Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: '90s Nutrition w/ Kippy & Foley
Uploaded: 2024-02-22T00:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: '90s Nutrition w/ Kippy & Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: '90s Nutrition w/ Kippy & Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-22. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: '90s Nutrition w/ Kippy & Foley

Big news, gang, my debut half-hour comedy special is going to be available
right here
on the RU Garbage YouTube page, February 22nd.
Yeah, gang, you're not going to want to miss it.
Get the link, send it to your buddies, rate, review, subscribe, comment, the
whole nine
yards, let's blow this thing up.
Yeah.
Real quick, gang, let's talk about Mint Mobile.
I don't know how much you're paying for your phone plan, but I'll tell you
right now, you're
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Yeah, you got unlimited talk, text, high-speed data for, like the big man said,
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Put a couple bucks back in your pocket, baby.
My wife's been using it for about five years, it's fantastic.
I take all the money I would have spent and put a little piggy bank, you know
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Take myself somewhere nice at the end of the year.
There you go.
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Here's the turkey.
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That's mintmobile.com slash garbage.
Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash garbage.
Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply.
See Mint Mobile for details.
Now let's get to the show.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage.
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show.
We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they're good to be
classy.
Yeah.
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here with Tootie's in a new edition.
Just found out she just opened up a couple of credit cards.
Okay.
In our names.
All right.
Jamming us up over there.
I respect the move.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
He is the CEO of R.U. Garbage.
He is an international businessman, and the black T-shirt war continues, ladies
and gentlemen.
You thought things cooled off, then it heats back up.
I got a little funding.
I got some offshore accounts that are keeping me fucking in black T's, baby.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody, is his name.
What up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Sure.
As you know, those numbers are...
Tritter out.
Boiling.
Closing in on 200,000 subs over there, baby.
Woo-wee.
Love that.
I'll do it.
The army of garbage.
Then also the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash are you
garbage.
You go over there, you get up to and including two bajillion...
They just bumped it up.
Two bajillion hours worth of bonus content.
A lot of stuff going on over there.
And how about that are you garbage.com where you can get all your tickets for
the True
to Roof Tour?
Woo-wee.
That thing's cooking.
You ain't lying.
Venues are selling out.
We're doing some big venues.
We're doing a lot of theaters, which is very cool.
Shout out to the army of garbage.
Love it.
But yeah, all tickets are available.
They're moving quick, so don't snooze on them bad boys.
NYC, grab your tickets for Town Hall.
We want to sell that out.
We added a second show at the Wilbur in Boston.
The Wilbur!
Ship it up to Boston, boys.
Let's go.
Fucking army of garbage is strong up there.
Man, Boston in the springtime.
Woo!
Anything better?
Maybe.
I don't know.
I've never been there in the spring.
Usually a winter man myself, so...
Gang, how about a nice quick shout out to our old producer extraordinaire, the
Magic
Man.
Makes us all look good.
Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours.
Uh-huh.
He crosses the T's and he dots the I's.
Give it up for T-Bone, McScruff, and Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, boys?
What up, T-Bone?
I get bug-eyed sometimes when I do the intro, like, you're scared I'm going to
say something
weird about you.
Well, you often do.
Well, you know, if we're looking at you...
Like, I'm going to take a shot at you.
Well, you have in the past, and you will in the future.
Never.
Rocking a lot of hoodies these days, dude, T-Bone.
I know.
I got my sci-fi fantasy on.
Shout out, Jerry Sue.
And you got your...
I didn't understand one word in that.
Shout out, Jerry Sue.
Go to Kohl's, dude.
What's wrong with you?
Where do you buy your clothes, anyway?
Internet.
It's all online.
It is the internet.
Skate shops and merch booths and punk rock shows.
Merch booths.
Oh, man.
That's rough.
And let me tell you, folks, I'll wear anything.
If you got a brand, send it to me.
You're over there in a chicken suit next week.
Check out Chicken Holiday on Route 1.
Wearing a pair of skims.
Shout out to the good people at Crosstown Mascot.
Those skims are all right.
Woo!
My lady's got a couple.
I don't mind putting the moves on her when those things are on.
I don't know how this is going to sound.
Okay.
Are the nips fake on those things, or is that just...
They're just thin.
They're real.
They're skinned.
They're real thin.
Can I wear that to tighten me up a little bit?
You have to show two or three of them together.
Do they have a full body suit?
Because that's the one thing...
Because I've worn a girdle before.
I don't know if I ever told you that.
You were moving weight across lines?
What are you doing?
No.
For...
I had a...
Back when I was mule-ing.
Taking the Greyhound from North Carolina to Brooklyn.
What are you talking about?
12 keys on my butt.
No.
To, like, keep everything tied.
I did it under the guise that I had, like, a...
I was getting, like, a hernia.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it always just rolled down.
Man.
Oh, it sucks.
I know what I'm...
But it skims...
She should make a full body suit for fat guys.
Like a very paper-thin scuba suit and tighten everything up.
I think it's just a scuba suit.
Yeah, but a thin one.
Show with fucking goggles and a snorkel.
I mean, I actually...
But then you take that off if you're a dude.
Mm-hmm.
You can't.
It's a bad look.
