Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Shane Torres Returns!
Uploaded: 2023-12-18T00:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Shane Torres Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Shane Torres Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-18. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Shane Torres Returns!

Hey, gang, the new AYG card game is available at RUGarbage.com right now.
Do you want to get your loved one the perfect gift this year that might not
arrive by Christmas?
Because we can guarantee that these probably, definitely won't show up on time.
We got 50 new questions to prove whether your family or friends are absolute
trash.
Pick them up at RUGarbage.com.
Woo!
Do it!
New York City, baby, we're doing the biggest show we've ever done at the Town
Hall Theater.
May 9th, grab some tickets, come see the boys.
Stand-up comedy, play a little AYG with the crowd.
Yeah, tickets are moving fast.
Everything's available at RUGarbage.com.
Get them.
Army of Garbage, unite.
New York City, Connecticut, New Jersey, Delaware, Wyoming, wherever you are,
let's party, baby.
We love you.
Love you.
Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage, the show where you find out
if your favorite
comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast.
This is RU Garbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find
that they're
good to be classy.
Yeah.
Or they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.
I cannot get her to stop rooting through the Christmas presents.
Okay.
She's looking for the lorazepam that I got her.
Okay.
Generic, I presume.
See, you got to wait until Christmas Day like everybody else does.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of RU Garbage.
He is an international businessman, and he is not to be trifled with in the
boardroom
or the bedroom.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
What up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube, as you know those numbers are.
True to Riff.
Cooking.
And obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com, slash RU Garbage.
You go over there, you get all your bajillion hours of bonus content, gang.
And also, too, let's not be remiss, Town Hall New York City tickets are on the
show
right now.
The biggest show we've ever done, get them dickies.
Let's go, New York.
Come out and see the boys.
And how about a nice quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire, the old
magic man.
Makes us all look good.
Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours.
He crosses the t's, and he dots the i's.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, boys?
What up, T-Bone?
I'm so excited.
We got one of my favorite comedians on planet Earth in here.
Favorite people.
Just great dude.
When I told him I quit drinking, I watched the light leave his eyes.
I was so upset.
I was truly upset.
He pulls out his phone and deletes your number.
Who are you?
Who's going to go to Old Town Alehouse with me for one more every night?
All right, man.
Take care.
It was good knowing you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm sure it'll all work out for you.
Gang, the long hair ain't lying.
We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly
special guest back with us again today.
He's been a minute.
We're fucking boys.
We love him.
He's got a brand new special out right now that you got to check out.
The Blue-Eyed Mexican available on his YouTube page, and it was produced by Leanne
Kreischer and Bert Kreischer.
It's available on Bert's YouTube page.
You got to check it out.
Give it up for Mr. Shane Torres, everybody.
Hey.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Here we are.
What's up?
Here's the capper.
The last time you were here, it's been a while, which I can't believe it's been
that long.
Very early on in the show.
Yeah.
You're not going to believe it to look at him.
I got too bad for you guys.
Take care, boys.
Yeah.
I came here to say, stuff it.
Enjoy it.
Deemed classy.
You were deemed classy.
Yeah.
I had to go back.
It was a few years back, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Very early on in the show.
We hadn't had the full, you know, line of questioning down yet.
We were still a little fresh to the game.
I was like Kevin Spacey pulling it together.
Started limping out of there.
And it's funny.
I floss or whatever you guys say.
Whatever you floss.
Whatever it is people don't do on this show.
Now I got all my teeth.
People ask us, well, who's been classy?
And we have a couple of, like, standard answers.
Like, oh, Segura was classy.
This one was classy.
Never did we ever think.
Yeah.
I mean, is it because we ate dough-wrapped hot dogs on top of the rental car?
Well, I forgot about that.
We did do that in the middle of fucking Hartley, Texas.
The man likes a kolache.
They're great.
Yeah.
I love them.
That wasn't a Buc-ee's, right?
No, that was the Slovacek.
The Czech stop.
Not the Czech stop.
Slovacek.
Slovacek.
That's how you know I'm actually trashed is because I know there's two rival
trucks
Yeah, right next to each other.
We're a Buc-ee's family here.
We walk in, Shane, how you doing?
Man, I forgot about that car ride.
We went to see the Cowboys game.
We drove from Moon Tower in Austin.
Yeah.
And you were going home to Dallas.
We were doing a show in Dallas, which is what?
That's like a four hour, maybe three.
Three, three and a half.
Yeah.
With the kolache stop, it's four.
Let's be honest.
The kolache stop was the real reason that we were all together and the real
reason that
we were going out there.
70 minutes in a car without some kind of hearty snack.
Dude, like.
Well, we had.
We could have took the highway and been there in an hour.
We went halfway around Texas on local roads.
It's a touch out of the way, but I think it'll be.
To get a Ukrainian pastry.
We didn't know what they were.
He's like, kolache, kolache.
We're like, all right, whatever.
And we stopped.
And it's like a Hot Pocket-esque type thing.
It's like a giant fancy pig in the blanket.
Pig.
And you can get pepperoni.
You can get sausage.
It's savory or sweet.
This place makes their own sausage, which is probably the best thing about it.
They'll do jalapenos and cheese in them.
They're like.
I mean, they're like a Swiss burrito or something.
Sure, yeah.
And I mean, I'm not even fucking around.
We ordered about 14 pounds.
That's also what I say when I unrode.
Here comes the Swiss burrito.
You want mild or picante sauce?
Tell me.
But that, yeah, that was a wild.
