Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Kim Congdon Returns!
Uploaded: 2024-05-22T23:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Kim Congdon Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Kim Congdon Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-22. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Kim Congdon Returns!

Gang, the boys are hitting the road for the Route 66 Tour.
Just a good old-fashioned American road trip.
USA! USA!
We're starting in Chicago, heading to Los Angeles, and stopping everywhere in
between.
What's more American than the gosh darn Grand Canyon?
Or the world's largest bottle of ketchup?
We're going to be doing shows in Chicago, St. Louis, Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Albuquerque,
Flagstaff, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles.
All tickets available at RUGarbage.com.
See you there.
Gang, real quick, let's talk about Mint Mobile, baby.
Let's face facts.
You're paying too much for your phone bill.
Mint Mobile, plan starting at $15 a month on the nation's largest 5G network.
Yeah, when you purchase a three-month plan, that's more money in your pocket
for the big summer vacation,
or you go down to shore and get drunk for two days.
That's what I would do.
How you doing?
Mint Mobile, we've been saying it for years.
My wife's been using it.
It's a fantastic product.
The services may be inexpensive, but it's not cheap.
All plans come with high-speed data, unlimited talking text, delivered on the
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To get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan
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go to mintmobile.com slash garbage.
That's mintmobile.com slash garbage.
Cut your wireless bill to just $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash garbage.
$45 up-front payment required, the equivalent of $15 a month.
New customers on a first three-month plan only.
Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan.
Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply.
See Mint Mobile for details.
Let's get to the show.
Get to the show.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out
if they grew up to be classy.
Yeah.
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.
She just picked up a new four-wheeler.
Okay.
We're going to be running around with the kids in the city.
All right.
We're going to know you from the cops.
Popping wheelies.
Doing it.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me, slightly amused this week.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman and, unfortunately, my best pal in the whole
wide world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
What up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
True to Roof.
Cookin'.
Cookin'.
And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash
are you garbage gang.
Check it out.
It's a gosh darn party over there.
Yes, sir.
And how about a nice shout out to our producer, Extraordinaire, the old magic
man.
Makes us all look good.
Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours.
He does it all, ladies.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, boys?
What up, T-Bone?
I'm stoked.
Talk about someone you see coming your way, and you know you got good times
coming, dude.
I put my hand on my wallet when I see her.
Well, she does train jujitsu, so she will choke you out.
I already have your wallet.
Hide your chains, all.
Gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly special guest back
with us again today.
She's family at this point.
You know her.
You love her.
She has a new show out on Netflix, The Magic Prank Show with Justin Willman.
And she also has a brand new special over there on YouTube, Childless Milk.
Give it up for Kim Cogdon, everybody.
Oh, thank you.
There she is.
Wow, it's nice to be back, you guys.
I know.
It's been a minute.
It's been a minute.
Things have changed.
In the new spot.
You were down in the basement before.
Dude, you guys have made it.
This is new money rich.
I see it.
Late on the rent, I can tell you that.
I actually think we might be.
Really?
Yeah, they juiced it.
They raised it.
This fucking guy raised it and then didn't bill me for like three months, and
then it
was like a huge...
I'm like, yo, what the fuck is this?
He's like, I forgot to increase it three months ago.
God damn it.
Oh, he forgot?
Yeah.
I'll be protesting on that.
I'm going to do a sit-in down in the lobby.
What's the squatter's right situation at Duddy's?
Yeah.
Buddy, how are you?
Good to see you.
I'm good.
Congrats on the special.
Congrats on the show.
I didn't know you were on that show.
And I seen it, and I was like, there's Kim Cogdon.
Dude, I was there, and I actually got hired for being trashy, I think.
I was just kind of a piece of shit.
And they're like, this is fun, dude.
I just noticed your necklace.
It says Childless Milk in gold cursive.
You are something else.
It'd be funny if it said another girl's name, Christina.
It's stolen.
Snatching chains.
Have you ever snatched a chain?
No, but I have wanted to.
When's the last time you stole something?
Oh, God, it's been a while, dude.
So you're not doing like the 7-Eleven grip smashing grabs anymore?
No, dude, yeah.
When's the last time you knocked over a bread truck?
The last time you saw me was my last era of stealing.
I think now it's too late, because now it hit a point where I was like,
I can't, I see people out too much that know the pod.
Yeah, you can't be getting recognized for that.
I can't get recognized stealing a Snickers from a CBS.
I never understood that.
It's such a crazy, it got to a point where I go, you know what?
And now I think it's fair that I don't steal.
I'm making enough and I'm recognized enough that I don't need to steal a Snickers.
The system's balanced out for you now?
You're okay?
There we go.
You give, I giveth back.
Moving into white collar crimes.
I can't wait until the way down, whenever that is.
We can just catch you stealing again.
Dude, is that Kim?
Shut up!
I fixed my taxes.
Okay.
I got a guy, I was, I was,
turns out I was filing in Louisiana by accident.
They fixed it.
How does that even happen?
By accident.
Have you ever lived there?
No, but it was LA.
Oh my God.
You filed by LA.
These property taxes are nothing.
What the hell?
Yeah, they fixed it.
Getting money back.
Tired a guy.
I'm all caught up.
I'm not going to jail, but you know what?
I feel like I'm still, I'm kind of sad about that.
