Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: AYG Christmas Extravaganza!
Uploaded: 2023-12-21T00:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: AYG Christmas Extravaganza!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: AYG Christmas Extravaganza!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-21. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: AYG Christmas Extravaganza!

Hey gang, the new AYG card game is available at RUGarbage.com right now.
Do you want to get your loved one the perfect gift this year that might not
arrive by Christmas?
Because we can guarantee that these probably, definitely won't show up on time.
We got 50 new questions to prove whether your family or friends are absolute
trash.
Pick them up at RUGarbage.com.
Woo!
Do it!
Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage.
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is RU Garbage Christmas Spectacular.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful, cheery, seasonal day.
Out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.
She went to bed early, if you know what I mean.
I'm not sure I do.
She's hammer drunk.
Shout out to it.
Somebody decided to put Henny in the eggnog.
Wild choice.
Wild choice.
We have eggnog here, and someone made it with Hennessy.
It's crazy.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
Merry Christmas, my friend.
Merry Christmas, buddy.
They say there's not a real Santa Claus, but, man, I tell you what, I'm sitting
next to him right now, baby.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
What up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
First off, happy holidays, baby.
We love you.
Shout out to the motherfucking army of garbage.
I hope you're all somewhere half a six-pack deep.
You got your heaters.
You're fighting with your mom.
Whatever it is, we fucking love you.
Shout out to you.
Make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
Tritter out.
Cooking.
Cooking.
Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
It's a goddamn Christmas miracle over there if you catch my drift.
And also...
Gang, we love you.
And also, www.rugarbage.com.
You can get your tickets to our gosh darn biggest show of our careers, Town
Hall, New York City.
It's about 1,500 people.
Get them tickets.
Come out and see us.
And also, you can pick up the second edition of the RU Garbage card game.
You ain't lying.
While supplies last.
Yes.
Pick them up.
Scoop them up.
I just want to reiterate what Kippy said.
Gang, we can't thank you enough for everything this year.
We love you so much.
We're hoping you're having a fantastic holiday.
And also, how about a nice quick shout-out to our producer, Extraordinaire.
The Magic Man makes us all look good.
The Elf on the Shelf.
Give it up.
For T-Bone McScruffins, Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, boys?
What up, T-Bone?
Oh, I'm having a great day.
We're in the air.
It's Christmas time.
I've been snooping, doing a little peeking.
Trying to figure out what's what.
Oh, I've got my razor blade out, resealing the prezzies.
I'm up to my old tricks.
What time do you got to be back at the workshop there, big guy?
Can't tell if you're wrapping presents or making cookies.
I got that eggnog in me.
You better watch out.
Hey, that right now.
Jesus Christ, this thing's going to go off the rails quick.
Oh, Big Dog's got nog on the brain.
I like an eggnog.
I'll tell you that.
It's just egg beaters and henny.
It's not even actually eggnog.
I don't know if I've ever had Hennessy before.
It's goddamn delicious.
Okay.
I mean, this is...
I finally know what Nas was talking about.
It's fucking fantastic.
Boys, Merry Christmas.
It is.
It's the fucking holiday season, baby.
Holiday season.
I don't want to start this off on a negative note.
Every time you say that, we end up getting in a fight with somebody.
Don't do what...
Don't...
Okay.
What is it?
It was a real pain in the ass.
What?
Everything.
Nothing works anymore.
Uh-huh.
The deliveries, the this, the that, fucking...
He's got two things.
He was mad at the weather earlier.
He's like, nothing works no more.
He was like, it's raining.
That's a hard feeling to say, we got the goddamn holiday extravaganza we have
to get to.
I know.
Not your fucking...
My gripes.
Ebony's or Scrooge gripes over here.
Hey, man, it's not the holidays without a Foley ruining the vibes.
Very true.
I'm over here, we're talking joy and cheer and sharing, sharing love with
people, and you're
upset about the rain.
Man, if the Foley's know how to do one thing...
It's ruined every event you've ever gone to.
It's ruined Christmas.
Sure.
You ruined Christmas!
Uh-huh.
And then an hour later, we're, you know, I love you, we make hugs and kisses.
Sure.
Make with the presents, toots.
You know what I'm saying?
You gotta play ball.
You were shaking some hands and kissing some babies this holiday season,
pressing the flesh
with some holiday festivities.
Sure was.
I went to...
I had my family's Christmas party, which we have to run a hall out, a Polish
hall.
I was gonna say, how was the firehouse this time of year?
It's a Polish catering hall in Bridesburg, Philadelphia.
Oh, I can smell that place.
Underneath the paint factory.
Smells like onions.
I got the open bar package.
You got the chafing dishes.
There's a lot.
There's like a hundred of us.
So, um, it's great.
It's awesome.
Good time.
What are you throwing down?
What's in the chafing dishes?
This one I wanted to bring up.
It was weird.
It was good, but it was like turkey and gravy, which was a little strange, I
feel, for Christmas.
What?
It was penne, penne pasta, turkey.
Wait, hold on.
Penne and red sauce?
Penne and red sauce.
God damn, man.
The Irish are trash.
It was penne.
We'll put fucking a side of pasta with anything.
Oh, man, buddy.
It's so good.
When those big catering halls make it, it's so good.
It's so good.
It was penne.
It was always burnt ones.
It's never spaghetti.
It's always penne or rigatoni.
I'm spaghetti.
I'm not an asshole.
What are you talking about?
I make a couple of bucks.
We're getting a penne.
You know what I mean?
That's rich guy.
That's rich guy pasta.
The Irish like a penne with a real hard end.
Oh, yeah.
Slapped onto the side of a plate.
There could be a piece of meatloaf on there.
They don't give a shit.
Yeah.
