Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Stuck in Mud w/ Sam Tallent
Uploaded: 2024-03-24T23:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Stuck in Mud w/ Sam Tallent' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Stuck in Mud w/ Sam Tallent' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-24. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Stuck in Mud w/ Sam Tallent

Hachimachi, the 2024 Through the Roof Tour is about to launch, baby.
Come out and see the boys. It's a stand-up comedy show, and then we answer your
garbage questions.
You've seen the clips. You know it's a good time. Grab the squad and come see
the boys, baby.
Yeah, it starts April 17th in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Then April 18th, we're going to Nashville, Tennessee.
April 19th in Tampa, Florida at the Tampa Theater.
April 20th at the Center Stage Theater in Atlanta, Georgia.
Get all those tickets and tickets for all the other cities on the Through the Roof
Tour at RUGarbage.com.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RUGarbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find
that they have to grow up to be classy.
Yeah.
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.
She is upstairs rolling pennies.
Okay.
All right.
Putting them in a sock.
I don't know what this broad's getting ready for, but trouble's coming, boys.
Uh-huh.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of RUGarbage.
He is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide
world.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube, as you know those numbers are.
Through the roof.
Cooking, and obviously the greatest website of all time.
You go over there, www.patreon.com slash RUGarbage.
You get up to two bajillion hours worth of content, baby.
Patent pending.
Uh-huh.
How about a nice shout-out to our producer extraordinaire, the old magic man.
Makes us all look good.
Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours.
He crosses the T's, and he dots the I's.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, boys?
What up, T-Bone?
Hey, pal.
Are you excited?
Dude, we got an all-time dude in here, bro.
Yeah, good pal.
Ah, the sensei, man.
The professor.
The last time I saw this guy, we were at a blackjack table.
Where the dealer was tipping her cards, and we still lost, dude.
Because you stink, both of you.
I love you, but you stink.
I forgot about that until right now, Tobes.
I kept nudging him, being like, hey, go to the ATM.
Empty the accounts.
I know you know Kevin's PIN number.
No, we still ate our ass, man.
Hook the buzzer up to your leg.
We were looking at each other like we were about to rob the place, dude.
We were about to print money.
Yeah.
It's a shame both of you can't add.
She's got a 40, dude.
We're set, man.
Boy, our number came up.
Gang, the long hair ain't lying because we couldn't be more excited to have our
incredibly, and I mean incredibly, special guest back with us again today.
It's his third time here.
He's family.
You know him.
You love him.
You can hear him every week on his amazing podcast, Chubby Bohemoth.
He has an amazing special out right now, Toad's Morale.
He also has a brand new travel show over on his YouTube page, Wide World.
You can check out episodes one and two.
And he is also famously the author of this book right here, Running the Light.
Give it up for the one, the only.
Sam Tallon, everybody.
Hey, boys.
Hey, pal.
That's my favorite thing.
Thank you, man.
Right there, to be able to have the.
He's always wanted to do that.
I love doing the book.
Yeah.
That or the record, if it was an album.
Oh, if I could put that thing on vinyl?
Yeah.
It'd be 19 records.
Write a couple hits, will you?
Something country.
It's big right now.
It's all hooks.
We need choruses.
Yeah, man.
No, you guys had it on the shelf forever in the old studio.
Yeah.
You guys sold me a bunch of books, and I appreciate it.
Love it, buddy.
Unbelievable.
Glad to be back.
I love you guys.
I do a lot of bad pods when I come out this way.
Well, happy to have you.
It's nice to not fake it.
I usually just have a pen knife under the table being like, oh, how was
Cleveland?
Cutting.
Yeah.
Oh, it's good, man.
Then, hey, look at this glow up, guys.
Thank you, pal.
Thank you very much.
No one deserves it more.
Yeah.
Tootie Goal.
Well, I can think of a couple people, but I can't.
Yeah, I can smoke to my girlfriend in a while, I guess.
I can think of a lot of people who don't deserve it.
Also, coasters, huh?
Coasters.
Putting on airs.
Yeah.
They were made by a listener.
They made them and shipped them to us.
Yeah, they made them in jail.
Can you get me some soups?
I got some coasters.
They say property of Rikers Island on them.
A couple of license plates out in the lobby if you want to see it.
Yeah, his lower back says property of Rico.
Yeah, thank you, guys.
Glad to be back.
Yeah, man.
It's been a minute.
The last time I think we saw you, the last time I saw you, we were at the Indy
500 together.
What a blurb.
We were.
Oh, man.
You've been all over the world.
Real quick.
I think I know what you're going to say.
What?
Okay, sorry.
No, go.
We were drunk.
What are you talking about?
We were drunk.
He kissed me first.
Yeah, but you fingered me first.
He moves quick, this guy.
I was trying to get you off me.
Oh, I got off.
Like a pit bull when you stick your finger in his butthole.
Get him to stop biting.
He's still quick off the line, the big man is.
No false starts.
It was when the Blue Angels flew over and we were standing against the gate and
Jewel
was singing and we both had sunglasses on.
Man.
And I look at you and you pull down your sunglasses.
You're crying and I show you mine and I'm weeping.
And then we just held each other.
Man.
We had the perfect amount of Bloody Marys in us.
Yeah, you had six and a half.
And the right amount of America at our fingertips.
Holy cow.
Like she ended it perfectly.
Then they did the low fly over, slow and slow.
We hugged each other.