You think?
I mean...
I was always worried about people, like, touching me.
Yeah.
And, like, they could, like, think I was an android or something like that.
I know someone that wore one, and I hugged them, and I felt it.
A guy or a girl?
A guy.
Ooh.
Yeah.
Do I know him?
I don't think so.
Is it me?
I don't know.
Do you know your best pal in the world, Kevin James Ryan?
You know what I've been a real dick about?
Pretty much everything in your life.
Rude.
Complimenting your sweatshirt.
You made fun of him.
No, I did not.
Where do you buy your clothes?
You literally said, wearing a lot of hoodies.
I thought that was a compliment.
Casual guy like you?
Yeah.
What do you got there, big feller?
I think it would be a peeve on my lady's side.
She, uh...
I won't...
I realize...
I won't...
Do you give up the remote?
Do you have a remote at your house?
I want to know what...
Yeah, I have a...
How do you...
Who's getting up to change the channel?
I don't even think you can change a channel on most TVs anymore.
I figured you were a watch-on-your-laptop kind of guy.
I don't picture a TV in your home.
I don't know why.
Yeah, I don't know what to tell you.
We have one.
So you sit and actually watch television?
Yeah.
And do you flip?
Yeah.
Do you ever give her the remote?
Or let her have the remote?
No, she doesn't really like the programs I like.
Of course.
That's what I'm saying.
A lot of forensic files.
A lot of murder.
All in order.
Yeah, someone's got to die for me to have a good time.
You know what I mean?
Bird's been watching This Is Us, and I just can't get into it.
She watches her shows when I'm gone.
Like, we're out...
You know, obviously, if we're on the road, we're out of the house a lot.
I like that.
You watch your shows when I'm gone.
We're in the studio.
I'm doing spots in the city.
She's like, you're gone for four hours.
I'm going to crush my shows.
She also watches a lot of German television on her computer.
I don't know why that's weird.
She's from Germany.
They can stream it all over the world.
General Hospital in Germany.
Nein!
It's all free health care.
There's no drama because everything's free.
We don't have a show right now, so we're in, like, a really bad spot in our
relationship.
We don't have a show.
Man, that relationship sounds like it's really built on a strong bond.
You've got to have a show that you watch together, so you've got something to
do.
Well, we don't have one right now, but I cannot give her the remote because it'll
be some, like,
baking show or something like that that I can't stand.
Like, just the sound of it drives me crazy.
But I'll be laying there.
She'll not be paying attention for a second.
I'll be on my phone but won't give up the remote.
Drives her nuts.
Yeah, you can't do that.
You've got to give that up.
If you're on your phone, you've got to, which I do, but it's like, hey, you're
watching.
My wife will do that.
She'll be like, you're on your computer doing whatever.
Like, fucking, you got to, you got to.
I mean, it's a compromise, baby.
It's about power.
What are you talking about?
What'd you give her that?
You're done.
I love tossing the other person the remote and saying shit like, here, you
drive.
Yeah.
My wife is like, you want to watch a movie?
I go, yeah, pick one.
She's like, you.
I'm like, I'm not doing this.
There's too much to, I'm not, you.
I'll watch whatever you want and I'll zone out.
I'll hop on my phone.
I'll do the computer.
I'll do whatever.
But like, I ain't picking.
If I'm picking, I'm picking something for me.
Take a look at that Walk Amongst the Tombstones with Liam Neeson.
You ever see that?
I have not.
Ooh, that's a film right there.
Young David Harbour in that.
The dude from Stranger Things.
Gotcha.
Ooh, man.
That's a good piece of film right there.
Gotcha.
A good piece of business.
But what are you going to do?
Kind of a war going on at the house with that lately.
Because I'm on my phone.
Sounds like a nice time.
I'm laying on the couch.
I won't give it up.
Are you?
Okay.
And when you're on the phone, TV's on, you're on your phone.
Yeah.
Audio on your phone?
Oh, yeah.
Dude, that is a problem with you.
My couch.
I'm laying on my couch.
I know, but you do.
I put my headphones on.
You're wearing your headphones in the house like an asshole?
No, but you shouldn't be watching.
I don't wear them on the subway.
I'm not going to wear them on my own.
Showtime, showtime, showtime.
You should be doing, yeah.
I mean, that's a, you're very outward with your phone.
Your phone invades anybody around you's space.
When you text, hi, you do talk to text and you scream at your phone like a pop-up.
And then somebody says something and messes my shit up.
When you hear me, when you hear me conducting business, everybody quiet down.
No, absolutely not.
I'm trying to get it out.
Absolutely.
I can't type.
That's your problem.
Then go in the other room or learn how to type.
Because you know, it's laziness.
You know what I do a lot of the time is the space button and the period are way
too close
together.
So I'll type something out and then it'll be like, hey, it's period.
What are you doing?
Period.
I just think that you're being a dick to me.
Hey, what are you doing?
Call me.
Real rude.
Oh man, nothing makes my skin crawl like a text that ends in a period.
I'm like, oh my God, they're so mad at me.
Why?
What do you mean?
It's a statement.
I don't understand any of these dumb ass rules with the text messaging and
stuff.
No, dude, if I s