in the air and don't pay attention.
Black folks be like, y'all don't see that shit going down.
No, we see it.
We're like a horse with blinders on it.
I just got to get to that Starbucks, get my macchiato, and call today.
Trying to get that property value up.
So, it's still $5,500.
$5,500 sometimes to live in the West End, but all the riffraff ain't gone.
So, what did your mom do when you were a kid?
What was she doing for her job?
Watching Soap Poppers.
Okay.
She literally watched The Young and the Restless.
We lived off government assistance.
Okay.
And we just moved from place to place.
Damn.
Go ahead, now please.
No, were you in school at all that time?
Same school?
Were you moving around?
We moved.
Do you know what the good part about my mom?
We would get evicted in the community.
So, we never had to change school.
That's great.
All right.
So, we changed address, but we never changed school.
Your mom had it all figured out.
That's great.
You still make the bus in the morning.
Let's go.
Before they did credit checks for you to move into a place.
Sure.
Oh, you got the money?
Move the fuck in.
How were your grades growing up?
Were you a good student?
I don't think so.
I was all right.
I tried.
One time, back in the day, and they can't do this shit today, but I'm 51.
They would separate you from the A-B student, the C-D student, and just the
dumbass students.
So, I was in the C-D or the dumbass student category, but I always wanted to be
number one in anything I do.
Sure.
So, I said, please, teacher, please let me read out the book we're called Impressions.
And so, she was like, I just love your willpower, Patricia.
I got up in that group, and I tried to read.
I was so horrible.
The smart student was like, you don't get this bitch out of this group.
The teacher was like, you tried, baby.
You tried.
A forever for Ms. Pat.
Yes.
Any sports growing up?
Did you play any sports?
No, I was pregnant too quick.
Okay.
I tried.
My teacher thought because I was so big and developed, you know, because I had
titties and booties in the sixth grade.
He was like, you should throw the disc.
But I was like, seventh grade, you should throw the disc.
But I was getting dick in real life, and it was not the same type of throw.
So, I don't throw that heavy-ass metal.
Too busy getting piked down back here.
Huh.
Okay.
What age did you get pregnant?
I got pregnant at 13.
Okay.
Gave birth at 14.
Damn.
13 and 14.
No, I got pregnant at 13, gave birth at 14.
Okay.
I got pregnant at 14 and gave birth at 15.
And did you stay in- did you get your high school diploma?
Did you stay in school?
GED, I got- I jumped out and started selling drugs.
Okay.
Crackhead just hit the black community, and it was employing everybody in my
community.
A little startup action.
All right.
Get in on the ground floor.
I like it.
I got in on the ground floor, too.
Okay.
All right.
Were you making- were you making good money doing that?
I was making a lot of fucking money.
And were you still living at home with your mom?
Nah, my mom was off on her own doing her thing.
I had moved into a fucking nice-ass apartment.
I faked my ID, and I always had big titties and a nice shape.
And I always act older.
So I walked in there, forged me some check stubs, and got my friend to answer
the phone
at the phone booth and say I work there, and I got an apartment.
Man, that's all right.
Talk about working the system, baby.
Yeah.
Damn.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
So you had the baby.
You're about 15.
You get your own place.
I got two babies at 15.
Two babies.
Two babies at 15.
You got your own place, and you're moving a little action.
I'm moving a little action.
What would you say you were bringing in a week?
Roughly.
$15,000, $20,000, something like that.
I made a lot of fucking money.
A week?
Yeah, I had a partner.
Jesus Christ.
We made a shit ton of money.
Holy shit.
I didn't-
Miss Pat moving weight.
Guys, forget Patreon.
We got to get into cracking, all right?
I thought Patreon was good money.
Nobody smoked cracking no more.
All right.
All right.
Nobody smoked that shit anymore.
It's like Bitcoin.
It's over.
Yeah, it's over.
You missed the gold rush on it?
Yeah.
All right.
So you're making 15, 20 Gs a week.
You're doing well.
What kind of car were you driving back then?
I was driving a 19, I want to say a 1986 Fleetwood Cadillac.
And that's back when drug dealers first came out.
We had the big gold chain and everybody had that Cadillac.
And mine was pearl white with flakes in it with burgundy material.
With the soft, I don't know what they call that top.
The soft top?
Yeah, the rag top.
The rag top.
Oh shit, you've been somewhere.
You know I don't forget about who it is.
Kim used to be a pimp, believe it or not.
I used to sell crack back in my day too, Ms. Pat.
When a white man can tell you some rag top on a golf.
What the fuck?
I'm supposed to know that.
So that's what I drove.
Okay.
Holy shit.
That's a nice car.
Yeah.
Huh.
So I assume that jump was pretty crazy.
You went from nothing to Cadillac in two years.
Were you putting any of that