Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Ghost Stories w/ @DanSoder
Uploaded: 2024-04-24T23:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Ghost Stories w/ @DanSoder' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Ghost Stories w/ @DanSoder' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-24. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Ghost Stories w/ @DanSoder

Boston, Massachusetts!
The garbage is coming! The garbage is coming!
We're gonna be there this weekend, Saturday night, April 27th, at the Wilbur
Theater.
Grab some tickets for the Late Show.
Oh baby, it's stand-up comedy, plus we play AYG with the crowd.
It's a good time. You've seen the clips.
All tickets available at RUGarbage.com.
Yeah!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RUGarbage.
Oh yeah!
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find that it's a good to be classy.
Yeah!
But they're just a big ol' piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash!
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.
She's upstairs making a fresh batch of Chex Mix.
Okay.
Hit you in about 20 minutes.
Can't wait.
Be careful with it.
It's a little strong.
Fair enough.
Okay.
My co-host is coming.
I just wrote that one, by the way.
I know.
God damn it.
I was put on the spot.
I had a business call before this.
BLT.
Sure.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of RUGarbage.
He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
True to Ruff.
Cooking.
And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RUGarbage.
You go over there, you get up to three bajillion hours worth of content now.
Ooh.
How about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the Magic Man, makes
us all look good.
Works ones, twos, threes, fours, crosses, d's, dots, eyes.
It's T-Bone, McScruffins, Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, boys?
Hey, bud.
I'm stoked.
We got one of my favorite dudes in life in here.
Hilarious guy.
Last time we hung out was in Vegas.
We were playing Let It Ride.
I didn't know how to play, and I was jamming the whole table up.
This guy stinks.
I got a goddamn mortgage, Toby.
Gang, the long hair ain't lying because we couldn't be more excited to have our
incredibly,
and I mean incredibly, special guest back with us again today.
He's a good pal of the show.
You know him.
You love him.
He's one of the best.
He's got a brand new podcast entitled Soder that you got to check out,
and he's got a brand new special over there on his YouTube page on the road.
Give it up for the truly one, the only, Mr. Dan Soder, everybody.
Is this four-time club?
Four-time club.
I think it's more, no?
No, I think it's four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yes.
Okay.
Four-time.
Let's ride.
Woo!
This is your second one in the edition, and you had two in the-
I had one.
He had one on Zoom.
One on Zoom and one in the basement.
That's it.
Okay.
There you go.
Four-timers club.
Mr. Steve Martin.
There are very few that are up there with you.
Yeah.
There'll be no robe given.
No, that would be cool, though.
It would be cool.
Just saying.
Kind of wouldn't mind.
It should be a shitty robe.
Yeah, it should be a hospital gown or something.
Yeah.
Like a Holiday Inn one that you're like, this is scratchy, and it's got herpes
on it.
Do you do the robe when you get somewhere?
No.
Even in a nice place?
No.
No, I don't touch it.
That's only for people that do a lot of sex stuff.
Yeah, which ain't me.
That's not people that are relaxing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's like stuff you can't wash out is in those.
Are you a robe man at all?
No.
Even at home?
No.
Slippers?
Slippers, yes.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Absolutely.
Slippers where?
Slippers on the foot of the bed, like Leave it to Beaver?
I wish.
I usually do slippers like if I'm going barefoot in the winter, and I want to
get my feet toasty,
and then pull them out.
But then I also have the hard bottoms, because you never know when you have to
run.
Okay.
So I don't have like fancy slippers.
I have utility slippers.
Are you doing these outside?
Sometimes.
Sometimes, yeah.
Rubber hits the road.
Sometimes I need to go to 7-Eleven to get a Gatorade.
Steel toe slippers?
I got red wing slippers.
Are they the ones that have the fuzzy on the inside?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, they're nice.
They look like dock siders.
Yeah, you're sticking your feet into pillows.
Yeah, that's all right.
But then, you know.
Those get kicking.
Yeah, real garbage move.
You wear them down to where they're just matted.
Oh, yeah.
It's just none.
It's like a dead dog.
It's like office carpeting in there.
You look like it starts your slippers get alopecia, and they start getting bald
in chunks.
And you're like, look at this.
It's between your toes and stuff when you pull it out.
Slippers got ringworm.
Yeah, dude.
It's like wrestling mats in high school.
I can't remember.
What are you sleeping?
You're no robe guy.
I'm just undies.
Just undies.
Boxers.
Yeah, just boxer briefs.
Okay.
Briefs.
Boxer briefs.
But on the road, basketball shorts.
Boxer briefs.
Just in case.
I'd say someone breaks in.
You got to be ready.
Karate moves.
You got to be in.
In case a game breaks out.
You have no idea.
Yeah, dude.
They might need me.
I might be playing knockout or something.
We might be running fives.
But yeah, I just, I never, the road I can't trust.
Do you have any, I'm right there with you.
Do you have any hotel hacks or kind of traditions that you do or things that
you figured out?
Do you use the safe at all?
No.
Don't use the safe.
I do have in my backpack a bag clip for chips for the curtains.
Whoa.
Really?
They don't get there.
Because sometimes they don't.
Sometimes you'll do it and they keep moving.
Or you'll try to fold them over.
Doesn't, yeah.
And you're like, what the fuck?
But bag chip, you just line them up and then.
And what do you think?
Someone's peeking or someone sees you're in there or not in there?
No, I just want the room dark so I can sleep late.
So you're.
Because hotel, I do every lock imaginable.
Sure.
And when I'm in there, I'm in my little, you know, I'm in my chamber.
Sure.
So I want to sleep.
The masturbatorial.
