Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Geoffrey Asmus!
Uploaded: 2024-06-30T23:00:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Geoffrey Asmus!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Geoffrey Asmus!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-30. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Geoffrey Asmus!

Hachi Machi, Redback, New Jersey.
The boys are coming out to the Count Basie Theater August 17th,
one of the biggest shows we have ever done.
So grab the squad and come on out for a little AYG Live.
And that ain't it.
In September, we're doing the Route 66 Tour.
We're starting in Chicago, hitting St. Louis, Tulsa, Oklahoma City,
Albuquerque, New Mexico, Flagstaff, Arizona, Las Vegas, Nevada,
and Los Angeles.
We got a bus.
We're going a whole way.
Ten shows in 12 days.
We're filming the whole thing.
Get your tickets.
We'll see you there.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians
are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back
to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find it after the group to be classy or if they're just a big old piece
of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.
She's upstairs getting dinner ready.
Okay.
Going to be a hamburger helper tonight.
Everybody's excited.
All right.
Except for Kippy.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
Laying off the carbs this week, I see.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman, and he is the king of the boardwalk, baby.
Give it up for the chicken parm hero, KJ.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
True to Roof!
Cooking, baby.
Cooking.
Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash are you
garbage.
You go over there, you get, I don't know, three, four bajillion hours worth of
bonus content.
It's a lot.
It's all right, gang.
Check it out.
And how about a nice shout out to our producer, Extraordinaire, the old magic
man.
Makes us all look good.
Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours.
He crosses the T's, and he dots his eyes.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, boys?
What up, T-Bone?
I'm stoked.
We got the homie in, dude.
Got a good guy in here.
Storted out from Jump Street with this guy.
Many a beer and a shot deal.
He was like our Christopher Columbus from Chicago.
Pioneer, got out here.
Midwestern kid makes good.
What's up to love?
Bootlegging up in Canada with this guy.
Gang, the long hair ain't lying because we couldn't be more excited to have our
incredibly,
and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time.
He's a very funny stand-up comedian and podcaster.
You can hear him every week on his amazing podcast, You're an Idiot.
And he has an absolutely fantastic special over there on his YouTube page,
The Only Funny White Man.
Give it up for Jeffrey Asmus, everybody.
Hey, what's up, guys?
What's up, buddy?
This is amazing.
Thanks for having me.
Not much.
I'm just marveling at you guys' slick machine.
You guys, like...
It's all AI, dude.
I love it.
It sounds like it.
All the riffs and riffs.
You wore his good thrift store t-shirt in here.
I like it.
You know what?
I got this in the mail the other day.
I can tell.
It still has the factory fold on it.
I literally have never worn this before.
This is the debut.
Debut for the pod.
Come on.
Damn, I got AYG coming up.
I gotta get something.
I'm a sweater guy, and I can't wear them in the summer.
I have, like, three t-shirts, so this is...
I'm dying.
How far will you push that into the spring of the sweaters?
I only stopped wearing them, like, a month ago.
I'm right there with you with casual jackets.
I can't wear...
I don't like t-shirts on stage.
I'm right there with you.
They see how skinny I am.
They're like, we could beat this motherfucker up.
I'm not listening to this, nerd.
Keep running your mouth.
Exactly.
My act doesn't work if they know they could split me in half.
It doesn't work.
I love how you think of sweaters turning that around for you.
They think I'm bulk.
They think I'm bulking up.
Yeah.
You wear a tight sweater.
He's got three sweaters on.
Don't let this cotton knit fool you.
I bench 110.
Come on.
Come on.
Give us the origin story.
Give us the back story.
Where are you from?
What do you do?
Tell me everything.
Twin Cities, Minnesota.
Went to college in Wisconsin.
Woodbury, Minnesota.
Suburb of the Twin Cities.
Okay.
Beautiful little Applebee's town.
It's just a Stepford Wives suburb, if we're being real.
There's not a single independent business inside.
It's one of those made-up towns.
It's made-up towns.
They were like, let's put homes and national chains here.
It's a mall that people live in.
Sure.
That's what it is.
I don't think there's any independent places.
My dad had the same job as Homer Simpson.
Exact same job.
He worked at a nuclear power plant?
He was the safety guy at a nuclear power plant in Minnesota.
Legitimately the exact same job, yeah.
Did he go to school for that?
He did.
He is a smart guy, but I don't think it took much intelligence, really.
What was his...
Wait, you grew up next to a nuclear power plant?
It was like 30 minutes away, yeah.
Because of my dad, I'm pro-nuclear power.
We got to bring it back.
Come on.
It's good.
Was it that bad?
I don't really know.
It was a three-mile island.
One guy got an extra arm.
Come on.
It's not that big of a deal.
Some people will view that as a plus.
Yeah.
Hey, you want to make a three-eyed fish, you're going to break a couple eggs.
You know what I mean?
Let's go.
In the Simpsons, they had the three-eyed fish.
That's true.
Blinky, yep, yep.
Holy shit.
What did he go to school?
What was his...
I think it was a chemical engineer at the University of Minnesota where I was
supposed to go, but
then I rebelled and went to the University of Wisconsin.
They still talk to you?
They do now.
They were mad.
This guy's a real renegade.
They were fucking crazy.
I'm fucking crazy.
I went to another Big Ten school.
Sorry.
Out there with them city slickers in Wisconsin.
And what'd your mom do?
My mom was a special ed nurse.
