Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Eating Paste w/ Kippy & Foley
Uploaded: 2023-11-30T00:00:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Eating Paste w/ Kippy & Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Eating Paste w/ Kippy & Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-30. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Eating Paste w/ Kippy & Foley

Gang, come see the boys at an R.U. Garbage live show.
Tickets are moving quick and all tickets are available at RUgarbage.com.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage.
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
Yeah, it is.
It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find out
if they're good to be classy.
Yeah.
And there's the big old piece of trash.
Garbaggio.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.
The car's not starting out front.
She needs a jump.
Okay.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
Misdirect is the CEO of RUgarbage.
He's an international businessman.
He's the chicken parm hero.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Chicken parm hero.
I smell some new merch coming your way, gang.
With sauce on the side.
Damn, the chicken parm hero.
I got to start coming.
Somebody make that song, cut it, and I'm coming out on stage to it.
Chicken parm hero.
I got to cut the boys in.
Who's that kiss?
It's somebody.
It's not kiss.
Isn't it Journey?
No.
No.
You kidding me?
T-bone?
Lunch in it.
Foreigner.
Foreigner.
I knew it was somebody like that.
They're foreign.
They also sing, I want to know what love is.
I want to know what love is.
That was on an episode of Miami Vice.
Tubbs was fucking knocking boots with some broads.
Tubbs is right next to me.
What are you talking about?
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What's up, everybody?
Shout out to you.
Thanks for tuning in.
Bite my style, too.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are.
True to Roof.
Cooking.
Cooking.
Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time.
You pull out your little computer, little tablet, little iPad, whatever.
Apple Watch, go over to www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage, and you can get up to
and including
two bajillion hours of content over there.
There's a lot of stuff over there.
A lot of videos, a lot of episodes, a lot of vlogging.
A lot of vlogging.
Also, somebody told me it was like-
The hot dog contest, Disney.
Everything's on there.
The Cribs videos.
I mean, all the travel and shit we've done.
There's so much stuff.
Put it all back in the business.
Yes, if you don't know Patreon, which many people might not, somebody told me
this.
It was like, hey, you know, I always just, there's an app for it on your phone.
It's not just a website.
You can go, you can get it on your phone, all the content on your phone, the
videos, the
audio, whatever you want.
You can throw it on your RSS feed, so it automatically gets uploaded there.
Not sure how to do it, but I know it can be done.
How about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man,
makes us all
look good.
Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours.
He crosses the T's and he dots the I's.
Sometimes gets into the nines, too.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins, Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, boys?
What up, T-Bone?
Thrasher shirt.
Where's Thrasher?
I'm wearing a Thrasher shirt, and you're dressed like a couple of stagehands.
And the fight continues.
Ready to change some sets, eh, fellas?
I think it's crazy.
That you guys look like a puppet troupe?
Yeah.
Doing children's theater?
What do you think's crazy, Henry?
Please tell me.
We look like waiters at a new restaurant.
Just wear something black.
We don't have a corporate uniform.
I was always jammed up with that.
That first couple of nights waiting tables before they got my uniform or
whatever it is.
Woo!
Man, I look like an idiot.
Yeah.
Just wearing a vest.
No T-shirt.
No T-shirt.
Your armpit hair's popping.
Look at you, waiting tables at Chippendales.
Yeah.
I always, uh, I was, I was always pretty bad because, like, I was such a fat
guy, kid, person, that they never really had.
They had, like, you know, I remember, like, Acme, when I started working at Acme,
a supermarket.
All they had was, like, a large and, like, a broccoli box.
A 3X, dude.
And I was, like, I can't do this.
Dude, I was snug in this large.
It was, it was so bad that where you could see the belly button.
You know what I mean?
Like, it was, like, so tight over.
There was, like, it was, like, a trampoline on my, on my, on my tum-tum.
Man, that's a tough look.
I would always, every new restaurant that I started working at, it was
guaranteed that once I got the kitchen straightened out, once I had them on the
team, couple of jokes, couple of this, maybe a little bit, you know, I was
putting on about 50 pounds.
So, whatever they gave me, I was going to bust through it like the Hulk.
I remember the one restaurant I worked at, after, like, a couple of months, my,
the boss came in, he said to the bartender, he was, like, man, he's been, he's
been getting after it.
This guy likes an appetizer.
Check the family meal tapes.
This guy's grubbing.
Do you remember any teasers?
Any teasers?
Let me get eyes on that.
Are you talking about the Tyson any teasers, frozen joints?
Yes, I am.
What's that?
Chicken nuggies?
Chicken nuggies, chicken tenders.
But they're not just for appetizers, Hank.
Any teasers.
They're any teasers.
Wow.
Oh, man, those hit the scene.
Good night, Buffalo-style boneless chicken bites for a balanced breakfast.
Send your fat little one off to the school bus, reeking like blue cheese.
I remember hearing any teasers and being like, whoever came up with that, give
him a raise.
That guy's got me hook, line, and sinkies.
Woo-wee.
Yeah.
Shout out to the fucking any-tizer.
I think it's crazy.
Now that I think about it more and more, you can't monopolize the black t-shirt.
You just can't.
It's well-documented.
And then, like, you do this, like, obtuse thing where you're like, we're
sitting there getting ready to record.
You're like, is that what you're going to wear?
It's like, you mean the t-shirt I've worn in fucking 400 episodes?
Well, you got a little competition now, pal.
I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah, there's a new magician on the block.
That's a mime, you idiot.
Hey, give me a pack of cards, man.
I said he was new.
Oh, shit.
I thought this was mime school.
