Name: Mark Normand & Sam Morril (We Might Be Drunk) Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast
Uploaded: 2024-07-10T23:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mark Normand & Sam Morril (We Might Be Drunk) Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mark Normand & Sam Morril (We Might Be Drunk) Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-10. Transcript available.

Mark Normand & Sam Morril (We Might Be Drunk) Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast

Hold on a second there, Kippy. We got a big show in Red Bank, New Jersey,
August 17th at the Count Basie Theater.
One of the biggest shows we've ever done. So grab the squad and come see the
boys.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that
they're good to be classy.
Yeah.
That's just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.
She's walking around. No bra for the rest of the summer.
Good for her.
Trying to get some goddamn work done and put those things away.
My host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
True to Ruff!
...cooking, baby!
And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage.
You go over there, you get all your bonus content needs, gang.
How about a nice shout-out to our producer extraordinaire, the old magic man,
makes us all look good.
Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours.
He crosses the T's and he dots the I's.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, boys?
What up, T-Bone?
Well, I'm stoked.
We got it.
We got the Intercontinental Tag Team Champions in here, bro.
Boys in the studio.
A couple old-school party animals.
A couple of gunslingers, too.
Yeah.
And Norman's ready for a little two-on-two basketball.
Gang, along here, ain't lying.
We couldn't be more excited to have not one, but two of our incredibly special
guests back with us again today.
You know him from the absolutely fantastic We Might Be Drunk podcast.
You got Mr. Mark Norman.
Yeah.
And with a brand new special out on Amazon Prime right now that you got to
check out called You've Changed.
Give it up for Mr. Sam Morrell, everybody.
There he is.
Manity Hour.
It's your bachelor party, baby.
Let's get the hookers in here.
Specials as adults, it feels like your birthday as a kid.
Sure.
It's a lot of text things.
As an adult, you don't give a shit about your birthday.
Your aunt sends you five bucks.
Congratulations on the new special.
Here you go.
But congrats, buddy.
Thanks, man.
It's fucking awesome.
It's so weird because I got a shitty couch from Amazon.
I'm complaining to customer service on Amazon while promoting a special on
Amazon.
Do you know who I am?
Why are you buying a couch from Amazon?
That's crazy, first of all.
Because it was for, like, I have a little outdoor space, so I want to get a
little outdoor couch going.
Okay.
And I still fucked up.
Guy like you, you don't go to CB2 or West Elm or something?
Fucked up.
That's all you need, Amazon.
It's outdoor.
You're fine.
Sure.
You got a new spot.
You're stacking the place with Amazon furniture?
You're not doing that.
I'm going less Wayfair.
Full on sex trafficking, baby.
You still are tight with the coin.
I love it.
I'm getting a couple kids in that dresser.
No, you're getting nice stuff because I bet the wife is in charge of that.
Yeah, well, she's not great.
She's a half-atard, and she doesn't look.
She picked me, so she doesn't know much about choices.
She went Wayfair on that one.
Yeah.
I hope she picked that jersey.
That New Orleans jersey is pissing me off right now.
Oh, sorry.
Dude, Morrell walked through.
He's from New Orleans.
You're wearing a New Orleans jersey?
I know, but he's adopted the Knicks.
We went to a bunch of games this year.
He has a Brunson jersey.
He's a flip-flopper, this guy.
Well, this was free.
So is the Brunson.
That's true.
I'll wear that one tomorrow.
We're potting tomorrow.
I'll wear that one.
But, yeah, I got the same body as Caitlin Clark.
There you go.
And the same Adam's apple.
Sam, we did want to ask you guys, and the Amazon thing kind of jars it a little
bit,
but when you guys were coming up, what was the – I know the lifestyle,
but getting around the city was all subways.
Yeah.
When would you take a taxi?
At what point?
Spots.
Spots.
To go pick up – I got to go pick up this spot pay.
I got to get there.
No, I mean, like, weekends were for taxis.
Like, weekdays, you didn't take taxis.
That's an old New York thing.
No, no, because the weekend pay at the club is more money.
Sure.
So the weekday, you're getting, what, 20, 25 bucks a spot.
Yeah.
What, are you going to spend 15 of that in a cab, get into the spot?
Kill your profit margin.
Yeah.
So the weekend's paid more, so you're like, I'll take a –
Sure.
Okay.
You two are more on the frugler side.
You're smart with your money.
You're way better than us.
Of course.
I've always said Mark wanted to be a Jew.
I remember one time getting into a cab, this is 10, 15 years ago, a soda, and
we got in
the cab, and he was like, I need the receipt, which you never do.
And the guy went like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do.
That old school printer.
And he printed out this little receipt with a couple notches on it.
He's like, taxis.
Sure.
I was like, whoa.
My family growing up, we were big on getting them at the toll booth.
Wow.
Yeah, 70 cents or whatever.
My dad would be like, let me get a receipt.
You're going to write it off.
Yeah.
You write it off.
You write it all off, Gabby.
The base receipts got hot for a while in the early 2000s.
Yeah.
I think for people's expense reports.
God.
My dad had a pile of them in his glove compartment.
Being the counterback that must have been hell.
He just got handed a box of shit.
It's crazy.
Brutal, yeah.
You know.
But it really is.
Thank God for PDFs, man.
Yeah.
It changed our lives.
I don't track.
I mean, I don't track any of it.
I just like.
I mean, we have a credit card that all the business stuff goes on.
I go, you guys figure this out.
I'm not.
I got hit up for a reason.
Your QuickBooks are a mess.
I mean, I didn't even know I had QuickBooks.
QuickBooks.
Wow.
Yeah, what are you talking about?
