Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Death of Garbage Island
Uploaded: 2024-03-07T00:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Death of Garbage Island' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Death of Garbage Island' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-07. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Death of Garbage Island

Hachimachi, the 2024 Through the Roof Tour is about to launch, baby.
Come out and see the boys. It's a stand-up comedy show, and then we answer your
garbage questions.
You've seen the clips. You know it's a good time. Grab the squad and come see
the boys, baby.
Yeah, it starts April 17th in Charlotte, North Carolina. Then April 18th, we're
going to Nashville, Tennessee.
April 19th in Tampa, Florida at the Tampa Theater. April 20th at the Center
Stage Theater in Atlanta, Georgia.
Get all those tickets and tickets for all the other cities on the Through the Roof
Tour at RUGarbage.com.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Garbage Island.
Oh, yeah.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.
She's upstairs playing with her new bug zapper.
Okay.
In her bedroom.
All right.
He likes when it hurts.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He's sapping crabs.
He's an international businessman.
He's my best pal in the all-wide world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin, James, Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang?
Hey, pal.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube, as well as those numbers are.
True to Rope.
Cooking, then obviously the greatest website of all time.
Ain't got to tell nobody in this room.
www.patreon.com slash are you garbage, gang?
Check it the fuck out.
And how about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the old
magic man.
Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours.
He crosses them T's, and he dots them I's.
Give it up for Keybone McScrumph and it's Tumper McMullen.
What up, boys?
Hey, pal.
Oh, I'm stoked.
We got the boys in here.
Got the fucking boys here.
This is like the closest I'll ever get to two real-life Bash Bros coming in.
You guys interrupt.
Bash Bros?
No, Bash Bros.
Yeah, yeah.
What's that?
Derogatory for Italian.
It means not welcome.
No, it's like you guys are always ready.
Put it through your normal filter.
It's an insult.
Gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly
special guests back with us again.
They're family.
You know them.
You love them.
They're the hosts of Stuff Island.
They won't leave.
That's exactly what we are doing.
God damn it.
I'm working here.
They're the hosts of the Stuff Island podcast and are also two stars of the
brand new Netflix series Tires, which debuts May 23rd.
Make sure you check that out.
Give it up for Mr. Tommy Pope and Mrs. Chris O'Connor, everybody.
They both got nervous and took a sip of whiskey immediately.
We've done nothing, sip.
Fellas, good to see you.
We're both embarrassed of ourselves.
Please rerun that whole thing.
It's my favorite part of the show.
Thank you, pal.
You act like you've never heard it every time we do it.
He's like, get a load of this.
These guys are doing it.
Look at this fat bastard trying it over here.
Pulling the fucking cord of a recliner and launching this guy.
It's so exciting, dude.
It's true.
It's one thing to hear it, but then when you see it in person, my lord.
This shirt is fucking nuts.
It's nuts, dude.
And he thinks it's cool.
I know he does.
It's not cool.
It is cool.
It's cool.
Dude, it's above a bodega.
It's not cool.
What are we talking about?
Is it not cool?
It says ATM and ice and soda on it.
Oh, my God.
It's truly.
It's all the bodega signs in fucking Queens.
It's Japanese.
We got chopped cheese.
Yeah, we know, stupid.
It's Japanese from Tokyo.
You're the palest Newport box I've ever seen.
It's actually from Burlington Coat.
That's a subset of Japan, actually.
Well, they're really up their game.
Did they?
That's them up in their game?
Oh, Connie thinks it's cool.
In two weeks, Tommy's going to be wearing that shirt.
You guys, you don't know fucking culture.
You don't know fashion.
Foley's always two weeks ahead of me.
Yeah.
As we know.
Yeah.
That backwards hat's ripping.
Yeah, dude.
I'll cut that shirt up in the seven bathing suits.
I guess you're right.
Cover the boat with this thing.
Boys, congratulations.
You're making a move down to Austin, Texas.
We're going to miss you.
Yeah.
Well, we'll probably see you more.
That's what he keeps saying.
That's what everybody says.
You've been too busy.
I was just over your house fucking two weeks ago.
I've had ex-girlfriends say that to me.
Yeah, we're breaking up, but I'll probably see more of you.
Let's hang out.
You're always in a different city.
You're fucking destroying.
You guys, too, man.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Yeah, don't stop.
Yeah, big time.
You're abandoned in your family.
Talk about big time.
I was just over at their house, and I didn't even see O'Connor.
We watched.
Yeah, where was I?
I was at your house for five hours.
I didn't see you once.
Isn't that great?
I was on the road doing stuff.
Probably in your room hanging upside down somewhere.
He's got his hand over a candle.
Like Crazy Joe DeVolos.
Just with a knife.
Real chill guy.
I was over at the house a couple weeks ago.
We were doing a look at dish.
Tommy made a beautiful meal.
O'Connor was really on one that night, man.
I tell you.
We've been on one for like seven weeks.
You guys have been on one for about eight years.
No, no, no.
That's a different on one.
I mean like complete depressive, anxiety-ridden, buttholes puckering, telling
me.
The move is hard.
It's a lot.
The move is hard.
The move is hard because you're moving.
You know O'Connor has a low-flow shower with that hair going on right now?
This guy's got no water pressure at the crib.
You got to move.
Try a little Pantene, will you?
Dude, I thought you meant the way it was growing out of my head was low-flow.
That was like the most insulting thing I've ever heard.
Look, this guy's low-flow.
I got no water pressure in that skull, huh?
Yeah.
No, it's like-
Oh, that's what I meant there.
That's a funnier joke.
That's what I meant.
That's better.