I can't talk.
What are you talking?
I'm an entertainer.
A mime that sings?
How are you supposed to get a laugh if you can't say a punchline?
Do you know any mimes growing up?
What?
Did you ever go and, like, see one or have, like, one come to school or
anything like that?
A mime?
Yeah, we did.
I would have roughed them up.
Some kid's dad was a mime.
Try and put me in a box.
Yeah, fuck out of here.
Nobody can hear you scream.
Some kid's dad was a mime, and he showed up.
He didn't.
He wasn't paying the bills with it.
Sure.
It was more of a passion project.
He had a day gig.
Sure.
But he came in, in, like, fifth grade, and just, I can't remember what it was
for.
It wasn't, like, parent day.
I had two weird experiences with that.
I had that.
This guy just came in.
The white face.
Fucking skidded.
Fucking sucker punch.
Yeah!
Bro, you better say something right now.
I'm going to fuck you up.
You're weirding everybody out.
Enough of these games.
Fucking say something.
Somebody get him out of this box.
It has to have been done, but a sketch of guys torturing a mime, trying to get
him
to talk, ripping his fingernails out.
That's really good.
Yeah.
He's doing this.
And he came in and did it, and he was into it, man.
He had the black and white stripes.
He had the beret, the little red neckerchief, or whatever it was.
Man, we made fun of this kid for about seven years.
Talk about a tough look.
That reminds me.
I was at a buddy's birthday party.
Might have been eight or nine-ish.
Maybe a ten-piece.
He had it at his house.
And in the backyard, you know, it was like a hang.
It was like, you know, it had maybe like a basketball net in the driveway.
It was just like, you know, kids hanging in the backyard.
No real, like, huge theme or festivities.
I got you.
It was like a summer day.
Sure.
Whatever.
Just hanging and banging.
And we're there having a good time.
And then Giggles the Clown rolls up.
And Giggles was the mother of a classmate, Paul.
And Paul's mom was Giggles.
And she would come to like, you know, she did like all the stuff at the school.
She was all right.
She could, you know, she was.
I think that was her main source of it.
She was.
They hit.
They hit.
She was working, man.
Yeah.
The school was like.
Especially back then, man.
You could really go far in local entertainment.
Yeah.
They did like, we had like the, the Holland Hoopty Doo.
That was like our, man, saying this out loud is wild.
Is it 30?
That was like our, our elementary school fair.
You know what I mean?
Like there was each room was like, there's like a blackjack table.
Yeah.
Play Russian roulette in the gym.
You know, somebody's mom stripping, doing a shower, doing a shower show in the
back.
Forget about the 50-50.
The Holland Hoopty Doo sounds like a football play that shocked the world in
the 50s.
Oh no.
It looks like they're lining up for the Holland Hoopty Doo.
You kick it backwards, pitch it to the coach, drop from an airplane.
Man.
The annexation of Puerto Rico.
What's that from?
Little Giants.
I like to call this one the annexation of Puerto Rico.
Dude, I remember here and then my brain exploded.
Sleeper of a hit.
Oh man.
Sleeper.
I don't think it was a sleeper.
Is that Ed O'Neill as the other coach?
Yes.
Man.
Ed O'Neill, the guy that just got punched.
Rick Moranis.
Rick Moranis.
Yeah.
A lot of good kid actors in that too.
Great.
Shout out to the Icebox.
Yeah.
That girl would really take you for it.
Man, you know what I could use a lot more of?
Ed O'Neill.
Put him in everything.
Modern Family.
Ah, he's great.
Killed it.
He's great.
Not to mention his wife in the...
Hachimachi, I believe is the word you're looking for.
It's the technical term.
That's the medical term on here.
Sofia Vergara.
Man, she's all right.
Beautiful.
Talented.
Yeah.
All three of them.
You know what I mean?
So...
I think I know what you're insinuating.
Crude and rude humor.
Man, we got the giggies today.
But I'm over there at this...
The Holland Hooptie.
No, no.
She would work the Hooptie dude.
She was getting school district cash.
You know what I mean?
Like they were paying her.
She was the entertainment.
Yeah.
At all the different schools.
So she was...
Probably knew the DA or...
What's it called?
Not DA.
Who's the guy that runs the school?
Don't tell me.
Superintendent.
They run the school district.
That guy was always a dick, wasn't he?
Yeah.
Every snow day got blamed on him.
Every teacher...
Superintending keeps canceling school.
Dude, I remember the principal.
You're not going to get out until August 11th.
Principal chewing my ear off about him one time.
I was like, I never even met this guy.
Buddy, what the fuck?
You don't catch a smoke or something.
Missed my bus, dude.
You're in the middle of a dodgeball game.
Buddy, we're thanking him.
Tough break, Foley.
Shit rolls downhill.
Busting my chops.
But...
Giggles.
So Giggles was there.
She did all right.
She was the mother of Paul, who used to eat styrofoam cups a lot from day to
day.
Shout out to him.
Shout out to P-Unit.
And, uh...
That's what he used to call him.
That's what you get when your mom's a clown, dude.
You're eating fucking...
You're eating...
You're eating...
You get a toilet paper eater.
You're eating party supplies.
How the hell's that whistle?
Ball.
I never really ate anything weird.
You ate your mom's deodorant.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
Shit.
And dog food.
And dog food.
A little dirt, too.
And three microphones last year.
I liked a little dirt.
The potting soil with the little white things in them.
Oh, I didn't trust those.
Yeah.
The styrofoam John's?
No.
Like the little balls?
Those things you squeeze?
That's fertilizer, dude.
Y