So you hadn't filed in a few years?
What was the issue?
No, no, I had filed.
I had just messed up last year and then they re, they fixed it.
Oh, okay.
It's not that bad.
I filed.
That's insane.
You filed in the wrong state?
Yeah.
You're paying your taxes in Kohl's cash.
Well, when that happened, I was like, I think I need help.
Yeah, sure.
It was like someone on their rock bottom before an OD where I'm like, I need to
change this.
I can't live with this anxiety.
I had to do the same thing because I was waiting tables.
I'd get jammed up every year because they wouldn't take enough out.
So I got into tax debt and I cleaned it all up and just make payments on it.
You just got to do right with the tax, guys.
Yeah, they bang me out every month.
I'm hoping that I get enough money where I can start scamming again.
You reach another level where you-
You're a white collar crime.
Yeah, white collar.
Now we're talking.
Yeah, yeah, white scamming.
Yeah, cooking the books.
Yeah, guys, good news.
I'm going to be a white scammer soon.
Life's good, dude.
I'm going to move money around or whatever you guys do.
Shell corporations.
Yeah, whatever you guys do.
You got that house in Louisiana.
Right things.
That's pretty good.
Your crawfish farm down in Louisiana.
That's so funny.
Let's do a little catch up with you.
See how things have been since we last saw you.
Are you still in the same place?
No.
Did you move?
No, that is trashy.
I still am moving every year.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah, you man.
Talk about being on the run.
You got very transient vibes.
Every time I see you, you have luggage.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Yeah, I don't know what it is.
I did, okay, it has to do with my childhood.
Sure.
I will say that.
I broke that down recently on a mushroom trip where I was like, why am I moving
so much?
And I did move every year as a kid.
Every year.
Really?
Almost every year.
But it was all around the same general area, right?
It was all around Florida.
It was all around Florida.
Yeah, I'm trying to show my parents up.
I'm like, look, I could go to New York and Austin.
I can move between bigger cities.
Not this local hillbilly.
I can also dodge $200 rent increases.
Yeah, exactly.
Dude, yeah, I've been moving so much.
It's just like I keep kind of...
Now, do you do it yourself or do you pay to have it done?
Well, I paid to have it done last time.
Okay.
And all the times before that, I did it myself.
But now I have a boyfriend.
Sure.
So now I don't have to pay anyone.
There you go.
He does it.
I saw that goon when you walked in.
I thought you were walking in with security.
Yeah, dude.
Goddamn, deepest voice in the world.
Good looking strapping lad if you like that sort of thing, I guess.
Yeah, he's fucking hot and strong, dude.
It's great.
He had a little bit of Frankenstein vibes, too.
Yeah, no, he's a psycho.
Does he know the jujitsu and stuff like that, too?
Can he kick some ass?
He's trained before.
He was in the military for 10 years.
All right, I take that guy Frankenstein comment.
What branch?
He was in the Army.
Nice.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah, he's sick as fuck, dude.
He's like...
I keep saying...
Yeah, he's like a man.
And do you guys live together now?
We do.
You do?
Okay, this is trashy.
Yeah, tell us the story.
Yeah, you're really spinning a yarn here about how you...
I'm doing my taxes now.
Let's fucking get to the nitty gritty.
What the fuck are we doing here?
He's just hearing about the tax stuff now.
Yeah.
What?
Hear the door close?
We met five and a half months ago, and we have been living together for five
and a half
months.
Man.
We've been living together since the day we met.
Did he move into your place?
Well, yeah.
Like a John Cougar Mellencamp song.
I couldn't move into where he lived in Florida.
Like, I'm working.
He's retired.
You met him in...
He's retired?
He's done.
He did 10 years.
He's done.
Okay.
Not gonna work.
Well, he trades.
He does...
Does day trading.
Yeah.
And he's really smart.
And he can disassemble a gun with a blindfold on.
This kid's really shaping up.
I like him.
This guy can buy Dogecoin in his sleep.
I wish I could see...
No, no Dogecoin.
That was mine.
Wait, hold on.
I made $6,000 off Dogecoin.
You live in Los Angeles.
Did you pay taxes on it?
Yeah, I did.
In Arkansas.
You live in Los Angeles.
Yeah.
How did you meet him in Florida?
I met him on Christmas break.
You met him on Christmas break.
I was going...
I was...
Also, what are you still in school?
Who calls it Christmas break?
What time were midterms?
What the fuck?
On Christmas break.
That is funny that I said that.
I don't know why that came out.
I got it at the military break.
I met him at recess.
I did meet him...
Well, every year I go home for Christmas and I do call it Christmas break.
Sure.
I take off work.
Take off work.
I don't fucking work.
And how long were you home for?
Just a week in between Christmas and...
I was home for one week.
Like five days.
And you're staying at your mom's?
Staying at my mom's.
And how did you guys run into each other?
We met at the beach.
You're at the beach.
You're hanging out.
You see him walk by.
Whatever.
We smoke a joint.
We talk.
We smoke a joint.
Okay.
And then we hang out.
No kidding.
Life is just different as a hot guy.
Yeah.
Did he roll up to you?
He was at...
I was at like a bar.
I was about to pick my mom up from work.
Okay.
And there was like a bar by the beach.
And I w