Dude, it looks like you take a shower at your parents' house and then just go
sit out by
the sink.
Yeah.
Connecticut, let the salt plump.
It's like when you get one of those Play-Doh hair grow things.
Yeah.
The pump's not working.
That never came out right.
That thing sucked.
Just trying to make a bolognese with it.
That was the first Flesh Life.
I fucked that thing.
Poor thing.
Didn't know I was hitting them.
Now, moving by yourself is tough.
Moving with women-
Jesus.
Okay.
Is-
I've never been more sure that women can't serve in the military.
Okay.
And we're back.
Things seem to be going well over in Queens.
100%.
They can't pack dishes to save their life.
No, no.
How are you going to work a Patriot missile system?
The way that they question things-
You think this is tough?
Wait until they start shooting at you.
What are you going to do then?
You're a waterboarder.
Don't pull the pin on that.
These are live rounds, God damn it.
What are you doing?
There is nothing worse for morale than a woman in any combat situation.
That's not true.
Yes, it's 100% true because they ask questions about things that are clearly in
the fog of
war that just add anxiety.
Like, you know, like the beginning of Saving Private Ryan when they're all on
the boat.
It's a bunch of men and they're sitting quietly-
It's also the 40s.
Yeah.
Once throwing up, once kissing across, they would be standing there going like,
okay, so
we did bomb the beach, right?
We bombed it.
Did we bomb it?
Okay.
And the artillery went off.
And the 101st Airborne, they landed.
They landed in the right sound.
Like, you'd be like, shut the fuck up.
This is where you sit, puke if you need to.
We're going to hell.
Schvenderman just lost his head.
We got bigger fucking problems.
After all your friends died, they're just like, this beach is nice.
Just showing up for the vacation.
We should do our engagement photos here.
This is scary.
No, the best thing that ever happened to me, I love them to death.
Yeah, it's true.
It sounds like you're a real good time, I'll tell you that.
I'm sure she has some thoughts about moving with you.
I've spent four days with you.
You're a tough hang.
Yeah, you're screaming about D-Day outside of a U-Haul place.
Yeah, none of this is if I'm sitting in the corner smoking a cigarette just in
the dark.
But I don't even smoke.
Are you okay?
Sergeant Klikowski over there, huh?
No, it is true.
Like, every, like, simple-
All right, Tommy's chiming in.
Every simple task is like getting a horse into a Miata.
Hey, leave me out of this.
It's like, insult me.
Jesus Christ, why does everything have to be so tough?
Yeah.
Just trying to get a utility bill.
So, you're-
The birds kind of-
You're jammed up when you're trying to get a utility bill.
So, dude, the paperwork.
The paperwork.
Whose names are powering?
Oh, man.
Texas games.
Oh, they never change that.
You're happy through the fucking muck.
Somebody's going to get in your mail at that apartment for the next five years.
Like, man, these guys are real jam.
They're going to be fucking Liquid Death and She's Underwear.
Send that over here, gang.
Enjoy.
Oh, man.
Your girls, the ladies kind of just moved in with you.
It's not that long.
I was just-
I was just-
Yeah, yeah.
I was just over there, and Tommy's going over all the decorating plans.
Yeah.
Max, I hear from them, and they already have a place in Austin.
Dude, we just had to play a place.
Dude, he's like-
Paint it.
Oh, dude, we're going-
And he's got a new stove.
I just got, like, wallpaper and shit.
I had a whole new, like, podcast environment.
Mm-hmm.
Chris brings me to the bar.
He goes, we're going to Austin.
I was like, what?
Look, everyone's got a backstory.
We're going to war, okay?
When that gate drops, when that gate drops, I shut the fuck up.
He's in a Kili suit.
He's got a scotch.
He's dressed like a sniper.
That's what I'm saying.
The real estate agent showing in the apartment, you come up out of the pond in
the middle.
Slowly.
No, it is funny.
You also forget-
The neighbor's fool.
You're like, all right, I got first and last month's rent in the dog tags of my
fallen
brothers.
You also forget-
Never throw your gun in the mud.
You forget everything they did, like finding the apartment.
Oh, yeah.
Doing all the work.
Yeah.
I got to sign up for a bill, and I'm like, this place fucking sucks.
Stop busting my balls.
Get off my ass.
I'm chasing my dream here.
We don't have sex anymore.
Yeah, no shit.
We ain't got lights.
I'm busy.
I got a mountain of shit out of here.
I'm busy signing up for Spectrum.
Was all the stuff shipped down there?
Was all the furniture's gone?
That's a hole.
The furniture's gone.
Jesus Christ.
You keep following-
These two are losing their minds, and you keep following him back into daytime
TV hosts.
He knows what he's doing.
He's having fun.
Yeah, yeah.
Four feet away.
So you're going to connect the home phone, or what do you-
Did you get the Comcast triple play?
Is that your voicemail yet?
It's cheaper to take the phone.
They bundle it.
They want you to have the phone.
I've had a phone number.
I don't even have a phone.
I haven't had a phone in two years.
You guys got pet insurance?
I literally had that conversation with AT&T today.
What?
I was just connecting the internet.
I was like, I just need internet when we get in there.
And the lady was like, so how do you watch TV?
And I was like, I got to tell you something.
I'm in the fucking weeds over here.
I got a lot of mud with my ass.
I'm not thinking about switching cell service right now.
I'm calling it an airstrike here, lady.
Trying to take this beach.
Tell me about bundles.
It's just nonstop.
Being an adult is tough.
It's not fun, dude.
It's not fun.
This is my first house since leaving 18 years old my parents' house.
Yeah, yeah.