And a couple of fast movers came over to east to west just to let them know.
Fast movers.
That's an industry term for cars.
Fast movers, dude.
That's what they call fighter jets, fast movers.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That's my mom in the 80s.
Let's quit screwing around here.
Man, you are.
Yeah, big man's turning it on.
We're just going to do, I got your nose in a minute.
We've got to load some more coal in him.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, man.
Bring some wood in from the outside, will you?
I thought it was a Zempick.
I didn't know it was crystal meth.
I don't know what it is, but it's working, baby.
Dude, one of the, it was just a moment me and him shared that I didn't think
about
until just now we were talking.
It was the last night we were getting ready to leave.
We all went out to dinner.
I think it was after race day, and they all went somewhere, and me and you were
waiting
on another car to maybe go to a bar, go back to the house or whatever.
It was just me and him, and he got, we had a big SUV.
Do you remember this game?
And this is when you were at your biggest, and you were getting in the G, it
was like
a Yukon or something.
You were getting in, and you stepped on the runner board and pulled up, dude,
and the
car, we both saw the car, like, almost get on two wheels.
And he went, that's a 4,000-pound truck right there.
He goes, someone's got to-
6,000 now.
He goes, someone's got to talk to him.
Dude, we laughed.
We just both saw, like, the whoop-whoop, like, the fucking slingshot of the car.
Yeah, you rocked the shots.
It was the concern, and also just pure, like, that's a 6,000-pound truck.
Yeah, as I'm smoking and have coffee.
As we just ate 19 mozzarella sticks each, like we were-
It was like watching E. Honda beat up the car in Street Fighter 2, but it was
just him
getting in.
I mean, if you spot it, you got it.
Sure.
I mean, yeah, but yeah, I'm in the middle place.
Those runners make me nervous on some, like, the midsize SUVs.
I got into, like, Alexis or something like that the other day, and man, this
thing, it
was like a bad snow shovel.
I thought this thing was cracking.
Yeah, they're very plastic sometimes.
Damn, man.
But look at you now, bro.
You're fucking shining.
Thanks, pal.
Yeah.
I appreciate it, man.
I've been watching you just melting away over here, and boy, am I happy for you.
No one's happy.
That's why you brought donuts.
Yeah.
Let's celebrate this.
Just trying to pork me up a little bit.
I had half of one.
Split it with Luke.
That's how I get Luke these days.
When I want to cheat or be naughty, I'll split it with you.
That's like ordering apps for the tables.
Oh, apps for the tables.
I order apps for the other table.
Hey, I think they're going to want to get them up.
The apps are for the table, and the fork is for defense.
That's a question to kick off.
Kippy has a theory of late that he wants to go all apps.
How do you feel about that?
No entrees.
No entrees.
No entrees.
All apps.
You do a large drop of apps.
If it's a group or whatever, large drop of apps.
You're a small plate guy.
Love a small plate.
You're trying to go full scale tapas.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah.
I think that's great.
But with calamari only.
Well, I don't like calamari because of the whole pig rectum scam.
Is that true?
Yeah, that's all bullshit.
That's all a PR.
I've eaten a lot of Chili's calamari before.
Man, doing the calamari.
With the butt plug still in it.
Yeah, it's just ketchup.
It's not even marinara.
I mean, that might be true.
I just always assumed it was fake.
No, you can tell.
If they're round, if it's rounded off, I would stay away from it.
I think you'd be able to tell.
If you get a plate of just rounds with no tentacle, no, no.
No thank you.
Are you that familiar with pig butthole?
I think if I was eating an asshole, I'd be aware of it.
I've been on the business end before.
I don't know, dude.
NPR has a whole expose on this thing.
Really?
They're bought and sold for it.
Those nerds know.
What are you talking about?
Hey, shut up, Soros.
This guy's got your real agenda over there.
See what Megyn Kelly has to say about it.
She'll shoot you straight.
I was done by big mozzarella sticks.
Yeah.
I love apps for the table.
Love apps for the table.
And then go no entrees.
To the point of no entree?
Sure, yeah.
But then if you're hungry after the first rush, order another round.
Round it back out.
We'll do one more of those, two more of those, and then call it a day.
Because we were somewhere.
We went heavy on the apps, as we do.
We're a big app crew.
And then there was a steakhouse, too.
We all got steaks, and the steaks came.
I'm like, I just want more of the, you know, you're drinking and having fun.
You don't want to eat a fucking 48-ounce steak.
Me and my girl have been doing this, and it is probably one of the hardest
things that I've ever done.
Because your view of reality gets skewed when you're hungry and you sit down.
You're having an existential crisis?
A little bit.
And it's, you know, we want the apps, but we've been just getting entrees.
That's not for me.
Halfway through it, we're like, thank God we didn't.
And you feel better when you walk away.
I think that if you're going to go out dining with people, because there's a
difference between having a meal and dining.
True.
I think I'm good at dining, which means put your phone away.
Hey, everyone pick something from the menu.
You know what?
I've had this wine before.
Let's get a bottle of this wine.
You're trying to make a meal out of it.
Sure.
You know, so if you're going to be lingering for two hours, get apps.
Hey, you know what?
I also kind of want to get the roast chicken.
Let's get some roast chicken.
Let's get some roast chicken.
We'll pick at it.
Yeah, because now we have a little bit of money.
It's not like the old days where you're going to CeCe's Pizza Buffet.
Eat other people's chicken.
Yea