Yeah.
And then we went to the game.
Then we went to the Cowboys game.
Yeah.
Monday night, Eagles-Cowboys at the Cowboys and the Eagles lost.
It was a.
I think it wasn't a rope, though.
Like, I think it was competitive, but they ran away with it.
It was closer than it looked.
We were booed out of the stadium.
Yeah, we did.
I think we left, like, halfway through the fourth quarter.
Yeah.
We did leave early.
I also, the thing I also remember is us, like, going completely around.
The Cowboys stadium is massive.
So, like, we all got our steps in.
Oh, yeah.
Because we were, like, going.
Well, it didn't help when we got to the seats and the three of us were all
hunched in.
That was banana.
Yeah.
Dude, we're so, we walked into that place and we were walking into Disney.
We were like, look at his joint.
Oh, my God.
Well, I'm sitting next to you and, like, I remember, like, two quarters into
the game,
you were like, Jerry Jones is a genius.
Figured out a way to make everybody pay 500 bucks to watch his big-ass TV.
Shout out to him.
But, Ben, classy.
We got to dig back into this a little bit.
There's got to be dirt under the fingernails, for sure.
Yeah, I think I got away with some of it.
Because a lot of it was childhood-based, and you really pulled the wool over
our eyes on that.
You know what he does in his very class is that we've done a handful of times.
It's a very gentleman-esque thing, now that I think it just popped in my head.
We'll be somewhere.
We'll run into each other doing spots somewhere in the city.
And we'll have, like, an hour or two to kill.
We're in between times.
We're in between times.
I think that's what they say about Alzheimer's pain.
Grandma's in between times.
She thinks I'm a sailor.
She thinks it's 1942.
She's like, are you going to the parade?
He'll do this thing where he invites you out for a drink.
He does this, like, let's go grab a beer.
Then you get there, and you sit.
Yeah, it's very gentleman-y.
It's not like drinking.
It's enjoying each other's puffiness.
Yeah, we're not getting some shit-face.
We're having, like, a ketchup cocktail.
A ketchup cocktail.
Not the condiment.
We got a Heinz on a rock set.
But it's very, like, a cocktail.
Did you see a guy, like, doing this into a martini glass?
Hitting a 50-60.
He's like, you got to hit it on the 57.
That's a dirt bad movie.
So you dating anybody now?
But it's very adult.
It's very, like, we sit there, we catch up, we don't get wasted,
and then we'll go on about our night.
Yeah, it's also, like, fun.
It's easier than, like, a, like, well, there's nine of us here,
so we should all, like, somebody wants to do a shot.
Sure, yeah.
There's too many variables with light words.
Southern gentlemen.
It's very metropolitan.
It's like, what do you think?
I'm very metropolitan.
I'm here in a Rocky III painting.
I wore it for you guys.
Thank you so much.
Oh, God.
Okay.
All right.
Where are you living now?
I'm still in, I mean, I can't remember when I was here last,
or, like, what time, but, like, I'm still in Bushwick.
Okay.
I'm over that shit.
Own place, or you got roommates?
I got a roommate.
You got a roommate.
How many?
This special needs to take off.
Let's go.
How many roomies?
I got one roommate.
Okay.
I'm married to her.
No, I got one roommate.
Hold on.
That's somebody's joke.
I'm sure it is.
It's kind of hacky.
Oh, no.
The woman that lives with me.
Oh, yeah.
Ali Sadiq said that.
The woman that lives in my house.
The woman that lives in my house.
You ever hear Ron White at that bit where you go,
somebody asks me, like, how many wives have you been,
how many times have you been married?
He goes, four or five.
I can never remember that tall one's name.
That's all right.
I love me some Ron White.
He's the best, man.
He's the funniest.
Roommate.
One roommate, but that's New York.
That's, you can't trash that.
Yeah, and my thing is, like, I'm gone as much as you guys.
So, like, I need somebody to be.
More.
You're on the road all the time.
I need somebody to throw out the tub of lettuce
that I leave in the fridge that I never fucking eat.
There's a bowl of ramen in my room.
You want to get that out of there?
It's like liquefying, and I've been home for two days.
I haven't tossed it.
What's the bed situation?
You got a king.
You got a queen.
I got a queen.
You got a queen.
Tempur-pedic.
Okay.
That was the first thing I ever spent money on.
Okay.
When I got, like, five grand on the mattress.
Five G's on the mattress.
Holy shit, you have a $5,000 queen.
I really was doing well for a little bit.
I had a great month.
Does it go up and down or anything?
No, it's not a hospital bed.
Jesus.
Can you eat that thing?
Like, there's just a hoagie suspended,
and I raise myself up for a bite.
Put the guardrails up at night.
He's got a Mountain Dew IV.
Dude, five G's for a queen.
That's a lot of money for a bed.
But I, like, I was, like,
I don't know why I justified it to myself so much,
but I spent a lot of money on the mattress.
And, by the way, it is not a $5,000 mattress.
You don't get a $5,000 night's sleep.
Well, it is one of those things.
They say you spend, you know, whatever,
an eighth or a third of your life in bed.
So when you are home, you're on the road,
you're traveling so much,
it's like when I'm home, you want to be comfortable.
Like, that's a thing to spend money on.
An eighth, you'd sleep 20 minutes a night.
Be all strung out.
I got some things chasing me.
The other seven hours is eating and beating off.
What's, okay, so $5,000 mattress.
Yeah.
Do you have a fitted sheet?
Yeah.
I got to 