Dude, I was eating penne and turkey and gravy and stuffing.
That's crazy.
It was nuts.
That's crazy.
It was nuts.
It was great, though.
The turkey, it ended up being great.
It all works.
Man, and the rolls they had at the end of the table.
The rolls they had at the end of the table.
They're like a salad bowl.
Yeah, they're unbelievable.
They have like a sheen on them, like a shine.
It was great.
It was great.
Shout out to the, you know, just middle of the road, mediocre fucking catering
all food.
Kippy was knee deep in the salad with the cereal bowl full of ranch right there.
Just let's go.
Black olives and croutons.
We did that.
That's a salad right there.
Get you in a giving mood right there.
Nothing like seeing a salad buffet off a salad bar with just hard-boiled eggs
and a mountain
and some real wet ham cubes.
Those cubes are the grossest thing I've ever seen in my life.
They're so good, though.
They look like dog food.
I can't do it.
It was in like Lucky Charms marshmallows.
I love it.
I can't.
Just the sodium sweating out of it and nitrates.
So I had, right, so that was early-er.
That was like five to nine, the family Christmas party.
Right.
Right?
And that used to be a big thing.
We'd all go out afterwards.
Like all the cousins, everybody in their 20s and 30s and stuff.
Sure.
Would all go out.
But now everybody's older.
Everybody's got kids.
So it's like that rattled, that wound down.
You don't want to do nothing.
I know.
But then so I'm in the city.
I'm with it.
I'm about that.
Yeah.
I want to go to bed at nine.
I get it.
I'm right there with you, bud.
But I had a couple in me.
I had a hotel in Philadelphia for the night.
And my buddies, one of my Philly friends, was having a holiday party with like,
you know,
a nice classy soiree at his house in South Philadelphia.
Okay.
They had a keg of Pilsner.
I got that pussy light shit.
Yeah.
I can't tell if you're spinning this or not.
No, it was not.
Classy in South Philadelphia usually don't walk on the same street.
Well, they're Italian.
Okay.
So it's, you know, it's polished a little bit.
All right.
You know what I mean?
They don't have fucking.
You're still in a row home.
Yeah.
That doesn't mean they can't be classy in a row home.
I'm not saying it can.
I was just trying to paint a picture.
That's what you insinuated.
That was the only thing you said to discredit the nice party.
Does it have those narrow stairs that go straight up?
Do you feel like you're an Edgar Allen Poe's house?
I don't think so.
It was a normal.
What was the valet situation?
Or were they just stealing cars?
They stole my car.
There was a guy in a red t-shirt.
He seemed like a straight shooter.
Somebody brought a catalytic converter to the white elephant.
No, I'm not classy, but it was like an ugly sweater.
It wasn't like a, it wasn't a case.
It was, you know, he has like a wine.
Do I know this gentleman?
Yeah.
Okay.
Ant.
Big ant.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's a redo.
Nice house redo.
Ant does well.
He owns it.
Nice, the whole thing.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
He makes good cash.
Good cash.
He's throwing it around.
Good cash.
Maybe, you know, he's got about fucking, I don't know, 120 bottles of wine and
a thing.
Nice.
He's like, these are there.
He's like, oh, what do you know?
Very, you know.
Now I got a picture.
Trashy.
I was trying to get a picture.
It wasn't classy, but, you know, nicer.
Well, so I get there and I only know him.
My boy Pat's there because it's like one removed.
It's not my immediate crew.
I'm boys with him and it's his crew, right?
So I'm the outsider.
I come a little later too.
Everybody's already there.
Any bozos?
Any homies?
One guy knew the show, yeah.
One guy.
He's like, you can do that show with that fat ass, don't you?
He's steak.
You're probably walking in with a scarf and sunglasses on.
I come in reeking of heaters.
I'm a heavy bike heater.
Heaters in bed, 10-8.
Dude.
Well, I hadn't eaten in a long time, right?
I ate early.
I ate about 5.
It's now about 10-30.
I got, I don't know, 20 beers in me.
It's the holiday season.
Man.
So I go to.
Those Christmas burps must have been rocking.
Man.
So now I'm kind of hungry, right?
And I get there.
They have a decent spread.
They're Italian.
So they got like, you know, the prosciutto, whatever.
But that's all been kind of mowed over by the time I get.
Yeah, you got to get there quick for the burrata.
I saw the remnants of a Chick-fil-A nugget platter.
Man.
I have one in my immediate future.
Dude, there was three last night.
I'm saying he's a bit ants-like.
You know, oh, this bottle of wine is whatever.
And I'm just side-eyeing that tray of nuggets.
And then there was a soft pretzel tray, like the pretzel nugget tray, the Philly
soft pretzel nugget tray, which we've been well-documented how much I like them.
That was at the other end of the table.
And this is, dude, obviously, I'm not trying to.
I'm a married man.
There was a gaggle of hot broods at the place that were all at the counter, not
eating, but just like that.
So they were blocking the food.
Man, and I was, dude, I was trying to.
Well, that's what it gives you the freedom to just be like, hey, when you move,
take toots, get out of my face.
No, there was still some fat kid shame, dude.
They were too hot, and there was no way into that pretzel tray.
I'm just trying to run the pretzel gauntlet.
I felt like a linebacker trying to break that line, dude.
You broads live here.
I was, like, making, I was, like, throwing cans of beer down the stairs to
cause a distraction.
You're grabbing your boys.
Yo, tush-push me through these babes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Quick, someone fall down the stairs, and I'll get a handful of pretzels.
Pay a guy ten bucks to fake a heart attack.
And I could, I would go over and get one and stuff like that.
Like, as I was going to get a beer or whatever, I was going to get one, but
that's not.
It's, I'm done.
At that point, it's 