Quicken.
Remember that?
Yeah.
I think that's the.
Wait, Quicken.
Quicken was taxes, I think.
I think it's all the same.
Now, don't they have a stadium?
Quicken Loan Stadium?
Maybe.
I was TurboTax for a hot mess.
Oh, yeah.
For a couple of years.
Yeah, I did that for a couple of years.
Before that, it was.
H&R Block?
H&R Block's with a rapid refund.
Whoa.
Yeah, it was one of those dirt bags.
You got rapid refunds.
It's my money and I need it now, daddy.
Yo, let's go.
You said I got rapid reflux.
You called J.G.
Wentworth.
Did you guys ever do that?
When you were waiting.
I assume at a certain point in the city, you were waiting on the tax return,
right?
Oh, huge.
Yeah.
That was big.
And then sometimes you owed.
That was a low blow.
Yeah, that was waiting tables.
That was brutal.
Totally.
I'm still a cash man.
I'm all cash.
Really?
Really?
I like cash.
It's under the table.
It's fun.
He doesn't trust the bankers.
No.
He said it like he was hiding.
My mattress is lopsided.
Do you have it?
You've been robbed, though.
That's true.
Also, by the way, you're setting yourself up to get robbed.
Yeah, that's crazy.
Oh, yeah.
Shit, good point.
Mark, my new place is full of cash because I don't trust banks.
I can't imagine you like paying an ATM fee, either.
No, never a fee.
You're going right to your branch.
Well, they hit you twice on those fees.
Oh, okay.
They do.
Mazel tov.
It's like I'm talking to the two old guys from The Muppets.
What?
Deleted scenes from Fiddler on the Roof here.
It's too much tuna.
That's all right.
So what was – because we were talking now that, you know, like our tides have
changed a little bit.
We've gotten fancier with eating and ordering food.
We've gotten lazier.
We've gotten lazy and fatter, I should say.
You guys seemed – you guys, to us, always kind of did it the right way.
You were smart with everything.
You know, you broke everything down.
What would it take for you guys to go out to dinner?
Oh, we went to a steakhouse.
No, not now.
I'm saying then.
Oh, then.
It was rare.
I only spent money on women back then.
Yeah.
Still frugal-ed it.
Sure.
You know, look at the one-legged lady or the guy.
Half off.
You have somebody who's wheezing or anything.
That's the cheapest ethnicity you have here.
That's my favorite scene in Thief.
Remember?
You ever see The Thief where James Caan is trying to adopt a kid and they find
out he has a criminal record?
Yeah.
And he's like, well, take a black or an Asian one of you.
And he's being serious.
He thinks that's, like, helping.
They're like, well, no.
He's been in prison.
No.
Or what was the daily – say you went out to do – did you have a day job at
the time or no?
I was, like, at that point, at the end, I was just doing, like, part-time shit.
Gotcha.
But, uh, no.
Were you doing, like, dollar slices?
Yes.
A lot?
Like, were you doing – it was that kind of –
Mamoons was big.
Dollar dumpling.
You get four for a buck.
That's still good.
That's still banging.
Yeah.
That holds up.
But, uh, no.
At night, you don't go to dinner because you were working.
Of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, Mark was, like, my model for – the guys that were working insane
amounts were Mike and – Mike Lawrence and Mark.
Oh, yeah.
Mike Lawrence was, like, self-hating on a level I'd never seen.
Crazy.
He'd do, like, nine open mics.
And at the point, I'm, like, you're killing yourself.
Sure.
Yeah.
This is, like, your posture's changed.
You look miserable.
But –
He fainted at one.
No joke.
He didn't eat.
It was too much.
I think I played that room.
But, no.
So, at that point, it was as many spots as you can do in a night.
And if you had a – I remember Ali Wong was, like, don't get a girlfriend.
Wow.
I was, like, what do you mean?
And she's, like, because you're funny.
And if you get a girlfriend, you're going to, like, want to stay home and watch
Netflix and sweatpants.
Sure.
And looking back, she was right.
Like, because dinner's a sign of stability to a woman.
And I was, like, I'll breakfast and lunch the shit out of you.
But I can't –
I can't take it.
That goes galore.
I can't go to dinner with you.
Sure.
If you want a wrap or a smoothie, I'm all yours.
I'm eating a diner at 2.30 a.m.
If you want.
At that point, anything pops up, you take it.
Yes.
Oh, of course.
Anything pops up, you do, like, oh, shit, I got to leave town today.
And they're, like, what?
I mean, we still kind of do that.
It's, like, oh, you know what?
We had plans to go here.
I'm, like, oh, we're not doing that anymore.
Oh, man, I remember being in movies.
Mark and I would, like, keep our phones on in movies because I'd be, like, Esty
might text.
Sure, 100%.
We might get dropout spots.
So we'd be in, like, the middle of Django Unchained.
I'm, like, I just got an 805.
Let me get the fucking – let me add that in there.
I had my phone on my wedding.
I can make the late show.
Bam, stretch, stretch.
I'm on my way.
The honeymoon's canceled.
I got a weekend at Helium.
Let me get out of here.
Hey, Dove can't make it.
Can you be here in an hour?
I'm doing my vows.
So, what's up with Uber?
Because to us, looking up when we were in the village, you guys – I mean,
that was the heyday of the running around doing spots.
And you guys were at the perfect age.
Which I don't think – post-pandemic doesn't really happen as – the clubs
are – and the hangs aren't as good.
No, man.
So, it's like you're, like – you used to be, like, oh, I have a – if you
had, like, a three-hour gap between spots, try to pick something up.
But now it's just, like, you're sitting by yourself at a bar or s