So, yeah.
I'm jacking, full jack.
But then I apply back the boxer briefs and the basketball shorts.
For sleep time.
Yeah.
That's my armor.
My sleep armor.
It's my magic cloak.
Yeah.
Is the lights out for security purposes or for that's the way you need to sleep?
That's the way I like to sleep.
You need to sleep in complete darkness.
Well, here's the thing about the road.
Sometimes the sun will come through and hit you.
Sure.
Because you don't know.
Your apartment, you know where the sun hits in the bedroom.
Sometimes on the road, I've had slivers of light hit me.
Fucks you up.
It gets you up.
And the road is for sleeping in.
Because he has a theory.
When I'm in a hotel room, I'm too unrelaxed and too scared to sleep.
So I leave the TV on and some lights on around.
So there's light.
Is this for ghosts?
A little bit.
Ghosts and or burglars.
Somebody breaking in.
Bad guys.
Bad guys.
Bad actors.
Bad actors.
Russian terrorists trying to take over to school.
Got the ops going crazy, dude.
Your ops going crazy, dude.
The boss has the ops going crazy.
So I would understand.
Here's where I'll say.
I'll meet you halfway.
Okay.
TV for the ghost.
Okay.
I'm not trying.
TV's for the ghost.
Yes, TV's the ghost.
I'm not trying to have the TV off and see a child in a sailor's outfit standing
by the
door.
Oh, my God.
Because I'll tell you what.
There's not even.
Nothing wrecks a jack weekend more than a ghost.
I was at the port in Baltimore, and they put you at a historical site.
It's a hotel across the way.
I don't like any of that.
And it's.
I walked in, and I saw a historical site, and I went, 100% haunted.
Yeah.
And then I went.
I'd rather sleep in an Indian burial ground.
Yeah, dude.
Fuck that.
That's what it feels.
And then I went.
I got one jerk the whole weekend, because I just felt bad.
It was in the pool.
Yeah.
What if this ghost is just sitting there like, come on, man.
Yeah.
I slipped off a ladder and broke my neck, and now he's got to watch me and be
like,
oh, fuck.
Yeah.
But he keeps it dark in there, because he thinks that that's even ground.
If somebody breaks in, it's all dark, and he has a better chance of fighting.
You're Daredevil style.
I'd want to see them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're like, you're trapped in here with me.
Also, I've had longer-
Fucking Rorschach over here.
I've had longer to adjust to the dark than they do.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Your eyes are adjusted.
I'm in night vision, dude.
It would be great if you did have night vision.
We're like-
Now you're all-
And the guy's green, and the guy's like, fuck.
Trying to find the dresser to get your wallet?
Well, because there's, like, there's, like, videos-
I've seen-
I got the thermo cam.
Yeah.
Welcome to hell.
Yeah.
I've been waiting for you.
I've seen online videos of, like, people trying to break in with, like, a thing-
With the hanger.
That's seen those, too.
Yeah.
And those little things that people bring with them.
Yeah.
That's propaganda.
Like, this lock, that lock.
It's like a thing that slides in there.
What, are they going to break in and kill you?
Yeah.
Yes.
No.
Well, I think what they're doing is-
So, they're going to go up to the fifth floor of a building, go to the middle
of the-
And then just murder you and walk away?
Sure.
I don't know.
I've never seen good security at a Hyatt.
No.
No.
I welcome insurance.
I know.
You just sit there.
You sleep upside down like a bat.
You're like, I've been waiting.
And the guy's like, wrong room.
Wrong room.
I'm hanging from the shower curtain.
I'm sorry.
I thought you were an insurance salesman.
I hope this is worth the price of your soul.
Yeah.
And then you're just at the club with bags under your eyes.
I'm like, what's wrong?
And you're like, I waited all night for prey.
Yeah.
I like to chip clip the curtains.
That's crazy.
Did you buy it just for that or did you take it from the house?
Yeah.
You wait for your Nana to die and then you take five of them.
Can somebody finally eat this big bag of pretzels?
Yeah.
And you go, or I'm going to have permanent darkness.
My bat cave.
Okay.
All right.
That's a good one.
Were you a chip clip family when they hit the scene back in the day?
Trish was all about making things last as long as possible.
Sure.
Okay.
So chip clips were.
Were they the actual clips or just clothespins?
No.
They were just the, they weren't clothespins, but they weren't the like.
Name brand chip clip.
No.
The yellow with the red text.
It was the ones at the dollar store, not the high end.
They didn't have just, they didn't have enough bite.
Yeah.
Oh, they would always loosen and slip.
They would slip out.
The good ones had that little rubber strip on the inside.
Or the teeth.
Yeah.
When you went to your rich friend's house, you're like, all right.
It was like, hey, it was like comb plastic.
It wasn't the thin plastic.
It was like, yeah.
When you get the ones that you would like, that would be at the checkout aisle
at King
Supers where she would just be like, oh, chip clips.
My girl uses them, which actually works out pretty well.
Those black things for papers.
The binder clips.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Those are great.
Those are big.
We got tons of them around.
Yeah.
I was also, I had somebody use scotch tape.
What?
Yeah.
That's wild because that's going to come unstuck and then you're just.
It was impossible.
The grease from a bag of Dorito, the Dorito dust gets on that tape.
It's not binding anymore.
Now, let me ask you this.
I'm here.
Did you guys ever do the 30 small bags of chips?
Oh, the variety pack?
Well documented.
Buddy, we used to crush those on Sunday, hit the Fritos, hit the Doritos.
But then what was always left?
The rest of the week, fucking chips and pretzels.
Brutal.
All that was left was Lay's or