Okay.
Yeah, yep.
High school?
Grade school?
I mean, they all acted like they were in grade school, but they were.
I think it was like...
I actually don't know how old they were.
I literally couldn't...
Was it in your school district that you went to?
It was in the same school district.
Not in the same school.
Same school district.
Never as you were growing up.
You never were in the same building with her.
No.
I went to take your child to work day a couple times.
It was just like her sticking G-tubes in kids.
Brothers and sisters?
One younger sister who I just officiated her wedding last weekend, actually.
A little side job.
A little side job.
Those are the best gigs because they're...
What, would you get paid for it?
No, I wish.
I kept saying I didn't.
The catering's fantastic.
I thanked my agent on stage.
I said, thank you for booking me Lahayim on stage.
But those are great because they don't expect you to be funny.
Those are the best when you can get a couple of laughs in and, you know, yeah,
for sure.
Like when you had our priest as a kid, he would say, like, when Jesus came back,
that's like scoring a touchdown.
And the crowd went nuts.
I used to love a funny priest, man.
Oh, my God.
The homily.
That was the first...
I was raised Catholic.
That was the first stand-up sets I ever saw.
If you get a guy up there hitting a couple of novena jokes, not bad.
They're churning out time, too.
They're doing a new 20 every week.
They're some of the most prolific comics on earth.
10 o'clock show?
9 o'clock show?
Hate Leno all you want, but he's got new material every night.
You go to all three.
You see how he hones it by the 11 o'clock mass.
Oh, my God.
He's got the notebook out at 5 o'clock on Saturday.
Ah, Virgin Mary didn't hit.
Okay.
We're not on that.
Galatians this time.
We'll lose that.
You were...
Yeah, I went to Catholic school, actually.
All the way through?
Fifth grade through senior year of high school, yeah.
Where were you before that?
I was at public school.
There wasn't a Catholic school.
Then they...
We were actually...
We helped fund the local Catholic school and then...
Really?
It was like a crowdfunding in the end, yeah.
No kidding?
Yeah, they started in a gym basement of a secular school, and then they built
their own fucking
Catholic propaganda machine.
Catholic school rocks.
This kid turns quick.
No, no, I like Catholic school.
It was fun.
It was fun.
Are you Catholic, though, or no?
I mean, I don't know.
Were you raised Catholic?
Oh, yeah, for sure.
For sure.
Yeah, I think it has its merits.
Sure.
New Pope's not bad.
He's kind of a cool guy.
He just had all those comedians.
He had Chris Rock in the Vatican.
That's not bad.
I'm into it.
Catholic school with the uniforms rock, too.
Yeah, they were all right.
You couldn't get bullied.
What's this?
If I would have chosen what I wore in sixth grade, they would have beat the
shit out of
me.
I feel like, yeah.
I feel like you would have wore the same thing.
I would have worn a long Def Leppard t-shirt every day.
I was the kid who loved 80s hair metal.
How old of a guy are you?
I'm only 34.
And it makes no sense, but I would love Def Leppard, Poison, Cinderella, Great
White.
That was my shit in high school and middle school.
Great White.
Great White.
That's a B-side, Great White.
Oh, I mean, they had the largest concert fire in world history, Great White.
That's why I like them.
200 dead, Rhode Island, never forget.
They changed the laws for them.
They did.
I remember that.
You can't do pyro.
It was like pyrotechnics lit the asbestos on fire or something.
It was actually really brutally sad.
You'd think that would have been already a rule.
You'd think it was.
No pyrotechnics had a pizza place.
It was the fucking 80s, dude.
It was wide open.
You could do whatever you want.
No, it wasn't even.
It was in the early 2000s.
No, this was not that long ago.
They weren't even famous anymore.
They were like a nobody playing at like a 200-person club in Providence.
It'd be like if we had pyrotechnics at the Lantern.
Yeah, it would be.
It's like if the grizzly pair went up in flames.
Hey, on the way down, we'll do that, okay?
Yeah.
Toby's going to be our pyro guy.
The Dayton Funny Bone burned down last week.
AYG's back on the road, baby.
Your sister, did she go to the same school as you?
Was it girls and boys?
It was girls.
Recent, in the 90s, I think they made it girls and boys.
But yeah, we both went to the same high school and middle school, yes.
Okay.
And she is now a physical therapist out in central Washington state.
She's kind of a hippie.
She's a hiker.
She lives in the middle of nowhere.
Are your folks still living at the same house that you grew up in?
Since I was like six years old, same house.
There was a house before that, but I really don't remember it.
Sure.
It was in another suburb, I think.
And did you live in a street, an avenue, a pike, court?
Boston Road.
Boston Road.
It was a dead end, though.
There was only two houses on it.
And there was a sign that said, road construction coming soon for 20 years, and
they've never
made it longer.
Now, when you say dead end, not a cul-de-sac.
Not a cul-de-sac.
Not a cul-de-sac.
Not a cul-de-sac.
Just a dead end.
So I make a left down your street.
You make a right down the street, and then there's two houses, and it just ends.
On either, on both sides.
Two houses on the right, one on the other side.
So three, I guess.
Yeah.
And then what is the, what was at the end?
Was it the guardrail?
It was literally just the street just ended.
It was like they, it was like they just ran out of tar.
It was just like, they're like, oh, budget, budget cuts, couldn't make it.
Is there a field back there?
There was a cornfield there.
It actually just recently got turned into a